Looking for Mr Suitable
by wentworth360
Summary: Zatanna makes an important decision...
1. Chapter 1

Looking for Mr. Suitable

San Francisco

The apartment was illuminated with candles and some Grateful Dead played on the stereo. Standing at the window, Zatanna Zatara looked out over her adopted city. At twenty-five she had achieved so much, but something felt missing. Her career as a magician had never been better and offers were pouring in. She was a member of the Justice League and while there had been some ups and downs along the way, at least she was sitting at the big table. Yes, everything was good, beyond her wildest dreams, but lately her mind had constantly been thinking about what was missing. For all her success and acclaim she had no one to share it with. Oh, there was her cousin, Zack, but that wasn't the same.

There was no one special in her life, yet she felt this overwhelming urge to start a family. She had been to see her financial advisor and he told her she was in perfect shape if she needed to take some time off. She'd been to see her doctor and she was in excellent health and there were no foreseeable problems with her having a child. It seemed everything was perfect for her to get pregnant, except one thing.

The father.

She wasn't even close to being in a serious relationship and the prospects were pretty slim. There was also the fact she wasn't sure she even wanted to get married. Of course she'd thought about it, but why did the two have to be connected? She might never be in this ideal situation again if she waited for Mr. Right to come along first. She didn't want to be one of those Grandma-mothers that were so old she had to take a nap from exhaustion while the baby was with a sitter. She wanted a child now, when she was young and vital.

Zatanna went back and forth with it for months. She never mentioning to any of her friends, but quietly did all the homework and soul searching that such a monumental decision required. She was prepared to take a leave of absence from the League and put most of her career on hold. It was now or never, she thought. Still there was a nagging bit of doubt in the back of her mind. What if she was being selfish and this turned out to be a huge mistake? What if she was a horrible mother? She needed to talk to someone, someone she trusted. She thought of her friends, but knew if she did, everyone would know about it. She knew how gossip, especially something like this, spread like wildfire through the League. No, she would keep this to herself until she was sure.

She finally decided the one person she could talk to about this, was the woman that had helped raise her, Nimue, Madame Xanadu. She was practically a second mother to Zatanna anyway. She'd been alive for who knows how long, so she would be a voice of reason. Yes, that's what I'll do, Zatanna thought, I'll talk to Nimue.

* * *

New York – The Hokus & Pokus Occult Curiosities Shop

Madame Xanadu, Nimue to those that knew her very well, stood behind her tarot reading table looking at Zatanna. The only other sound was the jingle of her earrings as she shifted her head back and forth. Her usually flowing dark tresses are swept up on top of her head in a paisley headscarf to keep them out of her work. If someone didn't know her true age, they would have thought she was Zatanna's sister from her appearance.

In the few thousands years she'd been alive, she'd learned many spells and incantations. Some of the tomes and priceless manuscripts in her vast collection lay by her side. She had knowledge of the magical arts only a few living beings knew of.

Many had found their way into her heart, but only one held a very special place, Zatanna. She was the daughter Xanadu never had. When Zatanna's mother, Sindella disappeared soon after her birth, Madame Xanadu had come to Giovanni Zatara's aid and helped raise his young daughter. Over the years, as she watched her grow, Xanadu took a mother's pride in the beautiful woman Zatanna became. She'd been happy when Zatanna called and said she wanted to talk to her about something. Zatanna had just told her what her plans were.

"Have you lost your mind,' Madame Xanadu shouted. She threw her hands in the air and began pacing. "You want to do what?"

"Not quite the reaction I was expecting, Nimue,' Zee replied.

"What did you expect me to do, throw a party? You're much too young to have a child, Zatanna, much too young!"

"I'm twenty-five,' Zee protested.

"Hardly a blink of time,' Nimue replied, shaking her head back and forth.

"To you,' Zee said. "You're over ten thousand years old, that's not fair! Everyone's too young to you!"

"Do you have any idea what it involves raising a child,' Nimue asked.

'Yes, I've read up on it and talk to my doctors and financial advisors,' Zee explained. "This is the perfect time for me to do it, if I'm ever going to do it."

"Bah, that means nothing, a child is a huge responsibility,' Xanadu said dismissively. "You can't just quit if you get bored or decide you don't want to do it anymore, you know. There are sacrifices, more than you can imagine!"

"I know that, but I've also thought about this a lot and I want to do this,' Zee explained. "I might never be in this situation again and it just feels right."

"If you've made up your mind, why did you come to me,' Xanadu asked.

"I guess I just wanted to talk to someone I love and trust about it. You were always there for me when I was growing up, helping Dad, but he's gone now,' Zatanna replied. "I was hoping you'd be there for me this time, too."

As shocked and upset as Madame Xanadu was, she knew she couldn't stay that way with Zatanna. She was like her own child and Nimue could see this was important to Zatanna.

'So you're serious about doing this,' she finally asked.

"Yes."

"I can't talk you out of it?'

"No."

"Well, than I guess I have no choice but to support you," Xanadu said with a small smile. "I won't be called Grandma under any circumstances, is that clear?"

"Thank you, Nimue,' Zee replied. The two women hugged for several moments.

"So we need to talk about all of this,' Nimue said. "Come sit down and tell me everything you've been thinking."

The two sat and Zatanna repeated everything that had been going through her mind over the last months. Madame Xanadu listened and as she did, she realized just how much time and energy Zatanna had put into this. Well, at least she has thought about it and considered all the pitfalls and problems, Nimue thought. It took almost an hour for Zatanna to relay everything that had been going through her mind, but finally she got to the one sticking point.

"… so the only problem is who's going to be the father."

"Do you have anyone in mind?"

"Not really,' Zatanna admitted.

"There's In Vitro fertilization,' Xanadu suggested. "We could check out the best clinics and you could take your pick."

"I considered that," Zatanna replied. "My doctor even recommended several of the finest private clinics. I'm checked them out and they are all top of the line, but that seems so clinical. I want to at least know the father is and what kind of man he is. I think if I'm going to do this, I want to do it the natural way. I'm young, so it shouldn't be that difficult."

"So who would you ask?"

"I don't know yet, I mean, I know a lot of great guys in the League and the magic community,' Zee replied.

"What would you put up a sign on the bulletin board,' Nimue asked. "Something that says "Looking for someone to sleep with me and have a child, call Zatanna'?"

"NO! Jeez, I'm not a complete idiot,' Zee protested. "I was thinking I'd feel some of them out on what they think about children, you know? I could ask others opinion and once I decided who I want to be the father, I'd quietly approach them to see if they would help me."

"What about the ones you don't pick won't there be some hard feelings?"

"I wouldn't tell anyone until I'm pregnant,' Zee explained. "Until then it would just be our secret, well and the father, of course."

"Why settle on just the Justice League or magical men? Why not a regular fellow,' Nimue asked.

"Well, I know them probably the best, plus it might be weird with a regular guy,' Zatanna replied. "I wouldn't want to put anyone in danger, so the Magical and the League guys would be better equipped for that sort of thing."

"I guess that makes sense,' Nimue admitted. "So you're not going to tell anyone?"

"Just you and the father when I decide,' Zee said. "I don't want everyone to know, or I'll never hear the end of it. Once I'm pregnant, I'll tell people, but I want it to be private until them."

"I have to admit, it sounds like you've thought this out,' Nimue offered. "So when will you start?"

"Well, I'm meeting an old friend for dinner Friday night, so I thought I'd start with him."

"I want you to call me as soon as it's over and tell me everything, is that clear,' Nimue demanded.

"Yes, so you're going to support me,' Zee asked.

"Did you ever have any doubt?"


	2. Chapter 2

The Process of Selection

"Beginning"

Dinner

"… So these two young yobs get it in their loaf I look like an easy mark, right. You know me, I'm just minding my own business, having a smoke outside the pub not bothering anyone. So they decided to put the strong arm on me, right? Well, I'm not having any of it, see? I mean there's a principal involved, isn't there? I let them trifle with me, where does it end, you know? So I give them a little of the what for, the old one two as it were and they quickly learn the err of their ways. I'm just about to give them my finishing move and what happens? A car hits me, wouldn't you know. I nearly died."

_He certainly likes to talk, Zatanna thought. Well, that's good, I like to talk too; maybe not as much about myself as Constantine does, but it is something we have in common._

The place was dark. It smells of old wood, smoke and some sort of oil. It had a sort of faded class about it. White tablecloths and the food was excellent.

_He was still talking._

_He's comfortable with magic. That's another thing we have in common. If I have a child it will be a homo magi like me, so magic is a given. Someone familiar with magic would be good as a father. That would be something he could share with the baby._

_He was still talking._

_We've done it before, so it wouldn't be weird or awkward. Well, not as weird or awkward as it could be. The thing is, it wasn't that good the last time. I mean I was young and sort of inexperienced but even I realized it wasn't that good. Is that selfish, she wondered?_ She wanted a baby, but she kind of wanted the process to be, well, good. She wanted to look back on her child's conception and have a good memory of it. That wasn't too selfish, she thought. She didn't want to cringe every time she thought about it.

_He's still talking. Is it the same story?_

_He has had an interesting life. She had to give Constantine that. Sure, he'd been in a horrible punk band called Mucus Membrane and then seemed to drift endlessly between jobs, but it was interesting, she told herself. You could also call it irresponsible, but let's not be negative. We'll stick with interesting for now._

_Is he lighting up another cigarette? What is that like ten since we sat down? Leave it to Constantine to find the one place in the whole country where you can still smoke inside. I'm going to have to wash these clothes four or five times after tonight just to get the smell out of them. On second thought, at the rate he's going with them, I might just have to burn these clothes, Zee realized._

_Is he sweating? It's sixty degrees in here and he's sweating?_

_Wait, are his eyes blood shot? Yes and now that I take a closer look at him his face is a little red and I think he's slurring his words a bit. That could just be the accent though, but his eyes are definitely blood shot._

"Are you drunk,' Zee finally asked, breaking into his story.

Constantine took a moment. He had really been gaining speed on his story and was getting to the really good part, with the hot nurse and the demon spirits. He could feel her watching him intensely now and fidgeted a bit under her gaze.

"What are you a narc now that you've joined the big, bad Justice League,' he fired back. "Really, Zee, I thought we were just two old friends having a nice dinner and catching up. I wasn't expecting an inquisition. "

"You are, aren't you?"

He lit up another cigarette and turned away from her to get the waiter's attention.

"Hey, chief, could you get me another one?"

He finished the pint in front of him and shook the empty glass for the waiter to see.

"I'll take that as a yes,' she said.

"I'm an adult, Zee, it's legal or hadn't you heard?"

"You know, you're kind of a dick, Constantine,' she replied. "I mean that in the nicest way, of course."

She gave him a smile and he returned it with a snide one of his own.

"So are you going to preach to me about the evils of alcohol,' he asked. "You already ruined my story and I was just getting to the best part, the hot nurse."

"Well, now I feel terrible. I was so hoping you'd tell me all about some hot nurse you met when I thought about having dinner with you. Did you score with her or how do you put it, shag her? Please, Constantine, tell me all about some other woman you've been with recently."

She had the sweetest smile on her face, but her words dripped sarcasm.

"Well there were demon spirits too, but if you really want to hear about how hot she was, I'll be more than happy to tell you."

"Maybe later, the mood's sort of gone."

"You're loss."

"I think I'll survive."

They both sort of laughed at this. They sat silently for a moment, each in their own thoughts. Zatanna thought this might be the perfect time to bring up the idea of children, just to see how he would react.

"So did you practice safe sex, at least?"

"Of course, I locked the door,' he joked. "I'm not a barbarian, Zee."

"Funny,' she replied and then pressed forward. "So you've never thought about the idea of being a father?"

He visibly stiffened at the question.

"Well that was out of left field. What brought that on?"

"I was just asking. I mean you like to take risks, as we both know, so it is a possibility."

"You know I'm trying to eat here, don't you? You want to ruin it for me?"

"So you're saying you never want to have any kids?" She questioned him, watching his every movement.

"Whom have you been talking to? Is this a set up?" He turned and looked around the restaurant nervously. "Is someone going to come barging in now and slap me with a paternity suit? Would you really help someone do that? I thought we were friends, Zee?"

"It's not that,' she replied, but he was already off on a tangent.

"Was it Margaret? It was, wasn't it? Look, whatever she told you was bollocks! I mean sure we had some fun, but I wasn't the only one! If she thinks she's going to rope me into a paternity suit, she better think again! Sure I may have stretched the truth a little bit on how much money I have, but that doesn't mean I want to pay her for the next eighteen years!"

"Constantine, I don't even know who Margaret is,' Zee said, trying to explain.

"Where is she? Is she here,' he asked. His head was on a swivel now, checking out all the exits. Constantine suddenly stood up and started shouting. "The jig's up, Margaret, you can make your grand entrance now! This was very clever. I don't know how you got Zatanna to do this, but it's not going to work! You and I both know I'm not the father of your kid!"

"Would you sit down,' Zatanna gasped in embarrassment. The whole restaurant was staring at them now. "I don't know any Margaret, you idiot!"

"You don't?"

"NO!"

"Oh, well that's completely different,' he said. She could see him visibly relax. He turned to the other patrons in the restaurant and addressed them. "Never mind, false alarm. Go back to you meals."

He sat back down and took a deep breath. The waiter nervously came over and set Constantine's drink down on the table and removed the empty. Constantine took a long drink from the glass.

"Don't go to far, mate, I think I'm going to need another real soon."

Zatanna made a face a she watched him stab out his cigarette in the uneaten mash potatoes on his plate. Something about that had always grossed her out. It wasn't like he didn't have an ashtray, but he still had to use the mash potatoes.

"That's disgusting,' she said.

"I was finished with them anyway,' he replied, lighting up another cigarette. "Your little 'joke' killed my appetite."

"It wasn't a joke, I was just asking a question. You didn't have to freak out about it."

"Well, if you knew Margaret, you wouldn't think I was freaking out, believe me,' he said.

"You slept with her, how bad could she be,' she asked, but then raised her hand to stop him. "Forget I said that. I don't really want to know."

"It's a good story, are you sure?"

"Yes."

He seemed to relax and took another long drink from his glass.

"So if you don't know Margaret, why the questions about kids?"

"Just making conversation. You're not getting any younger, Constantine."

"I'm not ready for a puke and shit machine either,' he said. "That's what little kids are, Zatanna. They're always puking, shitting or pissing. On the rare occasions they're not, you get the crying."

"You paint such a lovely picture with words, Constantine."

* * *

New York City

Madame Xanadu was just finishing up with some clients and ushering them out the door when her phone rang.

"Xanadu!" She answered.

"Scratch Constantine off the list, Nimue."

"I'm sorry, baby, I really am,' Nimue said to Zatanna. "I always thought he was a long shot, if you want to know the truth."

"I know, I sort of did too, but I figured I'd find out for sure."

"Have you given any more thought to my suggestion of Alan Scott,' Nimue asked.

"Alan Scott? The original Green Lantern, he's like ninety, Nimue," Zee gasped.

"He doesn't look it," Nimue countered. "He's really kept himself in good shape."

Madame Xanadu waited for a response, but none came.

"Hello? Zatanna, are you there? Hello?"


	3. Chapter 3

Opinion poll

"Opinion – _a personal view, attitude or appraisal."_

_

* * *

_

The public opinion is the aggregate of individual attitudes or beliefs held by the population. Public opinion can also be defined as the complex collection of opinions of many different people and the sum of all their views.

Opinions, we all have them on just about everything. You can see people arguing everyday over differing opinions. Many times facts don't even come into play. Some people have formed an opinion and nothing can change their mind. They either don't want to hear or won't listen to anything new that might change their opinion.

Others are more open. They have an opinion, but can be swayed by a compelling argument or a set of new facts that sheds further light on a subject. The truth is what matters above all else to these people.

Then there is the rest of us.

Yes, we have opinions just like the other two groups, but we're not above being swayed by popular opinion. This is especially true on matters of taste. It's not that we're cowards or anything, just that some things are worth fighting over and some things aren't. Our daily lives are so filled with problems, issues and we are constantly bombarded by a multitude of new and different things, we can't really form a deep, fact based opinion on everything. This might account for the Radiohead phenomena. You've heard so often what geniuses they are and how brilliant the music is, you eventually just add a couple of their tunes to your Ipod. When the songs come up during a shuffle, you listen, but part of you still has some doubts. (This theory only applies if you have more than three of their songs; Creep being one of them.)

So how do they come up with public opinion anyway? Many ways it turns out. Influential critics publish their views and people read them. There's the viral method, where something just catches the public's fancy at a given moment. There are cool hunters, people that go out into society looking to find the next hot thing and then bring it back so corporations can package it and sell it to everyone. There are probably a hundred other ways public opinions are formed. Then there is the basic way, asking people. You take a poll, if you will and get others opinions.

There are three basic types of polls, benchmark, brushfire and tracking polls. They are used at different times in a campaign to assess where it is. A _benchmark poll_ is generally the first poll taken in a campaign. This is generally a short and simple survey of likely voters. First, it gives a picture of where they stand. Secondly, it shows them where their weaknesses and strengths.

While Zatanna was a magic based being, she decided to approach her problem in a more traditional, logic based way. After her meeting with Constantine, she felt like she wanted some other opinions on who would be a good father. So far her sample size was limited to one, Madame Xanadu. She suspected her opinion was biased, or at least she hoped it was.

Zatanna had her own ideas on possible candidates, but each seemed to have pros and cons associated with them. What she needed was a wider range of opinion, but from people she knew and trusted. She also didn't want to tell them why she was asking until after she had made her final decision and was pregnant. She didn't want to spoil the survey or influence the outcome. What she was looking for was honest opinions on who her friends thought would make a good father. She figured once she had these, along with her own ideas, it might make the choice easier.

The perfect opportunity came up when the League had its quarterly meeting of all the members. This was for adjusting schedules and making an overall assessment of how things were going and where they needed to improve. Zatanna thought here was an ideal cross section of opinions from people she trusted. They were her friends after all. The difficulty was how to do it. If she approved them separately, someone was bound to notice a pattern. That would lead to questions and speculation and before you know it, she would be the hot gossip topic on the station.

She needed someone else to start the conversation so she could slip in her question and then sit back and listen to everyone's opinion. Her chance came after the meeting was over. Several members went to the cafeteria before heading back home. It seemed like a nice cross section of views ranging from alien teenager, Kara to immortal Princess, Diana and everyone in between. Zee sat listening intently, hoping for an opening and then it came.

* * *

Surprisingly it came from Courtney, Star Girl. She was telling about a girl in her high school class that got pregnant and how she was dealing with it. The father, if you could call him that, was nineteen and a year older than the pregnant girl. He didn't have a job but was supposedly 'training' to be an ultimate fighter. This meant he sat around playing the video game all day. If he wasn't doing that he was getting more tattoos so he looked the part. The girl was still trying to finish up her senior year, but it was a struggle with the baby due any minute.

The women of the League offered their sympathy and then Zatanna nonchalantly slipped in her question.

"So of the guys in the League, who do you think would make a good father?"

"Why are you asking,' Dinah replied.

"Just curious."

"Well, who do you think would,' Dinah said, turning it around on Zatanna. That was one of the annoying things about her friend; Dinah never gave you a straight answer.

"I don't know,' Zatanna honestly answered. "I guess that each have good qualities."

"Kal,' Diana immediately spoke up. "Kal would definitely make a wonderful father."

There was a collective sigh from the others and even Kara rolled her eyes.

"Shocker,' Dinah offered. "You think Superman would be a good father, what are the odds on that?"

Diana bristled a bit at this and sat just a little straighter. She suddenly looked every bit the royal Princess.

"See I thought she would say...,' Shayera whispered, but Dinah cut her off.

"Wait for it. Five, four, three, two, one,' Dinah replied.

"Of course, Bruce would also make an excellent father under the right circumstances,' Diana added.

"How did you know she was going to say that,' Shayera asked.

'Easy, it's a natural, those are the two biggest ships,' Dinah explained.

"Oh."

Diana had been listening to them talking and focused her attention on Dinah.

"Are you saying you don't think Kal would make a good father, Dinah?"

"No, just that you always pick him."

"She has a point, Diana," Kara offered. "I mean he's my cousin and I don't even pick him as often as you do."

"Zatanna asked for our opinion, I thought we were being honest,' Diana countered. "I would think you, of all people, Kara would agree with me."

"Oh, Clark's great and all, but he's Kryptonian, remember? Kryptonians can't have kids with humans. Our DNA is much more complicated then humans and than there's the fact that we'd probably kill a human just in the making of a baby,' Kara replied.

"That does tend to cut down on the fun,' Mari offered. "Having the guy blow a hole through you when he finishes, that is."

"Nice imagery, Mari,' Zatanna said.

"You know what I mean."

"So no humans,' Diana asked Kara. "None?"

"Nope, sorry,' Kara replied. "I'm in the same boat, so is Power Girl, although she's not really from the same Krypton we are. In fact she's not even really related to us like she wants everyone to believe."

It was a long known, but unspoken fact that Power Girl and Kara did not like each other.

"How about you, Shayera, who do you think would make a good father,' Zee asked.

"And don't say John, we all know you have a kid together in another reality,' Dinah added. "Pick someone else."

Mari gave Shayera a look, but didn't say anything. Shayera meanwhile was glaring at Dinah.

"I wasn't going to say John, for your information,' Shayera said through gritted teeth. "I was going to say Jonn, the Martian Manhunter, so there!"

"Jonn, really,' Mari asked.

"Yes, Jonn," Shayera replied. "He's a sensitive, intelligent, compassionate person. I would imagine he'd make a wonderful father."

She turned and gave Dinah a snide look.

"He has a really big head, doesn't he though,' Kara asked. "I mean I like Jonn, don't get me wrong, but would the baby have his head?

"He is a shape shifter,' Helena offered, speaking up for the first time. "Hopefully, the kid would have that same ability or the birth would be torture. Can you imagine pushing that melon out?"

"So would the child have his phasing ability too,' Courtney asked. "Would the baby be able to just slip out of the mother any time it wanted to?"

"That could be embarrassing,' Kara said. "Imagine you're in the grocery story and the kid comes tumbling out of you right there in the checkout line."

"I believe Jonn's abilities kick in later in life,' Diana offered. She turned to Kara again. "Are you sure Kal can't have children with any Earth women? I mean any?"

"Nope, none,' Kara replied.

"How about as an example and just as an example, an immortal woman made by her Gods, just for instance?"

"I don't think so, Diana, but don't quote me on that,' Kara replied.

"Are you sure if Jonn had a child it wouldn't get those abilities till later,' Dinah asked.

"Yes, I'm quite sure,' Diana answered her and then turned back to Kara. "So would there be any way you could find out about something like that? I mean, theoretically, of course."

"I guess you could talk to Ray or Mr. Terrific about it, I don't know,' Kara replied.

"So if the baby doesn't have those abilities, we're right back to the big head question,' Helena said, as the others continued on with the conversation.

"Plus he could do that freaky mind reading thing,' Courtney spoke up. "I wouldn't want a baby that could read my mind."

"You know, I think Wally would surprise us and make a great dad,' Mari offered. "Sure he's a lovable jerk sometimes, but I'll bet he'd be great with kids."

"That's because he acts like one most of the time,' Dinah countered.

"Boy, you're in a pissy mood today,' Zatanna observed. "Is it Ollie or Plastic Man?"

"Plastic Man,' Dinah admitted. "He turned himself into a guitar earlier and tried serenading me."

"That sounds sweet,' Zatanna replied.

"He sang the Humpty Dance by Digital Underground."

"Okay, that's not so sweet."

"Wouldn't it be over really fast with Wally,' Courtney asked. "I mean he's always saying he's the fastest man in the world, does that apply to everything?"

They all turned and looked at her.

"I was just curious,' she whispered, blushing with embarassment.

"You know if we're talking about guy's with experience, Bruce has raised several kids,' Helena offered. "I mean sure, most of them are emotionally distant, loners and maybe a psycho mixed in, but he has experience."

"Dick Grayson's not,' Kara spoke up. "He's like Batman-lite, all the intensity but none of the creepiness. I think he'd be a great husband, I mean father."

Now everyone turned and looked at her. Kara blushed under their gaze.

"I'm just saying,' she quietly offered.

"Sounds like someone has a little crush,' Mari teased. "Better hope Starfire doesn't hear about it."

"Please, Kara could kick her ass, easily,' Courtney said, sticking up for her friend. Kara silently mouthed thank you to Courtney.

"How about you, Dinah,' Shayera asked. "You've been quiet, at least about offering your opinion on who would be a good father."

"Yes, aren't you going to stick up for Ollie,' Mari added.

"Well, Ollie would make a good father someday. Not now, but some day,' Dinah replied. "If we're just speculating, I'd say Hal Jordan."

"The original Green Lantern,' Helena asked.

"No, that's Alan Scott,' Diana corrected her. At hearing the name, Zatanna felt a shudder go through her body.

"There's so many of them I get them all confused,' Helena admitted. "So he's the one that's traveling the galaxy or leading the Lanterns, right?"

"He'd be kind of an absentee dad, wouldn't he,' Shayera asked. "I mean no way he'd make it back for soccer practice or a recital, you'd really be on your own."

"Don't you and Hal have some history, Dinah,' Zatanna asked.

"I thought we were talking about who would make a good father,' Dinah said stiffly.

"That would be a yes,' Mari said with a laugh.

"You know, Mr. Terrific would be a good choice,' Shayera said. "He's a genius so the kid would at least be real smart."

"It doesn't always work that way,' Dinah countered. She was happy to shift the conversation away from her. "It's like two good looking parents don't guarantee a good looking child, a smart parent doesn't ensure a smart offspring."

"So you could wind up with a ugly dumb kid,' Helena added. "Plus, he's a nice guy and all, but he's _too_ smart. I never understand half of what he's saying. I always feel like an idiot when I'm around him and that's a big turn off, believe me."

"How come you haven't suggested the Question, Helena,' Dinah asked. "I mean, I think he's nuts and so does everyone else, but you're dating him."

"Q and I aren't even at that stage yet,' Helena explained. "It's still all about the hot, dirty sex."

"There are teenagers here, Helena, remember,' Diana chastised her.

"And we'd like to hear more,' Courtney eagerly spoke up. The look Diana gave her made the smile disappear and she suddenly found the tabletop fascinating.

The cafeteria door opened and Power Girl, Karen Star came walking in. She was getting herself a cup off coffee, when Shayera called to her. She walked over to the table.

"So what's up,' Karen asked.

"Who do you think would make a good father out of the guys in the League,' Shayera asked. Karen seemed to think about it for a minute.

"Clark,' she finally answered.

"What?" Kara shouted, turning to look at the women she didn't like.

"What,' Diana gasped, turning as well. The other, well known, but not spoken about fact was that Diana and Karen, while they respected each other, didn't really like each other. Many suspected it was the Alpha Female dynamic between them.

"Clark, I think Clark would make a great father,' Karen repeated.

"Gross,' Kara grumbled. "He's practically related to you!"

"I thought you said she wasn't related to either of you,' Courtney asked.

"Do you have to remember everything I say?"

"Kal, would be a good father, I agree,' Diana said, her voice steady and controlled. "But I've been informed he can't have children, Power Girl.'

"With a human."

"Excuse me,' Diana asked.

"He can't have children with a human,' Karen replied with a smirk. "Another Kryptonian, well, that's different.'

Her smirk changed into a big smile and then Karen turned and headed towards the door. Kara and Diana stared a hole in her back, but she never turned.

"So, this is an awkward moment,' Zatanna offered. "So how come neither of you suggested John? Mari? Shayera?'

The two women looked at each other and then back at Zatanna.

"I think he would,' Mari replied.

"Yes, I agree,' Shayera agreed. "All though he is a bit of a neat freak."

"His sock drawer,' Mari immediately said. "All lined up like his little soldiers or something."

The two women shared a smile at this.

"Plus that whole, macho Marine thing, always serious,' Mari continued.

"Yeah, that would get old,' Shayera agreed.

"What do you mean, would,' Mari asked. They both laughed again. Diana suddenly stood up and had a rather stern look on her face.

"If you'll excuse me, I need to speak with someone,' she offered and then marched out of the cafeteria.

They all watched her go.

'Well, that can't be good,' Helena mused.

* * *

New York – Later

Zatanna and Madame Xanadu sat together at her card table. Zatanna had just finished filling her in on the conversation from the station.

"Interesting, sounds like you have several candidates,' Nimue observed.

"Yeah, I guess I have narrowed the superhero community down a little,' Zatanna replied. "There's still the whole magic community to think about though."

"So did Alan Scott's name come up by any chance,' Nimue asked.

"What is it with you and Alan Scott, Nimue,' Zatanna gasped.


	4. Chapter 4

2. _**Survey Says!**_

Gotham

Zatanna stood outside the gate in front of Wayne manor. She was glad she wore a jacket cause she was sure she was totally pitting out her blouse. She was really nervous. She hadn't made up her mind, but Bruce did make sense. She's known him for years. They were friends, well as much as you could be friends with Bruce. It wasn't like she wanted a commitment from him, just a favor. Yes, that's it, I'm just asking him to do me a favor, she thought.

She hoped it sounded that good when she said it out loud.

Taking a deep breath, she straightened her jacket, adjusted her hair and then started for the front door. She was about five feet away when she heard it. Little feet were running towards her. As Zatanna started to turn, a small figure launched itself at her, tackling and knocking her to the ground.

"Trespasser!"

Zee fell awkwardly on the cobblestones and her jeans rip. She skinned her knee and was sure it was bleeding.

"You're trying to break into the wrong house, tramp!"

She managed to turn just enough to see what looked like a ten year old boy trying to hold her down.

"Why you little basta.."

"Master Damian, get off her immediately!'

"But she's trespassing! I caught her!"

"She's a friend."

Zee looked up to see it was Alfred speaking. The young boy climbed off her but groused about it as Alfred moved over to help her up.

"I'm so sorry Miss Zatara, young Master Damian is over exuberant sometimes."

"Is that what you're calling it these days?"

She dusted herself off and checked her knee, which was bleeding. Her jeans were ruined. She glanced over at the boy and he gave her a wicked smile as he looked at the damage he caused.

"You know a swift kick in the ass might do him some good,' Zee muttered under her breath. "Maybe a couple of swift kicks."

"I assume you're here to see Master Bruce,' Alfred asked.

"Um, ah, yes."

"He's in the den,' Alfred stated. "I'll show you the way."

"Thank you, Alfred,' Zee replied. She gave the young boy another look and he gave her an evil glare in return. Definitely needs a good kick in the ass, she thought.

Alfred ushered her inside and showed her to the den. Bruce was sitting behind his desk going over some papers when they entered.

"Zatanna, I wasn't expecting you,' he said at seeing her. He stood and came around the desk, his eyes immediately noticing her torn jeans and bleeding knee.

"Did you fall," he asked.

"I was tackled by that little gnome outside."

He looked at her in confusion and then turned towards Alfred for an explanation.

"Damian."

"Oh, sorry about that, Zee,' Bruce offered. "He's a little over exuberant at times."

"Yes, I heard that before,' she replied, a hint of sarcasm in her voice.

"Alfred, could you get the first aid kit, please?"

"Right away, sir."

Alfred turned and went back out of the room, while Bruce ushered Zatanna over to a chair. She sat down and checked out the hole in her pants. They were ruined.

"Oh, these are my favorite jeans,' she lamented.

"I'll buy you a new pair,' he offered.

"You don't understand these are my thin jeans! I love these!"

"What is that a brand name? All right, I'll buy you two pair."

"Just forget it,' she unhappily said.

He had moved back behind his desk and sat down. He shook his head, not quite getting what the issue was, but finally decided to move on.

"So what brings you here today?'

Zatanna looked up from her ruined jeans and felt a rush of nervousness. Definitely a wise move wearing a jacket, as the Arrid Extra Dry just wasn't cutting it today. While Bruce was the leading candidate, she still wasn't completely sure he was right for what she needed. There was also the possibility he might freak out like Constantine had, so she wanted a pretext for the visit. She wanted to feel him out about the subject first, before she made any final decision. The pretext she came up with was a photo. She slipped it out from the inside pocket of her jacket and handed it to him.

"What's this,' he asked, taking it from her.

"I was cleaning out some stuff in my apartment,' she began. He gave her a look. "Yes, Bruce, I do clean it once and awhile. Anyway, I found some old photos, including that one. It's of you and my dad when you were training with him. I thought you might like to have it."

Bruce sat back looking at the photo and a smile came to his face. He looked so much younger in the photo, so grim, he thought.

"Thank you, Zee, I appreciate it,' he said to her.

"You're welcome,' she replied. "I know you're something of a collector, what with all that goofy stuff you have down in the cave and all."

"It's not goofy stuff,' he bristled. "Those are valuable mementos of past cases."

"Sorry,' she said, raising her hands in surrender. "I just thought a giant dinosaur and penny were a little goofy, is all."

"There not."

"Got it."

The door to the den came bursting open and Damian came rushing in.

"I need to use the computer,' he demanded. He turned his head and glared at Zatanna. "If you can pull yourself away from this tramp, could you give me access?"

"Punk,' Zee said under her breath. Damian heard this and whirled around to face her.

"I have a knife you know,' he whispered. "I know how to use it too."

"How would you like it if I shove it up your little…" Zee started to reply, but Bruce's booming voice cut her off.

"Damian! Enough!"

It was so forceful, even Zee jumped a little bit. The young boy immediately turned and looked at his father. Geez, she thought, where did that come from? Sure, the kid's a brat, but that was like you'd scream a the Joker or something.

"Sorry,' Damian said meekly.

"Why do you need access?"

"Red Hood and Scarlet are planning something and I want to check their movements against their past history,' Damien explained.

"Okay, does Dick know you're here?"

"Yes."

"I'll give you access, you can use the computer in the cave,' Bruce told him. Damien smiled and then turned.

"Bitch,' he whispered as he walked by Zatanna. She willed herself not to responded and waited until he slammed the door closed behind him.

"He's still working on his social skill,' Bruce explained.

"Yes, charming,' Zee replied. "So he's the new Robin, right?"

"Yes, he's also my son,' Bruce informed her.

"Wh-What? That little prick is your son,' Zee gasped.

"Nice, Zee, real nice,' Bruce said. "I said we're working on his social skills."

"Keep working,' she offered. "So when did you have a kid? And with who?"

"It's rather a long story, but I've done the tests and he is mine,' Bruce explained. "His aggressive behavior is his mother's influence."

"Right, cause you're such a calm guy,' she said mockingly. "Who's his mother, Cruella de Vil?'

"Talia."

"Talia? Talia al Ghul, as in Ra's al Ghul daughter,' Zee gasped. "So I was close."

"Funny. Yes, that Talia."

'Well, no wonder she calls you her beloved,' Zatanna idly said, still trying to process the information.

"I'm not her beloved, I wish you'd let that go,' Bruce said in irritation. "It happened and Damian is the result. He can be a little territorial, I'll admit. He attacked Tim Drake when he first arrived and injured him, because he wanted to be Robin. Like I said, he's a little aggressive, but we've been working on it."

"More like homicidal,' Zee muttered.

"He's getting better,' Bruce said in the boy's defense.

"Okay, if you say so,' she replied. "So he's living here with you?"

"No, he's with Dick for now."

"Dick's raising your son?"

"Dick's a good influence on him, besides I have this whole Batman Inc. Project that I'm working on,' Bruce explained.

"So Dick's Batman and the kid is Robin, right?"

"Yes."

"How many Robins does that make?"

"Five."

"So any of the others as 'aggressive' as this one,' she asked.

"Well, Jason Todd, but there are mitigating circumstances,' Bruce reluctantly offered. "He was killed by the Joker and came back."

"I guess that would make you a little edgy,' Zee mused. "And the other one, the one the Omen child attacked, Tim? Is he here too?"

"No."

"And if memory serves me right, there's a couple of Batgirls too, isn't there?"

"Yes."

"Counting Huntress, you've got a whole sort of family of anti-social people around you,' Zee said, realizing the extent of it all.

"Is there a point to this," Bruce asked in irritation.

She suddenly realized what asking Bruce might entail. He already had a whole world of offspring of a sort around him. She didn't know them that well, but from everything she'd heard; they all seemed to have issues. Not to mention if the Omen boy, Damian was territorial and Talia's son, that could be a nightmare as well. Zatanna had met Talia before and knew what her reaction would be to the idea of Bruce fathering a child with anyone else. That didn't even cover Selina and probably so many others.

It suddenly hit Zatanna that as much as she admired Bruce, she didn't want a child of hers to be any part of this world. It wasn't how she was raised and wasn't how she wanted to raise her own child. She also realized that as much as they might try to get away from Bruce, none of them ever did. He was the dark sun in all their universes.

He wasn't the man to be the father of her child.

"Zee?"

"What? Oh, um, ah, no, no, Bruce, I just wanted to give you that photo,' she finally said. "I can see you're busy, so I'll be leaving. Maybe I can get out of here without running into knife-boy again."

"He really is getting better,' Bruce offered. He got up and came around the desk. They hugged and she said her good byes. As she was walking towards the front door, Alfred was coming out of the kitchen.

"Miss Zatara, you're leaving already,' he asked. "I'm sorry it took so long to find the first aid kit, apparently someone had moved it."

Out of the corner of her eye, Zatanna saw Damian hiding in the shadows. There was a wicked little smile on his face.

"It's okay, Alfred, I'll take care of it myself,' she replied. "Ssa eht ni naimaD kciK!"

"Ow!" Damian yelped and jumped out of the shadows. Alfred turned and looked at him, then back at Zatanna.

"I'm feeling better already, Alfred,' she said with a smile. "Good bye!"

* * *

New York

Zatanna and Madame Xanadu were sitting together having a cup of tea. Nimue picked up a legal notepad that was laying on the table with names on it.

"So this is your list?"

"Yeah."

"So cross out Batman,' she asked.

"Yes,' Zee glumly replied. "I only want someone to help me get pregnant, but Bruce isn't the one."

Nimue had been scanning down the list and stopped on one name.

"The Stranger? You put the Phantom Stranger's name on this list,' she shouted. "You know I hate that man! No, absolutely not, I will not allow anyone I helped raise to even consider the Stranger! I don't believe you Zatanna. You put him on the list but shoot down my suggestion of …"

"Don't even say that name, Nimue!" Zee shouted back. "We've been over this, absolutely not! If you've got a thing for him that's fine, but don't push him on me!"

"He's ten times better than the Stranger,' Nimue protested.

"I was just covering every possibility, okay,' Zatanna explained. "You can't even find the Stranger most times. I'm not even sure he could father a child, to be truthful."

"Why isn't that lovely young man you dated a while ago on here,' Xanadu asked. "What was his name, Tim something? Oh, yes, Tim Thirteen, or Dr. 13.'

"Um, ah, he kind of got incinerated,' Zee reluctantly admitted. "It was an accident. We were exploring the mystical plane with several others and they all sort of got burn up by a demon named Gwydion."

Nimue sat back and looked at Zatanna for a moment. Zee blushed and shrugged her shoulders. Xanadu picked up the pencil and touched it to her tongue before pressing it against the paper.

"We'll just add, you know who, as an alternative, just in case."


	5. Chapter 5

Baby Blue

The Watchtower

The pen moved haphazardly over the piece of paper with no real conscious purpose. Squiggles, abstract shapes, cartoon characters, random words, they all found their way onto the paper. Daydreaming, Zatanna sat in the cafeteria just sort of zoned off in space. The disappointment of realizing Bruce wouldn't be the one was still fresh in her mind. She was back to square one.

Madame Xanadu was still pushing Alan Scott. Zatanna finally figured out it wasn't that that Nimue was hot for the original Lantern, but more a mother trying to find a nice, young man for her daughter. It was sweet, in a weird, creepy way. Of course if you're Nimue's age, everyone's relatively young. It seemed Alan Scott owned a television network, so she would have some security, according to Xanadu. Her new suggestion was Dr. Fate, cause he was a doctor.

How she became Zatanna's Jewish mother, Zee wasn't sure. Oy Vey!

So the two men she knew the best out of the hero and magic community were out, so that meant she had to look for a new candidate. She'd settled on the heroes, because frankly, the magical community just had too many issues. Nice guys, but too much baggage. One had his soul sold by his father, another was bi-polar with one personality a homicidal maniac, too many guys to count were part demon or worse they were married.

The one thing Zee was sure of was she wanted a baby. A moment like this might never come again in her life. She was settled, healthy, well off and secure in her life. She'd accomplished just about everything she wanted to, but now it was time for other things besides material needs. She felt she was ready. She'd heard all the arguments about single mothers, but believed it was about whether the child was loved that mattered most of all. She wasn't going to get married just because society said that was what she should do. Just as a baby needed love, a marriage should be about love too.

So here she sat, her shift was over but her mind was wandering. As she looked around the cafeteria, she absently found herself making mental notes about the others. Too muscular, he must be compensating for something. He's an open mouth eater, smacks lips in a loud irritating way. Twitchy, he's way to high strung. Dry, nice guy, but wow, talking to him is like reading the manual in your glove compartment. His eyes are too close together. He's got a really big chin. That has to be a phony laugh; no one really laughs like that, she thought. Plus, he spits when he talks. Why are his thighs so thick? I'll bet he has back fat, that's why he wears a cape. Too brooding, that dark, mysterious thing works for a while, but he's brooding while eating ice cream. How is that possible? He's nice, but short, which is okay, but he's too short, squatty comes to mind.

Blue eyes, I like that she thought. Her hand absently drew two comical eyes on the paper. He's got a nice strong chin, not too much, but not weak either. Wow, he's got a big nose! Definitely not what I'm looking for on a face, she mused. Never cared for red or blonde hair really, she thought. I know guys go crazy for it, just look at Dinah or Shayera, but I never liked it on a guy. Dark hair, but blue eyes, she considered, that would be a nice combination. Not a mouth breather like him, definitely nothing like him, she contemplated. He's too muscular, never cared for the body builder type, she thought. I like athletic, but lean.

A gust of wind caught her attention and she turned to see Wally arrive. He smiled and waved as he got himself something to eat. He's nice, Zee thought, sort of a lovable jerk sometimes, but nice on the whole. Nice smile and right build, she mused. Wait a second; am I really considering Wally, she asked herself?

In the next moment he was sitting across from her.

"Hey, Zee, I thought your shift ended a while ago,' Wally asked.

"Yeah, it did, I'm just procrastinating, I guess,' she admitted.

"Is that a fancy way of saying day dreaming?" He joked.

"What about you? Are you even on the schedule for tonight,' she replied, not answering his question. She was also trying really hard not to think of him as a candidate for, no, don't even go there, she told herself.

"No, not really. I just like to come up here some times,' he said. "I had a date fall through on me at the last minute, so I figured I'd see if anything was happening up here."

"She stood you up?"

"No, it wasn't like that, she had something to do with work,' he said in his date's defense. "I can certainly understand that."

"So who is she? Someone new? You haven't tried to put those horrible moves of yours on her, have you?"

"They're not horrible moves,' Wally protested. "I've really honed them over the last years for your information!"

"Oh? So had a lot of success with them, have you?"

"That depends on how you measure success," Wally countered.

"You told me how you measure success, remember,' Zatanna teased. "So did they work on her?'

"No,' he reluctantly admitted.

"And now she's canceled a date, interesting,' she replied. "Gee, if I was a cynical person, I say maybe there was a connection."

"Actually, that's not the case with this one,' Wally said. "She told me she thought they were cute."

"Really?"

"Yes, then she said to stop it."

"I like her already,' Zee said with a laugh. Wally dipped his head for a second and then looked up at Zatanna.

"I think I do to,' he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper. "I know I say that about a lot of women, but this one's different. I really like her."

"Wow, you sound serious. What's this mystery lady's name,' she asked.

"Linda, Linda Park, she's a TV reporter in Keystone City, but she wants to study medicine and become a pediatrician."

Zatanna had been watching the way he spoke about this new woman in his life and it surprised her.

"You really like this Linda, don't you, Wally? I mean really like her."

"Yes."

Well, scratch him off the list, she thought, but then she felt happy for him. He was her friend after all, and she wished him the best. Plus she would never hear the end of it if she had picked him.

"I'm glad you found someone, Wally, I mean it."

"Thanks, Zee, I appreciate it,' Wally said with a blush. "She is great!"

"And she's okay with you being kind of a jackass,' Zatanna teased.

"Hey!" Wally grumbled and gave her a smack on the shoulder.

"Ow!" she yelped and then slapped him back. He slapped her again and they went back and forth for a minute until he put on a burst of speed.

"Stop! Stop! I'll take it back,' she gasped.

"Okay then,' Wally replied. "Thanks for not doing that magic thing on me this time. I hate when you slow me down. It's cheating."

"Damn, I didn't think about that, 'she lamented.

"On that note, I think I'll see what Jonn's up to,' Wally said, standing and moving out of her range. "Oh, so are you seeing anyone, Zee?"

"No,' she admitted.

"Is that why you're drawing pictures of Big Blue?' Wally grinned.

"What?"

Wally pointed at the paper in front of her. Zatanna looked down and among the doodles was a sort of caricature of Superman.

"Day dreaming about Superman, huh? What is he your ideal man or something?'

"What? No! No!" Zatanna gasped, now blushing herself.

"If you say so,' Wally teased and then was off again.

Zatanna sat there more than a bit confused. She looked down at the paper again. It's not Superman, it's not, she thought, trying to convince herself. Although, it kind of looks like him, she had to admit. No, no, it's not him.


	6. Chapter 6

Think Green

New York

Zatanna ran her fingers lightly through the crystal wind chimes. Dulcet, ethereal tones seemed to fill Madame Xanadu's parlor. Along with the artifacts and ancient books you could almost believe you were in another time, another place.

Then the moment was broken.

"Damn it, I can never find my Ipod when I want it,' Nimue grumbled. "I was in the mood for some Al Green!"

"What am I going to do, Nimue,' Zatanna asked. "I need your opinion, not music. That's not going to help."

Madame Xanadu stopped, turned to the younger woman and smiled.

"Honey, there's nothing so horrible that Al Green can't make it better, trust me."

She turned back and started rummaging through her couch cushions. Zatanna moved away from the wind chimes and dropped down into one of the overstuffed chairs. The piece of paper with her doodling was laying on the table and she frowned as she saw it.

"So do you think it's destiny,' she asked.

"Is what destiny,' Nimue replied, stretching her arm way under the cushion, while her tongue pressed against her top lip almost as if she were sure she would find the Ipod this way.

"The Omen, Nimue,' Zatanna groaned. "I mean I drew him, that must mean something!"

"Found it!

Xanadu giggled happily to herself and then set the Ipod in the dock. She did a quick search and found what she was looking for and started the music. She turned and sat down across from Zatanna.

"I'm sorry, honey, what were you saying about an omen?"

"That,' Zatanna groaned, pointing to the paper. Xanadu picked it up again as Al Green started singing, _Still in Love with You_. Xanadu unconsciously began to sway with the tune. She looked up from the paper at Zee.

"This is an omen?"

"Yes!"

"Of what,' Nimue asked. "No offensive, sweetie, but you're not much of an artist."

"It's Superman, can't you see it,' Zatanna gasped. "I drew Superman!"

"You did? Where?"

"Right there in the center!"

Nimue examined it a little closer. A confused expression came over her face and then she looked at Zatanna.

"Did Superman gain weight recently?"

"No!"

"Than I'm not seeing it,' Xanadu replied, setting the paper back on the table.

"How can you miss it, it's him,' Zee exclaimed. "Right there!"

She pointed to the figure on the center of the paper.

"Oh, you were talking about that drawing,' Xanadu offered. "I thought you meant this one."

Nimue pointed to another doodle.

"That's supposed to be a bear, Nimue,' Zatanna grumbled.

"I told your father you should have had art lessons as a child, but he wouldn't listen to me,' Nimue replied.

Zee gave her a look, but pressed on with her point.

"Just look at the drawing, please. It's Superman!'

"Where's the S?"

"I didn't draw the whole figure, just the face and shoulders,' Zatanna fired back.

Xanadu looked at the drawing again.

"The S would have really helped, cause I'm not seeing it,' she admitted. "You know it's not too late, honey, NYU has some really good adult education classes. You could take some art classes in your spare time."

"You're missing the point, Nimue,' Zee exclaimed. "I was thinking about whom I as going to ask to be the father and I drew Superman! It's a sign!"

"It's a doodle, Zatanna,' Nimue replied. "I've been around a long time and believe me; you don't want to put too much stock into omens and signs. Things always get off track when people start thinking they're receiving some divine message."

"Aren't you a fortune teller, Nimue,' Zee asked.

"That's completely different,' Nimue said with a air of indignance. "You know, you're ruining Al Green."

"Sorry,' Zee offered. "I'm just saying, what if my subconscious is trying to tell me something?"

"What if it's not? Xanadu countered. "Besides, isn't Superman dating someone already?"

"He's sort of off and on with her, from what I hear,' Zee replied. "Besides, I'm not looking for a boyfriend, just a father."

"Well, he does have nice manners,' Xanadu offered. "What exactly does he do for a living again?"

"He's a reporter."

"TV or newspaper?"

"Newspaper."

"That's a dying industry,' Xanadu said. "There's no security in that at all."

"Well he does have being Superman to fall back on,' Zatanna snidely remarked.

"Yes, that's true, but that doesn't pay very well, does it,' Xanadu asked.

"I'm not worried about money, Nimue, I've got enough."

"No one has enough, Zatanna,' Xanadu said with a shake of her head. "Find the richest person in the world and they're thinking of ways to make more. It's always been like that and always will."

"Look, I'm not looking for someone to support me, I can do that easily myself,' Zatanna explained. "I'm looking for someone to do me a favor, so to speak. I just need a donor, that's it."

"And you'd like it from the source, I take it,' Xanadu asked with a wry smile. Zatanna blushed at this, embarrassed to have the woman that had helped raise her ask that sort of question.

"Not really comfortable having that conversation with you, Nimue,' Zee said with a cringe. "Besides, it doesn't really matter, Superman can't have children with a human, anyway."

"Why? Doesn't he like humans,' Xanadu asked.

"No, it's because he's Kryptonian,' Zee explained. "They have too many genes or something about their DNA is not compatible."

"Well, you're not human, are you,' Xanadu asked. "You're Homo Magi, that's different than humans, so maybe it's possible."

"He is vulnerable to magic,' Zee admitted. "No, it still wouldn't work."

"Why?"

"I can think of two, well actually four reasons that sort of stare you in the face,' Zee offered. "Diana and Karen."

"Well, he's not with them, is he?"

"No, but that doesn't mean they would like it,' Zee replied. "Frankly, they both scare me a little. They're huge, you know, literally Amazons in size. I think they have some anger issues, too."

"Towards you, or each other?"

"Each other right now, but I don't want to have it turn towards me,' Zee admitted. "I'm just going to have to find someone else, that's all."

"Well, if you think that's best,' Nimue replied. "Now you need to relax and take your mind off all this. Let Al Green work his magic, honey."

Zatanna sat back and listened for a minute.

"It is nice,' she offered.

"Just let Al do his thing,' Xanadu said as the next tune came on. "Oh, I love this one, _Let's Stay Together_."

Zee picked up the paper with her drawing on it and sat back. She let the music seep in and felt herself relaxing. A smile came to her face as she looked at the drawing of Superman.

"He would be a pretty good choice for a dad, you know,' she said.

"Yeah, probably,' Xanadu answered, swaying to the music. "Let's hope the child would get its artistic talent from his side of the family."

Zee wadded up the paper and threw it at Madame Xanadu.

* * *

The Watchtower

Hal Jordan, test pilot, war hero, Green Lantern, greeted everyone with a smile as he walked down the hallway of the Watchtower. He'd always been one of the more popular heroes even though he hadn't been around lately.

After all he'd been through, it was good to be back, he thought. He waved to a couple of people as he entered the cafeteria and got himself something to drink. He moved over to an empty table and sat down, relaxing as he sipped his Coke. Maybe he could put everything behind him and get back into the routine of just being another hero in the Justice League. It certainly felt very comfortable and familiar.

Dinah and Zatanna were talking as they walked into the cafeteria.

"Look, I'm just saying pay Plastic Man to go away,' Zee offered. "You don't even have to pay him that much, pocket change."

"No, there's a principal involved,' Dinah replied.

"Have it your way."

"Hey, there's Hal,' Dinah said, brightening at seeing him. She waved and he smiled and waved back.

"You two are good friends, huh,' Zee asked.

"Yes, but don't you dare try and read into that,' Dinah quickly replied. "Come on, let's see what he's up to."

"Okay,' Zee said. She knew him slightly, but had always heard good things about him.

Dinah stopped Zatanna and whispered to her.

"Oh, one thing, though, whatever you do, don't mention, Carol Ferris,' Dinah cautioned.

"Why?'

"Just trust me, whatever you do, not a peep about Carol Ferris,' Dinah said. "You'll thank me later."

"Okay, whatever."

The two walked over to the table where he sat.

"Hey, Hal, good to see you back,' Dinah said as she sat down.

"Good to be back," he replied. "I've missed everyone. Hello, Zatanna."

"Hi."

She took a seat next to Dinah and mostly listened as the two old friends fell easily into conversation. As she listened, Zatanna had to admit, Hal was charming, in an easy sort of way. He was attractive too. Maybe Nimue had something; she just missed by one generation of Lanterns, Zatanna thought.

They sat and talked for almost a half hour, laughing and catching up. Zatanna found herself warming to him with each passing moment. She also noticed Dinah seemed different around Hal too. Was Dinah flirting with him, Zee wondered? No, no, they're just old friends, she chastised herself, although, it sure seems like flirting.

There is a strange thing that happens when you tell someone not to mention a specific thing. It's like someone telling you a guy stutters right before you meet him. He might only stutter a little and normally you wouldn't even notice it, but once it's pointed out to you that's all you can think of. It suddenly becomes magnified in your mind. Zatanna knew nothing about Carol Ferris, but as soon as Dinah told her not to bring her up, the name stuck. It seemed to rattle around in her mind until it was on the tip of her tongue.

Hal had just told them both a rather funny joke and they were all laughing, when Zatanna let it slip out.

"So how's Carol Ferris?"

Dinah groaned and the smile on Hal's face froze and then slowly disappeared. Zee immediately knew she's made a colossal faux pas that both Dinah and Hal were in on, but she wasn't. The silence that descended was so uncomfortable, she wished she could to go back in time and stop herself from speaking, but the words were already out there.

"She's good,' Hal finally replied, his voice low and full of emotion.

"Sorry."

"No, it's okay, it's just still rather fresh, you know,' he offered. "If you'll excuse me."

He got up and for a moment Zatanna thought he was going to cry. She was mortified and wanted to be anywhere but where she was. She racked her brain to come up with something to change the subject.

"You know today's pizza day,' she lamely offered. God, I sound like such a douchebag, she chided herself.

"Carol and I used to go out for pizza,' Hal whispered. His head dropped and Dinah moved over and caressed his shoulder. Zatanna's face was beat red, as this only went from bad to worse.

"They also have meatloaf,' she found herself saying, but this only brought a sob from him. Oh, God, meatloaf was probably their special dinner or something, she thought. This is a nightmare! I'm an arch-douchebag now!

"Excuse me,' Hal managed to say. "Nice to see you again, Dinah."

He quickly walked off and Dinah turned and glared at Zatanna.

"Sorry,' Zee offered, cringing under Dinah's glare. "I-I didn't know they were so attached to food."

"I asked you not to mention one thing,' Dinah grumbled and then stormed off after Hal. Everyone in the cafeteria had been watching and now Zatanna felt like every eye was on her.

She found herself wishing Al Green was playing.


	7. Chapter 7

Aqua/Flag-Waver

New York

Zatanna and Madame Xanadu sat in Berlini's, a small neighborhood Italian restaurant having dinner. They both had healthy appetites. For an appetizer they started off with Calamaretti Fritti -squid lightly coated with seasoned breadcrumbs, fried to a golden brown and served with marinara sauce. They followed this with Insalata Con Funghi, mixed baby greens with honey mustard vinaigrette, topped with sautéed wild mushrooms. At Nimue insistences, they both ordered one of the house specialties, Melanzane Parmigiana, eggplant napoleon seasoned with four types of cheese, fine herbs and light tomato sauce.

They were currently digging in to the calamaretti fritti as their salads were brought.

"Thank you Marco. It's so sweet that the head chef and owner is kind enough to bring it out personally,' Nimue said, giving the man a rather warm, inviting smile.

"Only for our special customers, Nimue,' the owner replied. "And who is your lovely companion?'

"Um, ah, this is my sister, Zatanna,' Nimue replied. "I told her we had to dine here because it's the best in town."

"You are too kind," Marco said with a bow. "Now, please both of you enjoy."

He smiled again and then headed back towards the kitchen. Madame Xanadu watched him walk away before digging back into the calamari. Once he was out of earshot Zatanna leaned forward, dipping a piece of calamari into the marinara sauce and looking at Nimue.

"Sister?"

"Just go with it, okay,' Madame Xanadu replied.

"Is there something going on between you and Marco I should know, sis?" Zatanna joked.

"Don't be a snot,' Nimue replied. "He's a friend, for your information."

"A friend?"

"A good friend."

"Now I'm intrigued,' Zatanna replied.

Madame Xanadu was already digging into the salad and didn't reply.

"You're not even going to give me a hint,' Zatanna asked.

"Just worry about your own love life, mine is fine, thank you very much."

"Now I'm really intrigued."

Nimue set her fork down and took a sip from her wine before replying.

"You never could take a hint, could you? That was a nice way of saying mind your own business."

"I'm just interested in what's happening in my sister's life,' Zatanna teased.

"Just eat some calamari, will you?"

"It is delicious,' Zee admitted, as she dunked another piece.

"Don't be a double dipper, either."

"You're sounding more like my mom than my sister, Nimue,' Zatanna complained.

"Whichever works."

"You're no fun."

"I'm taking you to dinner, aren't I? What do you want, me to set you up with someone too?" Nimue looked up from her salad and gave Zatanna a look.

"No," Zee replied.

"So any progress on the hunt,' Nimue asked, shifting the conversation. "Are you going to ask Superman?'

"I don't think so," Zatanna replied. "I'm going to keep him as my safety school for now."

"Safety school?"

"A school you apply to in order to make sure you at least go to SOME college, in case you get rejected from everywhere else,' Zee explained.

"If it comes to him, I wouldn't put it like that or you might not get in there either,' Nimue stated.

"I wouldn't,' Zee replied. "Give me some credit. He's just too complicated at the moment."

"So have you decided on anyone,' Nimue asked.

"I think I have two candidates."

"Who?'

"Well, Aquaman for one,' Zee offered.

"I thought he was kind of a douche,' Nimue asked.

"Yeah, he's a little pompous, but he's married and lives in Atlantis so it would keep it from getting complicated,' Zee explained. She picked up her fork and started digging into her salad.

"Just to play Devil's advocate,' Nimue replied. "You're really not that strong a swimmer, honey."

"I can swim,' Zatanna said around a mouthful of greens in her defense. "I love the water."

"A Jacuzzi isn't exactly the water,' Nimue countered.

"Well, I don't think I'd have to swim to meet him or anything,' Zee replied. "I mean he can come on land, Nimue."

"Yes, but a child would be half whatever he is, ' she said. "He's part fish, right? That means the child would be in the water all the time."

"I have a pool,' Zee offered.

"You do?"

"Yes."

"How come you've never invited me over,' Nimue asked.

"I didn't know you were keen on swimming."

"My sister is the Lady of the Lake, Zatanna, of course I love to swim,' Nimue stated. "It's second nature to my whole family."

"I've known you all my life, Nimue and the only time we were at the beach you sat under an umbrella with a big hat drinking frozen Margaritas."

"I was on vacation!"

"Now that I think about it, you were awfully friendly with that Cuban waiter on the beach,' Zatanna continued.

"Oh, yes, Manolo,' Nimue said with a smile.

"Please don't tell me you slept with him,' Zatanna groaned.

"Okay, I won't tell you," Nimue replied. "So Aquaman, really?"

Zatanna gave her a scowl, but didn't pursue the matter.

"Aquaman?' Nimue repeated.

"Well, I'm trying to think outside the box on this,' Zatanna explained. "I'm sure he'd be willing, but I wouldn't have to see him everyday, you know. He's a King, so he's got his responsibilities down there.'

"Wouldn't his wife have a problem with you having his child,' Nimue asked. "If he's King, wouldn't that make your child Prince? I can't see her liking that one bit."

"I thought I could talk to her and explain the situation and that I'm not looking for anything from them,' Zatanna replied. "I have no interest in living underwater to be honest. I mean, who does, really? I guess if you were born there it would be okay, like living in Fargo or Mississippi."

"He has a hook doesn't he, 'Nimue asked.

"Yeah," Zatanna said. "That does give me a little pause, I must admit. It would be really hard to get in the mood with him waving it around. I'd probably be cringing half the time."

"Not exactly a beautiful story to tell the child about it's creation,' Nimue offered. "Being terrified the father was going to impale you the whole time."

"I could just gloss over that part,' Zatanna countered. "I was just thinking that I know him, but not really well. He doesn't live anywhere near so I wouldn't have to see him all the time. He would just do his part and be on his way. I really think he'd jump at the chance to tell the truth."

"I guess you have a point," Nimue admitted. "I just think you're underestimating that whole royalty thing, Zatanna. They get weird about potential heirs. Can you imagine what Queen Hippolyta would do if her precious daughter got pregnant?"

Zatanna finished chewing the mouthful of salad before replying.

"The way things are going on the station, she might have to get in line for that. Bachelorette number two might make the move before she does."

"Bachelorette? Is that a new hero," Nimue asked. "There are so many of them anymore, I can't keep track of them all. It's a horrible name if it is."

"Just forget it, it's not a new hero,' Zatanna replied. "This calamari is really delicious. I feel like a pig eating it all though."

"Don't worry about it, just save room for the entre,' Nimue said, dismissing Zee's concerns.

They proceeded to finish the calamari and salads before they continued on with their discussion.

"So you said you had two candidates,' Nimue asked. "Who's the second?"

Zatanna swallowed and looked a little uncomfortable.

"Zatanna?"

"Okay, remember I said I was trying to think out of the box,' she began.

"Fine, who is it?"

"Uncle Sam."

"The man on the stamp,' Nimue asked in confusion.

"No, not him, the hero, Uncle Sam,' Zee explained.

"The Freedom Fighters' Uncle Sam, that one?"

"Yes."

"I thought you rejected Alan Scott because he was too old,' Nimue replied. "Uncle Sam must be three times as old as Alan Scott!"

"Again with Alan Scott, really? So he owns a TV station, big deal, I know lots of people richer than that,' Zatanna stated. "Besides, Uncle Sam isn't the same Uncle Sam, but a new incarnation."

"I know how it works,' Nimue protested. "It's still weird, if you ask me. Are you even an American citizen?"

"Yes, of course I am,' Zee fired back.

"And now you want to be a patriot?"

"Don't be funny, Nimue,' Zee said with a scowl. "I'm trying to be logical about this and put emotion aside. As I understand it Uncle Sam is a spiritual entity created through an occult ritual by the Founding Fathers. This "Spirit of America" was initially bound to a powerful talisman and would take physical form by merging with a dying patriot. So he's sort of magical, like me."

"Are you sure,' Nimue asked. "I heard somewhere that he wasn't a human, meta-, or magical being, and no one's sure what he is."

"Where did you hear that,' Zatanna asked.

"I have my sources."

"Well, he has to be one of them,' Zatanna offered.

"But can he father a child?"

"I think so, I mean he's the spirit of America, isn't he,' Zee said. "You wouldn't make the spirit of America a Eunuch would you? That would be a pretty crappy symbol for any country."

"I guess you have a point," Nimue admitted. "Do you even know him?"

"I've met him a few times,' Zee said. "I mean we're not BFF's or anything, but we know each other."

"Doesn't he just appear and disappear though,' Nimue asked. "How would you even contact him to ask?"

"I thought I'd talk to Phantom Lady,' Zee explained. "She's on his team and knows him pretty well."

"She's the stripper, right?"

"No! She's a hero!"

"But she dresses like a stripper?'

"Yeah, sort of,' Zee admitted. "I really don't have a lot of room to talk though; I mean I'm wearing fishnets half the time. Plus she's really got the body to pull it off."

"It's weird, but if you want to, I guess I'll support you,' Nimue offered. "You wouldn't have to take some test would you?"

"Test?'

"Like a civics test or something,' Nimue explained. "To prove you're a good American before he'd agree."

"I don't think so, but even if I did, I'm pretty good at history."

"Really? Who was the 15th president,' Nimue asked.

"I didn't say I knew ancient history, Nimue, come on,' Zee protested.

"James Buchanan, he was the only single President, Nimue replied. "Not really a shock if you met him, believe me. There were rumors he wasn't interested in the opposite team, if you know what I mean. I think they were more than rumors, but live and let live, I say."

"I really doubt Uncle Sam is going to ask me that,' Zatanna gasped.

"Oh, here comes the entre! Remember, we're sisters! Hello, Marco, you're too good to me, really!"


	8. Chapter 8

Stuck in the Moment

New York

Zatanna adjusted her jacket for the fifth or sixth time as she waited for the elevator. Cupping her hand over her mouth, she checked her breath again just to be sure. She gave a little jump as the bell announcing the elevator's arrival seemed much louder than usual. Taking a deep breath to try and calm her nerves, she stepped onto the glass elevator and tried to think of something to do with her hands. She pressed the button for her floor and waited. The doors began to close and just at the last moment, she heard someone call out for her to hold the door. Zee stuck her hand between the closing doors and they opened for an elderly couple.

"Thank you, miss,' the older gentleman said.

"You're such a nice young lady,' the older lady added.

Zee gave them a smile and stepped to the side as they moved onto the elevator. The man pressed the button for his floor and then joined his wife in taking in the view. The doors closed and slowly the elevator began to climb. It was one of those fancy elevators on the side of the hotel that gives you a view of the whole city. Zatanna was far too nervous to think about the city right now. She was here to see Arthur, Aquaman, and King of Atlantis. She'd been practicing in her head what she would say most of the night and all of the day leading up to this. She had her statements of fact, her arguments if need be, along with her reasons for doing it. She just hoped he would be open to the idea.

Zee tried not to fidget, but she was a bundle of nerves. This was such a big step and there was no turning back now.

"Oh, they're playing our song!'

Zatanna turned to see the older man looking into his wife's eyes. The song was _Sleepwalking_ by Santo & Johnny.

"I remember the first time we heard this, do you,' he asked.

"Of course,' the elderly woman said. Zee smiled as the two leaned in and kissed each other. She almost got a little teary, as it was so sweet. The elderly couple finally broke the kiss and looked into each other's eyes.

"It always takes me back to that night in your father's car,' the elderly woman whispered.

"Yes, me too,' the man said and then kissed her again. They didn't stop at one kiss this time and out of politeness, Zatanna turned away and looked up at the number above the elevator doors.

"Oh, baby, you're as sexy as ever,' the elderly man groaned, as he deepened the kiss.

"Prove it, big boy," the elderly woman replied. He did.

Now Zatanna was uncomfortable and as the noises coming from the two got louder, she got really uncomfortable. Reluctantly she glanced back at them and they were all over each other right there in the elevator. Now she was mortified. Quickly she looked away back to the numbers, but the elevator seemed to be taking forever. She thought of just magically transporting herself the rest of the way, but as worked up as the elderly couple was, she worried the shock might send them over the edge and kill them. She was trapped until it reached her floor.

Like a car accident, she couldn't help looking back again. That was a mistake. The elderly man had the elderly woman pressed against the glass window and the woman's leg came up and curled around his flabby waist. Oh God, I'm going to be sick, Zee thought. Please elevator speed up, she silently prayed. If anything it seemed to slow down as it felt as if it were taking an interminably long time between floors.

'Careful with my hip,' the elderly woman moaned. "That's the one I just had replaced."

"Don't worry, baby, just let Daddy take care of everything."

Zatanna wasn't sure if she should cover her ears or her eyes as this point. She was certain the elderly man had just ruined the word 'Daddy' for her. Zee jabbed her finger again and again into the button for her floor, trying to will the elevator to pick up speed, but it just continued at its agonizingly slow pace.

"Are you okay,' the elderly woman asked the man. Again, against her better judgment, Zee glanced at them.

"Yes, I just think the top of your pantyhose is cutting off the circulation to my hand."

Her head snapped back to stare at the numbers above the elevator. Now Zatanna felt like crying. This was officially a nightmare. The rustle of polyester and Dacron spandex followed the sounds of wheezing and panting.

"Oh, God in heaven,' Zee groaned under her breath.

'Oh, yes, baby, yes!"

"Do it to me, Daddy, do it to me!"

What level of hell this was, Zatanna wasn't sure, but it had to be one of the lower levels. Some irresistible impulse made her look again and it was worse than she thought. Yes, they were doing it, but she could also see their pale white, flabby skin shaking with the impact and the strain. They were both flushed and out of breath, yet they just kept going. A shudder of horror went through Zatanna as she jerked her eyes back and stared even harder at the numbers above the elevator doors. Three more floors and then her long nightmare would be over.

"Almost there,' the elderly woman screeched.

"AAAAGGGGHHHAAA,' the old man bellowed.

Quiet fell over the elevator, except for the heavy breathing of the couple. The man gave a loud hacking cough and there was a wet sound to it. Zee closed her eyes, squirming just a little more. She could hear them adjusting their clothes, the woman helping the man with his pants. Then they said the phrase they nearly brought a scream from deep inside Zee.

"Want to go again?'

The ding of the elevator bell sounded and they had reached Zatanna's floor. She couldn't wait for the doors to open and squeezed herself between them as fast as she could. She took a deep breath, as if to get some new air. Something made her do it, later she couldn't explain why, but she looked back as the doors closed. It was just a glimpse, but if would be burned into her memory forever. The elderly couple was making their way towards the floor of the elevator, kissing and creaking as they did.

* * *

The Watchtower

Superman was heading into the cafeteria. He was thinking of the last mission he'd been on and whether the devastated community would be able to get back on its feet anytime soon. Perhaps when his shift was over he'd stop back and lend them a hand.

"Hi, Clark,' a voice called out. He looked up to see Power Girl walking towards him. She had a really big smile on her face.

"Oh, hi Karen,' he replied.

"So how are you doing,' she asked, stopping just in front of him.

"Okay, how about yourself?'

"Good, good,' she said, stepping a little closer. "You know I've been thinking a lot about you lately. We don't talk enough, you know?'

"Busy schedules, I guess,' he offered. Boy, she was standing really close, he thought.

"Yeah, but we should correct that,' she replied. "Why don't we do something together? Maybe go out some time?"

"Um, ah, okay."

"Great! I'll call you,' she said and then gave him a kiss on his cheek before walking out. What the hell was that, Clark wondered. His attention was immediately drawn to a loud sound off to his left. He glanced over and saw Kara had slammed her tray down on the counter, shattering it. She was giving him a very unhappy glare. Standing behind her was Diana and she didn't look particularly happy either. Discretion being the better part of valor, Clark ducked his head and moved over to one of the tables. Wally came zooming over and sat down next to him.

"Hey, Big Blue, what's up?"

"Hi, Wally," Clark replied. "Um, have you noticed anything odd around here lately?'

"Around here? Like what?"

"I've been getting the strangest looks and questions lately,' Clark explained.

* * *

New York

Zatanna stepped out from the restroom and took a deep breath. The wave of nausea had passed. She'd splashed her face with water several times but still cringed at even the thought of what had just happened. Focus, she thought, focus on why you're here. Straightening her jacket, Zee took another deep breath and headed towards the suites where Arthur was.

She made her way down the hall and was ushered in to see Arthur. He was standing behind a desk looking over some documents when she entered. She almost gave a sigh of relief when she saw he didn't have that creepy hook, but some sort of water hand.

"Ah, Zatanna, come in," he said. "It's good to see you."

"Thanks, Arthur,' she replied.

He gestured for her to take a seat and moved over to stand by the window. Zatanna sat, mentally rehearsing what she was going to say.

"It's always business, business, business when I come to the surface world,' Arthur mused as he looked out over the city. "It seems there is so much to do as monarch."

"Is this a bad time,' Zatanna asked.

"No, far from it,' he said. "So how is your career going?"

"Good, good, but I was hoping I could talk to you about something private,' she replied. "If you have the time?"

"Of course."

He moved back to his desk and sat down, giving her his full attention.

"Okay, I know this will sound like it's coming from left field, but I want you to know I've put a lot of time and thought into it,' she began. "I'm not just going on a whim."

"All right."

"Well, I've been busy with the League and especially my act, but lately I've started to believe something is missing,' she said. "I've come to the conclusion that I want a child, Arthur."

"A child?"

"Yes,' Zee replied, looking him in the eye. "I'm doing well enough now that I know this is the perfect time if I'm ever going to have one."

"I see."

She took another deep breath and just decided to plunge ahead.

"I'd like to ask you to help me, Arthur."

"Wh-What,' he gasped, sitting up straight.

"I want you to help me get pregnant,' she explained. "I'm not asking you to make any long-term commitments or anything. I just need someone I trust as the father."

"You want me to be a stud for you,' he asked.

"Well, I wouldn't have put it that way,' she replied.

"But that's what you're saying, isn't it?"

"Um, ah, yes?"

This wasn't going the way she thought it would when she pictured it in her head.

"So you want me to be a stud for you and let you have my offspring,' Arthur replied. He stood up and shook his head as he moved over to the windows again. "You surface people never stop amazing me, especially you circus people."

"Hey, I'm a magician, not a circus person,' she objected.

"Oh, yes, because that's so much better,' he said dismissively. "So would this child you want me to give you be part of your act? Come see the fish boy, something like that? Or would you go big and announce you've had the King of Atlantis' lovechild?"

"Wha..?"

"Oh, don't play the innocent with me, Zatanna,' Arthur replied. "I'm a man of the world; I know how these thing work. I expected better of you, I must say. Are you hoping to get a reality show out of this? Is that it? Some network put you up to this, didn't' t they? I've been approached several times to put cameras in Atlantis for shows, but I've always refused. I will not exploit my people for other's amusement!"

"Arthur, that's not what I'm talking about,' Zatanna tried to explain, but he cut her off and continued his tirade.

"To think they would stoop so low as to enlist a beautiful young woman that they know I'd be happy to bed in their schemes! You're a hero, Zatanna! You don't need to prostitute yourself like this! If it's money you need, I'm sure I could give you a loan at a very reasonable interest rate, say 5%. Now how does that sound?"

Emotions were swirling inside of Zatanna. She was pissed that he thought she was prostituting herself. She was a little flattered that he thought she was beautiful, though. Mostly she was pissed.

"I don't need you money, Arthur,' she exclaimed. "I'm not working for any network, you idiot! I want to have a baby and I came to you as a friend to ask you to help me! That's it!"

"So this isn't about a reality series?"

"No!"

"You just want to sleep with me,' he asked.

"Well, not so much now,' she grumbled. He looked at her for a moment than moved back to his desk.

"I apologize if I jumped to conclusions,' he offered. "My mind has been preoccupied since I arrived. I've been inundated with messages from these vultures and I'm mistakenly thought you were a part of it. Again, I apologize, Zatanna."

The door opened and Arthur's wife, Mera walked in.

"Zatanna! So good to see you,' she said. The two women hugged. "So what brings you here today?"

Oh boy, Zee thought, well, might as well deal with it now. Hope she doesn't go crazy like he did. Mera sat down next to her husband as Zatanna explained what she wanted and why she wanted. She used all the arguments and reasons she'd thought out for this meeting. She made her most persuasive case; assuring them both she wanted nothing from them, just Arthur help her with the beginning. Mera and Arthur sat silently listening to everything. When Zatanna finished there was a long silence.

"Well, I'm willing,' Arthur said with a grin.

"No."

Mera cut him off with the one word and then walked out the door. Zatanna watched her leave and then turned back to Arthur. He looked very uncomfortable now.

"Arthur?'

"I'm afraid it will have to be no, Zatanna,' he replied. "We've been going through a rough patch lately. I'm trying to keep the little woman happy, if you know what I mean."

Zee didn't like that he referred to his wife as the little woman, but she didn't say anything about it. So he was out as an option. Strangely she felt more relief than anything else.

"I understand, Arthur,' she finally said. "I wouldn't want to do anything that puts your marriage in jeopardy. I'll just ask, could we keep this between just us?"

"Of course,' he replied. "And if things change, I'll be more than happy to help you. Why don't you give me your number just in case."

"No, that's okay,' Zee said. She stood and started for the door, but he caught up to her.

"Give me the number, Zatanna, you never know?"

Reluctantly she gave him her number. He smiled as he slipped it into his pocket.

"We'll keep this just between us too, for now,' he whispered.

"Right."

* * *

The Watchtower

Superman was manning the command center. It was a quiet night. The door opened and Diana walked in. Her stride was one that seemed to have purpose. She walked straight to him.

"Kal."

"Diana."

"I need a blood sample, Kal,' Diana said, holding up a needle.

"Why?'

"Ray is doing an experiment for me and we need a sample,' she said, moving the needle closer to him.

"What kind of experiment, Diana,' he asked, eyeing the needle.

"Oh, it, um, just hypothetical, but I want to know the answer,' she replied. "I just want to know for sure, for curiosity, Kal. So may I have a sample?'

"Well, I guess." The words had hardly left his mouth when she jammed the needle into his arm. " Ow! A little warning, Diana."

Diana said nothing until she was finished and then she smiled at him.

"Thank you, Kal."

"Um, you're welcome."

Diana turned and walked back out of the room. Clark stood there as the door closed behind her.

"Yeah, something really weird is going on here."

* * *

Boston

Several days had passed since her experience with Aquaman, so Zatanna decided to try her second choice. She was waiting for Stormy Knight aka The Phantom Lady in a small coffee shop. Stormy Knight that has to be a made up name, Zee thought, a made up stripper name. Damn it, now Nimue has me thinking about her like that.

Zatanna's phone went off and she looked down at the number. Arthur, again. God he's really kind of skivvy, she thought. Thank God I didn't pick him, really dodged a bullet there.

The door opened and Zatanna heard a collective gasp. She turned to see Stormy walk into the coffee shop. The outfit she was almost wearing certainly drew every eye in the place. So much for incognito, Zee lamented.

"Hey, Zatanna!"

"Hi, Stormy, can I get you anything? Coffee? A coat?'

"Ha-Ha, if you got it flaunt it,' Stormy said as she sat down. The barista practically ran over to take her order. Stormy gave him a smile and then ordered a double mocha latte skim.

"So thanks for meeting me,' Zatanna finally said, as the young man raced away to make Stormy's order.

"No problem,' she replied. "I spoke to Sam and he's willing to meet you. Care to tell me what this is about?"

"It's personal."

"Okay, well, he'll be at this address in about an hour,' Stormy said, handing over a slip of paper. Zee looked at it, but it didn't mean anything to her. She slipped it in her pocket.

"You know you're really lucky, Zee, Sam usually stays in the Midwest, the heartland."

"Well, he picked the spot, didn't he,' Zatanna asked.

"Yes, and thank God,' Stormy replied. "Don't get me wrong, the heartland is great and all, but not really my sort of place."

They don't have strippers in the heartland Zatanna almost asked, but this time she managed to stop herself. After the incident with Hal, she really had to watch that. Dinah was already pissed at her and Stormy was doing her a favor.

"Thank you, by the way,' Zee offered.

"No problem."

The two of them sat in the coffee shop for a while, catching up but then it was time to go. They wished each other well and headed off in their separate directions. Zatanna pulled out the slip of paper and looked at the address. She Google mapped it and headed out.

She arrived at 193 Salem Street and was sure there had to be a mistake. She was standing in front of the Old North Church. Why would he want to meet in a church, she wondered? It certainly made what she had to ask him even more difficult. Well, he is sort of tied to the American spirit or something, so it made a weird kind of sense. Still, couldn't he have picked a Starbucks or something, she thought?

Shrugging her shoulders, Zatanna made her way up the steps and inside. The gift shop was closed and she couldn't hear a sound anywhere. Usually there were tours of the place, but today must have been the day off, she figured. Slowly she made her way down the center aisle, not sure if she should kneel or cross herself. At least I dressed conservatively, she thought. A door opened off to the right and she took it as a sign. Of what, she didn't know, but at least it was something. Zee walked over to the door and saw there was a small placate that said offices. Breathing a sigh of relief, she opened the door and headed up the stairs. She really didn't want to have this conversation in the middle of a church. That was just bad karma or something.

A bell tolled, just once, but it seemed to reverberate through the entire building. Zee checked the time on her cell phone and it said 2:43 so someone was off. She climbed what seemed like a thousand steps and finally made it to the landing. Heels were a definite no if you worked here.

"Hello?"

There was no answer at first and then a door at the end of the hallway creaked open. He's really laying on the dramatics a little thick, isn't he, she thought. Whatever, I've come this far, might as well go the rest of the way. She walked to the end of the hall and slowly opened the door.

Uncle Sam was standing reading a scroll of paper by the light coming in the window.

"Hello, Zatanna."

He had a deep commanding voice that just added to the aura around him.

"Hi, um, ah, should I call you Sam or Uncle Sam,' she asked.

"Sam will do. Why don't you come in?"

"Thanks."

Zatanna closed the door behind her and nervous moved into the room. There were no chairs, just a huge old desk. She stood fumbling with her hands, waiting for him to finish his reading. While she was waiting, she took him in. He was good looking, although he seemed a little older up close. There was an air of authority about him, almost a regal nature to his being. He certainly made a strong first impression. He finished his reading and turned with a smile to her.

"The Bill of Right,' he said, gesturing to the paper. "Wonderful document."

"Is it the original,' she asked.

"No, I picked this up in the gift shop," he said with a shake of his head. "I think the original is in Washington. It's just like that movie, the one with Nicolas Cage."

"Oh, right, of course,' she replied, feeling like a complete idiot. Douchebag, she chided herself, of course it wasn't the original. Jeez, I really hope he's not going to give me a test, cause I know I'd fail it.

"So Stormy said you wanted to meet me, to ask for my help with something,' Sam offered.

"Yes, that's right."

"Well, here we are, why don't you tell me what I can do for you?"

"Well,' Zatanna began, blushing a little as she told him why she was there. For his part, Uncle Sam leaned back against the desk and crossed his arm in front of him. He didn't speak; just let her explain everything she wanted to explain. This was more like Zatanna expected. She was able to make all her points and arguments, while explaining she wasn't expecting a relationship, just a donor if you will. She felt like she really nailed it as she finished her explanation. It was almost a relief when she finished and took a deep breath. Now the nerves came back as she waited for his reply.

"So you want a baby?"

"Yes."

"And you want me to help you?"

"Yes."

"Just one,' Uncle Sam asked, as he took off his hat and stood up.

"Ah, yeah, just one,' Zatanna replied. That was a little weird she thought.

"Well, all right, I'll help you, Zatanna,' Uncle Sam told her. He took off his jacket and was undoing his vest. Zee looked around, a bit confused.

"What are you doing,' she finally asked.

"You said you wanted a baby, so let's have at it,' Uncle Sam informed her. "Why don't you slip off those things and hop up on the desk here."

"Wh-Wh-What,' Zatanna gasped. He couldn't be serious!

"Well, I'll admit, it would have been easier if you were wearing a skirt, but times change,' Sam said, removing his vest and starting on his shirt buttons. "Are you just going to stand there, Zatanna?"

"What now? Here?"

"No time like the present,' Uncle Sam replied. "The business of America is business so let's get down to business. President Calvin Coolidge said that."

"But-But this is a church,' Zee gasped

"Hallowed ground," Uncle Sam retorted, continuing with his shirt.

"I didn't think you'd want to do it here,' Zatanna exclaimed. "I mean there's a lovely Marriot just down the street! Even a Holiday Inn Express would be okay at this point!"

"History is a living thing," Uncle Sam explained. "Just think of this as becoming part of it. It will make a great story for the kid when he's old enough."

"You're serious? Right here? Really?"

"Time is money. I think Benjamin Franklin said that. Another great American."

"I'm really not in the mood,' Zatanna fumbled to say. As she watched him pull his shirt from his pants, the whole thing was taking on a surreal quality. She didn't know what to do. She was happy he agreed, but she didn't expect this! He began maneuvering her towards the desk and she couldn't seem to think for a moment. This wasn't what she wanted, definitely not what she wanted.

"Sam, I-I-I appreciate your, um, ah, enthusiasm, but here? Really? On the desk? It's probably an antique or someone famous' desk."

"President Kennedy,' Uncle Sam informed her.

"Well, so it wouldn't be the first time,' Zee remarked. "But still, this isn't how I pictured it, you know?"

"You have to pick your moments and recognize your opportunities or you might miss something wonderful,' Uncle Sam replied.

"Is that Benjamin Franklin too?"

"No, Thomas Jefferson, now hop up on there."

"I'm really not feeling it at the moment, Sam,' she offered. "It kind of seems like we're going from zero to a thousand here."

"You're kind of killing the mood for me, Zatanna,' Uncle Sam said. "Do you want some foreplay? Is that it? I suppose we could, but no kissing."

"Huh?"

"Stormy Knight, that's her rule,' Uncle Sam explained.

"Oh, right,' Zee replied. God, Nimue was right, Stormy is a stripper! Zee snapped out of it as she saw Uncle Sam's hands moving towards her body. She managed to grab his wrists before he made contact.

"Look, um, ah, Sam, Uncle Sam, I'm sorry, I'm just not feeling it, you know,' she said. He gave a sigh and stepped back. His expression changed as he looked down.

"You've definitely killed the mood now, Zatanna."

"What do you mean?"

"My power are said to be in direct proportion to the belief people have in the idea of America,' Uncle Sam replied. "That goes for everything and I mean everything. You are being sort of a buzz kill as the kids say and it's affecting me."

Zatanna gave him a confused look and then followed his eyes down. She suddenly understood what he was trying to tell her.

"Oh, you mean your…"

"Flag!'

"Right, your flag, you can't get it up the pole, so to speak,' Zee said.

"Not if you're aren't going to help!"

"What do I have to do,' Zatanna asked. "I mean is it like Tinker bell, do I have to believe and clap my hands?"

"Are you mocking me, now? It would involve your hand, but I don't like your tone, young lady."

"Look, maybe this wasn't such a good idea,' Zee said, as she moved away from the desk and slipped around him.

"It really would only take a minute, if you'd help,' Uncle Sam explained.

"Yeah, I think I'm going to pass,' Zee said as she moved towards the door. "Thanks again.'

"Can we keep this just between the two of us,' Uncle Sam asked. "I really can do it, you know, it's just you killed the mood!"

"I'm definitely going to keep this to myself,' Zee said. "Thanks anyway."

She was out the door and taking the steps three at a time. She could hear Uncle Sam calling after her, saying if she changed her mind to let Stormy know. Zee didn't stop, but instead picked up her pace until she was back on the street.

* * *

New York

It was rather late and a glum Zatanna sat at Madame Xanadu's kitchen table.

"It shouldn't be this hard, Nimue,' she grumbled.

"Hard, what an interesting choice of words,' Nimue joked. She received a glare from Zatanna. "Sorry."

Zatanna's cell phone rang again, but she didn't even look at it.

"Aren't you going to answer that," Nimue asked.

"No, it's probably Arthur again,' Zee replied. "He's really turning out to be a little skivvy if you want to know the truth."

Nimue walked over and set a piece of paper down next to Zatanna.

"What's this?'

"Alan Scott's number."

Zatanna groaned and started to crumble up the paper, but then stopped. The way her luck was going, she might need it.


	9. Chapter 9

Radical Options Considered

New York, NY

_The__ Per Se _is a restaurant located at Columbus Circle in New York City. The restaurant currently has four stars, the highest rating, from the New York Times and was listed as one of the 2011 Top 40 Restaurants in the U.S. You enter by a blue door and are transported into another world. Hush earth tones and natural wood, granite, marble and the rough copper floor tiles dominant your surroundings. Madame Xanadu and Zatanna made their way to their reserved table. More than one pair of eyes turned to take in the two beautiful, exotic women. Zee still wasn't sure how Nimue had gotten reservations for this place, so quickly, but she wasn't complaining.

They were seated and Xanadu ordered for both of them. Zatanna looked over the menu with a little bit of awe.

"Why don't we have the J.J. Prüm, Riesling, Spätlese, "Wehlener Sonnenuhr," Mosel and the Chef's Testing menu?"

Zatanna shrugged and just nodded.

"Very good, Madame,' the waiter said. "Oh, I'm supposed to tell you Thomas says hello and is so glad you've returned."

Xanadu smiled and perhaps even blushed a little.

"Please return my regards."

"Yes, ma'am."

Zee waited until the waiter left before leaning in.

"Thomas?"

"He's the owner,' Nimue explained, as she picked up her napkin and gently placed it on her lap.

"Did you sleep with him too?"

"You have such a dirty mind, Zatanna,' Nimue replied. "For the life of me, I don't know where you get that from."

"Yeah, strange isn't it considering who I grew up around,' Zee sarcastically replied.

Nimue gave her a look, but the waiter had already returned with their wine. He uncorked it and poured a small sample for both women. Nimue was more of a wine expert than Zatanna, but they both agreed it was delicious. He poured them both a half glass and then set the bottle on the table.

"To forgetting about your recent troubles," Xanadu said and they clinked glasses.

"Thank you, Nimue, for this."

They shared a smile. Zatanna tried to concentrate on the menu and see what they were having tonight. Everything looked amazing as she read over the Chef's Tasting Menu.

CHEF'S TASTING MENU

"OYSTERS AND PEARLS"

"Sabayon" of Pearl Tapioca with Island Creek Oysters

and Sterling White Sturgeon Caviar

ROYAL GAL ILEE OSETRA CAVIAR

Atlantic Fluke Carpaccio, Yuzu Granité,

Fennel Bulb and Garden Basil

(75.00 supplement)

GARBANZO BEAN CROQUETTE

Charred Eggplant, Persian Cucumber,

Toasted Pinenuts and Cilantro

TERRINE OF HUDSON VALLEY MOULARD DUCK FOIE GRAS

"Glacé de Consommé de Canard," Meiwa Kumquats, Ruby Beets,

Mizuna and Black Winter Truffle Purée

Served with Toasted Brioche

(40.00 supplement)

"CLAM CHOWDER"

Sautéed Fillet of Atlantic Halibut

Hobbs' Bacon, Littleneck Clams,

New Crop Potatoes and Celery Root

COBIA "PASTRAMI "

Pumpernickel Crisps, Green Tomatoes,

Mustard Seeds, Sungold Tomatoes, Mustard Cress

and Hard Boiled Squire Hill Hen Egg

"PEAS AND CARROTS"

Butter Poached Nova Scotia Lobster

Split English Peas, Heirloom Carrots, Pea Tendrils

and Carrot Ginger Mousseline

LIBERTY FARM'S PEKIN DUCK "RÔTI À LA BROCHE"

Young Artichokes, Meyer Lemon, Arugula Leaves,

Broccoli Purée and Brown Butter Jus

SNAKE RIVER FARMS ' BEEF RIB-EYE

"Ris de Veau," Purple Top Turnips, Sour Apples,

French Prune Pudding, Watercress and Sauce Périgourdine

"SALERS"

French Breakfast Radishes, Onion Marmalade,

Mâche and Burgundy Mustard

Served with an Onion Scone

GRAPEFRUIT SHERBET

Chocolate Crumble, Pink Grapefruit Soda,

Chocolate Jelly and Swiss Meringue

"OPERA"

Candied Marcona Almonds, Manjari Chocolate Mousse,

Almond Ice Cream and "Whiskey Tonic"

"AMBROSIA"

Coconut Parfait, Compressed Golden Pineapple,

Lime "Génoise" and Salted Cashew Ice Cream

* * *

"Wow, everything sounds delicious, but isn't it a little pricey,' Zee asked. "How can you afford this?"

"Easy, you're paying."

"Wha ...,' Zee gasped, her wine nearly coming out her nose.

"I'm joking,' Nimue replied. "I'm paying don't worry about it. No wonder you're doing so well financially, you're kind of a skinflint."

"No, I'm not,' Zee protested. "I just wasn't expecting that. I can pay, it's not a problem."

"I got it."

Xanadu waved her off as she took another sip of her wine. Zee glanced down at the menu again.

"How can you afford it?"

Nimue gave her a look and then set her wine glass down.

"You've known me all your life, Zatanna,' she explained. "What do I do?"

"Well, you're kind of a clairvoyant, aren't you? A sorceress who sees peoples possible futures and helps them, right?"

"Yes, so if I can help others, I can also help myself,' Nimue explained.

"Isn't that sort of cheating? Like insider trading?"

"No. Insider trading is when an insider gives you the information. I just see possibilities and patterns,' Nimue explained. "Those douchebags on Wall Street aren't risking their own money, I am."

"That sounds like a massive rationalization to me."

"The world runs on rationalizations, honey,' Nimue said. "Look around you. That gorgeous young woman with the much, much older man, you really think they'd be together if there weren't some heavy-duty rationalizations going on? No, money and rationalizations make the world go round, always have, and always will."

"You're so philosophical tonight,' Zee teased. "So is it a rationalization for how you can spend this kind of money on dinner?"

"Partly," Nimue replied. She took another sip of her wine. "We all have priorities on what we want. Some people want huge houses or fancy cars. Some want expensive shoes or clothes. Some want a really bitchin' van or awesome Jet Ski, it's all the same. To me, food's what I want, really, really good food. There is nothing better than an excellent meal, well, maybe one thing, but you shouldn't have to pay for that."

"Nimue!"

"Oh, hush, you're a grown woman not a schoolgirl,' Nimue countered. "Think about it, most people couldn't tell you what they had for dinner two days ago. It was probably some prepackaged, microwavable thing without any flavor, or they went to some chain restaurant where they try and overwhelm you with atmosphere so you don't notice the food isn't really that good. They might have even had fast food on the way home from work, which is a lot of processed nothing to go with their Diet Coke. A week from now, even a month from now, you'll remember this meal. The food will be excellent and they won't have to try and overwhelm you with portion size so you think you're getting a deal. Money should be spent on enjoyment if at all possible. One amazing meal is worth a hundred ordinary meals, so it's a bargain in my mind."

Zatanna sat back impressed.

"Wow, that was a great rationalization."

"Thank you."

"You know, it occurs to me, if you can see possible futures, why haven't you helped me,' Zatanna asked.

"I can't,' Nimue grumbled.

"What?"

"I said I can't,' Nimue repeated. "I'm too close to you so the cards and crystals are useless when it comes to you."

"You care,' Zee said with a big smile.

"Don't act so smug, of course I do,' Nimue replied. She did return Zatanna's smile, but shifted the conversation. "By the way, why did we have to take the stairs coming in?"

"I've sworn off elevators for the time being,' Zee said, shuddering a little as the memory came back. The first course came and conversation was at a minimum as they dove into the delicious food. The second and third courses came and they were fully occupied by the sumptuous offerings in front of them.

"So have you given any more thought to what you're going to do now,' Nimue asked as the waiter refilled their glasses. "Thank you, Paul."

The waiter nodded and silently moved away. Zatanna took a sip from her wine before replying.

"I don't really know,' she admitted. "My lack of success with anyone is kind of disheartening. Plus Arthur and Uncle Sam really creeped me out."

"How about…" Nimue started, but Zee cut her off.

"I checked, he's not on Earth at the moment, and he already has two kids."

"They're both grown, aren't they?'

"Yes, but I'm guessing they're enough of a handful for him."

"Where is he by the way,' Nimue asked. "Just out of curiosity."

Zatanna looked at her wearily.

"Are you sure you're thinking of him for me or yourself?"

"What? I can't ask a question now?"

"He's on the Moon, the Emerald City, I think,' Zatanna informed her.

"Interesting,' Nimue said with a faraway look in her eyes. She snapped out of after a second and turned her attention back to Zatanna. "So any new prospects? How about Jason Blood, he's very nice."

"Jason is nice,' Zee admitted. "But he's also Etrigan the demon. I know this is horrible to say, but he kind of stinks too. That brimstone smell you just can't get away from, even when he's Jason."

"True, I hadn't thought of that,' Nimue replied. "Strange, since I was there when he was created. I guess the years makes you forget the downside of things."

"How about Merlin,' Zee offered, knowing Nimue had strong views on the wizard. She had to suppress a smile as he watched Nimue's face transform into one of anger.

"Are you trying to ruin my meal,' Nimue asked. "Merlin! Ha! You'll stay away from that old lecherous pervert if you know what's good for you!"

"He's not to fond of you, either, Nimue,' Zatanna pointed out.

"That depends on which head he's thinking with."

"Nimue! Did you sleep with everyone back then?"

"No, of course not. Don't be so melodramatic."

"So it's just waiters and restaurant owners then,' Zatanna teased.

"Oh, ha-ha, you're a magician, correct, cause you'll never make it as a comedian,' Nimue fired back.

"Someone's a little touchy."

Before Madame Xanadu could reply, another course came out. The conversation was put on hold as they devoured it.

"That was amazing,' Zatanna offered.

"See, doesn't seem like such a rationalization now, does it?"

Zatanna nodded in agreement. Nimue took a drink of her wine and then offered a new topic.

"Since magic is out for right now, why not look into science?"

"How so?"

"Well, modern medicine has made some amazing breakthroughs and you're around some of the smartest people in the world, right,' Nimue said. "Why don't you see what they could offer?"

"I don't know, Ray's doing God knows what for Diana and Mr. Terrific is good friends with Power Girl, besides, I'd rather talk about something like this with a woman,' Zatanna replied.

"Well, aren't there any genius women in your League," Nimue asked. "Or in the wider superhero community?'

"I guess, there's ….," Zatanna started to say, but then sort of drifted off.

"Who's the smartest female superhero,' Nimue asked.

"I don't know,' Zee admitted.

"There's got to be someone, right," Nimue replied.

"Yes, of course, it's just that everyone thinks of Ray or Mr. Terrific when they think of really smart," Zatanna said. "Or Bruce or Dr. Fate or Lex Luthor or Jonn, or … Jeez, who is the smartest female hero?"

The two sat there is silence as the next course was brought. They thanked the waiter, but their minds were still on the question.

"That's weird, isn't it,' Zatanna offered. "I mean all the female members of the League are smart, but everyone thinks of the super smart members as men. The women all seem to fall into different categories when they're described, you know, like strong or sexy, that sort of thing."

"Which category to you fall into,' Nimue asked.

"Sexy."

"Of course,' Nimue said with a smile. "There has to be a really smart female hero though."

"Well, there's Barbara, Oracle, but she's more computers really,' Zatanna replied. "It is strange that she only really got good at them after she was crippled though."

"How about Wonder Woman or Power Girl,' Nimue offered. "I mean one's an Amazon Princess that speaks several languages and was endowed by her Gods and the other is a Kryptonian. She grew up there, right? Weren't they like super advanced as a race?"

"Yeah, but they're more known for the Most Common Superpower,' Zee replied, gesturing with her two hands in front of her.

"Oh, well that's true,' Nimue said. "Bigger is better the trope says."

"There has to be someone,' Zatanna grumbled. "I mean there are lots of women in the superhero community; one of them has to be brilliant! Oh, wait, Kimiyo Hoshi, Doctor Light, she's brilliant and a doctor!"

"She's Asian, right, Japanese,' Nimue asked. "Wow, that's like another stereotype right there."

"Yes, but let's worry about that later,' Zatanna replied. "If anyone can help, it would be her. She even has kids, if I remember correctly."

"Good, I'm glad we got that settled, now we can enjoy the rest of our dinner,' Nimue said as the next course was served. They both thanked the waiter and dug in. Zatanna finished chewing a mouthful, but her mind was still on the previous subject.

"It does seem strange though, that all the really smart heroes are guys, you know,' she offered. "I mean there are aliens, magical beings, others gifted by their Gods, yet it's always guys that are thought of as really, really smart."

"That's the way of the world, Zatanna, just look at the Wal-Mart suit,' Nimue replied.

* * *

S.T.A.R Labs

Zatanna and Madame Xanadu arrived for a meeting with Kimiyo three days later. They were given visitor passes and lead to her lab. She greeted them both with a big smile and asked what brought them to her neck of the woods. After some starts and stops, Zatanna explained her situation.

"So you see, Kimiyo, I'm not really having much luck with the traditional way, so we thought we'd see what the alternatives might be,' Zatanna said.

"Hmm, that's a rather interesting story, Zatanna,' Kimiyo replied. "Uncle Sam really wanted to do it in the Old North Church?"

"The spirit was willing but the flesh was weak,' Nimue offered. This earned her a look from Zatanna.

"I was just saying,' Nimue said in her own defense.

Zee looked at her for another moment and then turned her attention back to Kimiyo.

"So do you have any ideas?"

"Yes, but are you sure about this, Zatanna,' Kimiyo asked. "Motherhood is a huge responsibility. It's not like adopting a pet or something. You can't take a child back once you have it."

"I'm sure, Kimiyo, more sure of this than anything in my life,' Zatanna replied. "It's the right time and I feel like I'm prepared no matter what happens. I know I'll make mistakes, but I have family to support me."

Zee glanced at Madame Xanadu, who smiled and nodded her head.

"I wouldn't have come to you if I wasn't sure,' Zee explained. "I'm just not very good at picking the possible father, it seems."

"Really not good at all,' Nimue added. "Terrible so far, if you want to know the truth."

"Thanks, Nimue," Zee sarcastically replied.

Kimiyo smiled, but didn't offer any comment on this.

"Well, Zatanna, the traditional way is still the best and easiest, but if you're looking for alternatives I think I can help."

"I just want to know all my options, Kimiyo,' Zatanna replied.

"Okay, there's In vitro fertilization, of course. You'd still need a male donor though,' Kimiyo offered. "From the sound of how things are going, that might be just as difficult."

Zatanna blushed, but didn't say anything.

"There's cloning,' Kimiyo said. "We could clone you and give you a baby that way."

"Clone me?"

"Yes."

"Really?'

"Yes, an exact duplicate of you in every way,' Kimiyo explained. "The child or clone would be essentially you, just a baby."

"That's pure nightmare fuel,' Nimue said.

Again she got a look from Zatanna. Nimue shrugged and Zatanna turned back to Kimiyo

"Any other ways?"

Kimiyo took a deep breath and thought about it for a moment.

"Well, if you're willing to think outside the box, I guess there are some others."

"Sure, outside the box is good,' Zee said, glancing at Nimue, who nodded in agreement

"Okay, now just stay with me on this, a baby is essentially made when an egg is fertilized by the 'DNA' (both figurative and literal there) of the father," Kimiyo explained. "Now with that essential concept in mind is perhaps there is a way to fertilize one of your eggs with the DNA taken from another egg, either by advanced science or the magic. I'm not that familiar with magic, so you'd know better than I would."

"I don't think that spells been thought of yet,' Nimue said.

"Of course you would get a girl every time with this idea,' Kimiyo continued. "It would be a girl, since you need a male's DNA to make either a boy or girl. This would broaden your list of potential donors, Zatanna. With this particular scenario, you could even use Wonder Woman or Power Girl, theoretically. Your friend here, Madame Xanadu could be the one. She could technically be the father of your child."

Zatanna and Nimue looked at each other and they both went a little pale at the idea.

"I want to help, but that's a little much,' Nimue finally said, slowly moving a step away from Zatanna. A shudder went through Zee as she pictured it in her mind.

"Um, ah, so, um, the natural way,' Zatanna stammered to say. "That's the best bet, huh?"


	10. Chapter 10

Possibly Could Have Gone Better

Paramus, New Jersey

Westfield Garden State Plaza ranks as one of the largest shopping malls in the US. Its department store anchors are J.C. Penney, Lord & Taylor, Macy's, Neiman Marcus and Nordstrom.

Spending money.

None of us like to admit it, but there is something very intoxicating about spending does have it's pitfalls, of course.

It can make you seem crass if you boast about how much you just spent. No one likes the guy who always wants you to guess how much something he has cost.

**"See this watch? Those are real diamond chips all around the face and the band, that's real alligator! Guess how much I paid for it, come on, and guess!"**

He will later tell you all about how wonderful his car is and what a deal he got. Putting him aside for a moment, there still is something exhilarating about spending money. While credit cards and debit cards are the norm nowadays, they just don't offer the same visceral thrill of peeling off straight cash.

_Bucks, bills, dollas, cake, paper, greenbacks, moolah, scratch, green, long green, cabbage, kale, lettuce, loot, dough, bacon, clams, smackers, Cheese, Cheddar._

It is one of the amazing secrets about a strip club. Just by holding up a dollar, a complete stranger willingly takes their clothes off in front of you. Try that at your job and see how far it gets you.

**"Hey, Bill, here's a dollar, why don't you lose that bowtie for me? Hey Debbie, let's see that shawl/scarf thing you've got draped around your neck disappear, here's a dollar!"**

Usually this will be followed by long discussions with management and you packing up your things as you're 'escorted' out of the building.

Still there is just something amazing about handing someone a piece of paper and getting stuff in return. It's even better when it's expensive stuff.

* * *

Feeling the need to get away from it all, Zatanna did something she usually didn't do, she drove. It wasn't that she couldn't drive; just that with her abilities there usually wasn't the need. Plus in her line of work, she usually had a car service written into her contract. Today, though, she felt like driving to the mall. That fact that she owned a brand new Jaguar XK convertible didn't hurt either.

She was dressed in all black, a baseball cap and dark sunglasses, the classic incognito celebrity move that said I don't want to be noticed, but insured they would be noticed. She browsed among the stores, buying a few tasteful things here and there. She picked up a gift for Madame Xanadu in thanks for the amazing dinner. On the whole it was a nice relaxing afternoon.

There were a few bumps in the road, like the young salesgirl that was more interested in talking with her friends than waiting on customers. By being forced to listen to her for five minutes, Zatanna deduced that the world was a simple place for the salesgirl. It broke down into stupid or silly. Things she didn't like or didn't understand were stupid, while anything that appealed to her was silly.

The other bump in the road was the awkward 'parking' moment. It doesn't happen that often, but most have experienced it, even superheroes. It is when you're leaving the mall and heading towards your car there is someone else ahead of you going in the same general direction. In this case, it happened to be a little old lady. Through no fault of your own, the two of you out of all the people in the mall decided to leave at the same time. Out of the ocean of cars in the parking lot, both of your cars are in the same section.

The old lady thinks you're following her. You don't notice it at first, but about the third time she looks back nervously at you it hits. The old lady thinks you're following and going to rob her. You slow down, thinking you'll give her a little more buffer space, but she keeps heading straight towards where your car is. She's still glancing over her shoulder at you getting more nervous by the moment. You can see she's fumbling for her keys. You have several large bags that are getting heavier by the second, but you don't want to freak the old lady out.

Faced with this situation, Zatanna did the worst thing she could; she tried to reassure the old lady.

"I'm just going to my car, I'm not trying to rob you."

As soon as the words left her mouth she knew they were a mistake. Now the old lady definitely thought she was going to rob her. Stupid, Zee thought, saying she wasn't going to rob her was exactly what a real robber would say! God, I'm such a douchebag at times, Zee lamented. The old lady was hustling even faster now and still going right towards Zee's car. In fact she was parked right next to Zatanna's jaguar. Several options presented themselves to Zatanna. One she could pretend to stop and tie her shoe until the old lady got in her car, of course that's just what a real robber would do, so she dismissed that. Besides she was wearing boots and there weren't any laces. Two she could not worry about scaring the old lady and just continue on to her car. The awkwardness level would go up but it would be over faster

Unfortunately, Zatanna picked option three. This was to unlock her car from where she was. In her mind this would let the old lady know she wasn't a robber, but just another customer heading to her car. It seemed good in theory, but it really didn't take into account the old woman's reaction to the loud beep of the horn and flash of the lights.

Needless to say it didn't have the desired effect of lowering the tension, quite the opposite. There was screaming involved. It also tended to mar an otherwise pleasant day at the mall.

* * *

The Watchtower

Superman, Flash, Fire and Ice arrived back from a rescue mission that had gone well. There was the usual discussion with Jonn about how it went. Clark volunteered to write up the report and didn't have to offer twice. The others were out the door before he sat down. He typed it up and filed it. His shift was over, so he headed towards his quarters. He just wanted a shower and maybe a cup of coffee before he left for Metropolis.

As he rounded a corner he almost ran into Diana coming out of the lab. She was smiling as she read something on a piece of paper.

"She was wrong,' Diana happily said to herself. "There's a 62.8 percent chance!"

"Careful, Diana,' Clark said as they nearly collided.

"Oh, sorry Kal, my mind was on something else,' Diana replied. At seeing him her smile got even wider and more brilliant. Boy, she's seems really happy, he thought.

"So did you get good news or something,' he asked

"Yes I did,' she immediately said. Her eyes seemed to drift down his body and her smile got even bigger if that was possible. That seemed strange, Clark thought.

"Good, good,' he offered.

"Thank you, Kal and thank you for the sample the other day,' Diana said. "It was a big help."

"Always willing to do my part,' he replied, not really sure what was going on.

"I'll remember that,' Diana immediately said in return. She really, really seemed happy, he thought. "If you'll excuse me, Kal, there is someone I need to share this information with."

"Okay,' he offered, not sure what any of this was about. Diana flashed her dazzling smile at him and then turned and walked away. He ran his fingers through his hair a little confused over what had just happened. Something weird was definitely happening on the station.

* * *

The Cafeteria

Zatanna sat with the others looking at the tray of food in front of her. Idly she cut a piece of the meatloaf off with her fork and brought it up to her lips. Just before she put it in her mouth, she did the _Naked Lunch_ thing and really took a long, hard look at the meatloaf. It was some sort of brownish gray meat with flecks of green, red and white in it. She hoped the colors were peppers and onions, but it was hard to tell. A rather viscous gravy congealed on the top. She put her fork down.

Looking at the rest of the tray she saw it was a well-rounded meal, tossed salad, green beans, mashed potatoes and a slice of white bread. It probably met all the dietary requirements necessary. It just didn't look very good. Everything had a gray quality to it. Her mind drifted back to her meal at _Per Se_ and she pushed the tray away untouched.

"Aren't you going to eat that,' Wally asked between mouthfuls. He had just arrived and was digging in.

"Help yourself,' Zee replied, pushing the tray towards him. He gave her a smile and quickly finished his tray and started in on hers. Zatanna sat back and took a sip of her coffee. At least it tasted like coffee. Around the table were Dinah, Shayera, Wally, Mari and Karen. They were eating, chatting or in Karen's case reading the newspaper. Zee was only half listening to the conversation, as her mind recalled Kimiyo's suggestion. As creepy as the thought of Nimue being involved was, perhaps there as some merit in the suggestion. It wasn't like she had been wildly successful with the men; maybe she should consider the women.

Over the top of her mug, she glanced at her friends. Her eyes landed on Shayera first. She had a lot of good qualities, but those wings were a deal breaker, Zee thought. I don't mind a child that flies, but wings seem a little much. She could just imagine the teasing a little girl with wings would get in school. No, she concluded, definitely not Shayera.

She shifted her gaze to Dinah. She certainly was beautiful, which was a plus. Blonde hair wasn't really ideal, but it wasn't a deal breaker. She was a little bossy, though, Zatanna thought. Zatanna could just imagine how Dinah would be with a child; she would want to run everything. They'd probably argue about everything from schools to how the child dressed.

This made her think of Diana. The Princess was perfect, almost too perfect if you want to know the truth, Zee admitted to herself. There was also the whole Amazon Xena, warrior woman thing to consider. Frankly most of the Amazons intimidated Zee. It wasn't that she couldn't hold her own against them, she could; they were just seemed so militant about everything. God, imagine having Hippolyta as a mother-in-law? Talk about pressure. Since the child would be connected with the royal family, that meant Zatanna would have to deal with all of the Amazons. They'd probably want the child to start military training as soon as she could walk.

Zee shifted her eyes again and looked at Mari. She was just absolutely gorgeous, but she was already involved with John. Plus she had that channeling animals power. What if the baby inherited that? It would be like living with a baby rhino. Could you even childproof your home against that?

Then there was Karen. She was gorgeous and smart too. Again there was the blonde factor, but it wasn't the only factor. Zatanna wasn't as close to Karen as she was the other women; so it might be a little awkward, well, a lot awkward broaching the subject with her. She was also kind of a giant, a trait she shared with Diana. Zee was five seven, not exactly small, but those two had to top out over six feet easily. As Zatanna pondered Karen as a choice, her eyes slowly drifted downwards. She must have super strong back muscles Zee thought; I mean those are huge.

"Something on your mind, Zatanna,' Karen asked.

"Wh-What,' Zee stammered to say.

"My face is up here,' Karen replied.

"Sorry,' Zee said, blushing with embarrassment.

"Don't worry, I get that a lot, I'm kind of used to it,' Karen offered. Her communicator went off just at that moment. She closed her paper and set it aside as she checked the communicator. "Usually not with women, but a lot. Oh, time for my shift."

Zatanna wanted to drop through the floor at that moment, but before she could stammer out an apology or explanation, Diana entered the cafeteria and marched over to the table. She moved over to Karen with a big smile and held out a piece of paper.

"It seems you were incorrect,' Diana said, handing the paper to Karen.

"About what,' Karen asked, taking the paper.

"Kal,' Diana triumphantly said. Karen had been smiling, but it slipped from her lips as she read the paper. She glanced up at Diana and frowned when she saw the other woman's smile. She turned to Dinah.

"Can I borrow your pencil, please?"

"Sure,' Dinah replied, handing it over. Karen quickly wrote something down on the paper, folded it and handed it back to Diana with a smile.

"See you guys later, I'm on duty,' Karen said and then started for the door. Diana watched her for a moment and then opened the paper. Now it was her turn to lose her smile. In pencil, Karen had written.

**100% is great than 62.8%.  
**

Diana turned and glared at Karen just as she was exited the room. She crumbled up the paper and tossed it on the table.

"If you'll excuse me,' Diana said through gritted teeth and then stalked off.

"That was awkward,' Wally offered between mouthfuls. "And kind of hot."

As this started a rather heated discussion, Zatanna quietly picked up the crumbled up paper and read it. So there was the possibility that Superman could have children with a woman, if she was of magical origin. Interesting, Zee thought to herself. Maybe it was time to go with her safety school.

* * *

Observation Deck

Clark stood looking out the windows at the stars. He always liked it here, it was so peaceful and the view was spectacular. He took a drink of his coffee, shifting his gaze from one constellation to the next, but his mind seemed elsewhere. Something weird was going on, on the station, but he couldn't put his finger on just what. He'd been getting the strangest looks lately. Not just from Diana and Karen, but many of the female members. There were also some rather odd questions, too. Even Kara seemed moody around him.

He heard the door open and looked back to see Zatanna hesitantly enter the room.

"Hi, Clark,' she said. She gave him a smile, but her eyes scanned the rest of the room as if to see if anyone else was there.

"Hi, Zatanna,' he replied. He watched as she slowly made her way towards him and stopped right beside him.

"So, um, ah, how's it going?"

"Good, good, how about you,' he said.

"Me? Oh, fine, fine,' she replied. "So what are you doing in here all alone? We are alone in here, aren't we?"

She quickly looked around again; a little nervous she might have missed someone.

"Yeah, we're alone,' he replied. He watched her out of the corner of his eye thinking she seemed really nervous for some reason.

"You sure you're okay,' he asked. "You seem nervous."

"Nervous? Me,' she said, trying to play it off. It didn't go so well, so she decided to just press ahead with what she wanted to ask him. "I guess maybe a little. I was hoping I could ask you for a big favor, Clark."

"A favor?"

"A big favor."

"Sure, I guess, what's the favor,' he replied. He turned back to the windows and took another drink of his coffee. Zatanna took a deep breath to calm her nerves. She decided to just come straight out with it. Here goes nothing, she told herself.

"I'd like you to have sex with me so I can get pregnant."

Clark was legendary for his control. With his powers he needed to be. He thought he'd faced pretty much every situation and knew how to deal with them. It turned out his was wrong. As Zatanna's words registered in his brain, he nearly choked on the coffee. Perhaps the most powerful spit take in history followed. It blew a hole in the observation deck's window. Atmosphere started to be sucked out and then emergency measures jumped into place. Klaxons went off as force fields came up to seal the breach. Zatanna's eyes went wide as the blaring warning started and the room was bathed in flashing red lights. I'm going to die of embarrassment she thought.

Clark was coughing, trying to catch his breath. Zatanna shifted back and forth nervously, wanting to run away, but worried he was choking. She feebly tried smacking him on the back, which felt like slapping a steel wall. He raised his hand as he tried to get the coughing under control.

"I'm okay, you-you, cough-cough-just-cough-caught me off-cough-cough-off guard."

The loudspeaker came on and Jonn's voice boomed through the room.

"Is everything alright in there, Superman? Is there an emergency?"

The door opened and heroes came rushing in. Zee was mortified and all the color drained from her beautiful face.

"Are we under attack,' Wally asked.

"What happened to the window,' Dinah shouted over the blaring Klaxons.

Oh, God, this is it; I'm going to die of embarrassment right here, Zee thought with a cringe. As the other heroes rushed over to Superman to see what had happened, Zatanna saw her chance and made a break for it. She rushed out the door and immediately transported herself off the station. I'll just change my name and start a completely new life, she frantically thought as she materialized in her apartment. I'll be Annataz Arataz from now on. Anything is better than facing everybody once Clark tells what happened. I'm going to die of embarrassment!


	11. Chapter 11

TUMBLENE

Fear, frozen in time

So hard to take one chance but

The Winner gambles

San Francisco

_Schadenfreude is pleasure derived from the misfortunes of others. _Sometimes, when things just really suck for you it's nice to know other people's lives suck too. It just has a way of cheering you up. Thanks to the Internet, there are thousands of examples just waiting for you to read. It had been two days since the incident on the station. Zatanna wasn't answering her phone, e-mail or door, still too embarrassed to face anyone.

It wasn't everyday asking a guy to have sex with you causes him to blow a hole in a space station. She still cringed a bit whenever she remembered the sound of those klaxons blaring away and everyone rushing in to see what happened. By now it was probably all over the station. The more she thought about it the worse it got in her mind. She could just picture Arthur with his ego informing everyone that she asked him first. The mental scenarios she envisioned of Diana and Karen's reactions sent a shudder down her spine.

Yes, probably better to just get a fresh start, she thought. Okay, so her first frantic thought of becoming Annataz Arataz from Addis Ababa might be a little much, but she had other ideas since then. The name Abigail Grayson had crossed her mind, but she still wasn't sure. Perhaps she could move to the suburbs as Abigail and meet a nice guy and things would work out wonderfully. Okay, so she didn't really like the suburbs, but it was just a possibility, a small one, but a possibility. Right now, she just wanted to forget about the rest of the world and stay in her little apartment cocoon away from everyone. To help cheer herself up, Zee pulled out her laptop and checked out the FML site. Maybe reading about other people's problems would help get her mind off her own. There were plenty to pick from.

_- Today, my boyfriend dumped me. We're currently sharing a room on a cruise ship. FML. -_

_- Today, I gave up my seat on the subway for an elderly man. He thanked me by grabbing my ass. FML. -_

_- Today, I was in church. After we were done praying, I quickly sat back down accidently crushing my testicles in the process. I squealed loudly and all but pissed my pants, earning me plenty of weird looks from the congregation. FML. -_

_- Today, my girlfriend and I were playfully arguing about who loved the other more. After about a minute of this, my girlfriend walked over and kicked me in the crotch as hard as she could. She then said, "There, now you don't love me as much. I win." FML. -_

_- Today, I was sitting in Wal-Mart and I saw an attractive woman walking by. Being the single guy I am, I went up to her and asked if she needed help with carrying her groceries. She responded with "You know I'm a guy right?" FML -  
_

_- Today, as I walked home, I heard the people behind me in an argument over my gender. FML. -  
_

_- Today, I locked the door to our only bathroom so my two year old wouldn't get in and make a mess. I crapped my pants while trying to unlock it with the key that rests on the frame. FML. -  
_

_- Today, I went on a date, the first one I've been on since my last boyfriend broke up with me 6 months ago. We were in a restaurant, and at the end of meal he insisted on paying the bill. He wanted to leave a 15% tip but couldn't work out in his head how much to leave. The bill was for £100. FML. -  
_

_- Today, I was telling my dad about how I emasculated my guy friends because I can drive a stick shift while they can't. He said, "And you wonder why people think you're a lesbian." FML. -  
_

_- Today, in an attempt to impress a girl I like, I tried to crush a soda can by hitting it with my forehead. Not only did I fail, I knocked myself out in the process. When I regained consciousness, the girl was gone and someone had taken the liberty of drawing a penis on my face. FML. -  
_

_- Today, I woke up screaming after a nightmare about clowns, which wouldn't be too bad if I hadn't been surrounded by coworkers. FML. -_

* * *

Zatanna had a smile on her face now. Sure it was taking pleasure in the misfortunes of others, but she felt a little better about her situation. She almost logged on and added her own tale. At the last minute, she decided that would only make it worse.

There was a knock at the door. Zatanna didn't answer it, but whoever it was kept knocking. They'll go away eventually, she thought, I just have to stay quiet.

"I know you're in there, Zatanna,' Madame Xanadu called through the door. "Open up."

She continued to knock and Zee knew she wouldn't take the hint. Reluctantly, Zatanna got out of bed and walked over to the door. She was wearing some old sweats and her hair was a bit disheveled. She glanced through the peephole to make sure it was on Nimue. She was alone, but Zee still didn't feel like seeing anyone.

"I know you're looking through the peephole."

Damn it, she's good, too good, Zee lamented. Grudgingly, Zee unlocked the deadbolt and opened the door, keeping the chain in place.

"I don't want to talk to anyone, Nimue,' she said through the crack. Madame Xanadu was standing in the hallway with two large plastic bags. She smiled at Zee through the opening. She was dressed in a simple, yet elegant long flowing coat of the finest silk that buttoned up to her neck.

"Well, that's too bad,' Xanadu replied. She said a few mystical words and then she was standing inside the apartment. Zee grumbled and closed the door with a loud thump. Nimue looked around the room and then back at Zatanna with a cocked eyebrow.

"Vacuum cleaner not working, huh?"

"I wasn't expecting visitors," Zee replied. She tried to straighten her hair and smooth out her sweats, but it was sort of a lost cause.

"Well, now you have a visitor."

"Cause you couldn't take a hint,' she grumbled. She leaned back against the door, with her arms crossed and an unhappy look on her face.

"I haven't heard anything from you since our dinner the other night and you're not answering your phone,' Nimue explained, as she made her way into the kitchen. "I must have sent fifty texts, but nothing. I was worried something went wrong, so I finally decided to come out to see."

She looked back and Zatanna hadn't moved from the spot.

"I take it things haven't been going well?'

"I don't want to talk about,' Zatanna grumbled. "You might as well go. I'm not in the mood for company or explaining. I just want to hibernate for awhile, alone."

"I brought food,' Nimue offered.

"I'm not hungry either."

"Well, I offered,' Nimue said. "I hope you don't mind if I have a bite, I'm famished. Is there a clean plate or dish in this place?"

"Yes," Zatanna said in her defense and pointed to the center cabinet. Xanadu ran her fingers along the counter and then held them up as she flicked them together as if she were trying to get the dust off. Zee made a face, but Nimue was already taking down plates and making coffee. Jeez, she really can't take a hint, Zatanna lamented. Scowling, she pushed off the door and mopped towards the kitchen. Nimue had slipped off her coat and hung it up. She was wearing some sort of modified Oriental, high collar dress that accented perfectly her slim frame.

"It's not that dirty,' Zee complained, as she watched Nimue pick up a towel and wipe off the tabletop. Xanadu looked at the towel and the dust she had just swept and then gave Zee a look.

"Okay, it's a little dusty,' Zee reluctantly admitted. Nimue rolled her eyes but didn't reply. She turned towards the coffee maker and whispered an incantation and suddenly it was full.

"That's cheating."

"Who is it cheating? The machine?'

Nimue started to hum a little tune as she laid out two place settings and mugs. She gave the mugs a good rinse and wiped them out before setting them on the table. She poured herself some coffee and set the pot on the table. She took a seat across from where Zatanna was standing and started unpacking one of the bags she'd brought.

"I said I wasn't hungry,' Zatanna informed her again.

"I thought you might change your mind,' Nimue replied. "Suit yourself."

She started humming again as she took out several Styrofoam cartons and arranged them in front of her. Something smelled delicious, Zee thought. She watched as Nimue opened the first container and lifted out a sandwich.

"What's that,' Zee asked.

"Lobster Roll from Sam's," Nimue informed her. "He takes precooked, celery-flecked claw meat and warms it in butter, then piles onto a challah-like roll, which has been buttering and toasting. It's absolutely delicious."

"It looks good,' Zee replied, feeling the saliva starting to flood her mouth.

"It is,' Nimue said. She opened another container and showed Zee what was inside.

"I've seen French fries before, Nimue."

"These aren't just French fries, they call them "pommes frites", and they come stacked high in this tall silver cup: fresh-cut fries, crisp without, floury within, dusted with an Indian masala (spice mixture) and topped with a container of mayonnaise mixed with chopped mango pickle,' Nimue explained. She picked one up and popped it into her mouth, closing her eyes as she savored the taste. "It's worth the trip just for these."

Zatanna pulled out the chair opposite Xanadu and sat down. Nimue unpacked some napkins and spread them out on her lap and next to her plate. She gently picked up her sandwich, the butter dripping from it and took a bite. "Mmmm."

"Good?"

"Um-hmmm."

"It looks really good,' Zatanna remarked, licking her lips unconsciously.

"It is, but if you want to go back to mopping in your bedroom, I'll understand,' Nimue replied. "I just wanted to make sure you're all right and have a little lunch, so I won't keep you."

"It's okay,' Zee offered. "I don't want you to have to eat alone."

'You're so sweet, honey,' Nimue said with a smile and dug into her food. They didn't talk for a while, as Nimue continued eating and Zatanna sat there watching her.

"You mind if I try one of those pommes frites,' Zee asked. "They really look good."

"Help yourself,' Nimue replied between mouthfuls. Zatanna selected one of the still hot fries and took a bite. It was better than Nimue described it. She immediately reached for another and another.

"You have to have a bite of this sandwich, Zatanna," Nimue said, holding it out to her.

"Maybe just a bite,' Zee said around a mouthful of pommes frites. She took the sandwich and bit into it. The warm buttery Lobster meat literally melted in her mouth. "Oh God, that's delicious!"

"Why don't you finish that one,' Nimue offered. "I got two and I'll never be able to eat both."

"Well, I wouldn't want it to go to waste,' Zee replied, taking another bite of the sandwich.

"There's more pommes frites too,' Nimue informed her, taking out the containers from the second bag. Zatanna was too busy eating to reply. She did manage to pour herself a cup of coffee and she dug into the scrumptious lunch.

"Here, for the juices,' Nimue said, handing Zatanna some napkins.

Zee made a sound that sort of sounded like thank you, but her mouth was too full to be sure. The next ten minutes flew by at they sat and finished ever morsel of the lunch. Zatanna sat back with a smile on her face, full and very satisfied.

"Thank you, Nimue, that was delicious."

"Better than moping around this filthy apartment, isn't it,' Nimue asked.

"Yes, but it's not that filthy,' Zee protested. "I just haven't cleaned this week."

"So are you going to tell me about it,' Nimue asked, pouring them both another cup of coffee.

"It's embarrassing."

"Tell me anyway."

"I asked Superman,' Zee stated.

"And?"

"He freaked out and spit out his coffee, blowing a hole in one of the space station windows."

Xanadu gave a snort, trying not to laugh, but she couldn't help the smile on her face.

"It's not funny, Nimue,' Zee protested.

"No, of course no,' Nimue replied, but she couldn't help herself. She pulled her lower lip between her teeth to stifle a laugh. "So-so, um, what happened then?"

"It's not funny,' Zee repeated. "When the window went, all hell broke loose, klaxons started blaring and force fields came up. People started pouring into the room wondering if we were under attack. I was so mortified, I just got out of there as quick as I could."

Xanadu couldn't help letting a couple of giggles slip out.

"It's not funny, Nimue!"

"So he blew a hole right through the window,' Xanadu asked.

"Yes."

She couldn't hold it back any longer and started giggling. Her eyes filled up with tears as she leaned back and let her laughter out.

"I knew I shouldn't have told you,' Zee grumbled.

"Oh, come on, Zatanna, it's a little funny,' Nimue protested between giggles.

"Not if it happened to you,' Zee replied. "God, when everyone hears about it I'll be the laughing stock of the entire League!"

"Maybe he won't say anything,' Nimue offered. "I've met Superman once or twice and he has lovely manners."

"Well, if he doesn't throw me under the bus, what's he going to say,' Zee countered. "He's not really good at lying."

"Oops?" Xanadu suggested, but this just made her laugh even harder.

* * *

The Watchtower

"So that's really your excuse,' Wally asked Clark. "I swallowed wrong and...oops?"

"What do you want me to say, wrong tube,' Clark replied.

"Jeez, Big Blue, talk about lame,' Wally said with a laugh. "Hey, you're okay now, right? I mean I'm sitting across from you and you're having a soda. You better be careful or we'll have a medical emergence!"

"Thank Wally, I knew you'd understand,' Clark said, as Wally nearly felt off his chair laughing. This had been going on with everyone since the incident. He hadn't wanted to tell them that Zatanna asked him to sleep with her and get her pregnant. He was still trying to wrap his head around that himself. I didn't exactly lie, Clark thought, I just didn't give the reason it happened. He wasn't sure he believed the reason it happened. It was just another in a series of weird things that had been happening on the station for him.

He thought of asking Jonn to scan the entire place for some strange magic, but that would involve trying to explain the looks and questions he'd been getting. If Bruce heard about it, he'd be formulating plans in the event that Clark went completely insane. No, he was just going to have to figure this out on his own. What it was he was trying to figure out, Clark wasn't sure, but something weird was going on, on the station.

* * *

The Cafeteria – Later

Diana was sitting at the table busily working over some computations. Kara was sitting with her and she was starting to get worried about the Princess. While Diana was more of a mentor and big sister to Kara, she felt she needed to address what was going on.

"There must be a way to boost the number from 62.8%, there must me,' Diana muttered as she went over the numbers again.

"Diana, stop,' Kara finally said, reaching over putting her hand onto of Diana's. "You're kind of getting a little out of hand with this, don't you think?"

"No, of course not,' Diana defensively said. "It's just theoretical, that's all."

"Diana, do you want to sleep with my cousin,' Kara asked. "I mean I'm pretty sure he'd say yes, if you ask."

The blood seemed to drain out of Diana's face as she heard this.

"Wh-What?"

"I'll help if you want,' Kara offered. "I would much rather have you as a sister-in-law than you know who. It's disgusting how suddenly she's like Miss Krypton of 2011 or something!"

"I-I didn't say I wanted to-to sleep with Kal,' Diana stammered, the color rushing back to her cheeks. Kara looked at her for a moment.

"Um, you're trying to figure out if the two of you can have kids,' Kara pointed out. "Unless you Amazons have a different way, that's sort of how it's done. I'm sure if you do it enough you can make up the difference between 62.8 % and 100 %. I'm guessing Clark wouldn't have a problem with that part either, I mean he is a guy after all. I was wondering, now would you give up being Wonder Woman once you start having children or what?"

"Kara,' Diana gasped. "I think you're jumping the gun a bit! I-I didn't say I wanted to have children now!"

"You don't?"

"No!"

"Then why all the OCD over it,' Kara asked.

Diana started and stopped several times, trying to think of the right words. She could see Kara's expression said she was only getting more confused.

"I wanted to prove her wrong,' Diana finally admitted. "I think Karen is just doing this to annoy me."

"Yeah, so?"

"She's succeeding.' Diana continued. "She isn't saying it directly but I feel she is challenging me. I can just see it in that smug smile of hers. I want to prove her wrong."

"So you don't want to have kids,' Kara asked, still rather confused.

"Not right now, but perhaps some day,' Diana admitted.

"So you're getting all worked up over something you don't even want to do right now,' Kara asked.

"There's a principal involved, Kara,' Diana stated. "Just as an example, imagine if one day you came to the station and someone said there was a room you weren't allowed to enter, but inside that room was something extraordinary. Wouldn't you want to see what was in that room?"

"I've got X-ray vision, Diana, you know that,' Kara replied. "I could just look through the walls."

Diana sighed in exasperation.

"The room is lead lined so you couldn't, all right?"

"So what's in the room?"

"That's not the point, Kara, the point is someone is telling you that you can't go in and see what's in the room,' Diana replied. "Others can, but you're not allowed."

"So what is it, kryptonite or something,' Kara asked. "Is that why the room's lead lined?"

"You're missing the point, Kara,' Diana said.

"Why won't you tell me what's in the room, Diana,' Kara asked. "I thought we were friends. Jeez, I'm on your side! Where is this room and why hasn't anyone told me about it before? Is it some creepy Batman thing and he doesn't think I'm ready? He's so annoying sometimes!"

"Kara, it's a metaphor, all right,' Diana said in exasperation. "I'm trying to explain why I've been perhaps a little obsessed with all this."

She gestured with her hands to indicate all the paperwork in front of her.

"So there are babies in this room?'

"No, Kara, forget the room, please! It's just a metaphor!"

"It's a pretty shitty metaphor if you asked me,' Kara grumbled.

"Language, young lady,' Diana snapped.

"Sorry,' Kara glumly replied. "Why do you need a metaphor anyway? Why not just say Karen pissed you off by saying she could have kids with Clark and you couldn't?"

"Because that's not the only reason,' Diana awkwardly replied.

"So you want to have kids with Clark?"

"I'm not saying that either,' Diana quickly said. "I just don't like it when someone says I can't do something. While I respect Karen, I have the feeling she's doing this just to irritate me! She can be so annoying at times!"

Kara sat quietly for a moment taking this in.

"Can I just ask one question, Diana?'

"Yes, of course."

"So in your room metaphor, what exactly were you thinking it was inside the room,' Kara asked. "Was it gold or what?"

Diana sighed and rubbed the spot between her eyebrows.

* * *

The Cafeteria – Later

Karen was sitting with Helena having coffee. The two had developed a loose friendship as newer members of the League. The also shared a certain bluntness that sometimes rubbed the other members the wrong way. They had been catching up when the conversation shifted to the hot topic of the day.

"So 100% huh,' Helena said with a big smile.

"Well, yeah, I guess,' Karen replied, a little caught off guard.

"So you want to have kids with Superman?"

"I didn't say that, just that it's possible."

"But you're interested in him, right,' Helena asked, pressing ahead. "I mean that's what this is all about, isn't it?"

"I don't know, maybe,' Karen replied.

"So if it's not that, then what is it?"

Karen took another sip of her coffee and seemed to ponder how to say it. She glanced around the cafeteria before answering Helena.

"It's just everyone expects Clark and Diana will be together someday, you know,' Karen said. "I mean even the people that could never picture him with anyone else but say, Lois, sort of understand that he's going to out live her by centuries and the same goes for the ones that think of Diana with Bruce. Everyone just takes for granted eventually Clark and Diana will get together. They can't imagine that someone else might be in the picture."

"I guess,' Helena admitted.

"Well, I'm going to be living that long too, you know,' Karen offered. "The same goes with that little snot Kara. I like Clark and I think he likes me, so why is it so unthinkable we might one day hook up? Why does it always have to be the Princess, not me?'

"I hadn't thought of it that way,' Helena replied. "So that's what this has been about?"

"Partly, yes,' Karen said.

'What's the other part?"

"I just wanted to irritate the Princess,' Karen said with a big smile. "I mean, come on, she's always so perfect at everything. It's like she doesn't even, you know."

"Fart?'

"I was going to say sweat, but that works too,' Karen replied. "Everyone puts her on this pedestal like some Goddess or something. She intimidates all the members. A lot of them are in awe of her. I just thought I'd shake that pedestal a little bit."

"Rattle her cage, so to speak,' Helena added with a grin.

"Yeah,' Karen admitted. "I mean she's so perfect it's really disgusting."

"She's going to be so pissed at you if she finds out,' Helena laughed.

"That's why we're not going to tell her,' Karen replied.

* * *

San Francisco

Zatanna had taken a shower and changed into some clean clothes. As she walked back out into the living room, she stopped and looked around.

"Did you clean up in here, Nimue,' she asked.

"I just straightened it up a bit,' Nimue replied. "I mean it was kind of a pigsty, Zatanna."

"No it wasn't,' Zee protested. "I had a system, I knew where everything was."

"So you were saving that old pizza box on purpose?"

"I think it had a coupon on it,' Zee lamely offered.

"Right,' Nimue sarcastically replied.

"It's the maid's week off,' Zee said, dropping down onto the sofa. Xanadu had opened a bottle of wine and she poured another glass. Zee took it and thanked her. They sat across from each other for a moment, just enjoying the wine.

"So have you had any new thoughts about what you're going to do,' Nimue asked. "By the way, who is Annataz Arataz? I saw the name written down on that notepad."

"I was thinking of changing my name and starting all over,' Zee bashfully offered. "That was one of the names I came up with."

"Genius."

"It was just a thought!' Zee protested.

"Not one of your better ones,' Nimue replied. "So I was thinking, since your phone hasn't been ringing off the hook, it's safe to assume Superman didn't tell everyone. That means you are okay. You'll probably have to talk with him, but he'll be prepared this time, so I doubt there will be any incidents."

"I suppose,' Zee reluctantly said. "That still leaves me right back where I started, though."

"Look , you took a chance, don't beat yourself up cause it didn't pan out,' Nimue offered. "Put it behind you and move on. Who's next on your list?"

"I don't know,' Zee replied. "I thought of him as my safety school, so I didn't think any further than that."

"Well, I have,' Nimue said. "I wrote down some names for you to consider.'

"Not Alan Scott again,' Zatanna grumbled.

"No. You've made your feelings painfully clear about him,' Nimue replied. "I still think you're making a mistake, but it's your life. Here's the list."

Xanadu handed a sheet of paper to Zatanna and she glanced down the names.

"Dr. Midnight? Isn't he blind or something,' Zee asked.

"You're always so picky."

"Why are they all Doctors, Nimue?"


	12. Chapter 12

Roundabout

San Francisco – Zatanna's apartment

A list of names that Madame Xanadu had left was sitting in front of Zatanna. It seemed so easy just to pick one, but every name came with different issues. She took a pen and scratched some of them off the list.

Kyle Rayner – Amazon issues, plus dead girl back to life issues and of course a connection to Alan Scott. She couldn't seem to get away from the guy.

Conner Kent – Again, Amazon issues with him, plus the whole clone thing.

Jeez, for a bunch of women that supposedly hate men, those Amazons certainly get involved with enough of them.

Orin – A New God would be interesting, but he is Darkseid's son, so who knows how screwed up that would be. Plus, it's not like you can just call him.

Human Bomb – enough said there.

Axel Asher, he'd work, but God knows how you'd find him.

Hourman, nah, he's married to that really fast chick, Jesse Quick or Jesse Fast, something like that. Last thing you need is to make her jealous. With her speed she could torment you a thousand different ways.

Dollman, no way, puppets and dolls have always creeped me out. They are right up on the list with clowns. Speaking of which…

Plastic Man? What was Nimue thinking? That's taking the bouncing baby boy idea way too literally. Plus he's insane and in love with Dinah.

Guy Gardner – Douchebag.

Red Tornado – robot, android, whatever. Next.

Congorilla – Nice guy and all, but he's, you know, a gorilla.

Wildcat? Wait, he slept with Hippolyta, didn't he? Boy, talk about not practicing what you preach!

Captain Atom – Total douche.

Never really noticed it before, but there are a lot of douchebags in the hero community.

Ibis the Invincible – Okay, he is homo magi, but come on, talk about gay subtext. He puts the HOMO in homo magi. His power comes from wielding his 'Ibis-stick'! How much plainer could he make it? I mean he's wearing a cape and turban with a suit! Nimue's gaydar must be completely off on him.

Sand – I don't even think he's flesh and blood anymore.

Booster Gold – He's cute, I'll admit, but I keep picturing him looking in the mirror at himself while we'd be doing it. He'd probably want to cash in on the child, knowing him.

Jeez, I'm really getting into the B and C listers here. Some of these guys I didn't even think were still alive.

Maybe Kimiyo had something. I just need a donor after all, not a boyfriend. Maybe I should consider some of the women in the League too. Oh, wait, Nimue put down some suggestions for that on the third page. Let's see…

Fire – she's nice, but a total whore.

Her buddy, Ice, hmm, if I remember right she dates Guy Gardner so she has no taste.

Jade – She was dead and now she's not. Think I'll skip her; besides, she's Alan Scott's daughter.

Big Barda – No way, I don't want some nine-foot kid!

Batwoman – Jeez, Nimue get a clue!

Catwoman – Nimue, seriously? First of all, she hates me and second Bruce would go apeshit! His head would explode! Why not put Lex Luthor's name on it? Oh, wait, she did.

Wow, she was really thinking outside the box on that one.

Doctor Occult. Again with the doctors! He was a friend of my dad's for crying out loud! His wife, Rose Psychic babysat me! Besides, they share a body now! That could be really awkward if they shifted while we were doing it.

...

Wait, he's a possibility. I never really thought of him before. He's big and strong, not too bad looking, passionate, maybe too passionate, but that's not necessarily a bad thing. Anyway, I have to pick someone. Maybe I'll feel him out about it.

* * *

The Watchtower Labs

Mr. Terrific, Atom, Power Girl, Supergirl, Stargirl and Mary Marvel were in the large testing area. Several new machines were set up for testing.

"So what is this about again, Michael," Karen asked.

"Ray and I have been working on an idea for some of the members to help them improve, not just physically, but mentally,' Mr. Terrific explained. "While physical training is vital in this line of work, the mental side is equally important. What our idea revolves around is taking some of the mental skills the more senior members have developed over the years and quantifying them so we can adapt them for some of the young members training. Instead of testing speed or power, we're testing for strategy, cognitive abilities, and spatial acuity among others. We want you to take the test, just like all the other members so we can get a nice baseline for further modifications."

"It's been a while since I've taken a test,' Karen admitted. "I guess I can give it a try."

Kara, Courtney and Mary stood to one side waiting. Kara rolled her eyes as Karen climbed into the testing seat. Courtney gave her an elbow in the ribs. In the observation lounge above, Wally was relaxing and watching.

"So what do I do,' Karen asked.

"There will be a series of questions, Ray said. "Just answer them as fast as you can."

"Sounds easy enough."

"Whenever you're ready,' Mr. Terrific said, as he started the monitors.

"Let's do this."

Ray dashed over to the controls and rechecked everything. He nodded to Michael and then started the test. The screen in front of Karen came to life.

* * *

You have to work out what the letters mean.

See No 0 as an example.

0) **24 H in a D - 24 hours in a day**

1) **5 S of G - **

2) **4 S of the Y - **

3) **3 P C - **

4) **2 H of a C - **

5) **4 (b) P of a C - **

6) **8 N in an O -**

7) **32 P (A) T -**

8) **6 is H a D -**

9) **7 C in a R -**

10) **24 F P S –**

Karen's eyes followed each screen a she tapped out the corresponding information. As soon as she finished one screen, a new and harder one popped up.

1) **99 B of B on the W**

2) **2 L in a S P of **

3) **12 D of J**

4) **2 P in a D**

5) **S W and the 7 D**

6) **2 S of a C**

7) **4 S in a D of C**

8) **8 H in a R W D**

9) **150 P in the B**

10) **E S H M P N S with 555**

11) **42 is the A to L, the U, and E**

12) **3 M T S - C, F and K**

* * *

If two typists can type two pages in two minutes, how many typists will it take to type 18 pages in six minutes?

A - 3

B - 4

C - 6

D - 12

E - 36

Fill in the missing number:

**0,1,1,2,3,5,8,13,-,34,55**

* * *

As Karen got the hang of the testing, her speed at problem solving picked up to a remarkable rate. Atom and Mr. Terrific looked at each other and it was obvious they were impressed. What took most people thirty minutes, she finished in fifteen minutes. The screen went blank and the testing cubicle opened. Karen stepped out.

"So how'd I do,' she asked.

"Remarkable,' Michael said. "You're in the highest percentile. Only Wally finished the test faster so far, but you matched him in total score. Out of a possible 100, you received an 97."

Karen glanced up at Wally, who was smiling down at her.

"Well, you've been hiding your abilities, haven't you,' she teased.

"I don't like to show off,' Wally replied.

"May I take the test?"

Everyone turned to see Diana standing in the doorway.

"Um, ah, sure, Diana,' Ray said. He looked at Michael and they were both surprised. Diana walked over the machine Karen had just exited. She smiled and winked at Kara, who returned it.

"Whenever you're ready, Diana."

"Let's begin."

The cubicle closed and the screen lit up. Everyone stood watching, as she seemed to get up to speed immediately. Her eyes shifted continuously, her hands tapping out the answers with a smooth precision. As the time ticked by, the excitement seemed to grow in the lab. At the thirteen-minute mark, she finished. The cubicle opened and Diana stepped out.

"So,' she asked.

"Amazing, Diana, thirteen-point-five minutes, right behind Wally,' Ray said.

"13.5, that's better than 15, isn't it,' Diana asked, smiling at Karen. Karen groaned and rolled her eyes.

"Yes, it is," Mr. Terrific replied. "In fact, your score is…"

"Oh, God, please, don't say it, don't say it,' Karen grumbled.

"… Perfect."

Diana's smile got even wider as she looked at Karen and then made her way out the door.

"Glad I could help," she called merrily over her shoulder. In the next moment, Wally was in the lab, standing next to Ray and Michael.

"Is it just me or is this test taking really kind of hot?"

Karen sighed and stormed out of the room. Kara was smiling, as the three younger members watched her go.

"Jeepers, I almost wish I was still selling Girl Scout cookies with those two around,' Mary said. "I'd just say to one that the other bought more."

"Girl Scouts, how lame,' Kara whispered to Courtney with a smirk.

"I was a Girl Scout,' Courtney replied, her expression clearly showing her displeasure.

"Um, ah, did I say lame?' Kara backpedaled. "I meant interesting in a very homespun, Earthy sort of way."

"Screw you,' Courtney replied.

Wally leaned over to Ray.

"It must be me, cause I'm finding even this hot."

* * *

New York

Zatanna sat with a frozen smile plastered on her face across the table from Albert Rothstein, better known as Atom Smasher. They were in a small diner and Albert had just confessed his undying love for Courtney Whitmore, better known as Stargirl. The fact that he was thirty or better seemed to stick in Zatanna's mind.

"I'm sorry, did you say Courtney Whitmore,' Zee asked. "Star-**GIRL**?"

"Yes, I'm sure you've worked with her or seen her around the Watchtower,' Albert replied. "She's such a little doll."

"Right, right, I'll just bet she is,' Zee replied. Oh MY God, he's a pedophile!

"I know what you must be thinking,' Albert said.

"No, I really don't think you do."

"It's the age difference, isn't it?"

Zatanna was at a complete loss for words so she just shrugged. Albert nodded and continued.

"I know and you wouldn't be the first to say something about it. Jay Garrick and Alan Scott told me it was inappropriate, even Uncle Sam said it was a bit creepy."

"Uncle-Uncle Sam, he-he thought it was creepy,' Zee gasped.

"Yes, but they don't understand,' Albert replied. "I know she's young, but during my troubles and then prison time, she stuck by me the whole way. That's real love, soul mate stuff,' Albert stated. "I'm willing to do the same for her, wait I mean. Technically, in some states we could be married right now, but I want to do it right."

"Aren't you the romantic,' Zee replied, a look of abject horror barely hidden in her expression.

"It's like Romeo and Juliet or Endless Love between us."

"You didn't burn down her house, did you,' Zee asked. "That's not what you were in jail for, was it?"

Great, a pedophile and a pyro-stalker!

"No,' Albert replied. "Nothing like that. I just sort of crossed a line and had to pay for it."

"Just one line,' Zee muttered to herself.

He put a quarter into the small tableside jukebox and punched into a couple of numbers.

"This is our song,' he informed Zatanna. It was Britney Spears 'Hit me Baby.'

"Okay then,' Zee replied, grabbing her purse and moving as quickly as possible to get away from him.

"You said you wanted to ask me something,' Albert said.

"I did? Oh, right, right, you know, I can see you've got plenty on your plate,' Zee replied, continuing to backpedal towards the door. "I mean Prom must be coming up or something, I think I'll just go now."

"Are you sure? Courtney says I'm a real good listener."

"Ah-huh, right, you know I think my phone is ringing,' Zee said. "I'm just going to run away, I mean, along and answer it."

She was out the door in the next moment. Albert watched the door slam shut after her and then turned back towards the jukebox. He softly began to sing the words to the song.


	13. Chapter 13

Intervention

New York

Midday in midtown, two women are having a light lunch in a sidewalk café. The sun is shining and there is just enough of a breeze to keep the exhaust fumes from the traffic away. Sunglasses hide their eyes from people passing by and each other. For such a lovely day, one is in a somber mood while the other is concerned. They are both having the Tomato Crab Soup - fresh tomatoes, corn, and a bit of celery seasoned lightly with celery seed, simmered until the tomatoes were just tender, and then loaded with hunks of fresh crabmeat, with strong hits of old bay and Worcestershire in the zesty tomato stock. They washed it down with ice-cold Kirin beer.

"So Batwoman's a lesbian, huh? Not that there's anything wrong with that, but you could have knock me over with a feather,' Nimue said between swigs of beer.

"Why am I not surprised you didn't see it,' Zatanna replied. "Oh, right, you put Atom Smasher on the list too."

"We all make mistakes,' Nimue offered. "So are you going to talk to Stargirl or what?"

"I spoke to Diana about it,' Zee informed her. "I figured she was more of an authority figure than I am. I mean everyone looks up to her, especially the younger female members. Besides, I didn't want to have to say how I found out. I'd love to just wipe my own mind of the whole thing."

"Is that why you're so down?' Nimue asked. "You know heroes are just like everyone else, Zatanna. Not everything they do is heroic. Many of them have had traumas and problems that caused them to become heroes in the first place."

"I know, I'm certainly not perfect, but I really didn't expecting them to be so weird they make my skin crawl, you know? I'm starting to think maybe Fate is trying to tell me something,' Zee replied. "Maybe I'm not supposed to have children."

"Don't bring Fate into it,' Nimue stated. "You're just being picky and there is nothing wrong with it. You don't want to have a child by some douchebag or loser and then have to be linked to them for the rest of your life. More people should think about that before they have children."

Zatanna took a long drink off her beer and glanced out at the traffic.

"It shouldn't be this hard, Nimue,' she said. "I never had trouble getting dates before."

"This isn't a date, Zatanna, this is one of the most important decisions in your life."

"I know, but it seems like Fate is telling me I'm not ready or not worthy."

"Would you stop with the Fate already,' Nimue replied. "I know Fate and this isn't it. Fate is if we sat here all day getting ploughed on beer and then got in a car and drove it into a telephone poll. Fate is the accumulation of your actions, Zatanna. If you're stupid and fat, don't say its Fate; instead look at what you've been doing for the last ten years. If you were sitting on the couch watching cartoons and eating Ho-Ho's all day, what do you expect?"

Zatanna stopped with a spoonful of the soup just in front of her lips.

"Are you trying to say I'm fat?"

"Don't be dense,' Nimue instructed her. "I'm saying that whenever I hear someone taking about Fate or Destiny it's always with regret. It is always about what might have been, but most never realize they are the main reason it wasn't. It's like lamenting that you aren't a concert violinist. Well, did you practice? Did you spend hours and hours working at it? If you didn't, it's not Fate, it's you."

"Aren't you a fortune teller,' Zee asked. "Isn't that how you make your money?"

"I see possibilities and probabilities, Zatanna,' Nimue replied. "The future isn't set in stone, but changes with your actions. Accordingly, some possibilities get less likely and others more. It is still up to you in the end."

"You're so deep sometimes, Nimue,' Zatanna teased.

"And you're a smartass,' Nimue fired back. "By the way, my advice isn't free, so you're paying for lunch."

* * *

The Watchtower

Courtney Whitmore, Stargirl sat across the table from Diana and Dinah. The two older women had been concerned about what Zatanna told them and wanted to address it with Courtney. She was nervous; afraid she was in some kind of trouble.

"Courtney, we wanted to talk to you about …," Diana began.

"It was Kara's fault, she made me,' Courtney blurted out. Diana and Dinah looked at each other in confusion.

"What was Kara's fault,' Dinah asked.

"Whatever trouble I'm in."

"We didn't say you were in trouble, Courtney,' Diana replied.

"I'm not?"

"No."

"Could we just forget about me ratting out Kara then?"

"What exactly have you and Kara been getting into that you think would get you in trouble,' Dinah asked.

"Um, ah, nothing,' Courtney stammered. "So-So why did you two want to see me then?"

"Albert Rothstein."

"Atom Smasher? What about him,' Courtney asked.

Diana and Dinah looked at each other. They wanted to handle this carefully.

"It seems Albert has some rather strong feelings towards you, Courtney,' Diana began.

"Okay."

"Given your age, we feel these might not be appropriate,' Diana continued. "He's nearly double you age."

"That's what this is about,' Courtney said with a sigh of relief. "Albert's all right, we have fun together."

"What sort of fun is what we're worried about, Courtney,' Dinah replied.

"What do you mean?"

Again, Diana and Dinah looked at each other, nervous about how to proceed.

"Well, when a man and a woman are attracted to each other,' Diana diplomatically said. "Some times they want to express that attraction in a physical way."

Courtney gave her a look of confusion. Even Dinah wasn't sure about Diana's approach. Suddenly as if a light went on, Courtney got what Diana was trying to say.

"Are you asking if Albert and I have had sex, Diana?"

It was Diana's turn to be uncomfortable and she shifted in her seat.

"Well, it seems Albert is rather taken with you, Courtney so it makes one wonder."

"You've been wondering if Albert and I have sex, Diana? Why?"

"I haven't been wondering,' Diana said, objecting to the question. "It's just with the age difference, it raises some concerns."

"Right,' Dinah added.

"Isn't there a big age difference between you and Ollie, Dinah,' Courtney asked.

"Well, yes, but that's not the same thing." Dinah objected.

"Why?"

"Well for one thing I'm in my twenties, Courtney."

"Didn't you meet him when you were about my age?"

"I think we're getting off track here,' Dinah replied. "Let's stick to the issue."

"You starting dating Ollie when you were her age,' Diana asked in surprise.

"Could we focus on the present, please,' Dinah said in exasperation.

'Yes, of course,' Diana replied. She gave Dinah another look and then turned to Courtney and started again. "Courtney, we're just worried that Albert might be trying to get you to do things you're not ready for, things you might not be comfortable with. Inappropriate contact, if you will."

"Like sex,' Courtney added.

"Yes, but you don't need to keep saying it,' Diana whispered, blushing a bit in embarrassment.

"You both can relax, I'm not having sex with Albert,' Courtney said. "He's not trying to force me into anything I don't want to do, he's not like that."

"That's a relief to hear,' Dinah said with a smile. "We want you to know you can talk to us anytime you're feeling like Albert or anyone else is trying to pressure you into anything you don't want to do, Courtney. We're here to answer any questions you might have."

"Yes, absolutely." Diana agreed. "In fact, if any of the men in the League do or saying anything that makes you uncomfortable, please don't hesitate to come to us. That includes your boyfriend, Billy. We're here for you, Courtney."

"You don't have to worry about Bill, he won't even touch me,' Courtney grumbled. "I mean no heavy petting, nothing. I French kissed him and he nearly had a heart attack."

"Perhaps he's trying to show you some respect," Diana offered.

"Well, I am eighteen, Diana, I'd kind of like a little contact as you put it,' Courtney replied. She turned towards Dinah. "I mean, you and Ollie were probably going at it hot and heavy when you were eighteen, weren't you, Dinah?"

Diana's face went pale as she looked over at her teammate. Dinah was squirming a bit under the attention and question. She blushed and shifted uncomfortable in her seat.

""Let's not worry about what I did or didn't do, Courtney, let's stay focused here."

'You slept with Ollie when you were eighteen," Diana gasped. She was completely shocked by this.

"I was a really mature eighteen," Dinah offered. "Anyway, that was then and this is now. We're here to talk about you and Albert, Courtney."

"Eighteen? Really,' Diana asked, blushing hotly.

"It was consensual, Diana, don't have a cow about it,' Dinah replied. "I doubt I'm the only person on the station that had sex when they were eighteen."

"Right, that's what I was telling Billy, but still nothing,' Courtney chimed in. "Probably most of the members were doing it at my age, but with Billy nothing. Not even a feel, you know?"

"Wh-What do you mean most members,' Diana gasped. "I find that highly unlikely, don't you Dinah?"

"I wouldn't say highly unlikely,' Dinah reluctantly offered. "Some weren't I'm sure. You certainly weren't, Diana."

"According to Kara even Superman was and he's a Boy Scout everyone says,' Courtney continued. "I like Billy and Albert, but if Billy won't than maybe it's time to think about someone else, you know? Plus I heard Albert is really big, if you know what I mean."

"Really, I guess that makes sense considering his powers,' Dinah said with interest. "I wonder just how big it gets?"

"Dinah!' Diana gasped. "We're not here to encourage her, remember?"

"Oh, right, right,' Dinah replied, nodding her head in agreement. "Don't have sex with Albert, Courtney, he's way too old for you is all we really wanted to say."

"Not in those words,' Diana added, blushing a deep red.

"So are you saying it's all right to have sex with Billy,' Courtney asked.

"Yes,' Dinah replied.

"NO!" Diana replied. "Diana we're supposed to be role models here!"

"Oh, right, right, I'm sorry,' Dinah said. "Courtney, if Billy is Captain Marvel then no, but if he's just Billy it would probably be alright."

"That wasn't what I was referring too, Dinah,' Diana gasped. "She shouldn't do it with either of them, just to do it! She should be sure she's ready to do it, before she does it!"

"Oh, I'm ready,' Courtney immediately said. "I'm really ready."

"No you're not, young lady,' Diana said firmly. "I mean, um, ah, you should be very sure, absolutely sure before, you know, you do it. You don't want to make a mistake."

"Are we still talking about Courtney, Diana,' Dinah asked.

"Yes, we are." She gave Dinah a glare and her tone was flat and hard.

"Okay, just wanted to make sure."

"Well, that's not fair,' Courtney grumbled. "Everyone else can, but I can't. Jeez, you act like you're my parents or something."

"We're just trying to look out for you, Courtney," Dinah offered.

"Yes, and not everyone is doing it,' Diana added. "And certainly not at your age. I'm sure Kara was mistaken about Kal."

"No, she said he slept with his high school sweetheart,' Courtney replied. "Lana or something, I guess they were really hot and heavy back then."

"You know I heard that too,' Dinah added. "I guess the Boy Scout got his sex merit badge, didn't he?"

Courtney and Dinah shared a laugh, as the blood drained from Diana's face.

* * *

The Watchtower - Hallway

Shayera and Mari paced back and forth in the hallway just outside the room.

"I still say we should have went with my plan," Shayera said, tapping her mace against her palm. "We should have went over and kicked the shit out of Atom Smasher and told him to keep his hands off the kids!"

"Shayera, come on, she's eighteen, she's not a kid,' Mari replied.

"It just isn't right!"

"I agree, but hopefully Diana and Dinah can talk some sense into her."

The door opened and a rather stern looking Diana stepped outside. Behind her the sound of laughter could be heard.

"How did it go, Diana,' Mari asked.

"Perhaps Dinah wasn't the best choice to talk with Courtney."

That was all Diana said and then she walked off.

* * *

The Watchtower

Zatanna arrived after lunch and the pep talk from Madame Xanadu. She wanted to believe things would work out, but the nagging suspicion that they wouldn't, lingered. Her spectacular failures with so many different teammates sort of sapped her enthusiasm for approaching anyone new. More than ever she wanted to have a child, but it was being to seem more like a dream than a reality.

Shining Knight and Vigilante were sitting together at one of the tables. With a sigh, Zatanna poured herself a cup of coffee and made her way over to them.

"Mind if I sit down,' she asked.

"Thine t'would be enchanted to bask in your radiance, milady,' Shining Knight replied

Zatanna looked at him, not sure what he'd just said. She glanced over at Vigilante for help.

"Park yourself in a chair and rest a spell, darlin'."

"Right."

Zee sat down and talked with the two of them. As the minutes passed she realized neither one of them was right. They were both great guys. Yes, she really didn't understand half of what Shining Knight said and that folksy twang of Vigilante would drive her up the wall, but that wasn't the problem.

They were great guys, but she just didn't know them.

Though they were teammates, for the most part they were strangers to her. For something this personal, she wanted to at least know the man involved. Whether she liked it or not, whoever the father would be, he had a right to be part of his child's life. She'd been so caught up in finding someone; she hadn't stopped and considered what would happen afterwards. Whoever it was would be in her life from now on. She'd like it to at least be someone she knew. Maybe that's why it went so horribly wrong with Atom Smasher and Uncle Sam.

It didn't explain Constantine, but everyone makes mistakes.

She glanced at Shining Knight and Vigilante and knew they weren't the ones. As ready as she felt about having a child, maybe this just wasn't her time after all. Maybe that's why she found so many reasons to reject candidates, cause deep down she knew it wouldn't feel right with any of them. A melancholy seemed to descend over her. She suddenly felt like being anywhere by on the station.

"Excuse, I'm not feeling so great, I think I need to go,' she offered as she got up from the table and headed for the exit. Shining Knight and Vigilante wished her well, but she didn't stop. She picked up her pace towards the transporters, a heartbreaking sadness starting to overwhelm her. She willed herself not to breakdown in front of everyone and just pressed ahead.

She didn't see Clark exiting the training room as she walked through the transporter doors.

"Hey, Zatanna,' he called, but the doors were already closing. He had wanted to talk to her since the incident. To say he was confused was an understatement, but he still felt like an idiot for reacting that way. She had just caught him totally by surprise. He picked up his pace to catch up her, but by the time he got to the transporter room she was already dematerializing on the pad.

"Damn,' he whispered.

"Did you say something to me, Superman?'

He turned to see Jonn at the controls.

"Ah, no, Jonn, I guess I was just talking to myself. Sorry."

"No need to apologize."

"Right."

* * *

The Launch Bay – Later

Superman had gone on a mission. Ray was working on some upgrades to the outside of the station and needed someone of his strength to carrying the parts outside and attach them to the hull of the ship. He'd asked Diana and she graciously agreed. They were currently prepping for the mission.

"I appreciate this, Diana, these upgrades should increase the stations monitoring capacity tenfold."

"I'm always glad to help, Ray,' Diana replied. "I just wish these suits weren't so bulky."

"We'll you'll appreciate them once you're outside, believe me,' Ray said with a smile. "I know you don't usually feel the heat or cold, but that's a different kind of cold out there. Plus there is no oxygen, so they really come in handy."

"I feel like I'm swimming in this,' Diana said. The space suit was designed for extreme conditions, not fashion. The boots were huge and magnetized to keep one connected to the hull. It made movement awkward and plodding.

The doors to the launch bay opened and Karen walked in.

"Oh, I'm sorry, I was talking to Mr. Terrific and he said you needed some help down here."

"Well, yes, but Wonder Woman's already agreed to do the work, Power Girl."

"Okay, fine, I just figured I could save you some time,' Karen replied. "I mean it sounded pretty easy, just take those components out and hook them up."

"Yes, that's true, but Diana's almost ready with the suit,' Ray offered.

"Nice,' Karen said with a smile, glancing at Diana in the outfit. "How about I save you the trouble, Princess. I don't need a suit and I can have it finished by the time you make it to the air lock in those boots."

"That won't be necessary,' Diana said through gritted teeth.

"Oh, don't worry about it,' Karen replied. "I'm a Kryptonian remember? We don't need those suits to go out in space. It's something we all share. Here, I'll have it done in a couple of seconds."

Before Diana could protest, Karen lifted the components and flew out the launch bay, the force fields opening and closing around her. Diana wanted to go after her, but the space suit wouldn't respond fast enough. Before she could get to the first force field, Karen was already returning. She landed next to Diana and smiled.

"All done."

"Well, thanks, Power Girl,' Ray said. "You really saved a lot of time.

"No problem. You look so cute in the space suit, Princess, I wish I had a camera."

Karen gave a small laugh and then headed out of the launch bay. She passed Kara on her way out. Diana glared after her, her fists balling up inside the bulky gloves.

"I hate Kryptonians some times,' Diana growled.

"Hey! I'm a Kryptonian, Diana,' Kara protested.

"What? Oh, I didn't mean you, Kara,' Diana replied.

"Well, there is only three of us, Diana and you used the plural!"

"I sorry, all right,' Diana offered, trying to get out of the bulky suit. Kara walked over and watched her.

"Why are you wearing that ugly suit, Diana?"

"I was helping Ray!"

Kara turned to him.

"You could have just called me and I'd have done it,' Kara said. "You didn't have to make Diana wear that ugly ass suit, Ray."

Diana had to will herself not to scream.

* * *

San Francisco

It was raining hard and Zatanna sat in her car in front of her apartment. She had just been out driving around for hours. The CD playing on the stereo was Billie Holiday. It wasn't her usual music taste, but tonight it felt right. Holiday's voice had a haunting, plaintive fragility to it that conveyed the raw emotions of each song. She'd led a hard, difficult life full of disappointments and it was there in the music.

Disappointments, Zatanna had a few in her life as well. Fresh tears rolled down her cheeks as she pondered the latest.

There was a light tap on the window and through her blurry eyes, Zatanna turned and looked. A face appeared and her first reaction was to scream at the top of her lungs. She went with her first reaction.

"AAAWWWHHHHHAAAA!"

"Zatanna! It's me, Clark, stop screaming, please!"

She stopped scrambling across the seat to get away and wiped her eyes. She looked again and recognized him this time.

"Clark? What-What are you doing here? You scared the shit out of me!"

"I wanted to talk, unless you're going to scream again."

"Talk about what,' she asked. She really wasn't in the mood for company.

"Could I at least get in the car and out of the rain, please?"

"I guess,' she said reluctantly. She popped the lock and he opened the passenger side down and climbed in. He was soaked to the skin, his hair plastered to his head, as water droplets rolled down his face.

"Thanks."

"No problem,' she replied. "I'm really not in the mood for talking, Clark."

"Well, I think we have some things to discuss, don't you?'

She cringed a little as the image of him blowing out the window came back to her.

"You mean about what happened on the station,' she reluctantly asked.

"Yeah, that might be a good place to start."


	14. Chapter 14

Team Spirit

San Francisco

The rain beat down on the car as Zatanna and Clark sat for a moment in silence. The matter of her request still hung awkwardly in the air. Zee fiddled with the steering wheel, not sure what to say as he looked at her.

"Zatanna?"

"Um, yeah?"

"Aren't you going to say anything,' he asked.

"Like what?"

"Off hand, I would guess something about why you asked me that,' Clark replied. "I mean I'm flattered that I was the first person you asked and all, it's just that…"

"You weren't exactly the first person I asked, Clark,' she admitted.

"Oh,' he said, caught off guard by this. "I wasn't?"

"No."

"So who did you ask before me?"

"That's really not important, is it?"

"It was Bruce, wasn't it,' he asked. While he wasn't the most vain person, Clark did have an ego. Finding out he wasn't her first choice was something of a hit to it. He found himself wanting to know whom she considered before him.

"I didn't actually ask Bruce, but I did consider him,' Zee replied. "Same with Constantine."

"Oh, come on! Constantine? You considered him before me,' Clark grumbled. "Jeez, Zee, thanks a lot!"

"I didn't ask either of them, okay,' she fired back. "I've just known them both a long time."

"Sorry,' Clark replied. "I guess that makes sense. You've known Bruce since you were both young and you dated Constantine, didn't you?"

"Well, not really dated,' she reluctantly admitted. "We got high at his birthday party once, but dating really wasn't how I would describe our relationship."

"You got high with him? You broke the law?"

"You're going to be a Boy Scout now, Clark,' Zee complained.

"Sorry, it's just, well, okay, forget it," Clark said. "You thought about two other guys before me, I understand. Wait, you said I wasn't the first you asked, so who was?"

"Is that really important?"

"Humor me."

"I asked Arthur,' Zee practically whispered, her face beet red now.

"Arthur? You asked Arthur first?"

Clark couldn't believe this.

"And Uncle Sam.' Zee added.

"Uncle Sam? What were you feeling patriotic,' Clark sarcastically said.

"Oh, shut up!"

"Arthur, jeez,' Clark grumbled. "What was I your back up school or something?"

Zee didn't reply and continued to toy with the steering wheel. It took a moment, but Clark finally noticed her lack of response.

"I was, wasn't I? Oh, this is just getting better and better,' he muttered. "Arthur and Uncle Sam, Jesus, I don't believe this!"

"Sorry to burst your bubble, Clark, not everyone is dreaming of sleep with you, okay,' Zatanna spat out.

He heard the pain in her voice and turned towards her.

"I didn't mean it like that, Zee, it's just I would have liked to think I'd be at least in the top two. It just I like to think I'm better than Arthur or Uncle Sam as things go,' he offered. "I apologize, I know this isn't easy for you. Forget I said anything, it's just my male ego talking."

"Well, if it makes you feel better, you are in some of the others top two,' she replied. "Top one for a couple of them."

"Really? Who,' he asked before he could stop himself. She turned and looked at him, the displeasure plain in her expression.

"Again, sorry, just curious,' he admitted.

"Why are you here anyway,' she asked. "Your reaction on the station made it pretty clear what you thought of the idea."

"Oh, come on, be fair,' he replied. "You surprised me. You can't blame me, I certainly wasn't expecting you to ask me that."

"Maybe,' she admitted. "Your reaction still told me all I needed to know."

"Hey,' he said softly, reaching over and touching her shoulder. "That was surprise, that's all."

"So what? Now you want to,' she asked. "You thought you'd come down here and I'd jump at the chance and do it right here in the car?"

"Well, it is a really nice car,' he joked, trying to lighten the mood.

"Don't be funny, I'm not in the mood,' she snapped.

"Sorry. I wasn't suggesting that," he offered. "It is a nice car, though, seriously."

"Thank you."

"May I ask why the sudden interest in having a child?"

"It's not sudden,' she replied. "I've been thinking about it for a long time now."

"Why?"

She looked over at him. She really didn't want to have this conversation but she sort of felt she at least owed him something.

"Well, I guess I'm at the point in my life where I'm ready,' she said. "Being a hero and performer is good but I've been feeling like there is something missing. There has to be more to life than just a career, you know? Right now, I'm at a good place and it seems like the right time. I've thought about children before, but I always figured it would be in the future sometime. Lately, I've started to wonder why I'm waiting?"

"Children are a huge responsibility, Zatanna."

"I know, Clark, but I'm ready,' she replied. "This isn't some fantasy about playing house. I know how hard it will be, but I also know I'm ready. Financially, emotionally and ever other way, this feels like the right time. My eyes are wide open. I've just decided I'm not going to wait for the fantasy, storybook version of it that may never come. "

Clark sat back and nodded.

"So you've made up your mind,' he said.

"Yes. Look, I know it's not the usual way, but that doesn't always work out either,' she explained. "Sometimes life isn't neat and easy, you know? I want to be a mother and my child will be loved, that's what's important, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"So I had a choice,' she replied. "I could wait for someone to have a relationship with and do things the traditional way, or I could stop waiting. You must have noticed having a relationship doing what we do is difficult."

"Yes, I have,' he admitted, thinking about his own life.

"That's why I decided to stop waiting and start living, Clark' she explained. "I'm not asking you or any of the others to marry me or be my boyfriend. I just need a friend to help me, that's it."

"And what of the child? What would you say about the father,' he asked.

"I would tell her the truth,' Zee replied. "If the father wanted to be a part of her life I wouldn't stop him. If he didn't, that's fine too."

"Her?"

"Well, I just kind of assumed it would be a girl,' Zee admitted.

"Do you already have a name picked out, too?"

"No, I can't even find someone to help so far,' she said glumly.

"So you're still looking,' he asked.

"I don't know,' she admitted. "That's why I've been sitting here. I don't want to just pick anyone. I was hoping it would be someone I know and like, at least. It just doesn't seem to be working out that way."

"Well, I didn't say no,' Clark offered.

"You mean you'd do it,' Zee gasped.

"I don't know yet, but I'd like to think about it, okay?"

"Yes, fine,' Zee quickly replied. "Look, I'm only asking for us to do it once, you know. I'm not looking for more than that."

"A stud, in other words,' Clark said.

"Yeah, but isn't that sort of flattering in a way,' she ventured with an encouraging smile.

"You'd think, wouldn't you?"

* * *

The Watchtower

Diana sat at one of the back tables with a smile on her face. On the table in front of her was a half mocha/half caramel frappuccino, with just a hint of vanilla from Starbucks. It was one of the few indulgences she'd come to love since venturing to the outside world. Using her index finger, she scooped up some of the whipped cream and popped it into her mouth. She closed her eyes and made a small 'mmm' sound as she savored the rich creamy taste.

Like many people, Diana had her own ritual on how she drank it.

She liked to start with the whipped cream, obviously. She didn't like stirring the drink until she had sampled one third of it, wanting the flavors to mix on their own before she intervened. When she reached the two-thirds marker, she gave the drink one counter-clockwise stir and then withdrew the straw, running it across her lips and set it to the side. Placing just her fingertips on the sides of the cup, she lifted it and took a long, slow sip. To her this was the point where the flavors mixed perfectly and she wanted to linger over the moment. Two more sips followed with less time between them. She picked up the straw once again and gave the drink one clockwise stir so the flavors wouldn't settle to the bottom. She ran the straw across her lips and then set in down on the side again. This process, she repeated until the last drop was gone. Diana sat back in satisfaction. It always amazed her how she could gain so much pleasure from such a simple thing.

Glancing at the clock, she saw her shift wasn't do to start for another twenty minutes, so she had time to relax. As she sat there looking around the cafeteria, she noticed Stargirl and Mary Marvel whispering to each other as they made their way towards her table. They stopped right in front of her and seemed nervous.

"Wonder Woman, I mean Diana,' Courtney said.

"Courtney, Mary,' Diana replied.

"Um, we were wondering if we could talk to you, if that's okay,' Courtney said. Mary nodded in agreement.

"Certainly."

Diana gestured for them to sit down and they quickly took the two seats opposite her. Again they seemed very nervous, as if they weren't sure how to start.

"So what would you like to talk about,' Diana asked.

Courtney looked at Mary, who nodded as if to say go ahead. Courtney swallowed and then dipped her head.

"Well, I was talking with Mary about what you said the other day, you know, how if I had any questions I could come to you with them,' Courtney began. "We were wondering if you meant that?"

"Yes, of course,' Diana immediately replied. "I'm always available for both of you."

"See I told you,' Courtney said to Mary.

"Even if it's about, well, what you talked about with Courtney the other day,' Mary asked.

Diana stiffened a bit, but remained calm.

"Yes, Mary, if you have a problem I'm willing to help you."

"Thank you, Diana,' Mary said with a big smile. "We really don't have anyone else to talk to about this stuff. I mean I can't talk to Billy about it."

"Yeah, and Pat would freak out if I brought it up with him,' Courtney added. "And we really look up to you as a sort of role model and mentor."

"Well, thank you." Diana felt honored that the young members looked up to her. She always tried to be an example; especially for young women and it was gratifying to hear her hard work was paying off.

"So how can I help you two?"

"We, um, had some questions,' Courtney replied. Mary nodded vigorously in agreement.

"Well, if I can answer them, I'll be happy too,' Diana said. "I meant it when I said if you have any problems or questions you can always come to me."

Courtney and Mary looked at each other and silently nodded as if to encourage each other.

"So, um, ah, Diana, we were wondering about what you said about sex,' Courtney began.

"We haven't done it,' Mary quickly clarified.

"Right, we've been thinking about it, but we haven't gone all the way,' Courtney said in agreement.

"Well, there's nothing wrong with that,' Diana replied. "You should be very sure before you take a major step like that, very sure, very, very sure."

"I think I'm sure,' Courtney said.

"Me too,' Mary quickly added. "I feel so sure I could bust!"

"Oh, well, all right, um, so what are you questions?"

"How can you be really sure,' Mary asked. "I mean really, really sure?"

Diana took a deep breath and looked at the two younger members. While she was honored they would come to her, this particular subject made her a bit uncomfortable. Diana was from a closed society and like most closed societies; hers tended to be a little more conservative and traditional. Yes, they were more open about nudity and not ashamed of their bodies, but the subject of sex, especially with men wasn't a topic discussed much back home. Being a Princess only amplified this. She had been raised with a certain decorum about most subjects. Her mother the Queen most certainly made sure sex with men wasn't a major topic of her education. Yes, she knew the fundamentals and was interested herself, but openly discussing it made her a bit uncomfortable.

"Well, Mary, Courtney, I would say you would want to know the person, the man in this case, that you're going to take this step with," Diana started. "You want to be sure he's a good and decent person that is interested in you for you, not just for the physical act. Also you want to make sure he's not pressuring you to do something you don't feel comfortable with or ready for. That he's willing to wait until you feel right about it."

Mary and Courtney nodded along, following Diana's words with rapt attention.

"He should also respect you as a person."

"Wow, that's a lot to consider,' Courtney replied.

"Yeah," Mary added.

"Well, being with another is a major step,' Diana informed them. "There is also the real possibility of pregnancy that must be considered."

"How about just making out with a guy,' Courtney asked. "You know, not going all the way, but maybe second base?"

"Second base?"

Diana didn't know the analogy.

"You know,' Courtney said, gesturing towards her chest. "Feeling you up a bit and kissing."

"Oh,' Diana replied. "Well, um, ah, I would-would believe the-the same rules apply."

"How about a handjob,' Mary asked. "Guys like those I hear. You'd sort of be in control and not risk getting pregnant."

"A wh-what,' Diana gasped.

"A handjob, that's where you take his …," Mary started to say, making the gesture with her right hand.

"Yes, Mary, I know what it is!" Diana cut her off. "That-That seems a bit more than just making out!"

"There is also oral sex, Mary, you can't get pregnant from that,' Courtney pointed out. "You can give and receive with that."

"I think I'd rather receive than give,' Mary admitted.

"Ladies-Ladies, I think we're getting off track here,' Diana interjected, feeling a little flustered by the course of the conversation. She glanced around the room frantically looking for someone else that could perhaps help with these questions. She spied Dinah walking in with Shayera.

"You know if we're just talking about not getting pregnant, anal sex would fit the bill,' Courtney offered.

"Eww, that seems like it would really hurt, don't you think, Diana,' Mary asked.

The two younger women were looking at Diana now and she was flabbergasted.

"DINAH!"


	15. Chapter 15

A Helping Hand

"Sex it up a bit, honey"

The Watchtower

Courtney and Mary had just left. A rather confused and flustered Diana sat with Shayera and Dinah. They looked at each other with concern and then back at Diana.

"Are you sure you're okay, Diana,' Dinah asked.

"What? Oh, um, yes, yes, I believe so, it was just more than I was expecting,' Diana replied. "I didn't think they were going to ask about something in that much detail."

"Was it the handjob question,' Shayera ventured. The blood drained out of Diana's face as she looked at Shayera. "It was, wasn't it? You know I wouldn't have expected that from little Mary either. I mean sure, maybe the being felt up question, but nothing beyond second base."

"Could we not talk about this, please,' Diana said in almost a hiss, the blood rushing back to her cheeks.

Dinah gave Shayera a look and she just shrugged.

"It was just an observation,' Shayera said in her defense. Dinah silently made the 'zip it' gesture with her hand and then turned her attention back to Diana.

"You know, Diana, if you have any questions, we're here for you,' she offered. "If there something you are curious about or aren't sure how it works, we'll be happy to help you."

Diana looked up from the table at the other woman.

"Isn't that what you said to Courtney the other day?"

"What? No, no, that was completely different."

"Dinah, I was sitting right there!'

"Okay, then yes it was, but I'm serious Diana, we want to be here for you,' Diana replied.

"Yeah,' Shayera said in agreement. "If you feel uncomfortable or just want to discuss something, we'll be happy to offer some help."

"I can probably get you some books if you don't want to talk about it, but read up on the subject. Some of them have pictures so everything would be really clear."

"NO!" Diana gasped, her eyes wide with horror as she looked at the two other women. "I don't need-need that, I'm really not comfortable even having this discussion!"

"Well if you're going to start dating Clark …" Dinah said, but Shayera cut in.

"Or Bruce.'

"Or Bruce,' Dinah continued. "You might want to brush up on some of these things. Some of them are fun and enjoyable, especially if you're not ready to go all the way just yet."

"Wh-What? I-I didn't say I wanted to date anyone,' Diana gasped. She stood up, her hands fluttering at her sides, as if she wasn't sure what to do with them. "I-I think-think you are both jumping ahead here! I'm really not comfortable with this subject!"

The Atom happened to be walking into the cafeteria at this moment and upon seeing Diana came over.

"Hey, Diana, if your offer still stands, I was wondering if you could lend me a hand' he asked.

'NO!"

She didn't know what to do with her hands and ended up folding her arms in front of her. Turning right and then left, Diana finally just hurried out of the cafeteria.

"What did I say,' Ray asked.

"It's a long story,' Shayera replied.

* * *

The Watchtower – Habitat Ring

Courtney and Mary walked down the hallway and stopped in front of Kara's door. Courtney pressed the button and the door slid open. They were greeted by the sound of uncontrollable laughter as they stepped inside.

"Kara?"

A head popped up from the other side of the bed and Kara had a huge grin on her face. As she got to her feet, she wiped the tears from her eyes.

"Oh, my God, that was so funny!' She managed to get out between laughs. "Mary when you asked Diana about a handjob I thought I was going to pee myself!"

This brought another wave of laughter and Courtney joined in.

"I thought she was going to faint right there,' Courtney said, giggling at the thought.

"I can't believe you put me up to that, Kara,' Mary complained. "Billy was right, you are a bad influence on me!"

"Oh, come on, Rainbow Bright, it was hilarious."

"But now Miss Wonder Woman is going to think I'm some kind of floozy,' Mary groaned. "I'm not even dating anyone! Holy Moley, what if Billy finds out?"

"Floozy? Who talks like that?'

Kara dropped down on the bed, still laughing. Mary stood rigid, the expression on her face clearly showing her displeasure.

"You know what I mean, Kara, my reputation is ruined!"

"Come on, relax, Diana's so flustered she's not going to say anything,' Kara offered. "It was just a joke."

"But why did it have to be about that,' Mary complained. "And why couldn't you do it? Especially saying those things?"

"Cause Diana would have known something was up if I tried it,' Kara replied. "Besides, it's funnier when you said it."

"I'm so embarrassed,' Mary groaned. She covered her face as she dropping on the bed next to Kara

"Oh, come on, Mary, Courtney said. "It was just a joke. I mean sure it was Kara's idea, but the way they talked to me the other day about Albert, it was like they thought I as a child or something. We were just messing with her a little."

"I thought you two looked up to Diana,' Mary asked.

"We do, Mary,' Kara replied. "She's been like a mentor and older sister to me since I arrived, but it was just a joke. Come on, you have to admit her reaction was funny."

"Maybe a little bit,' Mary grudgingly said.

"You know you thought it was funny, Mary,' Courtney chimed in. "You took it even further than Kara suggested. She thought of asking Diana about second base and a handjob, but you asked her opinion about going in through the out door."

Mary tried not to laugh, but Kara and Courtney's giggling were eating away at her willpower.

"When she shouted for Dinah I was crying so hard with laughter I fell off the bed,' Kara said.

"It was pretty funny,' Mary finally admitted. "I don't even know where that question came from, really. It just popped into my head."

All three of them began laughing.

"You know you still owe me, Kara,' Mary said between giggles. "You both do."

"We already agreed to go to the 2011 National Barbie Doll Collectors Convention," Kara replied. "What more do you want?"

* * *

New York

Zatanna and Madame Xanadu sat in her house having dinner. Zee arrived after her talk with Superman to fill Nimue in on the details. They ordered take-out and were discussing it. A selection of cold dishes were laid out in front of them, including Sashimi Salad with Matsuhisa Dressing, Yellowtail Sashimi with Jalapeño, Lobster Shiitake Salad, Rock Shrimp Tempura, and Fresh Fluke Sashimi with Dried Miso. A pitcher of Daiquiris sat on the table, made of Fresh Raspberries, 10 Cane Rum, Yuzu Sake, Coconut Milk and Fresh Kafir Lime Leaf

"So he didn't say yes, exactly,' Nimue offered.

"He didn't say no, either,' Zee countered. "He said he wants to think about it."

"I guess that makes sense,' Nimue admitted. "You really wouldn't want him to rush into anything."

"Well, I kind of do, but he's my best candidate at this point,' Zee replied. "I don't want to scare him off or it's test tubes with Dr. Light and I start the whole process over with the ladies."

"Pour me another one, please."

Zatanna picked up the pitcher and refilled Nimue's glass, topping her own off in the process. Nimue used the chopsticks and picked up some of the yellowtail sashimi and devoured it. She then pointed the chopsticks at Zatanna.

"You should try and encourage him so he'll say yes."

"How am I supposed to do that,' Zee asked between mouthfuls of lobster shiitake salad.

"Sex it up a bit."

Zee nearly choked on her food. Her eyes went wide as she looked up at Madame Xanadu.

"Wh-What?" She finally managed to say.

"Sex it up a bit,' Nimue repeated. "You know, let him get an idea of what he could have."

"NIMUE!" Zatanna gasped.

"Oh, come on, don't act all schoolgirl on me,' Nimue replied. "I'm not saying whore it up, just try and look a little sexier so he'll say yes."

"No!"

"Have it your way, but look at the way you're dressed tonight,' Madame Xanadu pointed out. "It's fine for having dinner with me, but it's not exactly going to turn his head, is it?"

"What's the matter with the way I'm dressed?"

"Black cowboy boots, jeans, a shapeless white blouse and a leather jacket,' Nimue replied. "Are you going to a rodeo or a biker bar later?"

"I think I look good,' Zee said in her defense.

"Cute, yes, sexy, no,' Nimue countered. "You're trying to get this guy in bed, remember? You have competition if I recall correctly, too."

"Look, I'm not trying to give him the wrong idea, Nimue,' Zee said flatly. "I'm not trying to be Superman's girlfriend; I just want him to do my one favor, that's it. I'm not trying to pick up the waiter at the restaurant like someone I could mention!"

Nimue put down her chopsticks and sat back giving Zatanna a look of reproach.

"You're not going to let that go, are you?"

"Well, as your 'sister' it's kind of hard,' Zee sarcastically replied.

"Well, he wouldn't have believed I was your mother, besides, I got what I wanted, didn't I? You should take my advice, I know more about these things than you do."

"A lot more."

"Don't be a snot, young lady,' Madame Xanadu chastised Zee.

"Yes, ma'am,' Zee replied with a sweet smile.

"I told your father he should have spanked you more, but he wouldn't listen,' Nimue said. "Where you get that smartass attitude is a mystery to me."

"They say you learn from the people you're around when you're growing up,' Zee countered. "Now who was I around when I was growing up? Hmm?"

"Don't even try and blame me,' Nimue replied. "Eat your food."

"Yes, ma'am."

She smiled as she picked up some of the Fresh Fluke Sashimi with Dried Miso and put it in her mouth.

"Since you're being a so good and listening to me, think about taking my advice. Use what you were given and he'll say yes."

"I already where fishnets and a corset, Nimue, how much more do you want me to do?"

"Maybe just unbutton a button or two.' Nimue suggested.

"NO!"

"Have it your way,' Nimue said, picking up her glass and taking another drink of her daiquiri. Zatanna gave her a scowl as she continued eating. Self-consciously she reached up and buttoned another button on her blouse and then pulled her jacket closed.

"Keep making that face and it might stay like that,' Nimue said.

"That's an old wives' tale, Nimue."

"All right, keep making that face and I'll make it stay like that,' Nimue countered. She gave Zee a sweet smile in return and sipped her daiquiri.

* * *

The Watchtower

Kara was in a great mood as she walked down the hallway towards the hangar. There was still a smile on her lips from earlier and every time she thought of it she would giggle. As the hanger doors open she stopped and gasped. Batman stood in front of her.

"Um, hi, Batman, ah, what-what are you doing here,' she said, trying to keep her voice steady.

"I wanted to talk to you, Kara, alone."

"What? Why?"

"The little 'joke' earlier with Diana,' Bruce said. "Courtney and Mary asking advice, ring a bell?"

Kara cringed a little bit, but stood her ground.

"Maybe, I might have heard something about that, why?"

"You're too modest, Kara, I know it was you that put them up to it."

"You can't prove that,' Kara offered.

"Can't I? Do you really think I can't get Courtney or Mary to admit it?"

"Shit,' Kara groaned under her breath. "Okay, so what? It was just a harmless joke, Batman. It was funny."

"Yes it was,' he replied. This surprised her.

"What?"

"I said, yes it was, but you really didn't think you'd get away with it, did you?"

"I was kind of hoping I would,' Kara admitted.

"So what do you think Diana would do if she found out," he asked.

A shudder went down Kara's back at the thought, but she did some quick thinking on her feet.

"You wouldn't tell her, 'she countered. "It would embarrass her more than she already is."

"Very true."

Kara smiled in satisfaction.

"I could mention it to Clark,' Bruce offered.

"I can handle Clark,' Kara replied, feeling more confident that there was nothing he could really do.

"That's probably true, too,' Bruce conceded. "How about Mrs. Kent?"

"Wh-What,' Kara gasped.

"Martha Kent, you remember her, don't you,' Bruce asked. "How do you think she'd react to your little joke, especially if I tell her all the details, and I mean all the details."

"You wouldn't,' Kara groaned. "She'd ground me forever!"

"Well, then I guess you're going to have to make it up some other way, aren't you?"

"What?"

"Babysitting,' Bruce replied. "Be at the mansion tomorrow night. I won't be there and Damien needs some supervision."

Bruce gave her a rare smile and headed down the hall. Kara turned and gazed at him, not believing what he had just said.

"NO!" She shouted, but he just kept walking.

"Yes, and tell your two cohorts to be there as well,' Bruce replied over his shoulder. "Damian's a bit of a handful."

* * *

Bruce rounded the corner and stepped inside one of the conference rooms.

"That was a bit cruel, don't you think?"

Bruce smiled as he looked at Clark.

"Yes, but one good joke deserves another,' Bruce replied. "Besides, you agreed to it."

"I know, I just realized I never want to be on the receiving end of a payback joke from you,' Clark said.

"No, you don't."

"I was funny, though,' Clark offered. "I can just imagine Diana's face when Mary, of all people, said that."

"I would have paid to see it,' Bruce admitted.

The two men looked at each other and then both began to laugh.


	16. Chapter 16

Opening the Curtains

The Watchtower

Courtney and Mary stood nervously listening to Kara as she explained Batman's deal.

"So he's not going to tell anyone, right,' Courtney asked, biting her fingernails.

"Right, "Kara replied.

"Well, we dodge a bullet on that one,' Courtney said with relief. "I mean, sure the kid's kind of a prick, but the three of us can handle him for one night."

"Sure we can,' Kara said encouragingly. "It's one night, this Saturday, so how hard can it be? We can do this, right?"

"Yes,' Courtney replied.

"NO!"

Kara and Courtney turned in surprise.

"Mary?'

"No, it can't be this Saturday! The 2011 National Barbie Doll Collectors Convention is this Saturday!"

"Oh, right the doll show,' Kara replied. "Well, there's always next year."

"No! I've been saving forever for this one,' Mary exclaimed. She stamped her foot to emphasize her displeasure. "I've made all the reservations and everything!"

"Sorry, Mary,' Courtney offered. "You heard what Batman said, though."

"Well, he's just going to have to reconsider!"

Kara gave Mary a quizzical look, glanced at Courtney who shrugged her shoulders and then back at Mary.

"You've met Batman, haven't you, Mary?"

"Yes, but he's being totally unfair,' Mary replied.

"He doesn't see it that way."

"Well, then he's just going to have to,' Mary said as she marched out of the room.

"M-M-Mary?"

Courtney and Kara looked at each other in shock and then quickly followed Mary.

* * *

The Cafeteria

A meeting of the senior members had just broken up. Superman had been rather quiet and left as soon as it was over. Wonder Woman was also uncharacteristically quiet and still had a rather troubled look on her face. She seemed a bit preoccupied as she got herself some coffee and sat down at one of the tables. The remaining members also made their way to the cafeteria. Sitting at the same table as Diana, were Wally, Shayera, Dinah and Mari. He was informing them of his newest plan.

"I'm telling you it's a million dollar idea,' he said with enthusiasm.

'Tell me it again, I'm still not sure I get it,' Mari replied.

"Okay, studies show that if you were born after 1985 you don't wear a watch,' Wally explained.

"Is that true,' Dinah questioned.

"Did you not hear me say, studies show it,' Wally replied. "I mean, come on, 'studies' that means its gospel in my book."

"The idea, Wally,' Mari said.

"Right, right, so anyway, kids ain't wearing watches is the basic idea,' Wally continued. "That means watches are cheap, right?"

"Yeah."

The others nodded, excepting this.

"Okay, so the League buys a whole boatload of watches, the old kind with the two hands and everything,' Wally explained. "The ones we want will be small, with covers over the faces, like a pocket watch and we market them to kids! Genius, right?"

"Didn't you just say 'studies' show kids don't wear watches,' Dinah pointed out.

"Yes, but these won't be watches, they'll be Justice League jewelry! We make little charms of each of our logos, you know, Diana's WW, Superman's S, Batman's bat, of course, my lightening bolt. Then we sell the watch with one charm, probably Batman's cause he's hot right now and then each month we sell a new charm.'

"Wouldn't that just be a charm bracelet,' Dinah asked.

"No, cause it's also a watch! We name them something clever like Justice Fops, you know, like watch fops, except with Justice instead of watch!"

"The catchphrase could be they're _**Fobulous**_,' Shayera joked.

"Exactly! They practically sell themselves,' Wally enthusiastically said. "The cash is just going to come rolling in. We'll be millionaires!"

"I think it's stupid,' Dinah offered.

"Why are you so down on this,' Wally asked. "Is it because you don't have a logo? Just because some of us were thinking ahead and you weren't, you want to punish us? It's a million dollar idea!"

"No," Dinah replied. "I just don't like it, okay? Besides, I'm not the only member without a logo. Shayera doesn't have one."

"Wings, duh,' Wally offered.

"Okay, Mari doesn't."

"Those animal teeth she has on her necklace, next?"

"Um, ah, Zatanna, she doesn't have one,' Diana suggested.

"Oh, come on that's easy, her top hat,' Wally immediately fired back. "I'm telling you this could be the next big thing! Silly bands watch out!"

"I can't be the only member that doesn't have a logo,' Dinah muttered, trying to think of someone else.

* * *

Batman was getting himself a cup off coffee before heading to the computer room when Mary Marvel came marching into the cafeteria and right up to him.

"Mr. Batman, I need to speak with you,' she firmly said.

Bruce turned and looked at her. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Kara and Courtney peaking around the corner.

"Go ahead,' he said, his voice pitched low.

"I can't babysit Damian this Saturday,' Mary flatly said to him.

"Is that so?"

"Yes, I'm sorry, sir," She replied. "I'm willing to do it any other time, just not this Saturday. I have plans."

The cafeteria was quiet now, as everyone was keenly interested in the conversation. Bruce was mildly surprised by her resolve. Usually she was quaking in fear around him, but not this time.

"You have plans?"

"Yes."

She wasn't backing down.

"Did Kara explain this wasn't a negotiation,' he asked. "It's this Saturday."

"No, I can't do it this Saturday,' Mary fired back. "The 2011 National Barbie Doll Collectors Convention is this Saturday! I've been saving and planning all year for this!"

"You should have thought about that before you took part in your little prank, shouldn't you,' he replied. "If you don't want it to get out to certain people, than you play by my rules. It's Saturday."

He thought that would be the end of it, but he hadn't counted on Mary's desire to go to the Barbie convention.

"I don't care, I'm not doing it Saturday!"

Mary turned and walked over to Diana's table. Kara and Courtney gasped in shock, praying she wasn't going to do what they thought she was going to do.

"Miss Wonder Woman, we played a joke on you earlier with those questions,' Mary stated. "Yes, it was Kara's idea, but I went along with it and so did Courtney. If you want to punish me, I'll accept it, but not this Saturday."

"Mary!"

A collective gasp went through the room. Kara and Courtney had been rushing towards Mary to stop her, but they were too late.

"Wow, she just threw Kara under the bus,' Wally whispered to Shayera.

"Courtney, too,' Shayera replied.

All eyes were now on Diana. Members cringed a bit, waiting for her to explode, but Diana surprised them. She leaned back and looked at Mary then over at Kara and Courtney.

"A joke,' Diana said, her voice was calm, but cold as ice. "I see, how very funny. Kara, Courtney, don't leave just yet. I think we should talk."

The two had been trying to sneak out of the room, but now turned and faced Diana. They both looked very uncomfortable and nervous. When Diana suddenly stood up, they both instinctively took a step back.

"Don't be shy, come closer,' Diana said with a smile. "You certainly weren't shy earlier when you played your little 'joke', were you?"

Reluctantly, the two walked over and stood next to Mary in front of Diana.

"I think you three owe me, don't you,' Diana asked.

The three hesitantly nodded.

"Sorry, Diana,' Kara sheepishly said.

"Sorry,' Courtney and Mary added.

""You know, I don't believe sorry is good enough in this case. I think deeds speak louder than actions,' Diana said. "I'm sure if I contact my mother, the Queen, we can find many things for you three to do. The horse stalls and pig sties comes to mind."

"But not Saturday." Mary spoke up.

"All right, Mary, not this Saturday, but every weekend after that,' Diana replied.

"For how long,' Kara asked.

"As the ringleader, you might not want to plan anything for the foreseeable future, Kara,' Diana said with a smile.

"Well, that's not fair,' Kara complained. "He knew about it, too! He thought it was funny and laughed too!"

She pointed at Batman.

"Ouch, another one under the bus,' Shayera whispered to Wally.

"Oh, the humanity,' Wally gasped. "Just to be clear, I wasn't involved in this in anyway, was I?"

"No."

Wally let out a sigh of relief.

"Just wanted to be sure," he said. "I mean usually I am, so I wanted to check."

Diana had turned and was looking directly at Bruce now.

"So you thought it was amusing too, is that right?"

"As soon as I found out, I confronted them, Diana,' Bruce replied in his defense.

"But you didn't feel the need to tell me,' Diana asked.

"Well, Clark thought it best,' Bruce started to say, but the collective gasp from the others stopped him.

"Ow, man down, another one under the bus,' Wally gasped.

"Kal knew too,' Diana replied, crossing her arms in front of her. "I'll bet you two shared a good laugh over it, didn't you?"

"I wouldn't characterize it like that,' Bruce offered. Diana slowly walked towards him, not even blinking as she held his gaze. Bruce remained stoic, but this wasn't a situation he was expecting. Diana stopped right in front of him.

"How would you characterize it, Bruce?"

"Judicious,' he replied. "We took action that we believed would punish those three with the least amount of embarrassment to all concern."

"Damn, he's good,' Wally whispered.

"Shh!" Dinah said, watching intently like everyone else.

"So you were protecting me,' Diana asked.

"Yes, you could put it that way."

Diana took a step closer. She was probably just a bit taller than Bruce in her boots and her expression was not a happy one.

"Do I look like I need protecting, Bruce,' she whispered to him.

"Not at the moment," he admitted.

"That's right,' Diana calmly said. "I believe you owe me now, Bruce."

"I don't see it that way,' he started to reply, but she took another step closer.

"You owe me."

"Right."

"I'll let you know what later,' Diana said, stepping back. "As for Kal, I think I will bring this up the next time we spar."

Diana turned and looked at Mary, Courtney and Kara once again.

"Wear old clothes, ladies,' Diana said to them. "Something you don't mind if they're ruined. I'll see you next weekend."

Diana held their gaze for a moment and then walked calmly out of the cafeteria. A collective exhale followed.

"Nice going, Mary,' Kara complained. "Now we have to spend every weekend on Estrogen Island. I've been there, Amazons aren't fun!"

"But at least we get to go to the convention,' Mary offered.

"Not really much of a conciliation prize, Mary,' Kara replied.

"Yeah,' Courtney added.

"You still have to watch Damian," Batman said to them. "We'll make it this coming Wednesday since your weekends are booked."

He gave them a look and then walked out.

"It was just a joke!' Kara complained, but she was getting no sympathy.

* * *

Metropolis

Clark had been distracted all day. He barely heard most of what was said at the meeting, as his mind was on Zatanna's request. Yes, she was a beautiful young woman and sleeping with her, even if it was only once, did hold considerable appeal to him. He was a guy after all. The problem was, he had the sense it wasn't that easy or cut and dry. A child, he'd never thought he'd face this situation. He always assumed it was just part of life he would never know, but now Zatanna was offering him the opportunity. He felt he needed to talk to someone about this, but whom?

Martha Kent's opinion he trusted more than anyone, but somehow the idea of discussing this with her was less than appealing. He cringed a bit as he thought about how that conversation would go, _Hey Ma, I woman asked me to be a stud for her, what do you think?_ No definitely not Martha Kent. Kara was out too. They were cousins, but he didn't think his eighteen-year-old cousin would have the proper perspective on this.

Diana popped into his head. She was in many ways his best friend and they usually could talk about anything. This felt different. There was Bruce, but he had that weird older brother thing with Zatanna. He'd probably find out sooner rather than later, but Clark wasn't looking forward to 'the talk' with him.

As weird as it was, the person he finally decided to ask about it was Lois. Yes, they currently were off in their on and off again relationship, but one thing had never changed between them, they were friends. If they ever were on again, it would be something they had to discuss anyway; he rationalized, so he might as well get her opinion now. At least that was the plan when he invited her to lunch.

They were sitting in a small diner that Lois liked and the waitress was just bringing their food. Clark was rather nervous. The waitress set their dishes down in front of them.

"Thank you,' Clark said.

"Thanks,' Lois added.

"You're welcome, enjoy your food,' the waitress said with a smile.

"You too."

It had automatically come out of Clark's mouth before he realized it. You too? What the hell was that, he thought.

"Right,' the waitress said, giving him a look. Okay, she thinks I'm an idiot.

"Good one, Clark,' Lois said with a smirk. He started to reply, but she was already digging into her lunch. He let it go and started on his own sandwich. They didn't say much for a while, preferring to eat. About halfway through lunch, Lois took a sip of her coffee and sat back.

"So what did you want to talk about, Clark,' she asked. "I haven't changed my mind about us, if that's what this is about."

"Um, ah, no, that isn't it,' he replied. "Someone asked me to do something for them, a favor, well, a rather unusual favor and I really needed someone to talk to about it."

Lois was a little surprised, but interested.

"Okay, what's the favor?"

"You have to promise not to freak out,' he said.

"Why would I freak out? Just tell me, will you,' Lois replied. "Jeez, you always make everything into such a drama."

"Someone asked me to be the father of their child,' he said, waiting for her to exploded.

"And you said no, so what's the problem,' Lois asked.

"I didn't exactly say no."

"You didn't?"

"No."

To say Lois was a bit surprised was an understatement. Flabbergasted was more accurate. She sat there looking at him with her mouth open. It took a moment for it to process, but then her brain started to function again.

'Wait a second, you can't have kids with a human,' she said. "You know that and I know that, Clark."

"Apparently that doesn't apply to everyone, well, at least not magical people."

"Magical? Wait, is this Wonder Woman we're talking about,' Lois asked, her eyes narrowing. "It is, isn't it? The Princess wants a kid and she came to you, how convenient! I always knew there was more to that 'best friends' crap you two are always pushing!"

"It's not Diana, Lois,' Clark replied. She was already off on a tangent and didn't hear him.

"Boy, you think coming from Mystical Lesbo Island, she'd stick to her own team, but no, Princess Perfect can't do that! So much for being so innocent, huh? First chance she gets, she wants to hop in the sack with you!"

"Lois, it's not Diana,' Clark replied.

"It's not?"

"No."

"Well than who is it,' Lois asked. "I mean you can only have kids with other Kryptonians, right? I know you're close to Kara, but you're not that much of a hillbilly, Clark!"

"No," he gasped, shocked at even the suggestion. "Kara? What are you thinking?"

"Well that leaves Power Girl then,' Lois replied with a shake of her head. "Figures, you think a guy is better than that, but you're all dogs, no matter where you come from. Pair of big boobs and you guys all go gaga."

"It's not Power Girl, Lois."

"Then who is it?"

"Look who it is isn't the important thing right now,' Clark explained. "If it makes you feel better I wasn't even her first choice or second or third…"

Clark was still a little hung up on that point and started drifting. Lois snapped her figures in front of his face.

"Sorry, I guess I got off track there for a moment."

"You think?"

"Look, maybe this wasn't the best idea, why don't we just forget it,' Clark offered. He started to get up, but Lois stopped him. Lois Lane could be many things; pushy, rude, stuck up, fiery and stubborn, but she wasn't petty or mean spirited. She saw the look on Clark's face and knew this was an important decision for him. As his friend, she owed it to him to be there.

"Wait, Clark, wait,' she said, gesturing for him to sit back down. They had been through so many things together as a couple, but they had started out as friends. He had come to her as a friend for help. She would be there for him if she could.

"I kind of went off there, but I can see this is troubling you,' Lois said. "Tell me what you're thinking?"

Clark sat back down and didn't speak for a moment, trying to sort out his thoughts.

"I never thought I could have children, you know,' he tentatively began. "I knew from an early age it wasn't possible with a human so I just accept it. Sure there was Maxima, but that wasn't really something I considered."

"Let's not bring that whore into this," Lois replied. "Let's stick to the present situation."

Lois had never been fond of Maxima.

"Right,' Clark nodded. "It's just that it was never an option so I never really consider it. Now suddenly it's a possibility ad I'm not sure what to think."

Lois knew about him not being able to have children. She had thought about it when they were together and while she was disappointed, she had accepted it too. As time when by, though, she thought more about children all the time. She wasn't sure she wanted to be a mother, but liked the idea of it being possible in the future. With Clark, that would never be the case. She realized if she was thinking about it, he must have been too.

"Do you want children, Clark?"

"I've been asking myself that lately and I think the answer is yes,' he admitted.

Lois nodded, taking this in.

"So what's the problem?"

"You mean besides am I ready for children," he replied.

"I don't think anyone ever ready for kids, Clark,' she offered.

"Yes, but in this particular scenario, the potential mother isn't looking for any long term commitment, just a one time favor,' he explained.

"She wants you to be a stud service for,' Lois asked.

"Pretty much."

"Wow, so no commitment, no responsibility, just have sex with her and that's it?"

"Yes and I know most guys would jump at the chance, but it feels wrong somehow,' he replied.

"Why?'

"Why? What do you mean," Clark asked.

"Look, I'm just trying to understand where you're coming from, Clark,' Lois replied. "You said it feels wrong, why does it?"

He sat back trying to think of why it felt wrong. He shrugged as different thoughts came to his mind.

"I guess because I never pictured it happening for one,' he offered.

"But now it has, so why else,' Lois asked.

"Okay, when I've thought about kids, even though I knew I couldn't have them, I always pictured being a part of their life."

"And that wouldn't be the case with this?"

"I don't know."

"Who is it, by the way,' Lois asked.

"Um, well, it's Zatanna."

"Her? Well, she's cute,' Lois replied. Mentally she was comparing herself to the other woman. She thought she stacked up rather well. "So she doesn't want anything other than you helping her?'

"No."

That wasn't so bad either, Lois thought.

"So it would be a one time thing?"

"Yes."

That was good too.

"No relationship, no commitments?"

"Well, no, but I keep thinking if it's my child I'd want a relationship with it,' Clark offered.

"And she's against that,' Lois asked.

"No, well, I don't really know for sure,' Clark admitted. "That's the thing; she's made it clear she isn't asking me for anything besides the one time help. Like I said, I never thought it was possible, but now that it might be, I find I want to be apart of the child's life."

Lois considered all of this. She believed Clark would be a great father and it wouldn't be as if he were marrying Zatanna, just helping her one time. The truth was Lois hadn't completely ruled out her and Clark getting back together. If she couldn't have children with him, why not let someone else? If she really cared for him and she did, she would want this for him, no matter what happened between them later.

"I think you should do it, Clark,' Lois finally said.

"You do?"

"Yes,' Lois said with a nod. "Like you said, this is a unique opportunity for you, one you may never get again."

'Thanks Lois,' Clark said with a smile.

"There was a but coming, Clark,' she replied.

"Okay."

"But before you do it, I think you need to be clear what your role in this is,' she explained. "If you want to be a part of the child's life, you have to know it before you do anything. Talk to Zatanna first, Clark."

He nodded and then smiled at Lois.

"Thanks, Lo, I really appreciate this."

She found herself returning his smile. There was one thing she was still curious about this whole weird situation.

"Clark, why did you ask me?"

"I needed to talk to someone about this and I trust you, Lo,' he replied. He said it so simply, as if it were just a matter of fact thing, yet still it warmed Lois' heart.

"Thanks, Clark."

* * *

San Francisco

Zatanna was nervous and anxious. She paced back and forth in her apartment, biting her nails. She hadn't heard anything from Clark and she was starting to think he wasn't going to do it. Nimue's words about sexing it up a bit came back to her and she looked down at what she was wearing. Faded jeans and a vintage Sex Pistols shirt, with no shoes. I look good, she told herself, well, at least good enough.

A knock on the door made her jump. She turned and nervously went over and opened it. Clark was standing there, dressed in his civilian clothes.

"Hi, Zee, can I come in?"

"Yeah, of course,' she said, stepping to the side to let him in. She closed the door and turned to face him. No use putting it off any longer she thought.

"So have you decided on your answer?"

"Yes.'

Relief washed over her that he hadn't said no. In one burst she jumped into his arms and kissed him.

"Yes! Thank you, thank you, I promise you won't regret it,' she happily said. Her body was pressed against his and she smiled and glanced down between them. "Wow, I guess you're ready now, huh? Man of Steel indeed."

"Um, that's my belt bucket,' Clark awkwardly replied.

"Oh, right,' Zee said, releasing her hold on him and stepping back. She looked down at the blood rushed to her cheeks. God, I'm such a douchebag, she thought. I'm going to die of embarrassment. She needed to say something, anything. "So anyway, um, thanks again for saying yes."

"Well it isn't quite the yes you think it is, Zatanna,' Clark replied. "I was hoping we could discuss this some more before we do, well, anything."

"Okay."

* * *

The Watchtower

Diana was in a much better mood as she walked down the hallway towards the lab. She felt she was a little short with Ray earlier and wanted to make amends and see if he still needed her help. The doors slid open and she found him hunched over the computer terminal. He turned when she entered.

"Hey, Diana."

"Hello, Ray, I just wanted to apologize for earlier and see if you still wanted any help."

"Oh, well, thanks Diana, but I already have it taken care of,' he replied.

"Oh,' Diana said.

"Yes," a voice said off to Diana's right. She turned to see Karen walking towards her. "I thought I'd pitch in, since you were so busy, Princess. It's all done now, so you can keep mentoring young minds."

She flashed a big grin at Diana and patted her on the shoulder as she walked out of the room.

"Thanks Karen,' Ray called after her.

"No problem, anytime."

Diana willed herself not to react, but she was certain she heard Karen chuckling as the door closed.

"I'm really starting to hate Kryptonians!' Diana growled.


	17. Chapter 17

Coffee & Donuts

San Francisco

While Zatanna was eager to get started, she understood Clark had some questions. She ushered him into the kitchen and put on some coffee for the two of them. She gestured for him to sit down.

"Um, just move that stuff out of the way and sit down,' Zee said.

Clark picked up what looked like a stack of books, cards, magazines and assorted items and set them off to the side before taking a seat.

"Are you hungry,' she asked. "Nimue dropped off some donuts earlier?"

"No, that's okay, don't go to any trouble,' Clark replied. When Zee opened the box and set them on the table, he had a change of heart. "Well, maybe one."

They all looked delicious and it took Clark a moment to pick one.

"So you said you had some questions,' Zee asked.

Clark took a bite of the donut and his eyes opened wide.

"Wow, that's delicious,' he said as he swallow the first bite. "Are those fresh blueberries?"

"Um, yeah."

"It tastes like cornmeal,' Clark commented as he took another bite.

"Yeah, it's a blueberry cornmeal donut with a lavender glaze," Zee informed him, but she wanted to get back to the subject. "So anyway, what questions did you have?"

"This practically melts in your mouth,' Clark absently said, taking another bite. "Where did you say you got these?"

"Um, Nimue dropped them off,' Zee replied. "About your questions?"

"Who's Nimue? A friend from the neighborhood?"

"Nimue? She's Madame Xanadu, you've met her,' Zee offered.

Clark stopped chewing and looked at Zee.

"Madame Xanadu? The sorceress? These aren't like magical donuts are they,' he nervously asked. "I'm not really a big fan of magic."

"Oh really?""

The look Zatanna was giving him and the way she sat up straighter, made it clear she was not pleased. Clark slowly set the donut down and started verbally backpedaling.

"I didn't meant that the way it sounded, Zatanna."

"How did you mean it, Clark," Zee asked. She pressed him. "When someone says 'I'm not a big fan of magic' that seems pretty clear to me! Oh, by the way, in case you forgot, I'm kind of a magic based person, remember?"

"Yes and a very pretty one too,' Clark offered, hoping flattery might help.

"Thank you, but answer the question, Clark!"

"I just meant it's one of my weaknesses, so I tend to be a little uncomfortable around it," he explained.

"So you're uncomfortable around me,' she asked. She crossed her arms defensively in front of her and sat back, staring at him.

"Well, at the moment, a bit,' he admitted.

"Because I'm a magic based woman,' she asked in a rather demanding tone.

"More because you seem really pissed at me,' he offered. "Look, I'm sorry, it's just magic is a weakness. I didn't mean to offend you."

She looked at him and could see he was sorry, so she let some of her anger go. Not all of it, but enough so she remembered why they were here. Plus, it hit her that what he said made absolutely no sense.

"Why would you think the donuts are magical, anyway? They're from Dynamo Donuts down the street,' she asked. The idea suddenly seemed rather amusing to her. "Magical donuts, really, Clark? What would they do, make you eat until you explode or something?"

Zee giggled at the thought and Clark blushed with embarrassment.

"No, I don't really know what I thought,' he quickly replied and then quickly explained. "It's just they are really, really good. People forget that one of the side effects of my powers is super taste buds. I can taste everything, so food, especially really good food is just amazing to me. Again, I'm sorry if I offended you."

"All right, I guess I understand,' she replied. Zee got up and poured them both some coffee. "Cream or sugar?'

"No black's fine."

She handed him a cup and sat back down across from him with her own. Clark took a sip of the coffee.

"So let's get back to those questions you had,' she said, sipping her own.

"Wow, that's amazing coffee,' Clark observed. "Is it from Madame Xanadu too? Where does she find this stuff? It's sort of a wild and citrusy organic Ethiopian paired with earthy organic Sumatran."

"Good guess, it's from Blue Bottle coffee here in San Fran,' Zee replied. "So about those questions?"

"I'm definitely going to have to pick some of this up and maybe stop by and get some of these donuts too,' Clark said, taking another bite of the donut and sip of the coffee. "Madame Xanadu really knows where to get the good stuff."

"Yes, she does, do you want me to give you her number, Clark,' Zee snidely replied.

"Sorry,' he offered and then finished off the donut.

"Questions? Not about the donuts or the coffee, Clark,' Zee prompted him.

"Right, right,' he replied, setting his coffee cup down and focusing on the reason he was here.

"So?"

"Okay." Clark shifted in his seat and held his two hands out in front of him. "I know you said you just wanted this to be a one time thing, correct?"

"Yes."

"And you don't want anything from me,' he asked.

"Well, one thing, but you already know that,' she replied, blushing just a little bit. He squirmed a bit in his chair.

"I meant anything else."

"Oh, um, no."

"Okay, the thing is I find myself wondering about is afterwards,' Clark said.

"Afterwards? What like do you have to stay the night or something," Zee asked.

"I meant after you have the baby."

"Oh, right, right,' Zee replied. God, I'm such a douchebag, she lamented silently. "Um, ah, well, what about afterwards?"

"Will I be involved,' Clark asked.

"Do you want to be involved?"

"Yes, very much,' Clark instantly replied. "I've been thinking about it a lot since you asked. I never thought I could have children, really, but I always thought if I could, I'd want to be there for them."

"Okay, so what are we talking about here? Joint custody,' Zee asked. Her phone went off and she glanced down at it and frowned. Arthur again, talk about douchebags, she lamented.

"Aren't you going to answer it?"

"No."

"Who is it,' Clark asked.

"Nobody."

"It's Arthur, isn't it,' Clark asked. He was still a little irked that she asked Arthur before him. "So is your first choice coming through for you know?"

"He wasn't my first choice,' Zee replied.

"Neither was I,' Clark grumbled.

"Look, I asked him before you, cause I figured it would be easier to approach him, okay,' Zatanna explained. "It was a mistake, but he can't take the hint."

"Why would he be easier to approach than me?"

"Well, you're not the friendliest guy on the station, Clark,' Zee offered.

"That's not true,' Clark protested. "I'm always friendly to everyone!"

"In an aloof sort of way, yeah, but not really."

"How can you say that? You make me sound like Bruce,' Clark complained.

"Now you're just exaggerating,' Zee countered. "No one's as unfriendly as Bruce is."

"Great, so I beat him out on the friendly scale, I feel so much better,' Clark snidely replied.

"Oh, come on, you know I'm right,' Zee said in her defense. "You say hi to people, but that's about it."

"That's completely false."

"When was the last time you actually talked to anyone on the station?"

"I talk to Jonn all the time,' Clark stated. "I speak to plenty of people, Kara, Bruce, Diana, Wally and John."

"Okay, Kara's your cousin so that doesn't count,' Zee replied. "The others are original members. When was the last time you talked to someone that wasn't an original member? Like Booster Gold or Ice, even Dinah or Shayera?'

"I spoke to Dinah just the other day, " Clark offered immediately.

"About what?"

"A mission, but we talked,' he reluctantly admitted.

"A mission,' Zee snidely repeated. "I'm sure she felt so special. Let's face it, Clark; you're kind of aloof. You intimidate people and they're leery of talking to you. That's why I didn't pick you first."

"Is that the way you and others see me,' Clark asked, completely shocked by this. "I'm sorry if I'm not the life of the party on the station, but you know it is a workplace."

"Where you're kind of standoffish,' Zee added.

"Would you stop saying that,' Clark exclaimed. He stood up and sort of paced back and forth in the kitchen. He stopped behind his chair and addressed her. "I'm always friendly, but I'm polite! How would it look if I just started barging in on private conversations, tell me that?"

"Wally does it all the time,' Zee countered.

"Okay, I'll give you that one, but I'm definitely not standoffish or aloof,' Clark declared, retaking his seat. "I was raised to be polite and respectful of others."

"You're not going to use that farm boy/boy scout excuse, are you,' she asked.

"It's not an excuse,' Clark grumbled. "I was raised on a farm, i.e., farm boy. Can I help it if we're respectful and maybe a little reserved around people?"

"So it's the boy scout thing, then?"

"I wasn't a boy scout,' he replied. "You know it's a two way street, Zatanna! It's not as if anyone's running up to me to talk, either!"

"Okay, okay, I didn't realize you were so touchy about it,' she said, raising her hands in a mock surrender. "We're getting off track here, anyway. You didn't answer the question, about how much you'd want to be involved in our possible child's life."

He gave her a look as if he wanted to continue to defend himself against her charge of being aloof, but there was a more important matter to discuss.

"I don't know, I just want to be a part of the child's life," Clark replied. "Boy or Girl ..."

"Girl,' Zee said, cutting him off.

"Okay, girl, I'd like her to know her father."

Zatanna sat back and took a sip of her coffee.

"So would her father be Superman or Clark Kent,' she asked.

"Legally, Clark Kent would be easier, safer for her too,' Clark replied. "Plus, Kent's a lot easier to learn when she goes to school."

"So you'd want her to have your last name,' Zee asked.

"Yeah, if you wouldn't mind,' he replied. "I figured you had the first name covered and all."

Zee thought about it for a moment.

"Okay, I don't have a problem with that,' Zee offered. "I wasn't trying to shut you out, Clark. I just wanted you to know I wasn't expecting anything in addition to your help at the beginning. I would never want my child not to know her father."

"Thank you,' Clark said with a smile. "If it's okay, I'd kind of like to be there through the whole process. I know it's your first time, so I'd like to be there for you too."

"Okay,' Zee said, smiling and blushing just a little. That was unexpected and she was touched by his offer. "You can be real nice when you want to be, Clark."

"Are we back to that again?"

"No, God, just forget it, okay,' she said. "So are we agreed? We're doing this?"

"Yeah, I guess we are,' Clark said with a smile.

"When? I mean you didn't want to do it right now, did you,' Zatanna asked. I should have worn something nicer, she thought. I'm not even sure my underwear matches. I know it's only one time, but I want to make a good impression.

"I'm due on the station soon,' Clark replied, unaware of the thoughts running through Zatanna's head. "You know, the place I'm so unfriendly."

"You're just not going to let that go, are you?"

"Well, it did kind of kill the mood for today,' he grumbled.

"Okay, I won't mention it next time,' Zee replied. "So when do you want to do it?"

"I have the weekend off,' Clark offered. "Well, not completely off, but mostly."

"I've got shifts this weekend, how about sometime sooner,' she countered.

"Sooner?" Clark had to think about it for a moment. "I'm done at eleven tomorrow. I could do a quick patrol of Metropolis and meet you at say, midnight?"

"Okay, that works for me,' Zee replied. "So do you want to meet here or at your place?"

"Your call."

"Let's make it here, 'she suggested. "I think I'd be more comfortable on my home turf."

"So midnight,' he asked.

"Okay."

They sat for a moment as the reality of what they'd just agreed to sank in. They were both a little uncomfortable and nervous.

"So,' Zee offered.

"Yeah, um, well, I should probably get going,' Clark replied. He stood up, not sure if he should kiss her or what. She got up and leaned towards him. He thought that was a signal that she wanted him to and leaned in. Zatanna wasn't expecting him to kiss her and it came as a surprised when he leaned in. Their heads bumped into each other.

"Ow!" Zee shouted, grabbing her forehead.

"Oh, jeez, I'm sorry, Zee,' Clark immediately said.

"What were you trying to do, knock me out,' she complained, pain shooting through her head.

"I, well, I thought, you, I mean, I thought you expected me to kiss you goodbye or something,' he offered.

"So you head butt me,' she groaned. "Why would you think I wanted you to kiss me?"

"It seemed like the thing to do at the time,' he offered. He turned his palms up and raised them at his sides. "Look, I'm not sure what the rules are here. We're going to sleep together and have a child, but we're just friends, I'm a little confused."

"Get me some ice from the freezer, will you, please,' she asked. "For future reference, how about just asking me. I think I'm going to have a black-eye!"

"Here, let me see, it can't be that bad,' Clark replied. He put a burst of speed on and got the ice. She lowered her hand and there was already some coloring. He cringed a bit. "Okay, maybe there will be a bit of bruising."

* * *

The Watchtower – Later

Clark was in a strange mood when he arrived on the station. Part of him was genuinely excited about the thought of becoming a father. Another part was extremely nervous. While he was used to dealing with pressure situations, this was something new and out of the ordinary. If his first attempted at intimacy with Zatanna was any indication things might be a little awkward. Even the Man of Steel could misfire once in a while.

He tried to push these doubts and worries to the side and concentrate on work. This however brought back her annoying accusation that he was aloof and standoffish. Sure he wasn't the class clown on the station, but damn it, he was as friendly as the next member! To make this point, he showed up with five boxes of donuts.

"Superman,' Jonn said as Clark materialized.

"What's in the boxes,' Dinah asked.

"Donuts,' Clark replied with a smile. "I thought everyone might like something different from cafeteria food for once."

There was a gust of wind and in the next moment Wally was standing next to Clark.

"Did someone mention doughnuts," Wally asked with a big grin.

"Yes, straight from Dynamo Donuts, help yourself," Clark replied.

You didn't have to tell Wally twice. Jonn and Dinah walked over and looked over the assortment. Wally was already finishing the first donut and starting on the second.

"Oh My God, those are delicious!"

"May I have one, Superman,' Jonn politely asked.

"Absolutely, Jonn, have two, that's what they're here for,' Clark stated.

"They do look good,' Dinah added, trying to decide which donut to pick.

"Try the Strawberry Earl Grey,' Wally offered with a mouthful of donut. "It's got dried strawberries and is topped with a double bergamot earl grey glaze!"

"How do you know that,' Dinah asked.

"I read the menu."

"Oh."

"I almost forgot, there's coffee too,' Clark said, pulling a large canister from under his cape. "Straight from Blue Bottle Coffee, it's the Bella Donovan."

"That's sort of a wild and citrusy organic Ethiopian paired with earthy organic Sumatran," Wally stated. Dinah gave him a look.

"Menu,' he informed her.

"Oh, that's very good,' Jonn said with a smile as he bit into a donut. "I believe this is the Meyer Lemon Huckleberry."

"That has a lemon zest and huckleberries topped with a huckleberry glaze,' Wally added, taking another big bite of his donut.

"I like the Blueberry Cornmeal,' Clark replied. "Why don't you try one, Dinah?"

"Okay, I think I will,' she said, picking one up and biting into it. "Mm, that is good."

"Told you, so how are you doing anyway,' Clark asked, remembering specifically Zatanna had accused him of not having any conversations with Dinah, among others.

"Um, okay, Clark,' Dinah replied, a look of confusion on her face.

"Good, good, you know we don't get a chance to talk much, we should sit down and catch up sometime,' he said.

"Sure, I guess,' Dinah replied, more than a bit confused by this. Before they could talk more, the door opened and Kara, Courtney and Mary came rushing in.

"Finally!" Kara said, walking right up to her cousin. "We need to talk to you, Clark."

"Well, I'm always available for you, Kara, all of you really,' Clark replied.

"Good, cause it's really, really important,' Kara said.

"Yes it is,' Mary added. "Are those doughnuts?"

"Yes, help yourself."

"Thank you, Mr. Superman,' Mary beamed.

"Focus, Mary, focus, we're here for a reason,' Kara cut in.

"Oh, right,' Mary replied.

"You don't have to call me Mr. Superman, Mary,' Clark said.

"Thank you."

"They do look delicious,' Courtney offered.

"They are,' Wally replied, starting on his third doughnut. Kara gave her two friends a look and then just shook her head. She turned her attention back to Clark.

"You have to talk to Diana for us, Clark,' Kara said. "She's being unreasonable! She's going to make us work on Themyscira every weekend just because of a little joke!"

"But not this Saturday, cause that's the Barbie convention,' Mary interjected. "Oh, Chocolate!"

"That's the Saffron Chocolate donut, Mary,' Wally informed her. "It's a donut with saffron and orange zest topped with chocolate saffron glaze."

"You seem to know a lot about these donuts, Wally, have you had them before,' Courtney asked.

"No, there's a menu in the box,' Wally replied.

Dinah took another bite from her donut and stepped over to Clark.

"So when do you want to catch up, Clark,' she asked.

"What? Oh, whenever it's convenient for you, Dinah,' Clark replied. He suddenly had to talk to everyone all at once.

"Are you even listening to me, Clark,' Kara demanded.

"Yes, right, Barbie convention, but you want me to talk to Diana,' Clark offered.

"How about later tonight, Dinah asked. "My shift ends about the same time as yours, Clark."

"May I have another donut,' Jonn asked.

"Um, fine, yes, Dinah, that sounds good. Jonn, help yourself,' Clark said, trying to answer everyone at once.

"This is important, Clark,' Kara shouted. "You have to talk some sense into Diana! She's going to ruin my social life with this!"

"If you could try and get Batman to let us out of babysitting Damian, that's be great too,' Courtney added.

"That's Bruce's psycho kid, right,' Wally asked.

"So do you want to meet in the cafeteria or what, Clark,' Dinah asked.

"Um, okay."

"Have you by any chance tried the Giant Steps blend,' Jonn asked. "From the description it sounds wonderful. A blend of Sumatran and Ugandan organic coffees that is quiet dark and chocolaty."

"Oh My God, you have to try the Caramel Apple Donut,' Wally exclaimed.

""Is there any more of the Chocolate Star with Anise, Mr. Superman,' Mary asked.

"What? Oh, um, no Jonn I haven't tried it and there should be a few in one of the other boxes Mary."

"So the cafeteria when our shifts are over," Dinah asked.

"Clark you need to talk to Diana now,' Kara urged. "As soon as possible! Our lives depend on it!"

Clark was starting to feel overwhelmed.

"Um, ah, right, Dinah, cafeteria, got it,' he managed to say. "Kara I'll do what I can, okay?"

"This is absolutely great, Big Blue and so unlike you,' Wally offered.

"What do you mean,' Clark asked.

"Well, you're usually, oh, I don't know, what's the word I'm looking for,' Wally mused.

"Standoffish,' Dinah supplied as she poured herself another cup of coffee.

"Yeah, that's it,' Wally said, snapping his fingers.

"I am not,' Clark exclaimed.

"Perhaps reserved is a better word,' Jonn offered.

"You could be a little more friendly, Clark,' Kara added.

"Can I have another donut, Mr. Superman,' Mary asked.

Clark was just about to protest when a voice came over the intercom.

"Kal, it's time for our sparring session, I'm waiting,' Diana said.

"I'll be right there, Diana," Clark replied. He gave them all a look and the started for the door, shaking his head. As the door closed after him, the others dug into the donuts.

"Should we perhaps save some for the others,' Jonn asked.

"You know, we should have probably told Big Blue that Diana knows he knew about the joke,' Wally offered, grabbing another donut.

"I'm sure Diana will mention it to him,' Kara replied, grabbing her first donut. "Oh, man, that's delicious! Cornmeal and fresh blueberries!"

"We can always tell them later,' Jonn said, taking another donut for himself.

* * *

The Hallway

Clark was still grumbling to himself as he walked down the hallway. He wasn't standoffish or reserved he was just polite! He was so wrapped up in these thoughts he almost ran over Power Girl.

"Oh, sorry, Karen, I should have watched where I was going,' he offered.

"Um, that's okay, Clark, I was kind of in my own world too,' she admitted. He noticed now that she seemed a little down. Normally he would have respected her privacy, but apparently that wasn't how it was done.

"Is everything okay, Karen," he asked.

"It's just something at work, I don't want to bother you,' she replied.

"You're not bothering me,' he said. "If there's anything I can do to help, I'm willing."

"Really?"

"Sure, what's the problem?"

"Well, there's this corporate dinner Saturday night that I have to attend,' she tentatively began. "I hate these things, actually, but I'm the head of the company so I have to go."

"Okay."

"The invitation specifically says plus one,' Karen replied, blushing just a bit.

"So what's the problem?"

"I don't have one,' she admitted.

"You? Really?"

"Afraid so,' she replied. "I hate the thought of showing up alone."

"I know what you mean, I've been to plenty of office functions by myself,' Clark said.

"You wouldn't consider going with me, would you,' Karen nervously asked.

"What? Like a date,' Clark asked.

"No, just as my plus one,' she quickly replied. "Please, Clark, you're really be doing me a favor. I know you usually don't do stuff like this, cause you're sort of reserved but I'd owe you big time if you help me."

There was the word again, reserved, Clark thought. What is it with everybody, anyway? He looked at her and could see she was almost pleading with her eyes for him to say yes.

"Saturday night,' Clark asked.

"Yes."

"So just dinner, that sort of thing?"

"Yes."

"Okay."

"You'll go,' Karen said in surprise.

"Sure, I'm always willing to help out a friend,' Clark said with a smile.

"Oh, thank you, Clark, thank you,' Karen exclaimed. In the next moment she kissed him. It caught him off guard, but he had to admit it was a really good kiss. He was still a little stunned when it ended. "You don't know how grateful I am, Clark, thank you again!"

Karen smiled at him and then headed down the hallway a little more bounce in her step. Clark couldn't help but watch her walk away.

When he finally pulled himself away and turned, Diana was standing right in front of him. She wasn't smiling.

"Hey, Diana, I was, um, just coming to meet you,' he offered.

"You were late so I came looking for you." Her tone was rather flat, almost forced.

"So, ah, sparring, I guess we should do this,' he said, suddenly feeling a little nervous about her expression.

"Yes, let's,' Diana replied. "I hope you don't mind, I'd like to change it up a bit this time."

"How so?"

Diana smiled now, as she slowly pulled out a rather long and very sharp sword. She held it up between them and it glinted under the light.

"I want to use this," she said.

"That's a magical sword, isn't it,' Clark asked. He was starting to have a really bad feeling about this.

"Is it? Oh, well, yes, I guess it is,' Diana replied with an even bigger smile. She looked at him and then turned back towards the training room. She glanced over her shoulder at him again.

"Coming Kal?"

"She's going to kill me,' Clark groaned.


	18. Chapter 18

Set Piece

The Watchtower – Training Room

The door slid open and Diana gestured with her sword for Clark to enter first. She gave him a closed lip smile, but somehow it didn't reach her eyes. He stepped passed her, not turning his back on her and entered the room. The door slid closed and he heard the distinct sound of it being locked. She turned towards him, rolling the sword around so it made a 'swoosh' sound over and over. He took a few steps back, putting more space between them.

"Computer, disengage safeties,' she said. "Authorization, Wonder Woman."

"Safeties disengaged,' the cold computer voice replied.

He wasn't expecting that.

"Um, Diana, perhaps we should talk…"

He didn't get to finish the sentence as she lunged at him with the sword. He barely managed to sidestep it. The tip embedded in the wall several inches and it took Diana a moment to pull it out.

"A little close there, Diana,' Clark said, moving further away from her. "You could have given me a warning, you know."

"Oh, yes, that's right, we're friends and friends give each other a warning if they are about to enter a dangerous or **_embarrassing_** situation,' Diana replied. "This is a dangerous situation, Kal. That's your warning."

She lunged at him again. The tip of the sword came even closer, so close he almost feel it slice through through the air next to his head. Clark put some distance between them.

"This wouldn't be about the girls joke, Diana, would it,' he asked, trying not to smile at the thought.

"So you did know about it,' she asked, once again twirling the sword in front of her.

"Yes,' he replied, doing his best to keep a straight face.

"And you thought it was funny too, correct,' Diana asked.

"Yes,' he replied, the corners of his mouth pulling up just a little bit.

"So were you trying to protect me too, like Bruce, Kal,' she said.

"No, actually I was hoping to protect the girls,' he replied. "I had a feeling you wouldn't find it funny if you knew."

"You were correct."

She attacked, the sword moving at incredible speeds, but he did his best to dodge her assault. In once quick move, he managed to grab her wrist and stop the sword from reach him. Her body slammed into his and he wrapped his arm around her.

"It was a harmless joke, Diana, they didn't mean anything by it,' he said to her. She struggled against him in very close quarters. When she couldn't break his hold, Diana switched tactics. She wrapped her free arm around him and physically drove him into the wall.

"I didn't find it funny, Kal,' she grumbled, pressed her advantage. "I don't appreciate that sort of humor at someone else's expense!"

"Oh, really,' Clark replied with raised eyebrows, shifting to his left and reversing their positions. Now he was holding her against the wall. "I seemed to remember a story you told me about you and Artemis pulling a joke on General Phillipus at about the same age."

Diana gasped in shock and her cheeks reddened. As upset as she was, the closeness of his body to hers was distracting.

"That-That's completely different, Kal,' she protested.

"There was also the time Kara pulled a joke on me and I seem to remember you laughing so hard you had tears in your eyes,' he offered. "Ring a bell, Princess?"

The moment he said the word Princess, Diana features clouded over. She lashed out, head butting Clark.

"Ow!" He stumbled back a step as pain lanced through his forehead. Diana used the moment to her advantage and tackled him. He landed hard and she drove her shoulder into his midsection before scrambling up to pin him to the floor.

"Jeez, Diana, that hurt!"

"Good,' she replied, grabbing his wrists and forcing them to the floor above his head. He looked up at her, one eyes still squinting from the pain.

"I give, you can let me up now,' he groaned.

"No."

"Excuse me?"

"I said, no, Kal, I want you to apologize,' Diana said, her voice firm and resolve on the matter. "You have no idea how embarrassing those questions they asked were."

He couldn't help smiling at this.

"I think I have some idea,' he replied. "Getting Mary to ask was really rather clever of Kara, I have to admit."

Diana released one of his wrists and punched him.

"Ow! Okay, I apologize!"

She grabbed his wrist again and pressed it back down to the floor.

"I'm not letting you up until I'm satisfied you really mean it, Kal,' Diana stated. "I think you just said it because I punched you."

"Well, that certainly helped,' he grumbled. She was becoming very aware of his body pressed against hers. In frustration, she released his wrist and was about to punch him again, but he was ready for it this time. In one fluid move, he flipped them over so he was now on top of Diana. He grabbed her wrists just as she had done to him and held them down above her head.

"Let me go!" Diana shouted.

"No."

"What?"

"Not until you calm down,' Clark replied. "I do apologize, but you have to admit it was funny."

Diana growled and thrashed against him, trying to get loose. She managed to push herself up a bit, but he still held her wrists. All the movement brought their bodies into more contact. She didn't like feeling helpless, especially with him still smiling and so close to her. She could feel every muscle and inch of his body against her. She stopped thrashing and looked up into his eyes.

"Kal, let me go or else,' Diana calmly said.

"Or else what,' he asked. He got his answer as she jammed her knee upwards into his most vulnerable spot. Clark mouth opened with a groan and his eyes shut as he fell off to the side. Diana moved with him and pinned him once again, this time with his arms at his side.

"Damn it, Diana, that was out of line,' Clark gasped, trying to get his breath back.

"I told you to let me go,' she said with a smile. Diana managed to grab her sword from the floor and now sat low on his chest, the sword poised near his throat. She leaned down towards him, their faces mere inches apart. "Apologize, Kal, and make me believe it this time."

"You're really beautiful when you're angry, Diana,' Clark offered.

Diana gave him a look of confusion and surprise. She hadn't expected him to say that.

"Wh-What? Why did you say that,' she demanded.

"Well, Mary Marvel is standing in the observation gallery and I didn't want her to get the wrong idea about what we're doing,' Clark replied with a smile.

Diana turned her head to see Mary looking at them. There was a look of shock on the young hero's face. It suddenly occurred to Diana that she was in a rather compromising position with Kal.

"Um, Mary, this isn't what it looks like," Diana started to explain.

"Yes, I wanted to wait until we're married, but Diana can't control herself,' Clark added with a smirk. Diana flashed him a nasty look.

"Holey Moley," Mary gasped. "I just came to apologize again, Miss Diana, but I have to agree with Mr. Superman. You should wait until you're married!"

"Mary, we're not, I mean, that's not what is going on,' Diana fumbled to say.

"Yes, I stuck to my principles, Mary and said we should wait,' Clark added again, enjoying teasing Diana.

"Would you stop saying that,' Diana growled down at him. "She's going to get the wrong idea!"

Clark just smiled back at her.

"Mr. Superman is right, Miss Diana,' Mary stated. "You said yourself sex is a major step and you should be very sure, very, very sure. I think that should apply to both of you."

"I wanted to wait, Mary, I did, but Diana insisted,' Clark offered. This got him an even angrier look from Diana. She quickly got off of him and moved away.

"Mary, it's not like that. We weren't, I mean, I most certainly wasn't,' Diana scrambled to say. "We were just…"

"I don't want to know!" Mary gasped. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to walk in on you two doing that!"

Mary turned and ran from the room, even as Diana called after her. Diana rolled her eyes and threw up her hands. Behind her Clark started laughing. Diana slowly turned and glared at him. As she moved forward with the sword in front of her, the laughter died on his lips.

"Easy, Diana,' Clark said, scrambling to get back to his feet.

"Kryptonians,' Diana growled, tightening her grip on her sword.

"It was just a joke,' he offered, but she didn't see it that way.

"Do I look amused, Kal,' Diana asked.

"No, definitely not amused."

"Correct,' Diana replied, advancing towards him again. "Poor Mary looked mortified."

This caused Clark to laugh, but he stopped as Diana pointed the sword at him.

"Again, sorry,' he quickly said.

"Now I know where Kara gets it from,' Diana commented. "I'm going to have to talk to Mary and explain all this, you realize?"

"Why,' he asked.

"Because she thinks we were, you know, doing it,' Diana gasped, shocked by his question.

"Why not let her think it for awhile,' Clark suggested.

"What?"

"They played a joke on you, Diana, don't you really want to get them back,' Clark said. This stopped Diana short as she considered it.

"Wouldn't that be more fun then punishing them,' Clark said, pressing his advantage.

"What do you mean, Kal,' Diana asked, her interest piqued.

He moved slowly towards her, looking at the sword. She lowered it and waited for him to explain.

"Why not turn the tables on them?"

"How?"

"They embarrassed you with their questions, you should ask them some,' Clark suggested.

"That would be lying, Kal, dirty, underhanded and malicious,' Diana replied. "I like it!"

"If Mary's reaction is any indication, you can have a lot of fun with them, Diana,' he said.

"Yes, I can,' she replied with a big smile. "But that doesn't let you off the hook, Kal, you owe me more than an apology."

'Okay, just name it, Diana,' Clark said. Diana gave him a mysterious smile and then put her sword away.

"I'll let you know, Kal,' she said with a smile and then turned and walked to the door. She entered the code and unlocked the door. Diana turned and looked at Clark before she left.

"So anything I want, Kal?"

"Um, sure, I guess,' he replied.

"Good,' she said with a big smile and then left the room.

"Well, dodged one there,' Clark mused, although the smile she gave him still made him a bit nervous.

* * *

San Francisco

"So he gave you a black eye,' Madame Xanadu asked Zatanna.

"It was an accident,' Zee replied. "He was trying to kiss me."

"Well he missed pretty bad,' Nimue said, examining Zee's eye and forehead. "Let's hope he has better aim tomorrow night."

"Nimue!" Zatanna gasped in shock.

"I'm just saying,' Nimue replied, in her defense. "If he missed your lips by that much, there's not telling about him missing…"

"He won't miss, Nimue,' Zee cut her off, blushing at the whole subject. "Could we talk about something else, please?"

"Fine,' Nimue said, raising her hands in surrender. "So what are you wearing tomorrow night for the big event? Not that I hope?"

"No,' Zee said with a pout. "I haven't decided yet."

"Do you have anything sexy,' Nimue asked.

"Yes!"

"You're not going to wear your uniform are you? I mean, sure it's very nice for the stage and fighting crime and all, but put a little effort into this."

"I wasn't going to wear my uniform,' Zee replied. "Besides, it's not like that, we're just doing it once so I can get pregnant!"

"So what?' Nimue asked. "Are you going to wear your sweats? I'm sure he'll be really flattered by that."

"I'm not wearing sweats, I don't know what I'm going to wear,' Zee fired back. "Why is it so important to you, anyway?"

"Honey, if things go the way you hope, you'll look back at tomorrow night as the beginning,' Nimue explained. "Even if it's just once, it should be a fond memory, don't you think?'

"I guess,' Zee admitted.

"Good, than we should go shopping and get you something new,' Nimue said brightly. "Something that primes the pump, so to speak."

"He said he thought I looked attractive already,' Zee said in her defense.

"Well, he's a gentleman, Zatanna, what else is he going to say,' Nimue countered. "In my experience, all men are the same they are visual animals. The hotter you look the hotter he's going to be to do it."

Zee looked at Xanadu for a moment.

"Is that the type of advice you give your clients,' she asked. "Cause I'm really getting a real Dear Abby vibe off of it."

"I was right about the donuts, wasn't I,' Nimue replied.

"Yeah, he really liked those,' Zee admitted.

"Well, than don't be a snot and start listening to me,' Nimue said. "We'll have you knocked up in no time!"

"I think I like the Dear Abby approach better,' Zee sarcastically replied.

"Oh, shut up and let's go shopping."


	19. Chapter 19

Over the Falls without a Barrel

The Watchtower

Diana was in a very good mood as she walked down the hallway. The thought of giving the girls some of their own medicine appealed to her. She could almost see their faces when Mary told them that … that … that … Hera, help me, I don't want everyone thinking I did that, Diana suddenly realized. She stopped dead in tracks in the hallway. Everyone would think she was easy, a loose woman doing that right on the station. I wouldn't! I never! Oh, damn him to Tartarus, Diana scowled, Kal and his innocent farm boy charm had distracted her.

Pivoting on her heel, Diana marched back to the training room, but Superman was nowhere to be seen. Kryptonians! No wonder they stayed on their planet, everyone would have wanted to kill them, she thought. Shifting her focus, Diana knew she had to find Mary before she starting telling everyone. She rushed out of the training room and headed towards the personal quarters.

* * *

San Francisco

Zatanna and Madame Xanadu were shopping. It wasn't going well. They had very different ideas on what was appropriate for Zatanna's big night with Superman.

"So what do you think,' Nimue asked, holding up an outfit.

"A blood red, bone reinforced, corset, garter belt and silk stockings,' Zee gasped. "What am I auditioning for a Victorian prostitute? No way, Nimue, no way!"

"This was just the thing in my day,' Nimue complained, looking longingly at the outfit.

"What day was that again,' Zee asked incredulously.

"None of you business,' Nimue replied. "I'll just set this aside for later."

"You're going to buy it for yourself, aren't you?"

"Focus, Zatanna, focus, we're here to get you something,' Nimue stated, signaling the clerk to set the outfit aside for her.

"Right,' Zee said rather snidely. "Look, Nimue, he already agreed. I don't need any of this."

"So what? You're going to wear your flannel nightgown,' Nimue asked. 'I'm sure that will put him in the mood. He'll always remember you as wearing grandma's nightgown. Why don't you rub Vicks on yourself and complete the picture!"

"I don't have a flannel nightgown for you information,' Zee countered. "Pajamas, but they're nice, really."

"So you're going to dress like a teenager? You want this man to sleep with you, right,' Nimue asked. "You're going to give him a complex if you're not careful."

"That's not true!"

"Right, cause dressing like his teenage cousin wouldn't be weird or anything,' Nimue replied.

"I'm not dressing like her," Zee defended herself. "They're nice pajamas, warm and comfortable."

"They have footies, don't they?"

"Well, yes, but they're detachable, besides they're really, really comfortable."

"Is there a design on them,' Nimue asked.

"Um, ah, yeah."

"And what would that be?"

Zatanna mumbled something.

"I'm sorry, what,' Nimue asked.

"Sabrina the Teenage Witch, but they're really cute,' Zee finally said. "I've had them forever."

Nimue stopped looking through the rack of lingerie and just stared at Zatanna.

"Seriously?"

"I have other stuff,' Zee said with a shrug.

"You're so lucky you're pretty, honey,' Nimue said with a shake of her head.

* * *

The Watchtower

Clark moved through the hallways, glancing back just to make sure Diana wasn't following him. He was smiling at having dodged a bullet with her. He figured his small distraction wouldn't last very long, but long enough for him to escape. She would probably be even angrier once she thought about it, but he'd worry about that later when she wasn't carrying a magical sword. By now Mary was probably telling everyone and it would ramp up speculation about the two of them, but half the members thought they already were sleeping together anyway. It was ridiculous, Clark thought, Diana and he were just good friends, but people seemed to find that hard to believe. Yes, he was obviously aware that Diana was one of the most beautiful women in the world, but that didn't mean they couldn't be friends, just friends.

That was the odd part for Clark, most of his friends were women, always had been, at least his close friends. Sure he was friends with Pete in high school, but Chloe and Lana had been the ones he spent the most time with. Lois had been his friend long before anything else and still was. Diana fit into who he was friends with, pure and simple. It was a little disturbing that he tended to be drawn to bright, fiery and combative women, but then one had raised him, so maybe it made some kind of sense. If you add Kara, who definitely fit into the fiery group, all the people closest to him were women.

Diana in some ways was the fieriest. That was what made it so fun to tease her, he admitted. Being raised as a Princess set the tone for how others treated her. She was royalty and most treated her as if she were on a pedestal. It was probably the right thing, as she was an amazing woman, but being her friend, Clark liked to shake the pedestal just a little bit once and awhile. He knew Diana had a sense of humor, a good one in fact, but she didn't get to show it as often as most. So what are friends for?

If he really thought about it, beautiful women surrounded him every day. Just take the League; each woman in it was extraordinarily beautiful in different ways. That didn't mean he was sleeping with all of them, did it? Of course not, Clark thought, they were friends. It was like his helping Karen out by being her plus one. He'd been to more than his share of corporate events as a reporter, so he knew how boring they could be, especially by yourself. Going with her to it didn't mean he was dating her; just that he was helping out a friend. Yes, she was spectacularly gorgeous, but people read too much into things. They were friends, like he was with Diana, that's it.

He wasn't so vain he believed they all wanted him. He wasn't Bruce Wayne for heaven sakes! If he needed any confirmation on this, Zatanna's revelation that he wasn't her first or second or third or fourth choice certainly drove the point home. She picked Arthur before me, I still can't believe it, Clark lamented, what am I, a leper? He was her safety school, Jesus that was a slap in the face. On top of that she said it was because he was aloof, what the hell? A guy's not the life of the party and suddenly he's aloof! It's a two way street, people, no one was exactly running up to him to chat either!

"Hey, Clark, I was just looking for you,' Dinah said as he rounded the corner. "Do you still want to catch up, or do you have some place to be?"

Oh, right, I did say we should catch up, Clark thought. Doesn't that show I'm not aloof?

"No, no place special, Dinah, sure, let's catch up,' Clark said with a smile.

"Great, how about the cafeteria,' she suggested.

"Lead the way."

* * *

New York

Helena Bertinelli stood outside the dressing room waiting for her friend Karen Star to emerge. They were both in civilian clothes and doing a little shopping.

"So tell me again, how did you get Clark to agree to go out on a date with you," Helena asked.

"Simple, I asked him,' Karen said from behind the curtain. "I told him about this banquet I have to go to and asked if he'd go with me as my plus one."

"Are you sure that's a date,' Helena replied. "I mean a plus one could just be a friend, couldn't it?"

"It's a date,' Karen stated.

"Does he know that?'

"Well, he should."

"Yeah, but again, does he know it's a date,' Helena asked.

The curtains on the dressing room opened and Karen stepped out. She was wearing a rather sheer, silk dress that highlighted her rather spectacular figure to full advantage. Helena stepped back and whistled.

"Wow!"

"I think he'll get the idea it's a date,' Karen said with a smile.

"Yeah, that dress should do it,' Helena agreed.

* * *

The Watchtower

Diana made a quick search and finally found Mary in Kara's room. The door opened and the three younger members turned and looked at Diana. The looks were of shock and amazement.

"Um, ah, Mary, I think we need to talk about earlier,' Diana began as the door closed behind her.

"You mean about you and Superman getting it on,' Courtney asked.

"Yes, I mean no,' Diana gasped. Kara stood up and walked over to Diana and hugged her.

"Welcome to the family, Diana!"

"Wh-What?"

"Well, if you and Clark are sleeping together, that makes us almost family,' Kara explained with a smile.

"You still should have waited, Miss Diana,' Mary offered. "Sex before marriage is wrong!"

"Oh, pipe down, Mary Poppins,' Kara countered. "If Diana and Clark want to get it on they're both adults."

"Right here on the station, wow that's like crazy sexy, Diana,' Courtney added.

"No! We didn't! I most certainly wouldn't,' Diana gushed, blushing at the inference. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about, we weren't doing anything, Mary!"

"But I saw you and Mr. Superman said you were,' Mary replied.

"He was joking with you to embarrass me,' Diana explained.

"Really?"

"Yes!"

"Well, that kind of kills a great story,' Courtney complained.

"You know you can tell us the truth, Diana, we won't judge,' Kara offered.

"I am telling you the truth, nothing happened,' Diana immediately said. "Use my lasso if you don't believe me!"

The three younger members looked at each other and then nodded.

"I guess nothing happened then,' Kara admitted.

"I'm so glad,' Mary said with a smile. "You really are a role model for me, Miss Diana and I hate to think of you like that."

"Well thank you, Mary," Diana said with a smile, touched by her words. Kara suddenly started laughing and the others looked at her.

"What," Courtney asked.

"I just thought of Clark's joke, it's funny,' Kara said between giggles. "You saw how embarrassed Diana was when she came in!"

Courtney started to chuckle at the thought and then Mary jointed her. The three were laughing very hard after a moment. They all stopped abruptly when they saw the look on Diana's face.

"Sorry, Diana,' Kara offered bashfully.

"Not as sorry as Kal is going to be,' Diana growled.

"What are you going to do to him?"

"Kill him!"

"Diana, I know he pissed you off, but he's still my cousin, I can't really let you do that,' Kara explained. "I mean how would it look if I just let you kill my only relative?"

"I didn't mean literally, I just have to get him back,' Diana replied. "I got him to promise to do whatever I want, but I can't think of anything right now.'

Kara smiled and looked at her two friends.

"You know we could help you, Diana,' she offered.

"Really?"

"Yes, but, oh, wait, we have to be on Themyscira every weekend,' Kara said with a frown.

"But not this weekend, this weekend is the Barbie convention,' Mary quickly added.

"Yeah, right,' Kara said with a roll of her eyes. "It's really too bad, cause I'm sure we could have come up with something really good."

Diana eyed the younger members, instantly knowing what Kara was trying to do. She was a sneaky one Diana had to admit.

"I'm not letting you off, any of you, Kara, so don't even try that,' Diana flatly said.

"But you could reduce our punishment, Courtney offered. "You know, so we could help you."

Diana considered this. The three of them, especially Kara were devious and she did know Kal as well as anyone.

"All right, four weeks,' Diana offered.

"One.' Kara countered.

"Four."

"Two."

"Three."

"Two."

"Three."

"Three and you go with us to the Barbie convention this weekend,' Mary offered. They all turned and looked at her in surprised.

"Mary, we're trying to negotiate her down,' Kara whispered.

Diana rolled her eyes at this. Did they forget she had remarkable hearing, besides she was standing three feet away from them?

"Three weeks, take it or leave it,' Diana said.

"Three weeks and you got to the Barbie convention," Mary countered.

"And you get us out of baby sitting Damian,' Courtney added.

"Even I can't do that,' Diana replied. "Alright, two weeks."

"Deal,' Kara immediately said.

"No, three weeks and the Barbie convention," Mary said adamantly.

"Ixnay on the ArbieBay, Mary, we got her down to two weeks,' Kara said out of the side of her mouth.

"Three weeks and the convention,' Mary repeated.

"Why are you so determined to get Diana to the Barbie convention, Mary,' Courtney asked.

"Cause she could be our chaperon and that way I don't have to argue with Bill about spending the whole weekend down there,' Mary explained.

"That would get Pat off my back,' Courtney admitted.

"It would also be a real buzz kill,' Kara countered. "I was hoping to have some fun on this weekend, you know?"

"Just what sort of fun, Kara,' Diana asked, crossing her arms in front of her. "I take it that going with me that I'm the buzz kill? Is that what you're implying?"

Kara squirmed a bit under Diana's gaze.

"I didn't mean it like that Diana, I'm sure you're loads of fun most times,' Kara said, trying to dig herself out. "You know, at archery contests or royal weddings, stuff like that. Besides, you wouldn't want to come with us, you'd be really bored."

Diana just continued to stare at Kara.

"I see,' Diana said flatly. "All right, Mary, I will join you this weekend as your chaperon. Oh, Kara, I'll make sure to keep an eye on you especially, so you don't have the wrong kind of fun."

"Yeah,' Mary shouted and then jumped up and hugged Diana.

"Great,' Kara said half-heartedly. She slumped down on the bed looking miserable.

* * *

The Watchtower – Cafeteria

Dinah and Clark had been talking for almost an hour. The conversation had been a little forced at first, but after awhile, they seemed to relax around each other and open up. He told her about the incident with Diana in the training room and it brought tears to Dinah's eyes. For the most part, though, he let her talk and just listened. Dinah was a little surprised at how easy it was to talk to Clark. He seemed genuinely interested in what she had to say and he didn't try and look down her top like Wally always did. While she was the chairwoman of the Justice League and a seasoned member, she wanted Clark approval, just like Bruce and Diana's. They were the three big members that most looked up to and Dinah still wanted their seal of approval.

"So I was wondering, Clark, what do you really think about me as Chairwoman,' Dinah nervously asked.

"I think you're doing a great job, Dinah,' Clark answered honestly.

"Really?"

"Absolutely. Your leadership skills have really come out since you've taken the job."

"So you don't think I'm too bossy,' she asked. "Some members do."

"No, I think you're fine, I voted for you, Dinah,' Clark replied. Dinah smiled at this.

"Thank you."

"You deserve it."

"So before this turns into a hurray for me talk, tell me something, will you,' she asked.

"Sure, what?"

"Well, I'm always looking for tips on getting better, not just as the Chairwoman, but in general. That's why I spare with Bruce and even Diana occasionally. Is there anything you think I can do that will help me?'

Clark considered this for a moment.

"Well that's not really my expertise, Dinah,' he replied. "My skill set's a bit different than most. I know Bruce thinks you're an excellent fighter and so does Diana. From what I've seen, you're great."

"Well, thanks again, but nobody's perfect, Clark,' Dinah countered. "Tell me something you don't like."

Warning bells went off in Clark's head at this.

"Um, ah, I can't think of anything, Dinah,' he quickly said.

"Oh, come on, Clark, I'm a big girl, I can take it,' Dinah said. "Tell me one thing."

"Um, ah, not comfortable with this conversation, Dinah,' Clark said, squirming a bit. "You're perfect just the way you are."

"I thought we were being honest with each other, Clark,' Dinah replied. "Nobody's perfect. If you can't be honest with me about this, than how can I believe you when you say you think I'm doing a good job?"

"Because you are,' he offered.

"You say that, but then you won't be honest with me,' Dinah replied, pressing ahead with this. "Just tell me one thing, it doesn't even have to be about work, just one thing about me that bothers you or you don't like."

"Nothing, really, Dinah,' Clark said.

"Come on, Clark, if you're not going to treat me like an adult than this is all a waste of time,' Dinah countered. "Here I thought you were finally being friendly and not so aloof, but I guess I was wrong."

There was that word again, Clark groaned.

'Come on, Clark, one thing, one little tiny thing you either don't like or that bothers you about me,' Dinah said, pressing him.

"One thing."

Clark looked at her and saw she wasn't going to let this go. For a brief moment he thought of saying her annoying habit of asking uncomfortable questions, but quickly dismissed it.

"If you're really my friend, you'd tell me, Clark,' Dinah said.

Clark sighed and racked his brain for something. He tried to think of the most innocuous thing he could come up with.

"All right, if you insist,' he said.

"I insist."

"Okay, it's really nothing,' he said, still trying to get out of this.

"Tell me anyway,' she immediately replied, leaning towards him.

"You have to understand, I have really sensitive senses, you know, sight, smell, etc,' Clark explained.

"Yeah, yeah, super everything, I get it, just tell me,' Dinah said, waving his explanation off. Clark sighed and then just told her.

"Occasionally, rarely really, almost never, but once in a great while, your perfume."

"My perfume? What about it,' Dinah asked.

"Well, I don't know what brand it is, but it smells like a mixture of lilies and carnations,' Clark hesitantly said. "It kind of reminds me of a funeral home."

He gave a little shrug and tried to gauge her reaction. She sat there just looking at him for a moment. She wasn't smiling.

"A funeral home."

"Just a little bit on a rare occasion,' Clark quickly added.

"I see,' Dinah said, her mouth in a tight line. "Well, I did ask you, didn't I?"

"It's really so rare I barely notice it,' Clark offered.

"No need to explain, Clark, I think I got it,' Dinah said, cutting him off. She slowly stood up, every muscle in her body rather rigid.

'Well, thanks for the talk, Clark."

She looked at him and there was no warmth in her gaze. Stiffly, she turned and walked out of the cafeteria.

"Okay, that was a mistake,' Clark mumbled to himself.

* * *

San Francisco – Midnight

Clark stood in front of Zatanna's door. He had flowers; roses in one hand and slowly raised his other to knock. He was nervous. This was such a strange situation and unlike anything he'd ever don't before. He knew it wasn't a date, but he'd gotten flowers anyway. They were going to have sex, so he felt he should make some effort. He'd spent a long time trying to decide what you wear for something like this. Nothing was the obvious answer, but he couldn't show up like that.

Casual, keep it casual, he thought, let's not add any more pressure than there already is. He settled on jeans and a nice white shirt, but as he stood at her door he was having second thoughts. Was he being too casual? What if she was decked out to the nines? He would look like a complete douchebag showing up like this. He had the urge to peak through the door to see, but didn't want to invade her privacy, well, at least not yet.

Oh boy, this isn't going to be as easy as I thought, Clark realized. Maybe he could call and say there was an emergency? No, she could just check with the station and find out his was lying. Plus there was the fact that he did want to do this. Since she'd first explained it to him, a child had been on Clark's mind most of the time. It was an opportunity that might not come again and he didn't want to miss it.

Here goes nothing, he thought and then knocked on the door. It took a moment but then Zatanna opened the door. She had a silk robe on and looked very good. Clark started to say this, but she was on the phone and held up her hand for him to be quiet. She waved him inside and closed the door after him. He gave her a smile, but she seemed absorbed by the phone call. He stood there, nervous, holding the flowers and glanced around her apartment. It was spacious, not the cleanest place he'd ever seen, but nice.

"Okay, honey, don't let it bother you,' Zee said into the phone. "Look, there's someone at the door, but call me later if you want to talk more, okay?"

Clark diplomatically didn't listen in on the conversation and just waited until she was finished.

"All right, good night, I'll talk to you soon, uh-huh, bye,' Zee said and then hung up. She set the phone door and turned and looked at Clark.

"These, um, ah, are for you,' he said, holding out the flowers.

"Thanks." She took them and set them aside and then looked at him again. There was almost a questioning nature about her look.

"What,' he asked.

"Did you really tell Dinah she smells like a funeral home,' Zee asked. "What are you a complete douchebag?'


	20. Chapter 20

Working out the Kinks

San Francisco

Zatanna's question about the level of Clark's douchebaggery seemed to hang in the air. Like most of us, he felt the need to defend himself.

"I didn't say she smelled like a funeral home, just that her perfume, occasionally, um, smells like a funeral home,' he offered. "So you see it's completely different."

"And why exactly would you say that to her,' Zatanna asked, standing right in front of him with her arms crossed.

"She asked me to tell her something I didn't like about her,' Clark replied. "I tried getting out of it, but she kept insisting, so I picked the most innocuous thing I could think of."

"That she smells like a funeral home?"

"That's not what I said, I was talking about her perfume, that's it,' Clark objected.

"You still don't say that, Clark,' Zee firmly said.

"Okay, answer me this, what flowers and their smell do you associate with a funeral and funeral homes?'

"I don't know."

"Think about it."

Zee took a moment to consider it.

"Carnations, I guess, maybe Lilies,' she finally offered.

"Exactly! Dinah's perfume is a mix of the two,' Clark triumphantly said.

"Really?"

"Yes! Everyone has a sort of sense memory, where certain smell trigger specific times or places,' Clark explained, feeling like he was on a roll down. He moved over to her music collection and picked up a CD at random. He held it up to Zatanna. "It works the same way with music. When you hear this CD does it bring back any memories?"

"No, I just bought that, I haven't listened to it yet,' Zee replied.

Clark gave her a look and then turned and picked up another CD.

"Have you listened to this one,' he asked.

"The Dresden Dolls, sure."

"So when you listen to it, maybe it reminds you of a certain place or time when you heard it. The same goes for Dinah's perfume, that's all I was trying to say,' Clark explained.

"I guess, but you still shouldn't have said it,' Zee countered.

'Oh really? What should I have said,' Clark asked.

"I don't know, something else, like she's too hard a worker or something,' Zee offered.

"So bullshit her is what you're essentially saying?"

"Exactly."

"Interesting,' Clark said with a nod. "So instead of telling her the truth, even if it's a tiny innocuous thing, just make something up is what you're saying."

"Right."

"So when I asked if I was your first choice, saying no that I wasn't even in the top five was you not taking your own advice," Clark countered.

"That-That-That's completely, um, different,' Zee stammered.

"How?"

"It just is!"

"Right,' Clark said with a smile.

"Oh, don't act so smug,' Zee replied. "I can't believe you're still hung up on that, anyway."

"How am I supposed to feel? I mean you asked Arthur before me, I mean come on, Arthur? Really?"

"We-We're not talking about you, we're talking about Dinah,' Zee replied. "Why didn't you just say she asked annoying questions or something?"

"You know, I actually thought about that,' Clark admitted. "I was afraid I'd hurt her feelings if I said it."

"As opposed to saying she smells like a funeral home?"

Clark ran his hand over his brow trying not to let her frustrate him too much. He counted to ten and took a deep breath. The patiently he continued.

"I didn't say she smelled like a funeral home, just that her perfume sometimes reminds me of a funeral home. You have to understand, I can smell everyone's perfume and I mean everyone on the station,' Clark said. "I walk through life being bombarded by smells every minute of everyday."

"Every perfume,' Zee asked.

"Yes."

"And I suppose they all remind you of something,' Zee continued. "What's mine remind you of, a fish market or something?"

"This is exactly how I got in trouble with Dinah.' Clark pointed out.

"So it does remind you of something, what,' Zee pressed ahead.

"I really don't want to get into this again,' Clark complained.

"I'm a big girl, Clark, tell me." Zee insisted.

"That's what Dinah said,' he replied.

"Just tell me!"

"Okay, rose petals and silk, are you happy,' he said in exasperation. This caught her up short. Zee blushed a little.

"Really?'

"Yes. I'm guessing it's a blend of Moroccan Rose, Grapefruit, White Peony, Pink Pepper, Precious Vanilla, Grey Amber, Musk," he explained.

"What? Did you read the bottle,' she asked.

"I told you I can smell everything,' Clark replied. "By the way, I think the milk in your fridge has gone bad."

"You did read the bottle, didn't you,' Zee asked in warily. "It's Stella McCartney's Nude and those are the exact ingredients."

"I know, I bought some for Kara last Christmas cause I liked the way it smell on you,' Clark admitted. "She prefers Abercrombie & Fitch 41 though."

Zatanna looked at him for a moment, twisting the belt on her silk robe between her fingers. "You really like my perfume,' she tentatively asked. "Yes." Now a smile crossed her face.

"I take back that you're a complete douchebag,' she said with a little laugh.

"Thank you, but now I have to figure out what to say to Dinah,' Clark replied. "I'm pretty sure she thinks I'm a complete douchebag."

"Yeah, I got that impression on the phone,' Zee admitted. "You know now that you mentioned it, her perfume occasionally is a little heavy on the floral scene."

"That's all I was saying,' Clark replied. He then looked passed Zee towards her kitchen. She noticed this.

"What?'

"Would you mind if I got rid of that milk, cause the due date was like two weeks ago,' he asked.

"Knock yourself out."

"Thank you."

Clark put on a little burst of speed and was back with the carton of milk in a moment.

"I'll be right back."

"Okay."

As he left, Zee stood in the living room and it suddenly hit her why he was there. She glanced down at her silk robe; the one Nimue had given her and thought it looked nice. She then remembered she had her sweats on under it.

"Oh, God, I need to change!"

She rushed into her bedroom and furiously started digging through her closet.

* * *

The Watchtower

A rather sullen Dinah was sitting at one of the cafeteria tables with Shayera, Mari and Wally. They were trying to cheer her up.

"Come on, Dinah, it's not that bad,' Shayera offered.

"That's cause Superman didn't say you stink like a funeral home,' Dinah grumbled.

"He didn't say you did, just you perfume,' Mari pointed out.

"Same difference."

"I didn't even notice you wore perfume to be honest,' Wally added.

"That's cause you're always trying to look down my top,' Dinah replied crossly.

"That's not true,' Wally objected. "When you're walking away I most certainly don't."

He gave her a leering smile and wagged his eyebrows. All three women just stared at him for a moment. Shayera leaned over and whispered in his ear.

"Go away now."

"I was just trying to help."

"You're not. Now go away before I hit you.'

"You don't have to tell me twice,' Wally said and stood up. All three women reflexively put their hands up to their chest.

"You guys are no fun.'

Wally lamented before disappearing out of the cafeteria. Shayera and Mari turned their attention back to Dinah.

"Just out of curiosity, why did he say your perfume smells like a funeral home anyway,' Mari asked.

"Cause I asked him,' Dinah replied.

"You asked Superman how your perfume smelled? Why?"

"I didn't ask him that,' Dinah said. "I just asked him to be honest with me and tell me something he didn't like about me, is all."

"I'd have said how you're always correcting people,' Shayera offered.

"I'm not always correcting people! You're completely wrong,' Dinah fired back.

"I rest my case,' Shayera replied.

"Oh, great, kick me when I'm down, thanks,' Dinah grumbled. She dropped her head down on her arms and sulked on the table.

"Are you wearing that perfume today,' Mari asked. "It does seem a little floral."

"Yes! Why you going to kick me too,' Dinah asked.

"No, of course not,' Mari replied. "I was just going to suggest maybe those heavy scents aren't right for you."

"Why does that sound like a nice way of saying the same thing Superman said,' Dinah asked.

"It's not," Mari replied.

"Yes it is."

"You know, you really do have a problem with the correct people all the time,' Mari offered.

"No I don't!"

Mari looked at Shayera and she rolled her eyes. Dinah saw this.

"Oh, shut up the both of you! Besides you have no taste," Dinah said.

She turned and signaled Fire to come over. The younger woman stepped over to the table.

"Yes?"

"Beatriz, would you smell my perfume and tell me what you think,' Dinah asked. She held up the back of her wrist for her to smell. Fire leaned down and then quickly step back, crossing herself as she did.

"Flores para os mortos!"

She quickly moved away, nervously glancing over her shoulder at Dinah. Dinah sighed and then looked at her two friends.

"Not a word out of either of you."

They both nodded and sat there in silence for a moment.

"So what did she say,' Shayera whispered to Mari. "What's flores para os mortos?"

"Shayera,' Dinah growled in warning.

"Flowers for the dead,' Mari whispered.

"That's not good,' Shayera replied.

Dinah got up and stormed out in a huff cursing under her breath the whole way.

* * *

The Watchtower – Elsewhere

Kara and Courtney were playing video games as Mary went over their itinerary for the weekend.

"I win again,' Kara gleefully shouted.

"No fair, you used your powers,' Courtney complained.

"No I didn't, I beat you fair and square," Kara said with a smile. "I'm just too good for you, face it."

"And such a graceful F-ing winner,' Courtney muttered.

"Still trying to cut down on the swearing, huh,' Kara asked.

"I'm getting better,' Courtney replied. "Now I want a rematch and play fair this time, damn it!"

Kara looked at her and shook her head, as they set started another game.

"So have you come up with something for Diana to pay back your cousin with,' Courtney asked.

"No, why?"

"Well, we did promise her we would and you're the best at that sort of thing."

"Absolutely,' Mary chimed in. Kara gave her a dirty look and then turned back to the game.

"I know we promised, but Clark's family, I can't go against him,' Kara explained.

"So you lied to Diana,' Courtney asked.

"It's wrong to lie,' Mary added.

"It's not lying, "Kara said. "Besides, how would it look if I screwed my own flesh and blood over? I mean I'm his only blood relative."

"There's Power Girl,' Mary suggested.

"She's not related!" Kara's temper flashed, but then she got back into the game.

"So what? You think Diana's just going to forget,' Courtney asked. "I really don't see that happening."

"No, but think of it this way, we got our punishment cut to three weeks,' Kara said. She turned and looked at Mary. "It could have been two, but someone wanted a chaperone."

"That's me,' Mary happily said.

"Of course it is,' Kara replied. "Look, we have three weeks and if I know my cousin, which I do, he'll apologize to Diana in that time and we won't have to do anything."

"What if he doesn't," Courtney asked.

"He will," Kara said with certainty.

"He is very nice,' Mary added. "But it seems wrong somehow. We made a promise to Miss Diana, we should keep it."

Kara paused the game.

"Hey, what the hell, I was winning,' Courtney complained.

"Look, the two of you, I respect Diana as much as anyone. I mean she's a role model for all of us, but Clark's family,' Kara said. "You wouldn't go against Billy would you, Mary? Or you against Pat, would you, Courtney? I figure we just string this along and it will take care of itself."

"And what if it doesn't,' Courtney asked.

"Well, if it comes down to me or Clark, I'll pick me, naturally, but it won't come to that, trust me."

"You're devious, Kara,' Mary said with reproach.

"Shocker,' Courtney mouthed.

"It will work out, trust me,' Kara said. "Look, Clark likes Diana and Diana likes Clark, so he'll apologize and everything will be forgiven. As a bonus, we get our punishment reduced, so it's a win-win-win for everyone."

"How do you know he'll apologize,' Mary asked.

"Think about it, Mary, suppose you liked someone and he did something stupid,' Kara explained. "Part of you would want to get him back, but part would want him to apologize."

"I guess,' Mary replied, blushing just a bit. Kara and Courtney didn't miss this.

"You do like someone, don't you, Mary' Courtney said with a grin.

"Tell us who,' Kara asked.

"I don't know what you're talking about,' Mary primly said. The other two got up and moved over next to Mary.

"Tell us, Mary, who do you have a crush on,' Courtney whispered.

"Nobody."

"Tell us, Mary or we'll tickle you,' Kara said with a grin.

"You wouldn't,' Mary gasped.

"Wouldn't we?"

"NO!" Mary shouted and started to run away, but Kara and Courtney caught her and started tickling her.

"Stop! Stop," Mary squealed between giggles.

"Not until you tell us,' Kara said.

"All right, all right, I'll tell you, just stop!"

Kara and Courtney got off her and moved back to their seats. Courtney popped open another Diet Coke and took a bit sip. Mary straightened her outfit and looked longingly at the door.

"Don't even think about it, Mary,' Kara warned. "Just tell us, who is it?"

"Yeah, Mary, spit it out,' Courtney added. Mary blushed furiously and looked down at the floor.

"Wally."

Courtney was caught completely off guard by this and nearly choked on her soda. Kara turned and patted her on the back.

"OW! Jeez, Kara don't hit so hard, you'll break my spine like that!"

"Excuse me for trying to help,' Kara grumbled.

"Forget that,' Courtney said, turning her attention back to Mary. "Wally? Really?'

"Yes,' Mary whispered, deeply embarrassed.

"Wally West,' Kara asked. "Flash? That Wally?"

"Yes, okay, are you two satisfied,' Mary groaned. "He's cute and sweet."

'Wally?" Kara turned to Courtney with a confused look on her face. Courtney made a face like she had no clue either.

"You have to promise you won't breath a word of this to anyone,' Mary urgently said. "I'd just die if he found out!"

"Wally? Really?"

* * *

San Francisco

Clark came back into the apartment but didn't see Zatanna.

"Zatanna?"

"I'll be out in a minute, make yourself comfortable,' she called.

"Okay." Clark moved over and looked over some of the books that filled the wall. There were plenty of esoteric texts on magic, really deep stuff that he had no clue what they did. He didn't touch any of them, as magic was one of his weaknesses. He was just about to look through the CD collection when he saw another stack of books behind one of the chairs. Laurell Kaye Hamilton's Anita Blake series were all there. Clark picked up one and smiled as he saw that several pages were dog-eared. So Zee likes the erotic vampire hunter, huh, he thought. Interesting.

In the bedroom, Zee was pulling things from her closet trying to find something to change into. Damn Nimue, Zee silently cursed, now she's got me thinking I've got to look sexy for him. She finally pulled out a black silk nightgown that she had been saving for a special occasion. Well, this is pretty special she thought. Slipping off the robe and sweats she put it on and looked at herself in the mirror. Okay, that should get just about anyone's motor revving, she thought with a smile. Zee put the robe back on and loosely tied the belt. As a performer, she knew presentation was everything. She was just about to go back out to the living room, when she saw how disheveled her bedroom was. If things went the way they should, they would end up in her. Casting a quick special, everything straightened itself and the room looked perfect. Okay, she thought, this is it. Taking a deep breath, Zee smiled and headed back out to the living room.

Clark had just opened the book to see what it was about, but as he checked out some of the pages that had been dog-eared, he started reading a bit more. Some of the passages actually made him blush and he looked at the cover again. Narcissus in Chains, definitely worth further reading, he thought, once he was alone, that is.

Zatanna stepped out from the bedroom and slowly undid the belt on the silk robe.

"Oh, Clark, are you ready,' she said, trying to sound as seductive as she could. This might have worked better, but as she took a step forward, she accidentally stepped on the robe's belt and stumbled forward. In the next moment she face planted herself on the sofa.

"Hey, are you alright,' Clark said, quickly tossing the book to the side so she wouldn't see he'd been reading it. He moved over to her, just as she was sitting up.

"What? Oh, that? Um, sure, I'm fine, never better,' Zee replied. Inwardly she was thinking, God, I'm such a douchebag! I try to be seductive and literal fall on my face. It never works like that in the movies.

Clark was sitting next to her and she tried to put on a smile.

"So I guess we're doing this, huh,' he said.

"Yeah, I guess we are,' she replied.

"Nervous?'

"A little, you?"

"Yeah."

"You've done this before, haven't you,' Zee suddenly asked.

"Yes, of course I have," Clark immediately fired back.

"Okay, relax, I was just asking."

"Sorry, I am nervous,' Clark offered, softening a bit. There was a moment of silence between them.

"How come you didn't ask me if this was my first time,' Zee said, suddenly wondering why he didn't.

"I just sort of assumed it wasn't, that's all,' he offered.

"Why?"

The same warning bells that had gone off when Dinah had asked her question started again. Don't answer that, he told himself.

So instead he just leaned in and kissed her.

It was a good kiss.


	21. Chapter 21

Memories

"Time and memory are true artists;

they remould reality nearer to the heart's desire. "

John Dewey

San Francisco

Memories are delicate half lies, a slanting of reality, a coloring of what happened and a whitewashing of the past. Thank God for that.

It allows you to remember your wedding day as this magical occasion, but skip over that one of your bridesmaids was outside throwing up next to a dumpster.

You remember the first time your child smiled at you and how your heart soared, while conveniently forgetting in the next moment he filled his diaper and the stench was so horrendous your eyes watered.

It helps you remember that road trip with your friends as a fun filled, wild time on Spring Break and edits out the long, mind numbing hours driving where the only radio station you could pick up was All Gospel, All The Time, plus Paul Harvey and farm report updates every fifteen minutes.

Memory lets you gloss over the awkward, the tedious and the inconvenient. Sometimes our memories aren't quite in sync with the reality. This extends to all of us, even heroes.

The morning light peaked over the windowsill. Zatanna's eyes fluttered opened and saw Clark looking at her.

"Hi,' she said with a smile.

"Good morning,' he replied with a smile of his own.

"Interesting night,' she offered with a giggle.

"That's one way of putting it."

They lay there for a few moments not sure what either should do. This was rather unique situation for both of them. Their minds drifted back to the night before as memories came flood back. They remembered how one kiss led to another and another. How each kiss seemed to grow in heat and passion

The reality was that they had started with one kiss and it had led to another and another, but Zee had been sitting on the edge of the couch and when Clark leaned in she had slipped off and they both fell to the floor with her landing on top of him. They also didn't reminisce about how her knee had landed in the worst strategic spot and as she tried to get up she had inadvertently ground it down further. Even an invulnerable man is less invulnerable in certain spots.

Clark remembered effortlessly picking her up as they continued kissing. She had wrapped her legs around his waist and he'd carried her into the bedroom.

He didn't recall that he'd been rather distracted and slightly missed the doorway, putting sizable dent in the frame with his elbow.

They both could picture being frantic to get the other's clothes off and it had been a whirl of flying garments.

He didn't remember groping around behind her looking for a zipper and then finally realizing there wasn't one.

Her selective memory didn't include trying to push his pants down, which brought a rather high-pitched yelp from him before she realized he was wearing a belt.

They both pictured themselves moving as if in a movie, all choreographed and sensual. They smoothly made it to the bed and slipped under the sheets. The memory of being so close seemed to dominate.

They had been close, probably too close, in his rush to be with her, Clark had accidentally let his full body weight press down on Zee, knocking the wind out of her. Neither dwelt on that moment.

They remembered each other's texture and how they felt. Her impossibly smooth skin as her leg slithered up the side of his. His hard muscled body under her fingers.

That she'd broken a nail trying to scratch his back had been lost or that his toenails sliced through her sheets as he rose up on his tiptoes.

She could almost hear herself repeating his name over and over as they moved on the bed.

It slipped her mind that she had said, "Ow, you're on my hair!"

Clark remembered them switching positions so she was on top and looking up as her black locks tumbled down around her beautiful face. He remembered her pressing herself tighter to him, trying to get even closer.

His memories were a little foggy on the moment when she had pressed herself against him, wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing his throat and he had received a mouthful of her hair. He gagged a little bit, but that wasn't what he thought of his morning.

If you'd asked them how long it had lasted that first time, they would have said it seemed like forever.

In reality it was probably about ten, fifteen minutes tops.

After it was over the first time, Zatanna remembered slipping out of bed and smiling at Clark. She asked him if he'd like some water, as she was going to have some.

Her memory seemed to have edited out the first part of her comments that she had to pee.

This is not to say what they experienced wasn't real, it was. Zatanna and Clark had made a connection, perhaps deeper than either had expected. The cynic would say their memories were all lies, but the realist would counter this. He would say that while things hadn't been quite as perfect as their memories might lead one to believe, it was still overall an amazing experience.

There in lay their dilemma. It was just supposed to be sex with no strings attached for the purpose of creating a child. In the calm, clear light of day this seemed perfectly reasonable. They would sleep together once for the purpose of procreation and then move on. What they hadn't counted on was emotion and feelings. Once they were in bed together they weren't thinking of it in a calm, clear manner, emotions took over. It wasn't just sex, it was something more. Both felt it, but neither wanted to admit it.

It's that 'indefinable' that memory reinforces. The physical act of having sex is never quite the ballet we see in movies. It's all about emotions, feelings and sensations. It is connecting with another at the most basic level. While it is usually awkward and full of potential for embarrassment, it's also startlingly good. There's an old joke by Woody Allen, where he talked about how amazing sex was. He said even his worst orgasm was right on the money.

When you consider it in that context that the very worst of something is still pretty damn good, you begin to understand the impact that sex can have on all of us. Unless you're a complete unfeeling jerk, you can't help but be affected by it. You're at your most open and vulnerable, naked with another human being. A bond of intimacy s formed like no other. There is almost an overwhelming desire for more of it. It's addictive as any drug.

Problems arise later, once it's over and we reflexively pull back. It's a natural instinct, as none of us like feeling vulnerable for too long. It's too frightening and any wounds that come while in that state are magnified and crushing. The urge is to protect us against getting hurt, yet that's where memory comes in.

It's those memories, those delicate half lies that remind us that something important and amazing has happened. Those memories give us the strength to allow ourselves to be open and vulnerable again.

In this case, Zatanna and Clark weren't sure what to do with those memories. One time, that was all they'd talked about. As they lay there looking at each other many thoughts were swirling inside their heads, but each was struggling with what happened versus what they agreed on. Both pulled back.

"So, um, we did it,' Zee tentatively said.

"Yeah, we certainly did,' Clark agreed.

"Thank you for, well, helping,' Zee said, blushing as she heard the words come out of her mouth.

"I feel like I should thank you,' Clark instantly replied. He heard this and thought he should clarify what he meant. "I mean for allowing me to be apart of this."

"The baby?"

"Um, yeah."

"Right, right,' Zee said, nodding her head. She pulled the sheet up a little higher. He noticed this. It seemed like a signal that they were done.

"So I guess I should be going,' he offered, watching her reaction.

"Okay."

He started to rise, but then leaned towards her. He began to say something, but then just quickly kissed her. With a furtive glance into her eyes, he got up and took his clothes into the bathroom to get dressed. Zatanna lay in bed just watching him. As the door closed a confusing sadness seemed to fill her.

She dropped her head back on the pillow and just stared at the ceiling. She wasn't sure what had happened, but something unexpected had passed between them. She didn't know what to do with those feelings.


	22. Chapter 22

Day after Night

Smile.

**A smile** is a facial expression formed by flexing the muscles near both ends of the mouth.

So simple, yet the possibilities are endless. A smile conveys so many things, some outward and some inward. It can also change in a moment.

Since arriving on the station, Zatanna had a small, mysterious, yet happy smile on her face. The best part for her was that no one was sure why she was smiling, so they had to accept whatever she said.

She was currently sitting in the cafeteria with Shayera, Mari, Dinah and Wally. Dinah was still in a foul mood over Superman's comments.

"I'm sure you're blowing this way out of proportion, Dinah,' Shayera counseled. "He probably didn't mean it the way you took it."

"What other way is there to take it,' Dinah grumbled.

"He'll apologize, Dinah,' Zee offered, taking a sip of her coffee.

"How do you know and why are you smiling so much,' Dinah asked.

"Yeah, you are smiling a lot today,' Wally added.

"I'm just in a good mood, that's all,' Zatanna explained.

"Well, great,' Dinah sourly replied.

"No, I think it's more than just a great mood," Wally said with a smile of his own. "You've had a smile plastered on your face all day. It's one of those couldn't get it off our lips even if someone hit you with a shovel smiles. Something's up, what?"

"You have been awfully cheerful,' Mari observed.

"I'm just in a good mood, is that okay,' Zee asked.

"I think she got laid,' Wally whispered to Shayera with a grin. She turned and looked at him.

"I know you thought you were whispering, but you weren't,' Shayera said. "You realize that, don't you? I mean if you were really whispering everyone wouldn't have heard you."

"They didn't all hear me,' Wally objected. He looked at the others and they all nodded their heads that they had.

"Okay, so I'm a loud whisperer, the points the same, I think she got laid,' Wally said.

"That's none of you business, Wally,' Zatanna said to him.

"Bingo! Case closed, she's smiling cause you got laid,' Wally said triumphantly. "Take that Batman, you're not the only detective on the station, brother!"

"I'm sure he's quaking in his boots,' Dinah offered. "So did you really get laid, Zee?"

"That's not why I'm smiling,' she replied, although she couldn't help continuing to smile.

"So what now, detective,' Shayera mockingly said to Wally. He looked at Zee for a moment, squinting his eyes and rubbing his chin. Snapping his fingers, Wally pointed at Zee.

"Okay, she's going to get laid!"

"Let me see if I have this right," Zee replied. "If someone's smiling, that means they either got laid or are about to get laid?"

"Well, yeah, I know I would be,' Wally said with a grin.

"So people don't smile for other reasons, just getting laid, that's stupid,' Dinah grumbled.

"Well, it's just a theory,' Wally replied.

"It's a stupid theory,' Dinah said dismissively.

"Boy a guy tells you that you stink, and you get kinda nasty," Wally observed.

Dinah just glared at him for a moment.

"I think you smell nice,' Wally said with a innocent grin, hoping it would help.

"Flowers for the dead is what Fire called it,' Mari clarified with a teasing smile of her own. "In case you want to buy your new girlfriend the same perfume, Wally."

"It's not flowers for the dead!" Dinah shouted.

"I really think I'll go another way, Mari,' Wally added. "I'm mean sure it's nice, Dinah, but not the message I'm trying to send."

"What kind of message are you trying to send,' Shayera asked. "This should be good."

"The kind of message where she has one of those smiles like Zee has,' Wally immediately replied. "Cause if she has one that means I have one! Winner!"

"So it all revolves around getting laid, is that it? Could you be more juvenile,' Dinah asked.

"Hey! Come one now, that's not fair,' Wally objected. "It's not just me! Have you seen Supes today? He's got a smile from ear to ear, so I'm not the only one!"

"He does,' Zee asked, trying to make it seem innocent.

"You bet ya, it's like he won that lottery or something,' Wally replied.

"He does seem in a really good mood,' Mari asked.

Zee smiled just a little bit more as she took another sip of her coffee.

"That doesn't mean anything,' Shayera objected. "He could just be in a good mood like Zatanna."

"Oh, come on, Shayera, he's got a date with Power Girl,' Wally replied. "In fact, now that I think about it, he has won the lottery. I mean, Karen, wow, she's like smoking hot!"

"He's got a date with Karen,' Zee asked.

"Oh, yeah and he's smiling, so you know what that means,' Wally triumphantly said.

""Great, he's getting laid too according to you stupid theory, Dinah grumbled. "Everyone else is just having such a wonderful day."

"Notice how her mind instantly went to him getting laid,' Wally whispered to Shayera. "You can deny it, but my theory tests out. Boy, Big Blue is my hero! A date with Power Girl, wow!"

"You really need to work on the whole whispering concept, Wally," Shayera replied. "You suck at it."

""I'm a loud whisperer, sorry."

As they continued their argument, no one noticed the smile Zatanna had all day disappeared.

* * *

The Watchtower – Personal Quarters

Diana straightened her black suit and adjusted her plain glasses as her doorbell rang. Giving her disguise one last look, she went over and opened the door. Standing there was Kara, Courtney and Mary. Kara and Courtney were dressed in jeans and tee shirts, while Mary was in her Sunday best. They all took a moment to just stare at Diana.

"Well, I assume you three are ready to go to this convention,' Diana asked.

"Yeah, but wow, Diana, you really went all out on the schoolmarm disguise, didn't you,' Kara asked.

"Very 'Hot for Teacher' look, Diana,' Courtney added with a smile.

"Um, thank you,' Diana replied, not sure what she was referring to. "I just wanted to blend in so I thought a disguise was in order.'

"I think you look very nice, Miss Diana,' Mary offered.

"Thank you, Mary."

In the meantime, Kara and Courtney were circling Diana taking it all in.

"It's like you're a female version of my cousin, Clark,' Kara observed.

"Except still hot,' Courtney added.

"Well since I am the chaperon for this little expedition, I thought I would take the role seriously,' Diana explained. "You three young ladies are my responsibility this weekend, so I want to make sure you stay out of trouble. That especially means you, Kara."

"What? Why especially me,' Kara objected.

"Cause you're the ring leader," Diana explained.

"She's got you there, Kara, that's the same thing Pat is always saying,' Courtney added.

"Billy too,' Mary said.

"What? I am not!" Kara objected. "I just get blamed of it!"

"The fact remains, I'm your chaperon this weekend, so there won't be any mischief,' Diana said firmly.

"Are you sure you weren't a teacher in another life, Diana,' Courtney asked. "Cause you really got that part down."

"Thank you, Courtney, I must say I'm sometimes thought if might be interesting to be a teacher,' Diana admitted. "Shaping young minds, perhaps in an all girl's school is appealing."

"Yeah, yeah, so when you say no mischief, you don't mean no fun, do you,' Kara asked.

"That's a double negative, Kara,' Diana replied.

"Oh, we'll have plenty of fun, Kara, I mean it's the Barbie convention, how could we not,' Mary enthusiastically said.

"Right, dolls for the weekend,' Kara sarcastically replied. She turned back to Diana and put her arm around the older woman. "You know, Diana, maybe you shouldn't think of this as you being our chaperon, but more as one of the girls out for a weekend. You know let you hair down a bit, that sort of thing."

She flashed her sweetest, most innocent smile at Diana.

"I don't think so,' Diana replied with a smile of her own. "Well, I think we should be going, don't you?'

"Yeah!" Mary cheered.

They started out of Diana's room and headed towards the transporter.

"This is going to be a long weekend,' Kara grumbled to Courtney.

"I've got faith in you, Kara, you'll figure something out,' Courtney whispered. Kara just gave her a snide look as they followed Diana and Mary.

As they rounded the bend, they ran into Helena, Karen and Barda, who were chatting as they headed to the cafeteria. The three stopped and looked at the four.

"Um, hi, Diana, what's with the outfit,' Barda asked.

"Hello, Barda, I'm just…" Diana started to explain, but Mary's enthusiasm was too much and she just blurted out what they were doing.

"She's going to the Barbie convention with us! Isn't that great?"

"The Barbie convention, seriously,' Helena asked.

"Yes!"

"I'm the chaperon, " Diana quickly explained.

Karen leaned to the side to look at Kara with a big smile.

"You're going to the Barbie convention too, Kara,' she asked.

"Yes,' Kara grumbled. She really disliked Karen even more at that moment. The three women shared a look and a smile, before turning back to Diana and the three.

'Cute,' Karen replied, still smiling.

"Well, isn't that interesting,' Barda offered, trying not to smile too much.

"It's the whole weekend, too!' Mary excitedly added.

Karen looked from Mary to Diana, trying to keep a straight face. Diana could see this and wasn't exactly pleased with her.

"Um, well, you, um, you '**kids**' have fun,' Karen finally said, looking at Diana. She gave her a big smile and then her, Barda and Helena continued on down the hallway. Diana watched them go and had the distinct impression she heard giggling. She felt her annoyance at Karen rising.

"Kryptonians,' she muttered under her breath. "Let's see how much you're smiling if I put my boot up your…"

"Hey, Diana, I'm a Kryptonian,' Kara objected.

"I didn't mean you, Kara, it's just that she is so irritating,' Diana said in frustration.

"Don't let her bother you, Miss Diana,' Mary offered. "She's probably just jealous she can't go with us.'

"Right." Kara and Courtney snorted at the idea.

"Just think of all the fun we're going to have, Miss Diana,' Mary continued, not paying attention to the others.

"Perhaps you're right, Mary,' Diana said, softening a bit.

"Yeah, that's the spirit,' Mary replied. "Sure, Power Girl is going on a date with Superman tonight, but we're going to have much more fun then they will! Let's go!"

"I'm sorry, what was that last part again, Mary,' Diana quickly asked.

* * *

The Cafeteria

Clark was sitting with Ollie and Wally. Two conversations were going on at the same time.

"Clark, buddy, you have to apologize or something to Dinah," Ollie said. "You're killing me here!"

"So you and Power Girl tonight, huh, huh,' Wally said with a grin and a wag of his eyebrows.

Clark shook his head at Wally and answered Ollie.

"I'm going to apologize as soon as I see Dinah, Ollie, I promise."

"Make it soon, please, cause when she's in a bad mood it's not good for me, believe me,' Ollie replied. "Really not good for me."

"I'll apologize, I swear, Ollie."

"Yeah, yeah, but let's get to the interesting stuff,' Wally said, waving Ollie off. "A date with Power girl, ooh-la-la, huh? Huh?"

"It's not a date, Wally, I'm just her plus one at some corporate function she has to go to,' Clark explained.

"I wouldn't mind being her plus one at anything, if you know what I mean,' Wally suggestively said. "She's like ten kinds of hot!"

"How is it you can make anything sound dirty, Wally,' Clark asked.

"It's a gift,' Wally replied and then continued on. "Look, call it what you want, it's a date, Big Blue, a date with one of the hottest women on the station. You're on fire, my man!"

"It's not a date."

"Are you sure about that, Clark,' Ollie asked.

"Yeah, I'm just her plus one, like I said,' Clark offered.

"I heard she bought a new dress just for tonight,' Ollie replied. "A special new dress."

"Women buy new dresses all the time, Ollie, come on. It's some sort of industry function and I imagine she wants to look her best,' Clark explained.

"I heard about the dress too, buddy, and I don't think it's for the industry folks, if you know what I mean,' Wally chimed in.

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah, it's supposedly a thin sheet of platinum, very, very thin, that she has to heat up with her heat vision to get on. Then as it cools it molds to her body,' Wally whispered. "Can you imagine it? Karen, a thin, thin platinum dress molded to her body? Wow!"

Clark sat back as an image of Karen in a dress like that came to his mind.

"Wow,' he inadvertently mused. Pulling himself from those thoughts, he waved Wally off.

"I'm sure you're mistaken."

"A platinum dress? Do you know how much that would cost,' Ollie said incredulously. "Why would she wear a platinum dress anyway? That couldn't be comfortable and she could have the same effect in a regular dress. You made that up, didn't you?"

"Well, yeah,' Wally admitted. "But it sounds so much hotter than just she bought a new evening gown, doesn't it?"

"That's true,' Ollie admitted.

"I hate to ruin you fantasies, Wally, but it's not a date," Clark said. "I'm just her plus one for a corporate function. We're going as friends, that's all."

"You really are a farm boy, aren't you,' Wally replied. 'She asked you out, buddy, it's a date!"

"I'm with Wally on this one, Clark,' Ollie added. "She went shopping and took Helena with her to help her find just the right dress. That says date to me."

"You two are crazy,' Clark said. Wally glanced around the cafeteria and saw Bruce getting a cup of coffee. "Let's ask someone that would know about these sort of things. Hey, Batman, could you come over here for a moment, please?"

Bruce finished getting his cup of coffee and strolled over to the table.

"What?"

"We need your expert opinion on something," Wally said. "Karen asked Clark out tonight."

"As her plus one for a corporate function," Clark quickly added.

"She went shopping for a special dress just for tonight, even took a girlfriend with her, Helena,' Wally continued. 'You been out with lots and lots of women, is that a date or not?"

Clark looked at Bruce, as he seemed to think about it for a moment.

"Yeah, that's a date,' Bruce finally said. "You have a date with Karen tonight, Clark. Congratulations."

Bruce even gave Clark a smile before walking away. Clark sat back stunned.

"It's a date?"

"You lucky dog!" Wally enthusiastically said, slapping Clark on the shoulder.

* * *

The Barbie Convention

Streams of women and some men poured towards the convention center, eager to see all the displays. Standing in front of the main entrance were Diana, Kara, Courtney and Mary. The three were looking around, taking in the scene, while Mary just stood with a huge smile on her face staring at the fifty-foot statue of Barbie above the entrance. She was so excited she was almost vibrating. Diana saw this and had a concerned expression on her face.

"Mary? Are you okay,' Diana asked.

"She's not listening, Diana, she's in the zone,' Courtney offered.

"She looks like she's having her first orgasm, " Kara whispered to Courtney. This received a stern look from Diana.

"I'm just saying," Kara said in her defense. "Look at her."

Diana turned and looked at Mary. The stern look changed into one of concern.

"Mary? Honey? Are you sure you're okay?"

* * *

The Cafeteria

Dinah was sitting alone, as everyone was giving her a wide berth. Clark had been a little preoccupied, what with finding out he was going on a date he hadn't known was a date, but he wanted to apologize and figure now was the best time.

"Um Dinah, can I talk to you,' he tentatively said.

"What? Is there something else you want to tell me you dislike about me,' she glumly asked. Clark sighed and sat down across from her.

"I'm sorry, Dinah, I really am. What I said early, it didn't come out right,' he slowly explained. "I'm really, really sorry, I apologize."

"Thank you, but that still doesn't change the fact you think I smell like a funeral home,' Dinah replied.

"See, that wasn't what I meant."

"What did you mean then?"

"Okay, let me try and get his right,' Clark began. He raised his hands as he thought just how to word this right. Slowly he began. "Do you know the song Eleanor Rigby by the Beatles?"

"Yeah, but what's that got to do with me smelling like a funeral home,' Dinah asked.

"First of all, you don't smell like a funeral home,' Clark replied. "The point I'm trying to make is how certain sounds and smells take on a meaning for each of us. Case in point, Eleanor Rigby. I was visiting a girl in college one time and I'd come all the way from Smallville to see her. I was really excited about seeing her and thinking of all the things I was going to say to her, but when I finally got there she wasn't in. Her roommate told me she was out on a date. Needless to say I was crushed. I mean I thought, well, let's just say I thought something that turned out not to be true. Anyway, I was walking across the quad, miserable and if that wasn't bad enough it started raining."

Clark had Dinah's full attention now.

"So there I am, walking in the rain and no one else was around. I suddenly heard music playing in the distance. Someone in one of the dorms had opened their window and the music just carried all across the area. It was Eleanor Rigby playing. At that moment it seemed to fit so perfectly, with the rain and the mood I was in, everything. Ever since, whenever I hear that song, I immediately flash back to that moment. I can feel the rain, smell the dampness, the cool breeze in the air, everything.'

"Okay, but what does that have to do with my perfume and funeral homes,' Dinah asked.

"Well, in a way it's the same thing,' Clark gently replied. "It's not your perfume, just the lilies and carnations, really. When I was a kid, my parents took me to a funeral for a distant relative on my Mom's side. It was the first funeral I'd ever been to. The first time anyone I'd ever met died. On the way, my Mom had me hold this big wreath of flowers that we were going to give. It was lilies and carnations. I was just a kid and I didn't know what it was all about, only that someone I knew had died. I remember sitting in the backseat of the car, this huge arrangement was on my lap and all I could smell was those lilies and carnations. Just like the song Eleanor Rigby, those flowers take me back to that moment with Ma and Pa. So again, I apologize, but I really didn't mean to insult you or suggest you smell anything but wonderful, Dinah."

She had sat listening to him and slowly started to understand this was a real apology, not one given just to make her feel better. Her mood seemed to lighten and a small smile spread across Dinah's lips.

"Thank you, Clark, I accept your apology,' she finally said.

"You're welcome, Dinah, I'm really sorry if I offended you."

"Thanks."

As they sat there, Clark happened to see out of the corner of his eye Zatanna walk into the cafeteria. The memory of the previous night came back to him and a smile spread across his lips.

Then he saw Arthur walk in and head straight for Zatanna and the smile slipped a little bit. The two seemed to be discussing something and at first Zatanna seemed to want to get away from Arthur, but as he continued talking her body language changed. Clark's smile slipped a little more. The longer Zatanna talk with Arthur the less Clark found he liked it. He still hadn't forgotten that she had asked Arthur before she asked him and the way they were talking now, they seemed very friendly. Pompous blowhard, Clark thought, as he watched Arthur smile and lightly run his hand down Zee's arm. She wasn't pulling away from it, Clark noticed.

"So what do you think, Clark,' Dinah asked.

"Hmm? I'm sorry, what,' he said, not hearing what she'd said.

"I said I was thinking of changing my perfume to something a little less floral,' she repeated. "Does that trigger any memories? Funeral home or the like?"

"No, look, I am sorry for the way that came out, Dinah, I hope you believe me,' Clark replied, turning his focus back to Dinah. He could still see Zatanna and Arthur talking out of the corner of his eye though.

"I was just teasing, Clark,' Dinah said, reaching over and touching his hand. "I guess it could be worse, you could have told me you hate my costume or something.

"Your costume? No, no, you're costume is great, really, Dinah,' Clark offered. "I mean what's not to like, the cool leather jacket, the fishnets, which go without saying, the black girdle and boots, you look great!"

"Excuse me? A girdle? You think I'm wearing a girdle, Clark,' Dinah instantly replied. "What do you think I'm fat, is that it?"

"What? No, no, absolutely not, no way,' Clark quickly said in his defense. He had that same feeling again and wanted to head this off. "I'm not up on women's fashions, what is that a corset or something?"

"Why? Because you think I'm fat, is that it,' Dinah demanded, getting angrier by the moment. "You think I need a corset to pull my fat waist in, is that it?"

"No, no, no, um, no,' Clark replied, verbally backpedaling as fast as he could. "You're the opposite, thin, really thin, not too thin, I don't mean that, but certainly not fat, no way, no how."

""Thin? That's how you'd describe me? Thin? Seriously, Clark,' Dinah said. "I'm not a teenager, Clark, I mean really! Thin? I have curves; I'm an adult, which you apparently haven't noticed! I'm a full grown woman, Clark!"

"That-that wasn't what I meant, Dinah,' Clark quickly replied. "I mean of course I've noticed you have an amazing figure. You're a full grown woman with a full figure, anyone can see that."

The words had just left his mouth and he knew immediately it was a mistake. The look that came over Dinah's face made Clark shudder. She sat there for a long time just staring at him.

"Did you just say I'm full figured' she asked in a cold, low voice. "**Full figured**?"

"In a good way, is what I meant,' Clark said, trying to dig himself out as fast as he could, but it was already too late. Dinah held up her hand to stop him and then stood up. Her whole body was rigid as she just glared at him.

"No need to explain, Clark, I think we all know what a 'full figured gal' means,' Dinah said, her voice almost brittle. "Well, always enlightening to talk to you, Clark. Thanks.'

She spun on her heel and marched out of the cafeteria.

"I didn't mean…" Clark called after her, but she wasn't stopping. He glanced over, but Zee and Arthur were gone too. Slowly Clark leaned his head forward and rubbed his hand over his face.

"I really have to stop talking to women."


	23. Chapter 23

The Road Show

The Watchtower

"Pal, you have to help me out here. Apologize to her, I'm begging you!"

"Ollie, what do you think I was trying to do?"

"Well, try harder, I mean be 'Super' about this,' Ollie said. "Really lay in on thick this time, otherwise my life is going to be a living hell. When Dinah's not happy, it's a safe bet my life's going to be miserable."

The two men were standing in the command center and Ollie had been basically lecturing Clark about apologizing to Dinah for the last five minutes. Clark had patiently tried to explain he had been trying to apologize and that things sort of went sideways. Watching all of this were Arthur and Jonn. Arthur was clearly enjoying Clark's discomfort.

"Ollie, look, I didn't mean to suggest Dinah was 'full figured', I misspoke, okay?'

"If I may, Superman,' Jonn spoke up. "It would be advisable not to mention her weight again. It has been my observations that Earth women and women in general are, how shall I put this? 'Touchy' about that subject."

"Thanks for the heads up, Jonn,' Clark replied.

"It truly is amazing as inept as you are communicating with women how you managed to get a date with such a gorgeous creature like Power Girl,' Arthur chimed in. "It must have something to do with that S on your chest, I guess."

Arthur seemed to find his own remark amusing and gave a laugh.

"A-ha-ha, good one, Arthur, but it's not a date."

It was a fake laugh and under his breath Clark added the word, "Jackass."

"Come on, Clark, it's a date, even Bruce said so,' Ollie replied. "That means it's a date."

"It's not a date,' Clark protested. "I think I'd know if it was a date or not, don't you think? She said it was a corporate function and she just needed someone as a plus one. It's not a date."

"What about that dress? Huh?" Ollie countered.

"The one Wally described? Seriously? You really think Karen is going to wear a platinum dress? Really Ollie?"

"Okay, you have a point there,' Ollie admitted. "But what about Bruce? He agreed it's a date."

"Bruce isn't always right, you know,' Clark informed him. "He makes mistakes just like everyone else. It's not a date.

"That's probably to your benefit, Clark, given how well you've done with women so far,' Arthur chimed. "Perhaps with all your amazing powers, that just isn't part of your skill set. Even the best of us have our liabilities, although yours is not one I suffer from."

"Well, we can't all be you, Arthur,' Clark replied. If Arthur heard the sarcastic note in Clark's voice, he didn't acknowledge it.

"It's an art my friend." Arthur smugly continued. "One I've developed over years of practice."

"Great.'

Jeez, Clark thought, how could Zee ask this douchebag before me? It still irritated him and getting advice from Arthur only exasperated it. The fact that he'd seen Zee and Arthur talking and acting all chummy earlier only added to this. What the hell, Zatanna, he thought, we just slept together last night! He knew she said it was a one-time thing, but he kind of hoped it meant more to her than just a roll in the sack. Jeez, a day later and you're lining up your next date! Come on, really? I'll never understand women, Clark lamented.

"Clark, focus here! "Ollie said, interrupting Clark's train of thought. "Forget what Arthur's saying, just apologize and really, really lay it on thick this time. You got to do this for me, buddy!"

"All right, Ollie, I'll try,' Clark reluctantly replied.

"If you want, I could offer you some tips,' Arthur said.

"Thanks, but no thanks, Arthur."

"Suit yourself."

"Just remember, Clark, lay it on thick, I mean really thick like you're buttering an ear of corn or something,' Ollie offered.

"An ear of corn?"

"Well, pick the rural/farming metaphor you like, just lay it on really, really thick,' Ollie replied. "Just get in there and spoon it on, thick, thick, thick, pal. Weight her down it's so thick and get me off the hook!"

"Perhaps start with complimenting her on her teeth,' Jonn suggested.

"Her teeth?"

All three men turned and looked at Jonn. They each had a puzzled look on their faces.

"Yes, I have observed that Dinah has very white teeth, exceptionally so,' Jonn explained. "You could use it as an ice breaker as you attempt to lay it on thick as Ollie requested."

"Her teeth?" Clark replied, not sure he was hearing him right.

"Yes," Jonn nodded. "I would imagine something like 'nice teeth' Dinah, would be a good opening."

"Teeth, hair, smile, all a good start,' Ollie added. "Just really go overboard and lay it on thick, Clark. You got me in this spot, so you have to get a brother out of it.'

"All right, all right, I'll do my best,' Clark said, raising his hands in surrender.

"Try not to put your foot in your mouth again, Clark,' Arthur said with a smile.

"I know where I'd like to put my foot,' Clark grumbled under his breath.

"She's still in the cafeteria, Clark, now is a perfect time to apologize,' Ollie said, ushering a reluctant Clark towards the door. "If you remember one thing, it's to lay it on thick. You think you got that, pal?"

"I think so, Ollie,' Clark sarcastically replied. "The twenty times you used the phrase 'lay it on thick' kind of reinforced it for me."

"Perfect, now don't screw this up or my whole weekend will be miserable."

"Don't forget her teeth, Clark,' Jonn called out as Ollie and Clark were exiting the room. "She also has rather lovely kneecaps!"

Clark turned and gave Jonn a quizzical look as the door closed.

* * *

The Cafeteria

Dinah looked miserable as she rested her chin on her hands on the table. Sitting with her, trying to cheer her up were Shayera, Mari and Wally.

"You know, maybe 'full-figured' is a compliment on Krypton,' Wally offered. "Some men like a little more meat on the bone as it were."

The frown on Dinah's face deepened a she shot Wally a nasty look.

"What's the opposite of helping?" Mari asked aloud. "Oh, right, whatever you're doing, Wally."

"Yes,' Shayera added, smacking Wally on the back of the head. "And if you ever say the phrase "more cushion for the pushin' again, I will beat you. That's a promise."

"Just trying to turn a frown upside down,' Wally protested.

"It's not working,' Dinah muttered. "I'm fat and I stink according to Superman. That's really not something you just cheer up from."

"I don't think you're fat at all, if that helps,' Wally offered.

"Maybe a little, thanks Wally,' Dinah replied, flashing him a little smile. Her eyes shifted and the smile disappeared. "Apparently you're the only one."

The others turned and saw Superman enter the cafeteria.

"Fight!"

Shayera blushed as the word had just slipped out of her mouth.

"Sorry."

Wally leaned over and attempted to whisper to her.

"I don't think they will but it would be like crazy, sexy hot if they did fight though."

"Wally, you still don't have the hang of whispering, do you,' Mari asked.

"I'm a loud whisperer, okay, everybody's a critic!"

* * *

Standing in the doorway, Clark could plainly see the glare Dinah was directed towards him.

"Maybe this isn't such a good idea,' he whispered to Ollie. "I should probably let her cool down a little bit more."

"Don't puss out now, Clark,' Ollie replied. "Come on, cowboy up and bite the bullet! You hoed this field, not it's time to plant, or whatever they say where you're from. Just do it."

"You realize I didn't grow up in the rodeo, don't you,' Clark asked. "What's with all the cowboy and farming metaphors, anyway? I'm from Smallville, it's like twenty minutes from Metropolis not exactly the end of the world, Ollie."

"That's debatable, but don't get us sidetracked now, Clark, just be a hero and do it,' Ollie replied. "And lay it on thick."

Clark rolled his eyes at this.

"All right, but you have to promise never to say the phrase 'lay it on thick' again."

"Done, now due your duty,' Ollie quickly said and then gave Clark a little nudge in the back. Taking a deep breath Clark started to slowly walk across the cafeteria to Dinah's table. The noise level dropped to zero as every eye was on him. He absently noticed that Shayera and Wally continually looked from him to Dinah and then back. Each had a rather excited glee about their expression.

Here goes nothing, Clark thought, as he stopped directly across the table from Dinah. He could see out of the corner of his eye, Ollie give him the thumbs up from the doorway.

"Dinah, can I talk to you a second, please?'

"Why? Have you thought of something else you don't like about me?" She asked. "I'm not sure I can take anymore of your insights, Clark."

"Good one, Di, ' Wally commented. Shayera gave him a look that shut him up. Clark ran his fingertips along his eyebrow as the headache started and knew this was a huge mistake, but when he glanced up, Ollie was pantomiming 'laying it on thick' and urging him to continue. Sighing and again wondering how he got himself into these situations, Clark just decided he would do what Ollie wanted.

"Dinah, first of all, I apologize, I didn't mean to offend you,' Clark began. "Second, I just ask that you hear me out and then I'll leave. Third, please, no more questions, just let me say this, okay? Please?"

Every head swiveled back to look at Dinah.

"All right,' she reluctantly agreed. Everyone swiveled back to look at Clark. He could see Ollie pantomiming something else, but for the life of him, Clark couldn't tell what. It was probably another farming or cowboy metaphor, but Ollie's charades skills weren't very good. Just get it over with, Clark told himself.

"I apologize, Dinah, like I said,' Clark offered. 'I meant to say one thing and something else came out."

"Been there, done that, brother,' Wally added with a nod of his head.

"Wally, please, please, don't help me,' Clark asked.

"Gotcha."

"As I was saying, Dinah, it came out wrong,' Clark continued. 'I meant to say I think you're lovely, extraordinarily beautiful in face and figure. You're one of the most breathtaking women I've ever met and it's not just you physical features, either. You're brilliant, caring, compassion and dedicated. Ollie or any man should feel lucky to have some one as amazing as you in their life. That's what I was trying to say, you're lovely Dinah. That's my honest opinion."

Clark held her gaze for a moment longer and smiled. Dinah smiled in return. Mission accomplished Clark thought; now get out of here before you blow it again. He turned and walked away. Every eye in the cafeteria followed him.

"Thank you, Clark,' Dinah called after him. He looked over his shoulder and smiled, but wisely didn't say anything else.

Mari, Shayera and Wally turned back to Dinah and saw she was practically glowing. She dipped her head, blushing at all the attention.

"That was a little surprising, huh, Dinah,' Mari said with a smile.

"Um, yeah,' Dinah managed to replied.

"You know, call me crazy, but I think he's hot for you Dinah,' Wally suggested.

"You're crazy, Wally,' Dinah immediately replied. She did glance at the doorway and her smile got a little bigger. Wally leaned over and nudged Shayera.

"What?'

"Remember my theory of smiling,' he asked and then pointed at Dinah. Shayera started to say it was still stupid, but the look on Dinah's face stopped her.

"Someone going to get laid,' Wally tried whispering, a huge smile on his face. He tilted his head in Dinah's direction to indicate her smile.

"You really need to work on that whispering thing, I mean seriously,' Shayera replied. "Just speaking out of the side of your mouth isn't whispering."

"Forest for the trees time here, Shayera,' Wally replied. "Supes-ay is hot-ay for Dinah-ay, understand-ay?"

"What?"

"Its Pig Latin, don' t they have any foreign languages on your planet, I mean besides whatever you Thanagarians speak?"

Shayera closed her eyes and gripped her mace just a little tighter. She counted to ten before she replied.

"First of all, Thanagarians speak Thanagarian, it's not a foreign language on Thanagar, English is, you idiot! Second, that's not Pig Latin and even if it was, that's not a foreign language!"

"Right, Pig Latin's not a foreign language, you bird people have some crazy ideas,' Wally said with a laugh.

"I'm going to kill him,' Shayera grumbled.

* * *

In the hallway, Ollie was standing with his arms crossed as Clark exited the cafeteria. Arthur and Jonn had joined him.

"So are you happy now,' Clark asked Ollie.

"No,' Ollie immediately replied. "How could you throw me under the bus like that? I thought we were friends, Clark?"

"Huh?"

"Ollie or **any man** would be lucky having you in their life? What the hell, Clark? Now I'm going to have to hear about that forever! You just ratcheted up the pressure on me exponentially! How am I supposed to live up to that?" Ollie complained.

"You-You, you're the one that told me to lay it on thick,' Clark gasped in surprise. "I just did what you wanted!"

"I said lay it on thick, not sing an ode to her beauty, dude,' Ollie replied. "What the hell, it sounded like you're were going to ask her to marry you in there! Do you realize what kind of pressure that puts on me? How am I supposed to live up to that? You really screwed this up, Clark, thanks for nothing!"

Ollie turned and stormed down the hallway, leaving a rather shocked and confused Clark just standing there. Arthur moved over and put his hand on Clark's shoulder.

"Perhaps you should be the strong, silent type, Clark, I think that would be best,' Arthur offered. 'Your mouth seems to keep getting you in trouble."

Arthur patted Clark on the shoulder and then started to walk towards the transporter room. He began to laugh as he turned the corner.

"How would you like my strong, silent foot up your ass,' Clark grumbled. He shook his head and ran his finger over his face, not sure what had just happened. When he looked up, Jonn was staring at him intently.

"You have something to add, Jonn?"

"You should have taken my advice and started with complimenting her teeth,' Jonn said matter of factly. 'She has really, amazing teeth, Clark."

He followed Arthur, leaving an extremely confused Clark in the hallway.

* * *

The Barbie Convention

**"I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M HERE! THIS IS LIKE THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE! IF I LIVE TO BE A THOUSAND NOTHING WILL BE BETTER THAN THIS!"**

"Um, Mary, we're not even inside yet,' Kara replied. 'A little volume control."

**"I'M JUST SO EXCITED AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO FIRST! I WANT TO SEE EVERYTHING! I'M SO EXCITED; REALLY, YOU CAN'T BELIEVE HOW EXCITED I AM RIGHT NOW! I THINK I'M GOING TO PEE MYSELF I'M SO EXCITED!"**

"Um, Mary,' Courtney said. 'You realize you just shouted at the top of your lungs that you're going to pee yourself, don't you?"

**"YES! I DON'T CARE, THAT'S HOW EXCITED I AM!"**

Kara and Courtney looked to Diana for a little help. She had been watching Mary with a rather stunned look on her face.

"Ah, Diana, this would be the point where you jump in,' Kara suggested.

"Hmm? Oh, right, yes, um, Mary, perhaps we should go inside,' Diana said. "Also, we should try using our inside voices."

**"OKAY, MISS DIANA, I CAN'T WAIT TO GET INSIDE. I'M JUST SO EXCITED, I MEAN IT'S THE BARBIE CONVENTION AND I'M REALLY, REALLY HERE! ISN'T THAT GREAT?"**

Before any of them could answer, another group of young women came pushing their way towards the door.

**"I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE HERE!"** they shouted, just as excited as Mary. **"IT'S THE REAL BARBIE CONVENTION, YEAH!'**

**"ISN'T IT AMAZING,'** Mary said to the new girls.

**'YES, AREN'T YOU EXCITED? WE'RE SO EXCITED!"**

**"ME TOO,'** Mary replied. **"I DON'T THINK I'VE EVER BEEN THIS EXCITED EVER!"**

**"US TOO!**

"I can see this is going to be a long day,' Kara said to Courtney.

"Fuck,' Courtney added with a nod of her head.

"Language, Courtney.' Diana quickly chastised her.

"Sorry."

* * *

New York City – Gramercy Tavern

The oak and steel dominated restaurant had been a landmark in New York for years. Elegant dining in a casual atmosphere was its calling card. Zatanna had taken her dinner break from her shift and met Madame Xanadu.

Dinner with a friend is always something to look forward to. The first course was Ruby Red Shrimp, Polenta and Salsa Verde and Chilled Asparagus Soup, Turnips and Lemon Confit. The second course was Red Snapper, Icicle Radish, Bacon and Beet Broth.

As Madame Xanadu dug in heartily to her meal, she kept a close eye on Zatanna. Zee hadn't spoken much and seemed rather sullen.

"You don't like the food,' Nimue asked.

"What? Oh, no, it's fine,' Zee replied.

"I said I'd pay, if that's what's worrying you."

"No, I don't care about that.

"So what's wrong? I thought you said things went really well with you know who,' Nimue asked.

"They did," Zee replied, pushing her food around her plate with her food.

"So?"

"He's already got a date tonight with someone else,' Zatanna reluctantly admitted. 'The sweat's barely dry and he's already going on a date?"

Madame Xanadu set her fork down and sat back looking at Zatanna.

"What,' Zee asked.

"You haven't fallen for him, have you?"

"What? No! Of course not, don't be ridiculous,' Zatanna replied, immediately dismissing the idea.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, absolutely. It's just, I mean we just did it last night,' Zee tried to explain. "I thought it was kind of special, but apparently he didn't."

"I thought you agreed it would only be the one time and that's it,' Nimue asked.

"We did, but what kind of douchebag immediately goes out on a date with someone else?"

"Are you sure it's a date?'

"Well what else would you call it,' Zee asked, lowering her voice. "It's with Power Girl, have you seen her? I feel like I'm the JV team and now he's stepping up to the Varsity."

"The what,' Nimue asked.

"Oh, right, I forgot you didn't go to high school this century or probably the last one either,' Zee replied. "I just mean she's so over the top in every way. You'd think he could have waited a little while."

"So you're jealous,' Nimue asked.

"Don't be ridiculous,' Zatanna said dismissively, starting to dig into her food. "He can do what or whomever he wants I don't care. If he wants to go out with the big boobed cheerleader, let him. It's just manners, is all, that bothers me."

"Of course,' Nimue said with a sly smile.

"I hope they have a wonderful time tonight and fall in love,' Zatanna continued, not really paying attention to the expression on Nimue's face. Zatanna's fork could be heard hitting the plate as she finished off her dinner. 'They can pump out a whole squadron of Kryptonians for all I care!"

"So it's just his manners that bothers you, that's all?"

"Yes!"

"I see,' Nimue replied. "So did you enjoy the dinner?'

"What?" Zee said in confusion and then looked down at her empty plate. She blushed just a little with embarrassment. "Oh, um, yeah, it was great."

"So desert?'

"No, I couldn't."

"You know, maybe he won't hit it off with the big boobed cheerleader, it does happen,' Nimue offered.

"I don't want to talk about him,' Zatanna snapped. "Maybe I will just see what they have on the desert menu. He can do whatever he wants, I far as I'm concerned."

"Try the Lemon Pudding Cake with Raspberry Ice Cream and Toffee Crumbs,' Nimue suggested. "It's delicious and I think you'll like it."

"Well maybe I'll try a little,' Zee replied. "Waiter!"

* * *

The Barbie Convention

They had lost Mary in the crowd moments after they got inside. Twelve thousand Barbie fans of varing intensities were indulging in their passion. It was a bit overwhelming for Diana. Currently she was standing, mouth agape, looking at a version of Barbie dressed in her outfit. Courtney and Kara were enjoying her shock immensely.

"I don't believe this!' Diana finally was able to say.

"I know! It's a travesty, isn't it,' the young woman next to Diana said to her.

"Yes."

"Barbie would never be caught dead in a garish outfit like that,' the woman replied. "What is that a stripper outfit or a bathing suit? I mean really, Barbie would never dress like a hooker!"

"I beg your pardon?' Diana started to protest, her fist curling into fists, but wisely Kara and Courtney pulled her away.

"Don't listen to nerd girl, Diana, she doesn't know what she's talking about,' Kara offered.

"Exactly,' Courtney added. "How does she think Barbie got that Malibu dream house or all those other cool toys without a job? It say right on the package, Kan comes separately, so how blatant do they have to make it?"

"Wh-What,' Diana gasped.

"Ix-nay on the ooker-hay talk, Courtney,' Kara quickly said and then turned to Diana. "Don't let it bother you, Diana, just think of the money you're making off it."

"I'm not making any money of it,' Diana replied.

"What? Seriously,' Courtney said in astonishment. "Wow, you're getting screwed worse than Ken is."

"I'm not interested in making money off something like that, Courtney,' Diana replied. She was getting more upset at the idea by the moment. "That armor was given to me by the Gods as their champion, not to be exploited for some doll!"

"Try and think of it as an homage, Diana,' Kara offered.

"Would you take that as an homage if it were your uniform, Kara,' Diana fired back. "How would you feel if the symbol for the House of El were exploited like that?"

"I'm okay with it,' Kara replied. "There are some Barbies over there with my uniform on. I get fifteen percent of all sales."

"What?'

"Yeah, Lois Lane was my agent for the deal,' Kara explained. "Thank God she was on my side, you do not want to be across the table in a negotiations with that lady. She's tough."

"You allowed this,' Diana asked, not believing what she was hearing.

"Fifteen percent? Seriously,' Courtney added. 'That must be some serious cake!"

"Oh, it is,' Kara said with a smile. "I'm even outselling Diana in the Far East. I'm really big there."

"Does Kal know about this,' Diana demanded.

"What? Oh, yeah, sure he does,' Kara replied. "He's got his own deal for marketing. His isn't with Lois though; it's with some global charity or something. Can you believe that?"

"He donates all the money to charity,' Courtney asked.

"Yeah, crazy huh?"

"That sounds like a noble cause, "Diana said. "It does mitigate this a little. I still find it unsettling to see that doll dressed like that."

"Welcome to the modern world, Diana,' Kara said. "Everything's about marketing these days."

"I can't believe you're hauling in that kind of jack and you never told me,' Courtney grumbled. "I thought we were friends?"

"Where did you think all the money came from when we go out to the clubs,' Kara asked.

"I guess I didn't,' Courtney admitted.

Diana had picked up on something in the conversation that seemed to stick in her mind.

"So Kal gives all his money to charity and you keep yours, Kara?"

"Charity begins at home, Diana,' Kara replied with a smug smile.

"Kara."

Kara quickly changed expressions and gave Diana her most innocent, puppy dog look.

"I'm still an orphan from another world, Diana, trying to make my way in a strange new lace,' Kara softly said. "I need that money to help me learn the way of this new land I find myself in."

"Sounds like you got the bullshit part of this new land down really good,' Courtney scoffed.

"Courtney although I do tend to agree with you, language!"

"Sorry, Diana, I'm really trying,' Courtney replied. Diana looked at the two and then around them.

"Where is Mary? Have you seen her?"

"She was screaming over there last I check,' Kara said, pointing to the other side of the convention hall.

* * *

The Watchtower

Clark was sitting on his bed, his head in his hands. Being Superman was easy, he realized, it was everything away from the daring do that was hard. Frankly, he thought, maybe Bruce was the clever one being Mr. Anti-social. It would certainly cut down on the awkward situations Clark seemed to keep finding himself in lately. If his day hadn't been bad enough already, he still had his date, no, scratch that, he still had to be Karen's plus one in a little while.

It wasn't a date, no matter what the others believed.

As he tried to reassure himself that he was reading the situation correctly, the chime on his door went off. Oh great, what is this going to be, he thought?

"Come in."

The door slid opened and Wally came in carrying a box. He had a big smile on his face.

"There's the man of the hour,' Wally said.

"I apologize,' Clark automatically said.

"For what?'

"I don't know, but it seems like a safe thing to say lately,' Clark replied.

"Forget that Big Blue, I'm actually here about your night with Power Girl,' Wally said, wagging his eyebrows. "You dog! How you got a date with Karen, wow, you are so lucky!"

"It's not a date."

"Right, sure it isn't,' Wally replied, instantly dismissing what Clark was saying. "I brought you something that is guaranteed to help you have a memorable night with the lady fair. Well, who am I kidding, you're going out with Karen, so it's already a memorable night, but this will send it over the top!"

"I'm almost afraid to ask,' Clark wearily said. "What are you talking about, Wally?"

"Oh, nothing short of the most amazing invention of the last twenty years,' Wally proudly said, holding out the box.

"A box?"

'No, that's just for presentation,' Wally replied. He made the sound of a drum roll and then opened the box and pulled out what was inside. "This is the little bit of genius that will help you fulfill all your fantasies tonight!"

"It looks like a big light bulb,' Clark observed.

"Only to the untrained eye,' Wally excitedly replied. "It's actually the Discomatic 3000!"

"And what exactly is the Discomatic 3000,' Clark asked.

"What have you been living in a cave,' Wally said. "This is going to be the hottest little item on the market in just a matter of weeks!"

"You didn't invest in that thing, did you?"

"Oh, you better believe it, brother,' Wally replied. "It's gold, Big Blue, gold I tell you!"

"What does it do? It does something, doesn't it?"

"Watch and be amazed."

Wally quickly moved over to the lamp next Clark's bed and pulled off the shade. Slipping the Discomatic 3000 over the unlit bulb he turned and smiled at Clark.

"Ta-Daa!"

"Its a light bulb cozy?" Clark ventured, completely confused by all of this.

"I see the future and everyone else needs glasses,' Wally whimsically replied. "No! Watch and be amazed!"

He turned the switch on the lamp and the bulb lit. The Discomatic 3000 slowly began to move, turning around the bulb. Clark's mouth dropped open in utter shock and surprise.

"Wow, huh?" Wally said. "It works on any lamp, Big Blue. With this little beauty, you're never more than a few feet away from a party!"

"A mirror ball?'

"A portal mirror ball, my friend!' Wally corrected him. "This baby turns any ordinary lamp into an instant party! Everybody's going to Wang Chung Tonight when you have one of these!"

"Wang Chung?"

"You really got to get out more, Supes, Elvis has been dead for like forty years,' Wally replied.

"You-You didn't invest a lot of money in this, did you,' Clark asked.

"Are you serious? You'd be stupid not to invest in this little miracle,' Wally proudly replied.

"Please, just tell me you didn't invest too much,' Clark implored Wally.

"No, no, don't worry, Big Blue,' Wally replied. 'Now just for conversation, what would be your idea of too much?'

"Oh God,' Clark groaned, dropping his head back into his hands.

* * *

The Barbie Convention

Mary stood perfectly still in awe of what was before her eyes. It was the Oreo Barbie.

_(BARBIE FACT - __In 1997, Mattel joined forces with Nabisco to launch a cross-promotion of Barbie with Oreo cookies. Oreo Fun Barbie was marketed as someone with whom little girls could play after class and share "America's favorite cookie." As had become the custom, Mattel manufactured both a white and a black version. Critics argued that in the African American community Oreo is a derogatory term meaning that the person is "black on the outside and white on the inside," like the chocolate sandwich cookie itself. The doll was unsuccessful and Mattel recalled the unsold stock, making it sought after by collectors__)_

Diana, Kara and Courtney had been searching all over and finally spotted Mary. They came walking up behind her.

"There you are, we've been looking all over for you, Mary,' Courtney said.

"Shh,' Mary whispered. The three looked at each other.

"Um, Mary, I don' think the doll can hear us,' Kara suggested.

"Don't be disrespectful, Kara, this is a collector's item,' Mary said. "I had a chance once to have one, but foolishly didn't take the opportunity. It's the greatest regret of my life."

"It seems like a lovely doll, Mary,' Diana offered.

"It's more than that Miss Diana,' Mary replied, never taking her eye off the doll. "This is special and not everyone has one. This Barbra Millicent Roberts, daughter of George and Margaret Roberts from the fictional town of Willows, Wisconsin was pulled from the shelves and recalled, making it one of the most prized Barbies of true collectors. I have to have it. It's the only hole in my collection."

"Barbara Millicent Who,' Kara asked.

"That's Barbie's full name, Kara."

"You mean that's the doll's full name,' Kara asked, rolling her eyes at this.

"Yes and I want this one. I want it bad."

"If it's that expensive, perhaps there is another you could find as equally nice,' Diana gently suggested. The truth was, Diana hadn't understood any of this. It seemed like just another anorexic doll that gave little girls an unrealistic body image to her. She was also still a little miffed from seeing herself as a doll earlier. Mary slowly turned and looked at Diana.

"I'd like to be alone please. I just need a few moments with Barbie."

Courtney and Kara smiled, thinking Mary was joking, but then slowly realized she was very serious.

"Oh boy, she's gone off the deep end,' Kara groaned.

Mary had already turned back to the doll and Diana looked at the other two for some clue what to do. As usual, they were no help.

"Um, Mary, we're going to leave you alone for a little while,' Diana tentatively said, playing it by ear. "We'll be over by the Skipper and Stacie Snack Bar when you're through."

* * *

The Watchtower

Zatanna came back from dinner in a little better mood. She checked in with Jonn to see if there were any emergences, but everything was quiet. She walked along the hallway and said hello to some of the members. She made her way to the cafeteria and found Shayera and Mari sitting at one of the tables.

"Hey, looks who's back,' Mari said. "How was dinner?"

"Excellent,' Zee replied, as she took a seat.

"We had pizza burgers on the station,' Shayera offered. "There were really quite tasty."

"Sorry I missed that,' Zee said with a smile. "Um, so what's up, anything new happen while I was gone?"

Shayera and Mari looked at each other and both smiled.

"What,' Zee asked, immediately noticing this. "Tell me."

"Superman has the hots for Dinah,' Shayera blurted out.

"Wh-What,' Zee gasped.

"And Dinah's a little taken with him, if you ask me,' Mari added.

Zatanna sat there in stunned silence. What the hell, she thought, my back up school is turning out to be a man whore! That bastard!


	24. Chapter 24

Easy Explanations

"Or at least that's what they said"

The Police Station

Late Saturday had slipped into early Sunday and the city desk was doing its usual overflow business. Sergeant Dandridge had thought he'd seen it all, but tonight was full of firsts. Not the least of these was the two beautiful women standing in front of his desk. One he recognized immediately and the other could be her sister.

"So what brings you to my precinct, Miss Zatara?"

"I'd like to bail out Clark Kent, Sergeant."

"Yes, if you could bring him from the dungeon we would appreciate it,' the other woman said.

"Dungeon? What?' Dandridge said, looking at the other woman. "What's with your sister, Miss Zatara?"

Nimue smiled at the officer's assumption, while Zee just gave her a quick glare.

"My 'sister' isn't from around here, she's from ah, well, the old country,' Zee explained.

"Okay, sure she is,' Dandridge replied. "So you want to bail out this Kent guy, right?"

"Yes."

"How about the others?"

"What others?"

"Well, let's see,' Dandridge said, flipping through his papers. "We have a Karen Star, a Diana Prince, a Mary Batson, a Courtney Whitmore and a Kara Kent. They were all involved in the incidents and are in the holding cell with Mr. Kent."

"What are the charges?"

"Underage drinking, fighting, starting a riot, resisting arrest, verbal abuse of a police officer and the list goes on,' Dandridge said. "So please tell me you're here for them too. The one keeps running her plastic cup against the bars and shouting 'Attica' over and over. We got enough to worry about tonight without this. We just want them out of here, to be honest."

"Whose shouting Attica,' Nimue asked.

"That would be the young Miss Kent,' Dandridge replied. "She's a handful, but from what I was told, it's Miss Batson that you have to watch out for. The convention people are willing to drop the charges if she agrees to never, ever attend another Barbie convention."

Zatanna sighed and shook her head.

"Why don't we start with just bailing out Mr. Kent and we can figure out the rest later?"

"I was afraid you'd say that,' Dandridge lamented. "That means we have to separate Miss Star and Miss Prince. Those two do not like each other, let me tell you. This guy Kent is the only thing that's been keeping them from going after each other. Absolutely gorgeous both of them, but I got to admit, they sort of scare everyone around here more than a little bit. I frankly don't get it. Kent seems like such a mild manner type, yet he's mixed up with all these gorgeous women, you included. What's his secret?"

"I'm wondering that myself,' Zee replied. 'Can we see him, please?"

"Sign here and pay a the window,' Dandridge said, handing her a form. "They'll bring him out in a moment."

Zatanna signed the forms and proceeded to the payment window.

"This is so exciting,' Madame Xanadu said. "It's just like that show Law and Order on television. I wonder if they did the good cop/bad cop interrogation on any of them? In my day of course, they flogged them."

"I don't think they still flog people, Nimue,' Zee replied.

"Well there was also the rack and boiling in oil, but I don't hear any screams so they probably aren't doing that either,' Nimue observed. "Maybe they're waterboarding them, I hear that's all the rage these days."

"They aren't al Qaeda, Nimue,' Zatanna said, paying the bail at the window. They moved over and sat down on one of the hard wooden benches. Zatanna sat forward, putting her head in her hands, muttering to herself.

"I don't believe this is happening."

Madame Xanadu was looking around, taking everything in. This was a new experience for her and she thought of it as an adventure. She watched with a keen eye as a police officer brought in a couple of handcuffed prostitutes and deposited them on the bench across the way. Nimue smiled at them and leaned forward.

"Excuse me, are you two harlots?"

"What the fuck did you call me, bitch,' was the response she immediately got.

"Harlot, demimondaine, sporting lady or tart.' Nimue clarified.

"You better watch your mouth!"

"She's not from this country,' Zee quickly explained. She pulled Madame Xanadu closer to her and whispered in her ear. "Nimue, this isn't a television show, so don't try mixing with the locals, okay?'

"Why? This is all so exciting and the bawds really pose no threat to me,' Nimue said.

"Oh, you're asking for it bitch,' the prostitute shouted. 'I'll give you an ass whupping you'll never forget!"

"Sorry,' Zee nervously said. "We'll just move to another bench."

She got up and pulled Madame Xanadu with her, while the prostitutes just continued to glare at them.

"Nice meeting you, whores,' Nimue called cheerfully over her shoulder. Luckily the officer came back before the prostitutes could respond, but they shouted threats at Zee and Nimue as they were taken to processing.

"Nimue, we're here to bail Clark out, not get you locked up,' Zee said, a pleading tone very apparent. Nimue nodded, but her eyes were already scanning the rest of the crowd.

"Oh, he's guilty and so is he,' she said rather loudly. She looked at one of the male suspects being brought in and chuckled. "You really tried to cash a check for one billion dollars? You really are something of an imbecile, aren't you?'

"Hey!" The man shouted.

"Nimue! Would you please stop that,' Zee gasped. "We're not trying to draw attention to ourselves, remember?"

'But this is so much fun,' Nimue replied. "Like this man here, he tried to solicit an undercover police woman by offering to pay with a credit card."

"Actually it was a prepaid debit card,' the man replied. "I heard on the Internet that was the new thing to do with call girls, so while I was here for the convention I thought I'd give it a try. Of course that's all allegedly, just in case you two are cops too. I really can't tell it seems. You aren't are you?'

"No.'

"Are you hookers? Cause I've got other cards and I should be out of here in a couple of hours,' he said.

"No, we're not,' Nimue replied before Zee could stop her. "We are friends of your wife though and she'll just love hearing about this, won't she?"

"This is the worst night of my life,' the man groaned. "I'll never get to go to another Barbie convention as long as I live."

He dropped his head in his hands.

"Are you happy now, Nimue, you made him cry,' Zee whispered.

"Don't do the crime, if you can't do the time,' Nimue replied. "I think I heard that on Baretta. They were showing that on TV Land the other night."

The door opened and a rather disheveled Clark Kent stepped out. Somewhere in the distance they could hear the word Attica being shouted over and over.

He looked around and then spotted Zatanna and Madame Xanadu. Sheepishly he walked over.

"Thanks, Zatanna,' he began.

"What happened to you,' Madame Xanadu said, gazing at his disheveled clothes. "Did they flog you back there? I know Zatanna says they don't do that anymore, but you look like you've been through the wringer."

"Um, ah, hello to you too, Madame Xanadu."

"Yes, yes, hello, but what happened? Did they torture you?"

"No, that's was Diana and Karen,' Clark admitted. "They really don't like each other that much it turns out."

"Oh, right, Karen, you date,' Zee said, glaring at him.

"You know, I didn't really think if was a date until I got to her apartment,' Clark replied. "Besides, I saw how chummy you were with Arthur on the station, I figured you wouldn't care."

"I wasn't chummy with Arthur,' Zee protested. "He wanted to apologize, so we talked."

"Arthur wanted to apologize?' The skepticism was clear in his voice.

"That's what he said," Zee replied. "Okay, he did hit on me again, but you should talk, going on a date!"

"Not to interrupt this lovers quarrel,' Nimue said.

"We're not lovers,' Zee immediately said, cutting her off.

"Exactly,' Clark added.

"Whatever,' Nimue said, rolling her eyes. "How did all of this happen? How did you land in jail?"

"Yes, Clark, how come you're in jail,' Zee added.

"First, thanks for bailing me out," Clark said. "I didn't want to call Bruce or I'd never hear the end of it, so a really appreciate you helping me out, Zatanna.'

"You're welcome, but how did this happen?"

"Well, there's really an easy explanation."

"This I've got to hear,' Nimue said with a smile.

* * *

New York – Earlier

Nerves of Steel, right, Karen thought as she checked her reflection in the mirror again. Clark was going to be there any minute and she was filled with anxiety. She had been playing it cool with everyone else, but now that the moment was actually here she was a little panicky. Yes, she had always liked Clark, but this was completely different, this was an actual date!

Oh God, how did I get myself into this, she wondered?

Okay, maybe her rivalry with Diana had something to do with it, she admitted. The Princess could just be so annoyingly perfect it was always nice to see her a little flustered. A smile crossed Karen's lips as she remembered seeing the veins in Diana's neck flare when she heard Karen ask Clark out. She knew Diana was steaming and that only made it that much better.

Now though, she actually had the date with Clark. Truth be told it had been awhile since she'd had a date with anyone, never mind Superman. No, no, your date is not with Superman, it's with Clark she told herself. It's just Clark and Karen tonight. Why didn't that lessen her anxiety though, she wondered? Because it's a date, she reluctantly reminded herself, with a guy you actually like. A guy you don't have to worry about breaking in half with the slightest mistake.

Maybe I can still call and cancel, she thought, as panic started to overwhelm her. No, no, don't be stupid she chastised herself. You finally got up the nerve to ask him out you can't back out now. There's no pressure, really, it's just a date she thought trying to calm herself down. You go out with him, have some fun and see what happens. It's just two people spending an evening together, that's all, nothing more. You're friends and you like each other so it shouldn't be a big deal.

It's just two friends spending some time with each other, so why are my palms sweating?

* * *

The Barbie Convention

Mary and the others were standing in front of a vast array of Barbies, all dressed in the different outfits of the women of the Justice League. There was a stunned look on Diana's face as she tried to process what she was seeing.

"It's not right,' Mary grumbled.

"Yeah, I know, "Courtney replied. "I'm not even in the group! I'm a member too! I mean come on; they've even got Gypsy, but not me? What the fuck?"

"Courtney, language,' Diana chastised.

"Sorry Diana."

"I can talk to Lois when we get back,' Kara offered. "Maybe she can work out some deals for you.'

"You think,' Courtney asked.

"Sure, she's amazing at this stuff,' Kara replied. "I think she missed her calling becoming a reporter, she should really be an agent."

"It's still not right,' Mary repeated. "Barbie would never wear outfits like those, especially Black Canary's or Zatanna's."

"Why?' Kara asked. 'Diana's shows more skin then theirs do."

"Excuse me?" Diana said, turning to look at Kara. "My 'outfit' as you referred to it was given to me by the Gods! It's not an 'outfit' it is a champion's armor, young lady!"

"Okay, I stand corrected,' Kara quickly replied. "Jeez, someone's a little touchy."

"Barbie's not like that,' Mary said, ignoring the others. 'Barbie is supposed to be a regular young woman making her way in the world, not that."

"Well, times change, Mary,' Courtney offered with a mischievous smile. She winked at Kara. "Maybe Barbie's trying something new. She did break up with Ken, right, so maybe Barbie and Skipper are getting it on now."

Kara gave a little snort as she tried not to laugh. Mary gasped in horror and reacted without thinking.

"You shut your dirty mouth,' she shouted and then slapped Courtney.

"Mary?" Diana exclaimed in surprise.

"What the hell, Mary,' Courtney complained as her hand went up to her cheek.

"Mary Batson, what were you thinking,' Diana demanded. "That was out of line, young lady and you will apologize immediately.'

"I'm sorry, Courtney, I didn't mean to slap you,' Mary said, blushing with embarrassment.

"It was just a joke, Mary, I mean fuck, have a sense of humor,' Courtney complained.

"Language, Courtney, how many times do I have to say it,' Diana said in exasperation.

"Well she hit me!"

"You might as well give up, Diana, I think she has Taurets or something,' Kara offered.

"Well talk about it later,' Diana replied. She turned to Mary. "I think you have some explaining to do, young lady."

"I didn't like what she said,' Mary reluctantly offered.

"So you hit me?" Courtney fired back.

"I said I was sorry."

"That still doesn't explain your actions, Mary,' Diana demanded.

"I don't like when people talk about Barbie like that,' Mary offered. "Barbie and Ken belong together, they're soul mates and I don't like when some people try to change that. That's the only ship there should be, Barbie and Ken"

"Ship? What,' Diana asked, not following this at all.

"I'll explain it later, Diana,' Kara offered. "But Mary isn't it interesting sometimes to think about other combinations? You know, it's natural to wonder how they would work and not everyone is going to like the same ship as you do."

"Then they're wrong,' Mary said firmly. "It's Barbie and Ken and that's it. That's the way it always has been and the way it always should be."

"So no Barbie and Blaine, the Australian surfer she was friendly with during her split with Ken?"

"No."

"How about Todd, Stacie's twin brother?'

"Absolutely not,' Mary vehemently said. "They don't even have a history in the official canon together! It's just not right!"

"Cannons, ships?" Diana looked very confused by all of this. "Who are Blaine and Todd and how do you know about all this, Kara?"

"They gave out a Barbie guide at the door and I gave it the once over,' Kara explained. 'I'll explain later."

"So is Barbie in the Navy,' Diana asked, trying to figure this all out. "Is that why she was in Australia and why Mary is talking about cannons and ships?"

"No, of course not, Miss Diana,' Mary immediately said. "Although, Barbie does work with the USO and has always supported our troops."

"I'm so confused,' Diana said with a shake of her head.

"It's just that things are supposed to be one way, Miss Diana, Barbie and Ken,' Mary explained. "Then there are some people that try and change that and put Barbie with other people and it's not right! I don't like it!"

"That's kind of a Nazi attitude to have isn't it Mary,' Courtney said, still holding her cheek. "Just because it's been one way, doesn't mean it can't be another. Maybe some people like the idea of Barbie with Blaine or even Barbie with Stacie."

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! I don't want to hear about that,' Mary shouted and then turned and started running away.

"Mary!"

Diana called to her, but Mary was already moving away into the crowd. Diana sighed and turned to look at Kara and Courtney.

"And you two,' Diana said in exasperation. "You know how important this is to her and you just had to tease her. I think when we get back we will have to revisit our agreement about your punishment and how many weekends you have to spend on Themyscira."

"What? That's not fair,' Courtney gasped.

"Absolutely,' Kara quickly said in agreement. "We had a deal and that's a binding contract, Diana."

"I'm changing the deal."

"You can't do that,' Kara replied.

"Oh, really? What are you going to do, contact your agent," Diana asked. "Perhaps I will have to contact Pat and Mrs. Kent about this as well."

Courtney and Kara paled at the thought.

"Let's not fly off the handle, Diana,' Courtney quickly replied. "There's really no reason to bring Pat into this."

"Or Ma Kent,' Kara added. Thinking fast, she changed topics. "You know we still have a deal and I was just thinking about how we could get back at Karen for you."

"What? How?" Diana said, caught off guard. Kara saw an opening and pressed ahead.

"Well tonight's their date, Diana, remember?"

"Yes." Diana replied, practically grinding her teeth as she thought about it.

"Well, what would happen if say Courtney and I disappeared from the convention?' Kara asked. "You could call Clark and tell him and ask for his help."

"Yes that would be something I could do,' Diana absently replied. She quickly shook her head and dismissed the idea. "No, that would be devious and lying. Now I suggest we find Mary and smooth this over."

Diana turned and started through the crowd.

"Nice try,' Courtney said. "You had to know Diana wouldn't go for something as underhanded as that, Kara."

"True,' Kara admitted. "She's too honest for her own good sometimes."

"Yeah, I know."

"That's why I'm going to help her,' Kara said with a big smile.

"What? How?"

"Well, I just happened to pick up Diana's phone when she wasn't looking,' Kara explained holding up the cell phone. "We just send a little text to Clark, nothing too over the top and then you and I slip out and do some real partying."

"Diana's not going to like this,' Courtney replied.

"Oh, come on, she'll thank us later,' Kara said. "Now, just to send a subtle text and then we can go."

She tapped in a short message and then smiled at Courtney.

"I believe the nightlife is calling, Courtney."

"Fucking A, you really are devious when you want to be,' Courtney said with a smile of her own.

"You know Diana's right, your language is terrible."

"Oh, shut up and let's hit some clubs."

* * *

New York

Clark stood in front of Karen's apartment adjusting his tie. He held a bunch of flowers in his other hand. He still didn't really think this was a date, but just in case he figured flowers were always a safe bet. The way his luck had been going with women lately, there was no reason to piss a superpowered one off. Don't freak out, he said to himself, its just two friends having dinner, that's all. Karen probably has a million guys just lining up to ask her out and just wanted a friend to go to this company dinner. Don't read more into this and then there is, he cautioned himself.

It's not a date, whatever Bruce says. He's been wrong before.

Taking a deep breath, Clark started up the stairs and rang the bell. While he waited, he took another look at the neighborhood. It seemed rather nice, with the park close by and all. I can see why she likes it here, he thought. The door started to open and Clark turned to get his first look at Karen.

Holy Shit!

"Um, wow,' he managed to say. "You-You look amazing, Karen."

Definitely a date, he immediately thought. Damn I hate when Bruce is right.

"Well, thanks,' she replied with a smile. "Are those for me?'

"Hmm? What?" Clark said, still a little thrown by how spectacular she looked.

"The flowers?"

"Oh, right, yes, yes they are,' Clark stumbled to reply. He held them up towards her. "These are for you."

"Ah, thanks, why don't you come in for a minute,' she offered.

"Great,' Clark said with a smile. I'm off to a flying start, he lamented. She probably already thinks I'm a total douchebag. I couldn't have done worse if I'd used Jonn's line about nice teeth. He stepped inside and looked around.

"Nice place."

"Thanks, I like it,' she replied. Karen set the flowers down and went over to the closet and took out her wrap. She was just about to put on, when Clark stepped up.

"Here, let me help you with that,' he offered, hoping he could recover from the flowers at the door.

"Well, thanks,' she said with a smile. So he's a gentleman, she thought. He always seemed like one, but you never know how they're going to act once you're on a date. Gentleman can quickly turn into the Guy that's all hands before you know it. As Clark lifted the wrap around her shoulders he did let his fingertips brush against her bare skin and this caused little goose bumps to form. Maybe all hands isn't so bad, Karen considered, just depends on the hands.

Easy girl, Karen chastised herself, sure its been a long time, but let's not get ahead of ourselves.

"So should we go,' Clark asked.

"Absolutely, the car should be outside right about now,' Karen replied. She did a quick scan with her vision and then smiled. "Right on time."

"Wow, a limo, huh? Going all out for this banquet, aren't you,' Clark offered.

"Well I like to go all out on a date,' Karen absently replied. As soon as the words left her mouth she realized how they might sound. "I meant on a limo and dress, that's all."

"Okay,' Clark replied with a smile. "You had me more nervous than I already am there for a moment."

"You're nervous,' she asked in surprise.

"Hell yeah,' Clark admitted. "If I screw this up you could really do some damage to me. I meant the date, screw the date up, that's all."

Karen couldn't help laughing a little bit. Finding out he was nervous too, relieved some of her worries. She let her playful side come out.

"You never know, if it goes well I could do some damage too."

This brought Clark up short and he just looked at her for a moment.

'Just teasing, Clark,' she said over her shoulder and then added, "Coming?"

He couldn't help looking at her again as she started down the stairs to the car. She looked spectacular.

"Well, this should be an interesting night,' he mused and then followed.

* * *

The Watchtower

Dinah and Ollie were sitting together in the cafeteria. She had been smiling all night and he was starting to get worried. He'd put it off long enough, he thought; time to confront this head on.

"So you're enamored with Clark now, is that it?"

"What,' Dinah replied.

"Oh, come on, I've seen the look on your face ever since he told you how lovely you were,' Ollie said. "You can tell me if you're smitten, I'm an adult, I can handle it."

"Where is this coming from,' Dinah asked.

"Oh, please, Dinah don't play innocent,' Ollie fired back. "Everyone has been talking about it. The guy practically composed an Ode to your beauty. You can't say that didn't effect you.'

"No, I was flattered,' Dinah admitted. "It did make up for telling me I was fat and smelled like a funeral home, but that isn't what I've been thinking at all."

"It wasn't?"

"No."

"What have you been thinking,' Ollie tentatively asked.

"I've been thinking how I've been getting short changed lately,' Dinah replied. "It took Clark to point it out, but I realized I liked being complimented, a lot. I also realized you've been taking me for granted, Ollie and that's going to change. You better step up your game, Archer, or maybe someone else will."

Dinah smiled and lightly patted Ollie on the cheek before getting up and walking away. Ollie just sat there for a moment and then dropped his head into his hands.

"Thanks, Clark' Ollie grumbled. "I just knew it. You screwed me big time pal. Some friend, jeez."

* * *

New York

The banquet hall at the Waldorf Astoria was filled to capacity. Corporate bigwigs mingled and schmoozed as a full band played in the background. Clark wished he'd worn something better than his black suit, but then again very few people were looking at him. If they were, it was only to wonder how he'd been so lucky to be there with Karen.

He tried to keep up with the conversation, but as an outsider it was difficult. He wasn't an idiot, but unless you're part of the industry a lot of the terminology is lost on you. Every workplace has it's own language that insiders use. He remembered doing a story on the restaurant industry and talking to waitresses. They all used the phrase 'in the weeds' and it was only later he found out what it meant.

Karen was having a great time. Usually at these things she always had to worry about guys hitting on her, but this time Clark was there. Even in that plain black suit, she thought he looked far better than any of the industry guys in tuxedos. She was pretty sure she saw a few women looking their way and not at her. She also liked that he wasn't one of those guys that constantly felt the need to draw attention to themselves. He wasn't so insecure that he couldn't let someone else have the spotlight. He seemed comfortable in his own skin, which was a rarity.

Thankfully dinner was announced before she got too deep into conversations about business.

"Sorry if that got a little dry for you back there,' she offered as they headed towards their table.

"It was fine,' Clark replied. "I've been to enough of these sorts of things to know that even though it is supposed to be a party, a lot of business is done. I just wish I'd known it was black tie, I feel a little underdressed."

"I think you look very handsome,' she offered. "I'm not the only one, let me tell you."

"Oh really? Who,' Clark said, teasing just a little bit. He started to look around, but she pulled him back to face her.

"Just remember who you're here with, Clark."

"Hard not to,' he said with a smile. "I've been getting the evil eye from most of the men in this place, so I must be with the most beautiful woman here."

"Well aren't you the flirt,' Karen said with a laugh.

"Is it flirting if you're just telling the truth? Interesting question,' he said with a mysterious smile as they made their way to their table.

"So you're trying to say you're not flirting with me,' Karen asked.

"Ah, here's our seats, boy I'm starving,' he replied, avoiding the question and holding out her chair.

"I'll let it go this time, Clark,' she said, taking her seat. "Thank you."

* * *

The Convention

Diana had been searching all over for Mary. Kara and Courtney had disappeared, but her main focus was on finding Mary. She seemed so upset earlier, Diana worried about the young woman. It was the sound of her yelling that finally caught Diana's attention.

"I saw it first!"

"Let go of it, you little hussy!"

"I am not! I had it first and was getting ready to pay when you jump in line. You're a line jumper, that's what you are!"

There was a crowd and as Diana pushed her way through she finally saw Mary struggled over a package with another woman. The woman was in her forties and rather large, as many of the women at the convention were, Diana had absently noticed.

"Mary, what's going on,' she asked.

"Oh, Miss Diana, she won't let go, it's mine,' Mary shouted.

"It is not, you turned your back and you snooze you lose, cupcake,' the other woman shouted.

"Mary is this really necessary,' Diana asked, trying to calm the situation. "Can't you just pick another one?'

"Whose your friend,' the woman asked. "All looks and no brains huh? I guess that figures."

"Excuse me,' Diana said.

"Oh, am I talking too fast for you, bimbo? This is the last one and it's mine."

"No, it's not, it's mine,' Mary fired back. "And Miss Diana is not a bimbo!"

"Well she's with you, isn't she,' the older woman said with a laugh. "Bimbos tend to run in packs."

"Madame, there is no call for that language,' Diana firmly said. "If my young friend had the doll first than rightfully it is hers. Please release it."

"Go screw yourself!"

"Shut your dirty mouth,' Mary exclaimed, pulling on the box.

"You can go screw yourself too,' the older woman said, yanking it back towards her.

"We are all sisters, Madame, we shouldn't be fighting amongst ourselves like this,' Diana offered.

"Shouldn't you be at the car show, wearing a bathing suit and passing out flyers, bimbo,' the older woman said to Diana. 'Oh, and take that sisterhood shit and shove it up your ass, the doll is mine!"

"How about I shove my boot up your ass,' Diana replied, her temper starting to rise.

"Ladies, ladies,' the salesman finally said, stepping in between them. "Let's not let our tempers get away with us. Surely a compromise can be worked out."

"Yes,' the older woman said. "Have this little twit let go of the Barbie and run off with her bimbo friend and everything will be fine!"

"It's my Barbie,' Mary shouted.

"I would ask you not to call me a bimbo again,' Diana said.

"Or what, bimbo?" the older woman asked. He gave Mary a hip and knocked her off balance, while snatching the Barbie from her grasp. The woman smiled a big smile now at Diana. "You talk rather big for a pretty girl, honey. Careful, you might break a nail if you try coming at me."

Diana willed herself to remain calm but it was very difficult. The older woman was rather large, but Diana wasn't the slightest bit worried about that. Before she could reply, events overtook everything. Mary got off the floor and lunged at the older woman, taking her down.

"It's my Barbie!"

"Oh, it's go time, you little witch!"

All hell broke out at that point and Diana found herself being swept up in the melee.

* * *

New York

Dinner was over and Clark and Karen were on the dance floor. The song "Moonglow' was playing. They were dancing very close. Each was very aware of the others body against them.

"Thanks again for coming tonight, Clark,' Karen softly said.

"Thanks for inviting me."

They looked into each other's eyes and both smiled. Before they could say anything Clark's phone went off.

"I'm sorry, but it might be important,' he offered.

"That's okay, I understand."

Clark pulled his phone out of his pocket and checked the text message. It was the subtle one Kara had sent from Diana's phone. It read, "Kara and Courtney missing! Help!"

"It's from Diana,' Clark said.

"Well that figures,' Karen sourly said.

"Kara and Courtney had gone missing and she wants my help,' Clark explained. "I'm sorry, but I should go."

"That can take care of themselves can't they,' Karen asked, reluctant to end their date. "Why don't you just call Diana first? Maybe things aren't as bad as she made it out in her text."

"I guess I could try."

Clark dialed Diana's number but it just rang and rang until voice mail kicked in.

"No answer,' he said, closing his phone.

"Figures,' Karen grumbled. "So the Princess picked tonight of all nights to need your help, I thought she was better than that."

"Excuse me?"

"What? Oh, nothing, nothing,' Karen replied. "So you're going to go, huh?"

"I sort of have to,' Clark said. "Kara's family and if anything happened to her I'd never forgive myself."

"That little snot is probably in on it,' Karen said under her breath.

"I know you don't like Kara, Karen, but I don't think Diana would lie about something like this."

"Yeah, I'm sure you're right,' Karen reluctantly admitted. "The Princess doesn't lie, I get it."

"On a side note, Diana really hates it when people call her Princess,' Clark offered.

"Oh, really, well that's interesting,' Karen replied with a smile.

"So, I'm sorry to cut this short, but I did have a wonderful time,' Clark said.

"Why don't I come with you,' Karen offered. "Two people with X-ray vision should shorten the search considerably. Once we find Kara and Courtney, we can maybe finish the rest of the date?"

"Um okay, are you sure?"

"Yeah, I've put in enough time here, maybe it will be fun,' Karen replied.

"I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding and we'll be finished in no time,' Clark offered.

"Well, then what are we waiting for?"

* * *

The Police Station

"So you see it's really just a big misunderstanding,' Clark said to Madame Xanadu and Zatanna.

"That still doesn't explain why you're in jail,' Nimue pointed out.

"I'm so glad you had such a wonderful time with Karen,' Zee grumbled. "Strange how your magical night ended up in jail."

"Well, I'm sorry if I pulled you away from Arthur,' Clark fired back. "Thank you, anyway."

"I wasn't with Arthur!"

"Again, we're getting off track,' Nimue interjected. "How did you end up in jail?"

"Well, that's sort of a long story,' Clark admitted. "There was a bar and some drinking. Once we got there someone touched someone in a way they did not like and then thing sort of went down hill from there."

"So you got in a fight,' Zee asked. "That doesn't seem like you, Clark."

"I wasn't fighting, I was trying to stop it,' he replied. "Its just have you ever tried to stop two Kryptonians and an Amazon? It's not easy let me tell you. That's not even counting Courtney."

'Where was Mary?"

"Still in jail,' Clark said. "Everyone thought she needed a little more time to calm down."

"So what now?' Madame Xanadu asked.

"I think we need to bail them out before things get worse,' Clark quickly said. "You'd be surprised, but Diana and Karen really don't like each other that much."

"Shocker,' Zee said with a roll of her eyes.

"Um, ah, Zee, I'm a little short on money, so do you think you could loan me some,' Clark tentatively said.

"So you want me to bail your date out too? Seriously?"

"Please."

"Oh, alright, but you owe me, Clark, big time!"


	25. Chapter 25

Food for Thought

San Francisco

"Five hundred, five twenty, five thirty, five forty, five fifty, okay, that takes care of Kara's bail,' Clark said as he finished counting out the money. "Again, thanks for helping Zee. "

"Your welcome,' Zatanna replied. She looked a little tired and pale as she sat across from him at the main table. "You know you didn't have to cover Courtney, Mary and Kara too, Clark. As long as they don't go on the lam I get the money back."

"I know, but you paid because I asked, so I wanted to make sure you got your money back. Oh, that reminds me, Diana is going to send you a money order from the Embassy and Karen said she'd write you a check the next time she sees you."

"Your 'date' is writing me a check, lovely,' Zee snidely said.

"Why don't I just pay for both of them too,' Clark offered, reaching for his wallet. The kitchen door opened as Clark was counting out more money and Madame Xanadu came in carrying a tray of coffee.

"Hello, Superman, nice to see you as a free man again."

"Hello, Madame Xanadu, always nice to see you too."

"My, they must pay reporters better than I thought,' she said with a smile, noting the pile of money of the table. She set the tray down and turned to Zatanna. "Now have some of this coffee, it should settle your stomach, Zatanna."

"What? Are you feeling sick,' Clark asked with concern. 'You do look a little pale this morning."

"It's nothing,' Zee said dismissively. She took a deep breath and wiped the sweat off her brow. She was just about to pour a cup of the coffee, but stopped. Her stomach was sending an urgent message to her mouth, bottoms up! Holding her hand over her lips Zee rushed out of the room. Clark watched with apprehension as she slammed the bathroom door.

"Is it the baby? Is she having morning sickness already?"

"I know you're supposedly a Superman, but come on,' Nimue said. "Yes, Zatanna said it was a wonderful time, but you just had sex like three days ago. It's way too early to tell."

"Of course, what was I thinking?" Clark said with a nod, and then he looked over at Madame Xanadu. "She said it was wonderful? Really?"

"Shut up, Nimue!" Zatanna shouted from the bathroom, but then retching followed it.

"So what else did she say?' Clark asked with interest. "I mean about that night?"

"Well,' Nimue started, but Zatanna's voice cut her off.

"NOT ANOTHER WORD, NIMUE!"

"She's always a little cranky when she's not feeling well,' Nimue explained.

"Maybe it's a bug that's going around or something,' Clark offered

"No,' Madame Xanadu replied as she sat down. She poured them both a cup of coffee and hand one to Clark. "She had a late meal on that Tower of yours and it's not sitting well with her."

There was the sound of retching in the background. Clark cringed just a little before replying.

"I don't think the food up there is that bad,' he offered. More retching drown him out before he could continue.

"Zatanna brought a copy of the menu from up there,' Nimue said, holding it up in front of her. She took a sip of her coffee and made a face as she looked at the selections. "A breaded veal cutlet? Seriously?"

"Those are actually quite popular with some members,' Clark said, defending the Watchtower cafeteria. He was one of the founding members, so he felt a certain obligation to defend the place. Madame Xanadu gave him a look that clearly said she didn't believe him.

"I'm serious, a lot of people love it,' he said.

She read the description off the menu.

"A breaded veal Salisbury steak topped with a provocative sauce of Velveeta and half and half, smothered in Campbell's Tomato soup. Yum."

"Sure when you read it like that,' Clark replied. He sort of knew he was losing this argument but out of loyalty he gave it one last try. "It tastes much better than it sounds."

This comment was punctuated by more retching coming from the bathroom.

"It would almost have to, wouldn't it?' Nimue replied.

Clark sighed and took a sip of his coffee. He was trying to come up with some counter argument, but the coffee got his attention.

"Wow, that's good coffee, is that from Blue Bottle here in San Francisco? It's the Giant Steps blend isn't it? Sort of a Sumatran and Ugandan organic coffee mix that is quiet, dark and chocolaty."

"Yes. How did you know?' she asked. Nimue was surprised he'd picked up on the coffee.

"I had it once before when I was here. I bought some and took it to the tower,' Clark explained.

"It is very good, isn't it?"

"Absolutely."

The bathroom door banged opened and a rather spent Zatanna stood there. She was glaring at Madame Xanadu.

"You! You did this to me. This is your fault, Nimue!"

"How is it my fault?"

"All that good and healthy food we had, it ruined me for the regular stuff,' Zee complained. "I used to be able to eat chicken fingers and any old crap they serve on the station, but not now! It's like my stomach is rebelling! Oh, God!"

Zatanna suddenly went pale again, just before slamming the door shut. The sound of more retching soon followed. Madame Xanadu turned and looked at Clark.

"You eat the little creature's fingers? That's disgusting! No wonder she's sick!"

* * *

The Watchtower – The Transporter Room

Jonn and Ollie were manning the controls along with Diana. The news of her and the others arrest was the talk of the station. Currently, Wally was badgering Diana for details.

"Come on, Diana, you were arrested in a barroom brawl!' Wally offered. "Fill me in. I'm picturing clothes being torn off, a lot of rolling around on the floor, you know what I mean."

He wagged his eyebrows suggestively, but Diana didn't look at him and continued to go over the readouts.

"Yes, unfortunately I do know what you mean, Wally, but it wasn't like that at all,' Diana replied. "There was an incident and then things got a little out of hand, that's all. It was really just a big misunderstand to tell the truth."

"You really stink as a storyteller, Diana,' Wally lamented. "I mean you're unbelievably gorgeous and all, but you leave all the best details out!"

"I guess you'll just have to use your imagination,' Diana said with a smirk.

"Oh, I already am, but a few more details would just kick it over the top!"

Diana's smirk turned into a frown as she glared at Wally.

"Speaking of kicking,' Diana said.

"You're very PG-13 in them, though,' he hastily offered, taking several steps away from her.

"If she won't tell you, why don't you ask Karen,' Ollie said. "She's transporting in right now."

"Her,' Diana grumbled through gritted teeth.

"I knew there was more than you were saying,' Wally exclaimed. He had a big smile on his face. "Gentlemen, we may be very close to hearing the two most breathtaking words in the English language."

"You mean ...," Ollie started to say, but Wally quickly moved over and put his hand over Ollie's mouth.

"Don't say it out loud! You'll jinx it! We need to have independent, eye witness confirmation of the amazing event before even thinking of uttering those magical words!"

"Take your hand off me, you jackass,' Ollie complained, pulling away from Wally.

The transporter flashed and in the next moment Karen was standing on the platform. She was smiling until she saw Diana. Diana wasn't smiling either as she looked at Karen.

"Oh, it's you,' Karen said as she walked down the steps from the platform.

"And it's you,' Diana replied.

"Oh, my God, we might see those two magical words in action right here,' Wally whispered. Jonn looked at Ollie in confusion and then leaned closer.

"What two words?'

"Cat fight."

"You jinxed it!' Wally gasped in horror. "We were so close, dude!"

Karen walked across the room towards the door, giving Diana a glare but saying nothing.

"Excuse me, Power Girl,' Jonn said. "Do you have a black eye?"

"Yes,' Karen said, stopping just before the doors. "It should be gone by later today though."

"You?" Ollie questioned. He looked at Wally and then Jonn, before looking back at Karen. "You're Kryptonian, how could you get a black eye?"

Karen turned and looked at Diana again.

"Do you want to tell them, Princess or should I?"

Diana blushed a little and awkwardly turned towards the three men.

"Um, well, it was an accident,' she finally said.

"An accident?" Wally and Ollie said simultaneously.

"Yes."

"Pretty well placed fist for an accident, Princess,' Karen offered.

"Wait! You mean Diana punched you,' Wally gasped.

"Yes."

"NO!' Diana immediately contradicted Karen. She continued, trying to explain. "It was an accident, like I said. We were in the club to find Kara and Courtney, when someone touched me. I didn't care for it and when I turned around, I accidentally hit her."

"With your fist,' Karen added.

"A closed hand, there's a big difference,' Diana offered. "An accident."

"Wait." It was Ollie's turn to ask the question. "You said someone touched you? Touched you how?"

"And was it Karen,' Wally added. He was almost vibrating with glee, as the story just seemed to be getting better and better.

"No! Get your mind out of the gutter,' Karen snapped.

"It was just inappropriate, let's leave it at that,' Diana firmly said.

"What? They grab your ass,' Ollie asked. Diana just glared at him. "Worse? They went up top? Wow, no wonder you punched her!"

"I didn't punch her,' Diana replied in exasperation. "It was a simple accident, that's all!"

"And how about my ruined dress,' Karen asked. "Was that just another accident, Princess?"

Ollie, Jonn and Wally looked from Karen to Diana, waiting with almost bated breath for her answer.

"No, you were just in the way,' Diana reluctantly admitted.

"Some-Some-Something happened to your dress,' Wally stammered, beads of sweat breaking out on his forehead. "It-It didn't get ripped, did it?"

"Yes, it did,' Karen replied, still looking at Diana. "Thanks to the Princess."

"I did say move,' Diana offered as a justification.

"As you pushed me."

"You-You ripped her dress off,' Wally panted. "Did anyone have a camera?"

"I didn't rip her dress off! It just sort of got torn, is all. It wasn't my intention."

"Just another 'accident', huh, Princess?' Karen snidely asked.

"Would you stop calling me Princess,' Diana snarled.

"Oh, that's right, you don't like being called Princess,' Karen said with a smile. "Clark told me about that."

"Kal told you?" Diana demanded, her anger starting to rise.

"Yes, on our date."

Diana and Karen took a step towards each other.

"Maybe I didn't jinx it after all,' Ollie whispered as the three men stood watching the two powerful women.

"No, that will not do,' Jonn said and then phased through the panel. He stepped in between Diana and Karen.

"Careful, Jonn, the Princess might accidentally punch you,' Karen said, glaring at Diana. "Or tear off one of your suspenders by mistake."

"It might not be an accident this time,' Diana countered.

"Cat Fight!' The words burst from Wally's lips before he could stop himself. "Oh, NO! I jinxed it!"

"There will be no fighting on the station," Jonn said. He made sure he kept between Karen and Diana. "You are both too powerful to fight up here. You are also senior members and supposed to set an example, I will remind you."

Karen and Diana both reluctantly nodded, knowing Jonn was right. It was Karen that spoke first.

"Don't worry, Jonn, I'm not going to fight the Princess."

"Thank you."

"Don't call me Princess,' Diana grumbled, but didn't make any move towards Karen.

"Oh, right, sorry, I guess it was an 'accident,' Karen replied with a smile.

"I'll give you an accident,' Diana muttered, as she clinched her fists.

Karen just smiled wider and turned her attention to Jonn.

"Have you seen Clark lately, Jonn? Our date went so well before it was rudely interrupted, I wanted to see if he was interested in trying again?"

"I don't' believe he's scheduled until later,' Jonn replied.

"Okay, thanks,' Karen said and then started out the doors. She stopped and looked at Diana again. "You guys better be careful, I've seen that look on the Princess's face before. Usually 'accidents' start happening when she looks like that."

Diana wanted to wipe that smug smile off Karen's face, but she was already out the door.

"Kryptonians! Oh, I hate them sometimes,' Diana growled.

"Join the club, Diana, Clark threw me under the bus with Dinah yesterday,' Ollie said. "He had to start raving about how beautiful she was and now I'm supposed to live up to that? He screwed me, royally. Oops, sorry, Princess, I mean Diana."

"You really don't like being called Princess, Diana,' Jonn asked. "Isn't that your title back on Themyscira?"

"Yes, Jonn and mostly I don't mind,' Diana replied in frustration. "It's Kal mostly I don't like calling me it. I'm not too fond of Karen calling me it either though."

"Yes, I got that impression.

Diana turned and looked at Ollie.

"What did you say Kal did to Dinah, Ollie?"

"He put the moves on her is what he did,' Ollie replied. "Some farm boy, he was suddenly all silver-tongued devil laying it on thick with the compliments. He threw me under the bus is what he did. You think you know a guy and then he screws you!"

"Yes, I'm familiar with how charming Kal can be when he wants to,' Diana grumbled.

Diana turned to the doors and marched out. Wally lifted his head from the consol and watched her leave. He was almost weeping.

"I jinxed it,' he lamented. "A cat fight between Wonder Woman and Power Girl and I had to jinx it! This is the worst day of my life!"

"Nice going, douchebag,' Ollie replied. "I was sort of looking forward to seeing that too."

* * *

San Francisco

Madame Xanadu had gone out soup and Zatanna took the opportunity to slip out for just a little bit. Thankfully the worse was over, but Nimue had insisted she stay in bed until she was completely recovered. Zee knew once Nimue got in her mothering mood, there was no arguing with her. Usually Zee wouldn't have minded lying around, but all the money Clark gave her made her nervous. She didn't like having all that cash just sitting there. Zee figured she could slip out, deposit it in the bank and be back before Nimue returned.

There was an ATM just down the block so she got dressed and took a quick look at herself in the mirror. She was still kind of pale, but it was only to the ATM. Locking up, Zee took the stairs and was out on the street in just a few moments. Just a quick trip she told herself and then she would gladly climb back into bed.

She was just about at the ATM when another couple stepped in front of it. Damn, she thought, oh well, I don't mind waiting a little bit.

As the man inserted his card, Zee suddenly got a bad feeling about this.

"Oh, look, honey,' the man said. "You can do it in two languages. Isn't that amazing?"

"How clever,' the woman replied.

Oh, great, Zee thought, I had to be behind a couple that's apparently just arrived in the world. She had to stifle a groan as the two discussed the two options.

"You know if Rosa was with us, I'll bet she could do all of this is Spanish,' the woman suggested.

"Well, I had two semesters in high school, it can't be that difficult,' the man countered. "I handled ordering drinks in Acapulco last year, didn't I?"

"Better play it safe, though, press English."

"Account password,' the man read from the screen.

They are going to read every step of the process, Zee groaned. She did a quick mental survey, trying to remember where the next closest ATM was, but realized it was blocks away. Just stick it out, she told herself, how bad can it be?

"PIN? What is that?"

I'm going to die here, Zee thought. They are going to sap my will to live and I'll just turn into dust waiting for them to finish.

"I believe that's your number, dear,' the woman suggested.

"Oh, yes, of course."

The man seemed to stare at the screen for a moment and then turned back to the woman with him.

"You know, I don't think I remember what our four digit password is,' the man said. "Do you?"

"It's someone's birthday, isn't it,' the woman suggested.

Okay, this is officially going to suck big time, Zee admitted to herself, as she slumped against the wall.

"Wait, I think I have it written down on a piece of paper in my wallet."

The man reached inside his coat and took out his wallet. As he sorted through the odds and ends, the two stopped and looked at the pictures he had.

"Is that when we went on the Cruise,' the woman asked. "The Mexican Rivera was so exotic."

"Remember that funny little fellow selling those trinkets at the dock?"

"I bought that straw hat," then man remembered fondly. "I wonder where that is now?"

"Where was the last place you remember seeing it,' the woman asked

As the two debated over where they had last seen the hat, Zee started to rub the bridge of her nose as she felt a headache coming on. Hell wasn't other people she realized, it was _slow_ other people. As the moments dragged on, she was still feeling crappy and standing out here wasn't helping.

"Let's see, a fast twenty, fast forty, sixty, one hundred or other? How much do you think we should take out, honey,' the man asked.

"I don't know, darling,' the woman replied. "We were going to see that Fisherman's Wharf that everyone talks so much about. We'll probably need some extras to buy tee shirts for the kids there."

"So one hundred or should we throw caution to the wind and go for other?"

"What exactly does other mean? One hundred is a good round number you know."

"Yes, but with other we could probably get a different amount, say seventy or one hundred and thirty,' the man countered.

"Oh, I didn't think of that."

It was all just too much for Zatanna and she finally had to say something.

"Excuse me, but I'm in kind of a hurry, could you finish up, please?'

"How rude,' the woman said.

"We were here first, miss, just wait your turn,' the man added. He turned and spoke to his wife. "People are so rude in this town."

That was the tipping point for Zatanna.

"Sorry, but I have a life to lead and I'm growing old while you explore the wonders of the ATM,' Zee fired back at them. "Pick it up, grandpa!"

"Let's try the other button,' the man said, as the couple did their best to completely ignore Zatanna.

* * *

The Watchtower

Clark arrived for his shift a little early. He headed into the cafeteria and almost immediately Wally was next to him.

"Hi, Wally."

"I jinxed it, Big Blue,' Wally replied. "I had the Holy Grail within my reach and I jinxed it."

"What are you talking about, Wally?"

Wally glanced around to make sure no one was listening, before leaning in and whispering to Clark.

"Cat fight."

Wally couldn't help but smile at simply saying the words.

"Huh?"

"Diana and Karen,' Wally whispered. "They were going to have a cat fight and I jinxed it!"

"I really doubt they were going to fight, Wally,' Clark replied. "I mean I know they don't care for each other that much, but a fight? Come on."

"Wait,' Wally said, stepping back and staring at Clark. "I just realized you were there! You saw it! You saw them fight in the bar! You saw the cat fight!"

"It wasn't a cat fight, Wally,' Clark countered. "Besides, Kara and Courtney were there too."

"That just makes it hotter!"

"Sorry to disappoint you, but there wasn't actually a fight,' Clark said. "At least not like you probably imagined."

"Thanks for ruining it for me, pal,' Wally groused. "Jeez, first you throw poor Ollie under the bus and now you ruin my dreams. What did we ever do to you? I thought we were friends!"

"Sorry."

Clark picked up a cup and was pouring himself some coffee. Wally's attention shifted to the day's menu.

"Hey, there's some good news,' he said. "They still have some of the veal cutlets left from yesterday! I love those things. If you want one, you better hurry, Big Blue."

The memory of Zatanna retching suddenly came back to Clark and the coffee cup stopped just short of his lips.

"Um, I'm good, I think I'll pass."

"Your loss and that means more for me,' Wally happily said as he grabbed a tray and headed towards the entrees. Clark smiled and shook his head before taking a sip of the coffee. The smile vanished as he looked down at the cup. Nasty was the word that came to mind.

Glancing around, Clark pulled out some of the Blue Bottle coffee he'd picked up on his way back up to the station. With a quick burst of speed he made a special pot of it and tossed the cafeteria coffee. He was just enjoying the first sip when Jonn materialized next to him.

"Is that Blue Bottle coffee?"

"Um, yeah, Jonn, how did you know?"

"I've thought of little else as far as coffee goes since you introduced me to it."

"It is good, Clark admitted. "The only problem is I don't have enough for everyone."

Jonn glanced around the cafeteria.

"Than perhaps we should just keep it our secret,' he suggested. "It wouldn't be polite to tell them and then not share, I believe, don't you?"

"Yes."

"Pour me a cup, will you please,' Jonn asked, holding up his cup.


	26. Chapter 26

Marketing

The Watchtower

Zatanna was sitting with Shayera, Dinah, Mari and Wally. She was only having a coke.

"Pass me the salt, would you,' Dinah said.

"Here."

Zatanna just slid it across the table towards her. Wally leaned to his right and whispered to Dinah.

"Her tone was kinda snotty, don't you think? Are you going to take that from her?"

"Um, yeah, I guess, especially since I actually wanted the salt,' Dinah replied, a bit confused by the question. Wally made a face and slumped back in his seat.

"Damn,' Wally muttered.

The others gave him a look, but then moved on.

"So how are you feeling Zee?" Shayera asked.

"A little better, but I'm off the food up here for good,' she replied.

"I like the food up here,' Shayera replied.

"That figures."

Wally perked up at this and leaned to his left.

"That was a dig at you, are you going to take that,' he whispered to Shayera.

"Huh?"

"She just insulted you,' Wally explained. "Come on, where's that fighting spirit we all know and love? Kick her ass!"

"What?"

"Yeah, where is that coming from,' Dinah asked.

"I just thought she would react stronger to being insulted is all,' Wally said in his defense. "If Shayera just wants to sit and take that from Zatanna, that's her call."

"What are you up to?"

Wally raised his hands and gave his most innocent look.

"Nothing."

"Wait,' Mari said. "I know what this is, Wally heard about Diana and Karen sort of fighting and now he wants to see two of us fight."

"A cat fight, really Wally,' Dinah asked.

He couldn't help tittering at the words, but quickly put on a straight face. They were all looking at him now.

"Is that was this is about, Wally?"

"No, no, no, yes. Is it working?' he asked.

"Well, I feel like hitting you,' Shayera offered.

"Yeah, me too,' Zee added.

"Na, that's not the same,' Wally lamented.

Shayera gave him a smack on the back of the head anyway.

* * *

Metropolis

Lois Lane was pacing back and forth, weighting her options on how to proceed. Sitting across from her on the couch were Kara, Courtney and Mary. Kara and Courtney watched and waited with rapt interested, while Mary hung her head looking miserable.

"So Lois, what do you think,' Kara asked. "Will you manage Courtney?"

"I'm a reporter first, Kara, you know that,' Lois replied. "I mean that's my real job, helping you was just a side thing."

"Well, Courtney could be a side thing too,' Kara offered.

"Yeah, I just want the sort of deal you made with Kara, Miss Lane,' Courtney said.

Lois stopped and looked at them.

"How about your sad friend there?" Lois asked, pointing to Mary. Courtney nudged Mary and she finally looked up.

"Yes, ma'am, I guess that would be okay with me too,' Mary offered.

"Don't be so excited about it, honey,' Lois sarcastically said.

"She's going through withdrawal, Lois,' Kara explained.

"She's on drugs? I'm not representing any pill head, I'll tell you that right now!"

"No, no, nothing like that. She got kicked out of the Barbie convention."

"For Life!" Mary exclaimed.

"And your sad about that?" Lois said, an incredulous look on her face.

"Yes,' Mary replied. "It's like I can stand in the window and look, but never go inside. I'll just be there watching everyone else live their dream and I'll just have my face pressed against the glass knowing what I've lost."

"Jeez, get a crutch Tiny Tim,' Lois muttered. She waved this off and tried to get back on track. "Okay, putting Raggedy Ann there aside, I think if I'm going to do this, I want to market you as a threesome."

"I'm not interested in porn, Miss Lane, Pat would freak and I'm only eighteen,' Courtney quickly replied. "Sure, soft core and tasteful, maybe, but none of the hard stuff."

"What the fuck?" Lois said, stopping in her tracks. "Porn? Damn, girl, I'm talking about advertising and marketing, not the skin trade!"

"Oh, well that's different,' Courtney said, blushing as she did. "Never mind."

"Who would have thought the alien girl would be the most normal,' Lois mused. She started pacing again.

"What was your idea, Lois,' Kara asked, trying to get things back on track.

"What? Oh, right, sorry, the porn thing sort of threw me for a second,' Lois replied. "Okay, so what I was thinking is marketing you three as the "new" superheroes. Let's face it the market likes young fresh faces. No offense Kara, but even Superman's been around for a while and people are kind of used to him. I mean we can't just suddenly make him younger, can we? No, so people are looking for the next big thing. They want younger, hipper, new heroes and that's what you three are."

"I like the sound of that,' Courtney offered.

"Yes, Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, what are they in their late twenties?' Lois asked. "The demos are going the wrong way with them. The youth market is where the money is and that's what you three are going to tap right into."

"The money, I like the sound of that,' Kara said.

"I thought you would,' Lois replied. "We need to come up with a new brand for you, outside of all the others. Branding is important in this business. It's vital. Look at Calvin Klein, he doesn't really make anything, he just puts his name on stuff. It's all about the branding."

"Okay, so what is our brand?"

"I was thinking, Teens Three,' Lois triumphantly said.

"Why Teens Three,' Courtney asked.

"Cause three teens sucks, that's why,' Lois replied. "Look, I'm just spitballing here. I see you three as the modern day Charlie's Angels."

"Yeah, kicking ass and taking names,' Courtney said, catching Lois' enthusiasm.

"Okay, that raises a point we're going to have to address before we can go any further,' Lois said.

"What?"

"Your mouth, honey, you talk like a trucker,' Lois explained to Courtney. "Advertisers tend to shy away from the foul mouthed teenager, hero or not."

"I'm trying, I really am,' Courtney replied.

"And failing,' Kara offered.

"Screw you!"

"Okay, see that's what I'm talking about right there' Lois said.

"Well, she pissed me off,' Courtney justified. "I really am trying and I am getting a little better."

"Not good enough,' Lois replied. "Perhaps you just don't have the right motivation. Money, sweetie, every foul word that comes out of your mouth costs you and now by extension the rest of us, me included, money. You like money, don't you?"

'Yes."

"Good, cause from now on, every foul word that comes out of your mouth is going to cost you. One hundred for the regular swear words, two hundred for the big ones.'

"Damn,' Courtney lamented.

"That's a hundred dollars,' Kara said with a smile.

"What? No way, damn isn't even a regular swear word, is it, Miss Lane?"

"Well, not really, but it will still cost you fifty,' Lois replied. "That's coming right off the top of your cut, after my fifteen percent of course."

"You only charge Kara ten percent,' Courtney pointed out.

"Cause she knows how to keep it clean, plus she already has a name brand," Lois explained. "It's like Calvin Klein for Women, it sells itself."

Kara's smile got even wider at this.

"Oh, don't gloat, I hate when you gloat,' Courtney grumbled.

"Now our only problem is sad sack over here,' Lois said, looking at Mary.

"It's no use, we've tried cheering her up, but she's inconsolable,' Kara said.

"Cause she was kicked out of a Barbie convention?"

"For Life!" Mary exclaimed. "I can never go to one again, ever!"

"That doesn't sound right, we could sue,' Lois offered.

"No, Miss Diana said I have to take my punishment,' Mary replied. "I was responsible so I have to live with the consequences."

"What is that some kind of weird Amazon thing,' Lois asked, making a face at the very idea. "This is America, honey; no one lives with the consequences if they don't have to. We just need a loophole."

"Like what?"

"Let me think,' Lois said. She began pacing again, rubbing her thumb against her lower lip. Finally she snapped her fingers and turned towards Mary with a big smile.

"They barred Mary Batson, correct?"

"Yes."

"But they didn't bar Mary Marvel,' Lois replied. "Sign with me kid and I'll have them paying Mary Marvel to attend Barbie conventions!"

"Isn't that dishonest,' Mary asked.

"Are you going to split hairs here, or do you want to go to the conventions? Besides, it's not dishonest, you are Mary Marvel,' Lois explained. "If the convention asks for Mary Marvel to appear, how is that your problem that they banned Mary Batson?"

"I guess it wouldn't be,' Mary admitted.

"That's right!"

"So I'll be able to go again,' Mary asked hopefully.

"And make a pretty penny in the process,' Lois replied.

"Oh, thank you, Miss Lane!"

Mary lunged off the couch and hugged Lois.

"Okay, you're welcome, but let's not reenact a scene from the L-word, honey,' Lois offered, trying to extricate herself from Mary's embrace. "A thank you is plenty."

* * *

The Watchtower

Zatanna was heading towards her room on the station. The corridor was empty and she was sort of deep in her own thoughts. She didn't see the door open to her left or the hand reach out until it grabbed her. Suddenly she was pulled into the room.

"Hey! What the hell,' she cried out. She instinctively pulled away and turned to see who it was. It took a moment, but as she heard the door close she saw him in the shadows.

"Bruce!"

He stepped to a degree out of the shadows and just stood looking at her for a moment.

"Well?"

"Well what,' she asked. "Why did you drag me in here anyway?"

"So you're not going to tell me?"

"Tell you what, Bruce? I know you think that whole dark and mysterious thing works for you, but not so much in a conversation."

"You little project,' he said.

"My-My what,' she stammered.

"Oh, come on, Zee, didn't you think I'd find out?"

"About what?"

"Do you want me to spell it out,' he asked.

"Yes, that way we'll both know what you're talking about."

"You want to have a child," he said flatly.

"What? How did you know that,' she gasped.

"Well, I wasn't completely sure until just now,' he said. Bruce almost smiled.

"That still doesn't explain how you know,' she pointed out.

"I'm Batman, remember?"

She crossed her arms in front of her and just looked at him.

"Try again.'

"Okay, your little visit to the mansion a while ago got me thinking,' he explained. "The more I thought about it the more I realized the picture was rather a flimsy reason for you to come all the way to Gotham."

"You said you liked it,' she shouted. "Jeez, you try and do a nice thing and this is the thanks you get."

"You could have easily sent it or given it to me here when we were both on duty, but you made the trip to Gotham so I started wondering why,' Bruce replied. "I did a little digging."

"You investigated me? Are you serious? What the hell is wrong with you, Bruce?"

"I wouldn't use the word investigate,' Bruce countered. "I just did some routine checking to satisfy my curiosity."

"Checking of what,' she demanded.

"Your movements, who you met, what appointments you had,' he replied.

"That's investigating, Bruce!"

"I suppose you could call it that,' he reluctantly admitted.

"Cause that's what it is!" She stepped forward and smacked him. Her hand hurt. He didn't flinch and that only frustrated her more. "That should have hurt you, why didn't it?"

"Protective armor,' he explained. "I remembered you get rather emotional, so it seemed like a good precaution."

"Elohssa!' she grumbled.

"Back to the point, you want to have a child, don't you,' he asked.

"Yes,' she admitted. Zatanna turned and started moving away from her, further into the light, as she absently ran her fingers over the tabletop.

"And that's why you came to see me that day, isn't it?

"Maybe."

"Zatanna."

"Okay, it was part of it, but I changed my mind,' she replied. "Mystery solved, Batman, chalk up another victory to your amazing detective skills. Now let's drop it."

Bruce wasn't going to be put off that easily.

"Why didn't you ask me?"

"When I got there and saw you, I changed my mind,' she replied. "Let's just leave it at that, okay?"

"Is this about Damian? Is that why you didn't ask me?"

"No, although he is a little prick,' Zee replied. Bruce let that one go, wanting to get to the truth.

"Then why?"

"Look, I just didn't, okay? I really don't want to go into it, please."

He noticed she had put the entire small room between them. What was the reason, he wondered? His natural curiosity and whom he was made him want to know the real reason. Bruce wasn't so good at just letting things go. He wanted to get to the bottom of it, so he pressed again.

"Why Zee?"

She turned and looked at him. She knew he wasn't going to let this go until she gave him an answer. It would have to be an answer that satisfied him too. She also knew he wasn't going to like it.

"What's your first love, Bruce?"

"What? Is this about whether I love you or not,' he replied. "You know I've always cared about you Zatanna, but I'm not going to lie and say I'm in love with you."

"No, that's not what I meant. Besides, I just needed someone to father the child, that's it. I wasn't putting any strings on it."

"So you just needed a stud?"

"That's the crass way of putting it, but yes,' she replied.

"So you didn't think I'd be willing? Is that it,' Bruce asked. "You might have been right. This is a dangerous world to bring another child into. In fact are you sure you really want to do this?"

_"In the best of times, our days are numbered anyway. So it would be a crime against nature for any generation to take the world crisis so solemnly, that it put off enjoying those things for which we were designed in the 1st place: the opportunity to do good work, to enjoy friends, to fall in love, to hit a ball, and to bounce a baby."_

The look he gave her was one of incredulity.

"You're quoting Alastair Cook to me?'

"It fits,' she replied. "Why? Don't you think I've read a book or something?"

"I wasn't saying that."

"Well, I have Bruce,' she said forcefully. "And the answer to your question, is yes, I'm sure about this, absolutely sure."

"Fair enough, that still doesn't answer why you didn't ask me?"

"I'll go back to the question I asked you. What's you first love, Bruce?"

He stood looking at her and could see she wanted a straight answer, so he gave her one.

"Gotham."

"And it always will be,' she added.

"Your point?"

"Just that while I don't need the father to be there, I feel it's his right if he wants to,' she explained. "A child has a right to know who their father is, unless he's a complete douchebag, of course."

"Of course.' He agreed.

"I just realized you're not a dad, Bruce,' Zee reluctantly said. "You're a mentor, a boss; maybe even a friend but you're not a dad. If my child is going to know her father, I'd like him to be a dad."

"I would point out I already have a son, Zatanna."

"Who you have someone else raising,' she replied. "Look, I'm not judging you I'm really not. I just know you; Bruce and everything else will always come in second to Gotham with you. Gotham is your world and everyone around you gets pulled into it. If I had a child with you, that would probably happen again and I don't want that."

"I have raised several children already, I would point out,' Bruce countered.

"I know you like having young boys around, which is a little weird to tell the truth, but it's not the same,' she replied. "It has been a lot of young boys now that I think about it. When one gets too old, you replace him with a younger one over and over."

"You're drifting Zee,' he said. The irritation in his voice was plain.

"Sorry, look I just meant that even after they leave you, they don't really leave,' she explained. "None of them ever really leave Gotham, do they? Once their part of that 'family' they never get out."

"That's their choice."

"Is it? Look, I'm sorry, but I don't want that sort of life for my child, Bruce, that's all I'm trying to say. Besides, if Talia heard you had another child with someone else, what do you think she'd do?"

"Good point' he admitted. "So what did you mean I'm a father, but not a dad? Aren't they the same thing?"

"A father is just the man that biologically helped create you. A dad is a lot more. I had a dad, Bruce," Zee explained. A smile came to her lips as she thought about her father. "A dad will just hang out with you or talk about anything you want. A dad will toss the Frisbee around in the yard with you or carrying you all day on his shoulders. He might not be perfect, but he's always there for you."

Bruce seemed to think about this for a moment. In his head he was going over the nature of his relationships not just with Damian, but also with Dick, Tim and Jason. Yes, he'd been a mentor to all of them, but had he ever been more than that? He tried to think of any conversation that wasn't somehow related to their work, his work and couldn't.

"So have you found someone like that,' he finally asked.

"I don't know, maybe,' she replied.

* * *

The Cafeteria

Kara came in to get a soda and she was in a wonderful mood. The way Lois had laid things out they would be rolling in the dough in no time. She got a Pepsi from the fountain and walked over and sat down by the window, looking out at Earth below. It was strange she thought, here she was new to this strange world, yet things couldn't have been going better. She was young, which was great for marketing, had these amazing powers, plenty of friends and soon lots and lots of money. Life was sweet.

"Hey, Kara."

She turned to see Wally sliding into the chair next to her. He seemed excited about something.

"Hey Wally, what's up?"

"Oh, not too much," he replied. "Some crazy night you had, huh? At least it sounded like it."

"Yeah, it did get a little out of hand, but everything's fixed now."

"So everyone's been talking about it, but I haven't heard the real story,' Wally said. "You were there, did Diana and Karen really get into it or what?"

Kara looked at Wally for a moment. He was leaning so far forward he was almost falling, eager to hear all the details. It took about one second for her to realize what he wanted to hear.

"You mean they didn't say anything about their cat fight?"

A giggle escaped Wally's lips and he was almost shaking he was so excited.

"No, no they didn't,' he finally managed to reply. "So what really happened? And don't be afraid to go into lots and lots of detail. Really paint the picture for me, please."

"Well, you heard that Diana 'accidentally' punch Karen, right?'

"Yeah! Go on!"

"Well, all hell broke loose at that point,' Kara continued. "It seemed everybody got into the fight then. Tables were overturned and bottles were being thrown, it was a real riot."

"Yeah, that's great, but let's get back to Karen and Diana,' Wally replied.

"Well, Karen wasn't too happy about Diana punching her,' Kara explained. "I don't think it was really an accident, but Diana says it was and she doesn't lie so you sort of have to believe her. Anyway, the guy that touched Diana had this huge grin on his face and that just pissed Diana off even more. He was standing behind Karen at the time, so Diana sort of pushed her out of the way and her dress just tore."

"Yeah, yeah, then what happened?"

"Her dress it ripped starting at her shoulder, right here,' Kara said, raising her hand to show Wally where. It was just below her collarbone. "Then the rip started to go lower and lower."

Kara let her hand slowly trail down towards the S on the front of her costume. Wally licked his dry lips as his eyes followed Kara's fingers intensely as they inched lower and lower. He actually gulped, as they got really low.

"An-An-An then what happened?"

"And then I promised not to tell any more,' Kara said giving him her sweetest smile. "You wouldn't want me to break a promise, would you, Wally?"

"Well, some promises can be broken,' he offered.

"Not this one,' Kara said as she stood up. "Nice talking to you, Wally. See ya!"

"Oh come on!"

"Sorry."

Wally looked stricken as he watched Kara walk away. He was sure he heard her laughing as she reached the door.

"Jeez, I never realized how cruel Kryptonians can be,' Wally muttered. "First Big Blue and now his little cousin, who's worse than he is!"


	27. Chapter 27

Cote D'Azur

"You got a letter in your mailbox"

The Command Center

_"Captain of our fairy band,  
Helena is here at hand,  
And the youth, mistook by me,  
Pleading for a lover's fee.  
Shall we their fond pageant see?  
Lord, what fools these mortals be!"_

Puck: A Midsummer Nights Dream Act 3, scene 2

* * *

Jonn Jonzz stood at his usual spot, manning the controls. His expression was enigmatic as usual. Underneath that calm visage though, he was amused and entertained. He'd been thinking of the quote from Shakespeare all day and more and more it seemed to fit as he watched his teammates go about their shenanigans.

Many wonder why he spent so much time on the station. The answer was rather simple. He found them all endlessly entertaining.

He wasn't judging them, far from it. They had life in such abundance here and it brought the light back into his troubled soul. For that he would always be grateful. Before meeting these people, he wasn't sure if he would go on. The crushing sadness of his life seemed too much. He had lost everything. Emptiness and darkness seemed to stretch out before him. Then he met these people.

Lord, what fools these mortals be. He would substitute 'humans' for mortals. By fools he was thinking of their reckless embrace of life in all its myriad ramifications. Through them he found that spark that had been lost. His was a life they had saved and they didn't even realize it.

They were heroes, yet oh, so human.

He didn't need to read their minds; they were open books to him for the most part. Their hopes, their dreams, their fears, their loves, all radiated out like stars from each. Some were charmingly innocent and other not so innocent. They weren't malicious, yet they had their rivalries like any others. The world was new to all of them and each stumbled forward trying to make sense of it and find their place in it.

For someone who'd experienced so much tragedy in his life, they were endlessly diverting.

Perhaps it was that thirst for living that they all had in abundance that made it so easy for them to embrace him and take him in as one of their own. Yes, there was a bit of naiveté and innocence about it all, but they trusted him. He was an alien, completely different in most ways from them and judging from many of their thoughts, they had no clue how different, yet he was one of them. How easily they let him into their lives, even the most reticent of them all.

They gave life here.

So as he manned his station as always, Jonn felt that small spark they had rekindled grow. He would watch and listen, fascinated by them more and more with each passing day.

A smile came to Jonn's face as he bit into a Meyer Lemon Huckleberry donut from Dynamo Donuts and washed it down with a cup of Giant Steps blend straight from Blue Bottle. Perhaps his life would have a second act, he thought. Only time will tell, but until then, he would enjoy the life that he was living.

A blinking light on the control panel signaled that someone wished to transport up. Polishing off the donut in two bites, Jonn activated the transporter.

* * *

The Watchtower

Kara, Courtney and Mary arrived back from their meeting with Lois Lane in wonderful moods. Visions of money and Barbies were dancing through their heads. The Barbies were mostly in Mary's head, but they were all in a really good mood.

As they stepped down from the transporter, they all greeted Jonn Jonzz.

"Hi, Jonn!" Kara and Courtney shouted.

"Hello, Mr. Jonzz,' Mary added.

"Hello, girls,' Jonn replied with a smile.

They returned his smile as they headed for the exit. Jonn watched them go, the smile never leaving his face.

In the hallway, Courtney nudged Kara.

"What was he smiling about,' she asked.

"I don't know, must be a Martian thing or something,' Kara replied. "He's okay. My cousin says he's a really good guy once you get to know him."

"He still freaks me out a bit with that whole reading minds thing,' Courtney admitted. "It would be so embarrassing if he knew all the thoughts flying around my head."

"The only thoughts I'm having right now are about money,' Kara stated. "Boy, if Lois can pull this off, we'll be rolling in the bucks!"

"I think I'm going to buy a motorcycle or a jet ski,' Courtney said enthusiastically. "I think I'd look really hot and cool with a motorcycle. Sort of like Huntress, except without the creepy boyfriend. Course a jet ski would be cool too!"

"I'm going to finish out my Barbie collection,' Mary offered. "I'll also give a lot of it away to charity, of course."

"Shocker."

"How about you Kara? What are you going to do with your money?"

"I'll have to talk to my financial adviser first, but probably stocks and bonds, maybe some T-bills,' she replied. "Oh, and some really hot outfits for the clubs."

Courtney stopped and gave Kara a look of disbelief.

"Stocks and bonds? T-Bills?"

"Well, I'm probably going to live a long, long time, I want to be comfortable,' Kara justified. "I may be new to this world, but I've got the rules down pretty good. It's much better to be rich than poor."

"You're invested? In what,' Courtney asked.

"Well, a lot of things,' Kara replied. "I've got stock in Wayne Enterprises, which is doing amazing! He may be creepy and scary, but the man can make the money, let me tell you. I have some in Queen Industries, but I'm thinking of pulling it out of there. Ollie's just too much of a bleeding heart. I mean that's great for being a hero and all, but terrible for the bottom line."

The other two nodded in agreement. They were heading towards the cafeteria when the saw Diana come storming up the hallway. She did not look happy.

"Power Girl, more like Annoying Girl if you asked me,' Diana muttered under her breath.

"Is everything okay, Diana,' Kara asked.

"What? Oh, hello, Kara, Courtney, Mary,' Diana said, once she saw them. "It's nothing."

"Are you sure, Miss Diana, you seemed to be talking to yourself just a minute ago,' Mary pointed out.

"It's nothing, really,' Diana replied. "Oh, since you're all here, I wanted to remind you about this weekend. Now don't think you're going to talk me out of it. That means you, Kara. You all agreed to three weekends on Themyscira as your punishment. After this last weekend, I should probably make it four."

"Let's not go crazy, Diana,' Kara quickly said. "Hey, I was thinking, you still haven't asked Clark for your favor, have you?"

Diana looked at her wearily. She knew Kara was trying to change the subject, but it was working.

"No, I haven't. Why?"

"Well, I was thinking, you should have him take you on a date,' Kara explained. "An official date, that way you'd get back at Power Girl. You'd sort of one up her with an official date."

"I would point out Kal and Karen have already had a date,' Diana replied. It irked her a bit just saying it. "That's not really one upping her."

"If you really want to one up her, sleep with him,' Courtney suggested.

"Wh-Wh-What," Diana gasped in shock.

"They pull a knife, you pull a gun. He sends one of yours to the hospital, you send one of his to the morgue. That's the 'Chicago' way!"

They all turned and looked at Courtney.

"I was watching the Untouchables with Pat the other night,' she said in explanation.

"Don't do it, Miss Diana! Wait until you're married,' Mary exclaimed.

"You're always pushing that marriage thing, Mary,' Kara replied. "Let Diana have a little fun, will you?"

"NO!" Diana gasped. "I'm not sleeping with Kal, just-just-just to get back at Power Girl! I'm not interested in that sort of fun, for your information, Kara!"

"Your not?"

"NO!"

"You realize that's going to make it a lot harder to have kids with him, don't you, Diana,' Kara asked. "That will take your chances down to about zero. Well, actually, they would be zero."

"For the last time, Kara, I don't want to have children now,' Diana said in exasperation.

"You're not going to use that room metaphor again, are you Diana, cause I thought it was pretty confusing the last time,' Kara replied.

"No, I learned my lesson," Diana remarked, rolling her eyes as she remembered that ill fated discussion. "Look, yes, I find Karen rather annoying but that doesn't mean I'm going to do just anything to get back at her."

"Good for you, Miss Diana,' Mary happily said. "Why buy the cow if you can get the milk for free, the old saying goes."

"Did you just compare me to a cow, Mary,' Diana asked. The look on her face was one of complete confusion.

"Now is that a metaphor too?' Kara asked Courtney.

"I don't know, you're the one that lives in farm country,' Courtney replied.

"Against my will,' Kara fired back.

"It just means you should save yourself for marriage, Miss Diana,' Mary explained. "Although, I guess it is sort of comparing you to a cow if you think about it. That was not my intention, ma'am."

Diana just looked at the three of them and finally just shook her head in frustration.

"This weekend!"

She shouted and then stormed off.

They watched her for a moment and then Courtney leaned in and whispered to Kara.

"She really should get laid, you know."

"Absolutely."

* * *

The Habitat Ring

Zatanna had just come from her quarters on the station and was getting ready to transport down when a hand reached out and grabbed her again. Before she could protest, she was inside another small room with Bruce.

"Damn it, Bruce, would you stop grabbing me!"

She pulled violently away from him and took a couple of steps back.

"I apologize,' he said.

"Wh-What?"

"I said I apologize, okay?"

"Wow, I never thought I'd hear that from you,' Zee mused.

"Now what's that supposed to mean,' he demanded.

"Oh God, just forget it, okay? Why did you grab me, anyway?"

"You make it sound like I've never apologized before, I have,' he replied.

"Right, you're all about the mea culpas,' she snidely offered. "That's the first thing that comes to my mind when I think of you."

"Well, you don't have to be snotty about it,' he groused.

"Sorry, just forget it, okay? Are you going to tell me why you grabbed me or not?"

"Who did you pick?"

"What?"

"It's a simple question, Zatanna," Bruce replied. "You didn't pick me, so ergo you picked someone else. Who?"

"That's why you grabbed me?"

"It's not that jackass, Constantine, is it? Please, tell me it wasn't him,' Bruce asked. "You know I don't like him. If it's him, I'm going to have to veto that choice. Hell, I'm ten times the father material he is."

Zatanna stood there for a moment, her mouth open in shock.

"Did the word 'veto' just come out of your mouth? You didn't seriously say that, did you?"

"Yes, Constantine is totally unacceptable,' Bruce replied.

She smacked him, but once again it hurt her more than him.

"Damn it, I wish you'd stop wearing that body armor when I want to hit you,' she complained.

"Maybe if you didn't try and hit me I wouldn't have to wear it,' he countered.

"Oh, shut up! You have no right to tell me who I can and who I can't pick, is that clear, Bruce Wayne? You're not my father or my brother, remember? Of all the arrogant, conceded pricks, you take the cake! I don't believe you?"

"Yes, yes, I'm a horrible guy, I know, but don't get off the point,' Bruce said, dismissing her complain. "Just tell me it's not Constantine."

"It's not, but that's none of your business!" She shouted.

"That's a relief,' he replied. "He really is kind of a douchebag, you know that don't you?"

"Are you listening to a word I said?" she asked. "And yes, I know what Constantine is, but it's still none of your business!"

"Okay, relax, I just wanted to make sure it wasn't him, that's all,' Bruce offered, raising his hands in a sign of trust.

"Well, if it makes you happy, I thought of him before I thought of you,' Zee said out of spite.

"Well, we all make mistakes, don't we,' Bruce said with a smile.

"Jerk."

His smile just got a little bigger at this. Zatanna started to shout at him, but then just threw up her hands and started for the door. Again he stopped her by grabbing her arm.

"Stop grabbing me!" she said, wrenching her arm away from him. "What do you want now?"

"So if it's not Constantine and it's not me, who is it, " he asked.

"Why should I tell you,' she demanded.

"Cause I'm going to find out anyway,' he replied.

"Oh, right, cause you're Batman," She snidely offered. "Well, you're the detective, you tell me who I picked."

"Don't be childish, just tell me."

Zee crossed her arms in front of her and just smiled at him, almost daring him to figure it out. Bruce wasn't one to back down form a challenge.

"All right, if that's the way you want it,' he said. He stepped back and gave it some thought.

'Come on, Kreskin, I'll give you three guesses,' she said.

"You are such a snot sometimes,' he grumbled. "Okay, let's look at this logically. It's one of the League, correct?"

"Is that a guess?"

"No, I'm just thinking out loud,' he quickly replied. "Let's see, it has to be one of the men in the League, so that cuts it down considerably."

"It doesn't necessarily have to be one of the men,' she replied.

"Who have you been talking to, Dr. Light? It's a guy," Bruce stated. He waved the very notion of a woman off and continued to mull over who it was. "Well, we can eliminate several members right off the bat. Booster Gold, Blue Beetle, Etrigan, the Creeper …"

"How do you know it's not one of them,' she asked.

"Please, give me some credit,' Bruce replied. "I know you think Etrigan stinks, so he's out. You think Booster's kind of a dipshit and Beetle's his best friend, so strike them off the list. The Creeper, well, that's doesn't need an explanation. No, it's definitely not any of them. We can probably forget Jonn too."

"Why not Jonn?"

"Big Head."

"Okay, I'll give you that one,' she admitted.

Bruce put his hands behind his back, almost in the classic Sherlock Holmes posture and began to pace back and forth in front of Zatanna.

"Wally? No, he's in love with someone named Linda at the moment,' Bruce mused. "Hal? No, there's the whole Carol Ferris issue, not to mention Dinah. John's out, mainly because of Mari and Shayera being involved with him and they are you friends. Arthur? I guess he's a possibility, but he's kind of a pompous creep at times."

"Do you think you could hurry this up, I'd kind of like to go home sometime today,' she said.

"Perhaps a magical based hero?"

"Is that a guess?"

"No."

"You're cheating, Bruce,' she complained.

"No, I'm not,' he replied, as he continued to pace.

"Look, if you're not going to guess, I'll just tell you, that way I can get on with me life,' she said in irritation.

"No, no, you wanted me to guess, so that's what we'll do,' he replied, waving her off.

"Why don't I just tell you,' she asked.

"Clark."

"What?"

"Clark, you picked him,' Bruce said flatly. "No, wait; Clark's got more than enough problems on his hands with Diana and Karen. Someone's going to get a beating between those three and I think it's going to be Clark. So if it's not him, who is it?"

"It's Clark, Bruce,' she said.

"No it's not,' he replied. "So who is it? One of the junior members? No, that would be robbing the cradle. One of the inactive senior members? Okay, that has to be it. I got it, Alan Scott!"

"Wh-What,' she gasped. "No! NO, no, No, no, NO!"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes! Very!"

"Well, then who is it?" He asked.

"I already told you, it's Clark!"

"Seriously?"

"Yes, why did you say it like that,' she demanded.

"Frankly, I think I'd be a better choice than Clark, if you want to know the truth,' Bruce stated.

"Oh really?"

"Yes."

They just looked at each other for a moment.

"We're done here,' Zatanna said and then turned around and walked out of the room.

"What the hell,' Bruce said to himself. "Clark?"

* * *

The Cafeteria

The afore mentioned Clark was currently sitting at one of the back tables in the cafeteria. He was going over his current state of finances and it wasn't a pretty picture. He made a decent salary as a reporter, but he was by no stretch of the imagination rich. Coughing up bail for everyone put a huge dent in his wallet. It looks like I'll be brown bagging it for the near future, he mused. Maybe I can ask Kara for a loan until Zatanna gets her bail money back, he wondered.

Lost in thought over this, he didn't hear Karen walk up to the table.

"Mind some company,' she asked. He looked up in surprise to see her smiling at him.

"Um, no, no, please, have a seat,' he managed to say.

"Thanks."

Out of the corner of his eye, he caught sight of Jonn getting a refill of coffee from their special batch. He absently waved to his friend, who raised his cup in response.

"So I wanted to say thanks for the other night, Clark,' Karen began. "I had a really nice time, well, until we had to leave."

"Oh, yeah, I did too,' Clark replied. "I should thank you. I think I was the envy of most of the guys at that thing."

Karen smiled a little wider at this.

"Thanks again."

"I am sorry for the way it ended,' he continued. "I mean your dress being ripped and all."

"Well, I don't blame you for that,' she said.

"Still you wouldn't have been in that situation if it wasn't for me, so I apologize anyway."

"It's okay, it was a nice dress though,' she admitted.

"Yes, it was."

"You really liked it, huh,' she asked with a teasing tone.

"I think everyone liked that dress, Karen."

"I didn't ask about everyone else, Clark."

"Yes, I did."

"Good."

As they continued to talk, out of the corner of Clark's eye he saw Diana walk into the cafeteria. She stopped when she saw him sitting with Karen. She didn't look happy about it. Oh, great, Clark thought, as he noticed Karen saw Diana too. He was still a bit surprised that they didn't care for each other. As Diana started walking straight for their table, Clark began to worry that Wally might get his wish and see an actual cat fight. Thankfully, Diana stopped four feet from the table.

"Kal, Karen,' she said, her tone rather clipped.

"Diana."

"Princess,' Karen added.

Clark was pretty sure he saw Diana's jaw tighten just a bit and her hands clench into fists for just a second.

"I asked you not to call me that,' Diana said to Karen.

"Oh, that's right, I guess it was just an 'accident', sorry."

"Are you still going on about your dress? I apologized for that and yes it was an accident."

"Hey, you know, I talked to Zatanna," Clark said, hoping to shift the topic. "I covered both your bails with her, so you don't have to worry about paying her back."

"Thank you, Kal."

"Thanks, Clark."

Both women smiled at him.

"Not a problem, but if you want to write that check or that money order, you could probably just make it out to me,' he offered. "If you want."

The two women just looked at him for a moment and didn't say anything.

"Or you could just forget about it," he finally said. Maybe I could just fly down to Smallville and eat at Ma's for the next couple of weeks, he thought.

"Did you want something,' Karen asked Diana.

"Yes."

Clark pulled himself from his financial thoughts and looked up.

"Kal, I've decided what I want,' Diana said plainly. "You said you owe me and would do whatever I wanted, correct?"

"Um, yeah."

"Good, I want a date,' Diana said. She looked at Karen and smiled. "An official date."

Clark glanced at Karen and could see she was not happy.

"Really? Are you sure,' Clark asked, hoping against hope.

"Yes, I'm sure,' Diana replied. "You can pick me up at the Embassy tomorrow night."

Diana flashed a dazzling smile at Karen and then turned on her heel and walked out of the cafeteria. Karen watched her go and then turned and looked at Clark. She was not pleased.

"Way to show some backbone, Clark. I hope you enjoy your date,' she said and then stormed out of the cafeteria. Clark let out a sigh and then dropped his head into his hands.

Watching all of this was Jonn. He took a sip of his coffee and smiled.

"Endlessly fascinating," he quietly said to no one in particular.


	28. Chapter 28

Events Collide

Washington

Due to events, Clark's date with Diana had been pushed back. Saving the world has a way of interrupting scheduled plans. Much to the pleasure of Kara, Courtney and Mary, the date had been rescheduled for the weekend, thus their punishment had been put off. A few crocodile tears and fake looks of disappointment later, the three young members gleefully exited the Watchtower intent on celebrating.

Clark stood in front of the Embassy, just one of the many tourists that passed by everyday. He adjusted his tie and looked down at the orchids in his hand. There was no doubt this was a date, but for the life of him he wasn't sure why. He'd always been friends with Diana, but she'd never suggested or even hinted she wanted more than that with him, as far as he could remember. Suddenly she wanted a date. This made him wonder if it was just him or something else was motivating her.

Karen.

The night in jail had been something of a revelation to him. They really didn't like each other much. He'd started to rethink what Karen's reason for asking him out might actually be? Could she have just wanted to annoy Diana? In turn did Diana just want to get back at Karen? Whatever the reasons he found himself smack dab in the middle of two gorgeous, powerful women.

The problem, well, the main problem was that he liked them both. The date with Karen had been better than he would have imagined. Sure, the end wasn't so hot and it had proved rather costly but up until then he was really enjoying himself. She was beautiful, smart, fun and a little playful. It was a side of her he hadn't seen before and he liked it. There was also the idea that he didn't have to worry about being with her. She wouldn't break if his concentration slipped for even a moment like 99.9% of the women he knew. Going out with a woman like that was so special, he sometimes wondered if it would ever happen.

Now it was happening a second time.

Diana.

What words hadn't already been used to describe Diana? The consensus among the general public was she was the most beautiful woman in the world. Talk about pressure, a date with the most beautiful woman in the world certain fell into that category. Most would say he should feel exceptionally blessed that she was actually going out with him. Most men would crawl across broken glass on their knees just for the slim possibility of going out with her. She was a Princess, almost otherworldly in some respects, totally beyond most men.

But she was also just Diana, at least to Clark.

Frankly he thought she was still interested in Bruce or Tom up until the moment she asked him to take her on a date. Talk about your uncomfortable moments, Clark mused; she just had to ask in front of Karen. He might be the most powerful man on the planet, but even he didn't want either of these women pissed at him. He was pretty sure one of them, Karen, was already unhappy with him.

For the life of him, Clark couldn't figure out what was going on. It wasn't like he was a playboy or something. That was Bruce and Ollie's territory. Hell, he'd only been out with three or four women in his life that hardly made him an ideal candidate for a Romeo. Wally probably had more dates than Clark did. Frankly, before going out with Karen he couldn't remember the last date he was on. Maybe in college he thought?

Zatanna.

Well, you really couldn't count that as a date, exactly.

Then there was the fact he had a sneaking suspicion she wasn't going to like the idea of him having a date with Diana either. Great, three really, really powerful gorgeous women and I'm stuck right in the middle of them, Clark lamented. Somehow he doubted this happened to Batman. He made a mental note to ask Bruce how he did it, juggle so many women at the same time. It was amazing if you think about, Clark pondered. Here was Bruce, Mr. Anti-social, yet he had what, dozens of women interested in him? Add to that all the young boys he seemed to always be mentoring, it was a miracle he had any time to actually be Batman.

Kids.

I'm going to be a father, Clark remembered. He'd been so caught up in that idea he hadn't really thought of much else. It had never seemed like a possibility before, but now it was so real. His mind drifted back to that night with Zatanna and a smile came to his face. It had been really good. She was so different than most of the women he knew and not just the magic part of it either.

"Kal? Is something wrong? You've been standing in front of the Embassy for almost ten minutes?"

Clark pulled himself from his internal thoughts and gazed up at the front door. Standing there was Diana. She looked radiant. He couldn't help notice that many of the people on the street had stopped and were just looking at her. Well, at least I'm not the only one, he thought.

"Kal?"

"Hmm? Oh, right, um, yeah, I was just about to knock,' he finally offered, moving towards the steps.

* * *

San Francisco

Zatanna sat at her dining room table, slumped forward her head on her forearms. She had an expression that said she was miserable. Across from her sat Madame Xanadu, who was trying to cheer her up. She wasn't having much success.

"So you took a home pregnancy test last night and it came up negative,' she said. "Maybe it's just too soon. Did you ever think of that?"

"I got my period this morning."

"Okay, so those tests are really good."

"Why is this so hard, Nimue,' Zee asked. "Is it karma? Am I a bad person or something?"

"No, but you're an idiot if you think that,' Nimue replied.

"Thanks for cheering me up, you can stop now."

"Oh, don't be like that,' Nimue said. "I just meant you're reading too much into this. So it didn't happen the first time, so what? Do you really think it always happens the first time? Please, that would be like saying in baseball the batter hits a touchdown every time."

"That's football, in baseball it's a home run." Zatanna corrected her.

"I don't know anything about sports, it just seemed like a good time to use one of their metaphors,' Nimue admitted. "It all seems rather pointless when you get right down to it. They are always doing something with a ball, hitting it or throwing it and then chasing after it. If you have the ball, why not just keep it and run away? That way you'd always have it."

"That's called smear the queer, Nimue,' Zee replied.

"Why?"

"I don't know, it just is."

"Do they just smear the gay men or lesbians too?"

"It's just whoever has the ball, regardless of sexual orientation,' Zee explained.

"So why is it called smear the queer? Why not call it smear the ball carrier?"

"It rhymes."

"Well, that's true,' Nimue admitted. "Anyway, what I was trying to get to was nothing's a sure thing, honey. So it didn't happen the first time, maybe it will happen the next. You just can't give up."

"I guess,' Zee replied. It was half hearted at best.

"Your enthusiasm is underwhelming me,' Nimue said. "Let's get your mind off it for awhile, what do you say?"

"Sure."

"How about dinner? My treat?"

"Food's not going to help this time, Nimue,' Zee replied.

* * *

Metropolis

Kara, Courtney and Mary were at Clark's apartment getting ready for a night out on the town.

"Are you sure Clark won't mind us being here,' Courtney asked.

"Na, he's got his date with Diana tonight,' Kara replied. "By the way, you both can thank me for that."

"Why thank you?' Mary asked.

"I loaned him the money to take her out,' Kara explained. "I didn't want him to look like a cheapskate. Oh, that reminds me, he covered both of your bails, so if you want to you can just give me the money and I'll pass it along."

"I don't have that kind of money right now,' Courtney said.

"Me neither,' Mary admitted. "But once things get going with Miss Lane, I will! Teens Three! That's going to be great!"

"Yeah, but do we have to go with that lame name?" Courtney asked her two friends.

"It is a little hack,' Kara replied.

"I like it,' Mary offered.

"And my point is proven,' Courtney said.

"Why doesn't Mr. Superman just make some diamond if he needs money,' Mary asked, ignoring Courtney's insult. "I thought he could just take a lump of coal and crush it in his hands and make a diamond?'

"Well, yeah, he can,' Kara admitted. "He says that's cheating though. I don't really understand it all, but it has something to do with a work ethic or something. If they get you young out on the farm, you're doomed. You get all these weird ideas about what's right or wrong."

"Hey, if he can do it, can you,' Courtney asked.

"Yes, but he made me promise not to,' Kara replied. "It's probably for the best really. Can you imagine the questions that would come up if every couple of weeks I walked in somewhere with a handful of diamonds to sell? I'd probably have the De Beers people all over me and those are not a bunch you want on your tail."

"So are we going out or just going to stand here all night?"

* * *

Washington

Diana walked next to Clark as they made their way towards the restaurant. It was a warm night and people were milling about. They hadn't spoken much, but that was okay. Frankly, Diana wasn't sure what to expect from this date. In her limited experience, things hadn't worked out especially well. Most of the men had stared at her chest the whole evening. There had been one that asked if he could try on her costume. That date ended very quickly.

This date if she was honest with herself and she usually was, had been an impulsive and rash thing. Once Kara had put the idea into her head, Diana found she couldn't think of anything else. Seeing Kal sitting with Karen bothered her more than she wanted to admit, so she just went up to them and asked.

Now she was on a date with Kal.

Well, she thought, it's starting out okay, he's at least not staring at my chest. It is strange how he was standing out in front of the Embassy all that time. Perhaps he didn't want to be on this date, she thought. Was he doing it just out of obligation? Diana found she didn't like that idea and decided to confront him.

"Kal, do you want to go out with me,' she asked directly. "I know you said you'd do anything, but if you really don't want to I'll understand."

Clark turned and looked at her for a moment. He smiled thinking was she serious? Yes, of course she was. The most beautiful woman in the world had just asked if he really wanted to go out with her or if it was just out of obligation. Strange days indeed, he mused.

"Yes, Diana, I'm happy to go out with you anytime,' he finally replied.

"Oh, well, good-good,' she said. "You do know this is a date, don't you Kal? I thought I was very clear on that, but I don't want there to be any confusion. We are on a date and that's why I asked if you wanted to go out with me."

"Yes, thank you for clearing that up for me,' Clark said with a smile. "Yes, I want to go out with you, Diana. Thank you for asking me."

"You're welcome."

Diana liked his answer. A smile spread across her lips as she dipped her head, afraid she might be blushing. He surprised her a little when he reached over and took her hand in his. She looked at him questioningly.

"I think I'm the one that should be thanking you,' he offered. He gave her hand a light squeeze and returned her smile.

"You're welcome again,' she said softly.

He just felt the need to tease her, just a bit.

'Yes, I should really thank you. I mean me, some nobody from the sticks out with a Princess, wow! Maybe later could I get your autograph?"

"Kal!" Diana grumbled and then punched him in the shoulder.

"Ow! I know, don't call you Princess,' he replied.

"Thank you for remembering,' she said.

"Well, you keep hitting me so it's kind of hard not to."

"Good, then it's working."

The smile on her lips got just a little bigger as they continued walking, hand in hand.

* * *

Gotham

Bruce stood at the window of his study looking out on the back lawn. Damian was out there playing or what passed for playing with him. His conversation with Zatanna was still nagging him. Yes, he would admit, he wasn't the proto-typical father, but was that such a bad thing? Most fathers were clueless about where their sons were most of the time. Bruce knew exactly where his were at all times. He'd inserted a GPS chip under their skin, so he could.

Doesn't that show he cared?

So what if he wasn't tossing the ball around with them or building model airplanes, those were pointless exercises for the most part. He supposed throwing a ball would help with hand eye coordination and building a model airplane would help with patience, but they really weren't that utilitarian when you get right down to it.

From Dick to Damien, he'd tried to teach each one how to protect themselves. It was a dangerous world and they always had to be on guard. He'd done his best to instill a sense of morality and justice, while empathizing their physical training along with offsetting it with a rigorous mental education. He was preparing them for the world, to stand on their own and be men.

Thomas Wayne.

Yet when he thought of his own father, it was the quiet moments that came. The two of them talking over breakfast or his father reading him a bedtime story. His father was a busy man yet he always seemed to have time for Bruce. His father and mother had made this mansion a home.

Bruce found himself wondering if his boys looked at it the same way?

* * *

Washington

Clark sat across from Diana in the small outdoor café. It was in the middle of a park and there was a band playing a free concert. They created quite a stir when they entered, or more accurately, Diana created quite a stir. He'd known her for some time now, but he had to admit it was always amazing watching her walk into a room. Every eye was instantly on her, yet she seemed to notice none of it. He knew something of what that was like as Superman, but that was one of the reasons he was Clark Kent too. The constant attention got so overwhelming at times; he needed a break, yet somehow she managed it effortlessly. As he watched her eyes shifted around, taking in everything he couldn't help being a little playful.

"So how do you think the date is going, Diana,' he asked. "I want to make a good impression this being a first date and all."

She caught the teasing tone in his voice and smiled. She sat there for a moment just looking at him.

"It's satisfactory, so far," she finally replied.

"Satisfactory, huh?'

"Yes, so far."

"Well as a Princ-Ambassador,' he started, quickly correcting himself when he saw her temper flash in her eyes. "As I was saying, as an Ambassador, I'm sure you're used to fancier surrounding but I thought you might like a change."

"Oh, the surroundings are fine, Kal,' she teased. "You are better than many dates I've been on."

"Oh, really? Well that's good to know,' he replied. "How did I move up the ladder, if you don't mind me asking?"

"You haven't been staring at my chest the whole evening."

"Well, maybe later. More wine?"

* * *

San Francisco

Zatanna and Madame Xanadu sat at a comfortable table at the Fifth Floor Restaurant & Lounge. The food was excellent. Their meal began with Asparagus and Hearts of Palm Salad_, speck, sorrel, Aleppo pepper, and pink lemon vinaigrette_. Brillat-Savarin Ravioli - _hedgehog mushrooms, sage, brown butter, pistou, wilted chicories_, followed this. For the main course, they had Louisiana Red Snapper- _melted green garlic, artichokes, asparagus, capers, preserved Meyer lemon-cabernet vinaigrette_.

The service was excellent, as they apparently knew Madame Xanadu. Conversation was minimal as they both devoured their dinners.

"So are you feeling better,' Nimue ventured.

"I guess, a little,' Zee replied. "I just was so sure it was going to happen, you know. I was prepared and ready. I was even starting to think how I would redecorate the apartment for the baby, but now that's not going to happen."

"Yes it will, you just have to try again,' Nimue said. "Try harder this time, really put some effort into it."

"It wasn't like a was sleeping walking through it the last time, Nimue,' Zee countered. "I'm mean sure there were some awkward moments, but it was really good."

"Well, then maybe he needs to try harder,' Nimue suggested.

"What do you mean?'

"Well, if you think about it, he's _Superman_. " Madame Xanadu dropped her voice to a whisper as she said his name. "He's probably used to everything being easy for him. I mean he can fly, move planets, shoot those rays from his eyes, plus he's invulnerable, right?"

"Yeah, I guess. So?'

"Well, maybe he doesn't have to try that hard at anything," Nimue continued. "With all those gifts, he is pretty much naturally talented at everything. Maybe he thought he was naturally talented at that too."

"Huh? He tried, I was there, remember?'

"But did he give it one hundred percent?"

"I don't know,' Zatanna replied. "How exactly do you measure that sort of thing?"

"A woman knows, honey, trust me,' Nimue said with a smile.

"I thought he was trying,' Zee offered. "It certainly felt like he was trying. He is pretty good at it. Yes, definitely, he was trying, no question about it.'

"100% trying?"

* * *

Gotham

Bruce walked out into the backyard and stood watching Damian for a moment. The young boy must have sensed him, as he stopped what he was doing and turned to look at his father.

"What?"

"What are you playing,' Bruce asked.

"I'm not playing! I'm practicing! There's a difference,' Damian stated.

"Okay, what are you practicing then?"

"Killing ninjas and zombies."

"Oh, I see,' Bruce replied, a small smile just touching his lips. "I was wondering, you wouldn't want to toss the baseball around, would you?"

"Why?"

"It's just something people do,' Bruce explained. In his head he was thinking it was something fathers and sons do, but he kept that to himself. "So what do you say, you want to toss the old horsehide around for a little bit?"

"The what?' Damian asked, clearly lost as to the reference.

"The baseball, Damian, would you like to toss the baseball around with me?"

"Is this a test?"

"No, why would you think that?"

"You never wanted to before,' Damian replied. "How about a knife fight instead?"

"Clearly you've spent too much time with you mother,' Bruce grumbled. "How about just tossing the baseball for now?"

"I guess,' Damian tentatively said, still not sure if this was a trick or not. "I don't have a glove."

"I got you one,' Bruce said, taking his hands from behind his back and holding out two baseball gloves. Damian slowly walked over, his eyes focused on the glove.

"You'll have to put down the knife though. It makes it hard to catch and throw,' Bruce explained.

Damian seemed torn. He really liked the knife, it was very sharp, but his father was offering him a gift. He wanted the gift. Reluctantly, he put the knife away. Bruce extended the glove and the young boy grabbed it eagerly. A smile spread across his face as he slipped it on his hand and felt the cool leather against his fingers.

"Nice."

"Okay, move back a little and I'll toss the ball to you,' Bruce said.

Damian immediately rushed back several yards and held up the glove. Bruce lightly tossed it and the boy managed to catch it on the first try.

"Excellent,' Bruce said with a smile.

"It's not that hard, it's just catching a ball,' Damian said dismissively.

"Okay, now you toss it back to me,' Bruce replied. Damian raised his arm and tried throwing the ball as hard as he could. His aim wasn't quite there yet. A crash of one of the mansion windows soon followed. Damian stood rooted on the spot, waiting to get yelled at. Bruce looked from the window to his son.

"Okay, let's try it with you standing towards the house and me standing towards the yard,' he finally said.

"Um, okay.'

The backdoor opened and Alfred was standing there holding the baseball.

"Did one of you happen to lose this?' He asked.

* * *

Washington

Clark and Diana had finished dinner and were taking a slow walk around the park. She took his hand this time. The music from the band seemed to linger in the air, almost following them as they walk.

"I like this song,' Diana said.

"It is nice." Clark agreed.

"Back home we used to have festivals at all the major holidays and there would be food and music,' she reminisced. "After dinner there would always be dancing and my sisters and I would enjoy immensely. I've noticed the same thing at many diplomatic dinners, but most times I just sit and watch."

"I'm surprised you aren't swamped with invitations to dance,' he replied.

"Oh, I get asked, but after the first few times, I stopped,' Diana said. "Having my feet stepped on while their hands tend to stray isn't exactly enjoyable."

"No, I don't imagine it is,' he agreed. "Takes some guts though, trying to cop a feel of Wonder Woman, they must have a death wish."

"I'm so glad I'm amusing you, Kal,' she replied, giving him a looking.

"It was just an observation,' he offered.

They walked in silence for a while.

"So you're really not going to ask me to dance, Kal,' Diana finally said. "I thought I was pretty obvious with my hint."

"Is that what that was," he asked. He looked at her and smiled, but just continued walking.

"Well?"

"Okay, if you insist, I guess we could,' he replied.

"Oh, you think you're so funny, don't you,' Diana said, taking her hand away from his.

"Sorry. Diana would you do me the pleasure of dancing with me? Please?"

"I shouldn't but since you asked so nicely, yes,' she replied.

Clark moved closer, but not too close and took her in his arms. She slipped her arms around his neck and they began to dance. The music drifted over them as they danced under the stars. Diana found herself moving closer to him, liking the contact. She could feel his hands gently holding her waist as they swayed to the music.

"You're a very good dancer, Kal,' she said to him.

"One of my hidden talents," he replied. ""I'm also really good at painting ceilings."

She stepped on his foot deliberately and pressed down hard.

"Ow. Okay, sorry, you're a great dancer too,' he offered.

"Thank you."

"So am I moving up on the list of dates,' he asked.

"Yes."

"I haven't looked at you chest once, I hope you noticed,' he teased.

"That's not exactly true, is it, Kal,' Diana said with a smile. "You didn't think I noticed during desert, but I caught you."

He let out a laugh and she joined him.

"Okay, guilty,' he admitted. "It was just a quick peek, come on, it wasn't a stalker stare or anything."

"Don't worry, Kal, I didn't mind,' Diana replied. "You weren't the only one taking a peek."

"Oh really? Care to elaborate?'

Before she could respond, Clark's phone went off. He stepped back from Diana.

"Sorry, but it might be important."

"It better not be Karen,' Diana grumbled under her breath. Clark looked at her and then answer his phone.

"Hello? What? Okay, slow don't, slow down,' He said. "Okay, I'll be there in a few minutes. Yes, I promise. I'll see you soon."

He hung up and turned to Diana.

"I'm sorry, but something came up and I have to go,' he said.

"Do you need any help,' she asked.

"No, thanks, but I can handle it,' he replied. "I'm sorry to cut this short, but I did have a great time tonight, Diana."

"I did as well,' she offered.

"I'm glad,' he said with a smile. "I hope I moved up on the list of your dates."

She smiled at his teasing and then he lifted off with a wave. She stood there watching him for a moment, thinking that he was at the top of the list.

* * *

San Francisco

Dinner was excellent and they had shared several bottles of wine. Madame Xanadu accompanied Zee back to her apartment but then had to leave. Apparently she had a date.

After she left Zatanna put on some Nina Simone and opened another bottle off wine. She poured herself another glass and sat down on the couch. As she listened to the music and sipped the wine, her mind drifted back to her conversation with Nimue at the restaurant. How could she know if he gave 100%? He was Superman, she just assumed everything he did, he did super. It certainly felt super, but she wasn't pregnant.

Damn him, why wasn't she pregnant, she thought. They did it three times that night; you'd think that would have been more than enough. She had been at the perfect time, her temperature was right and it should have happened. She was ready for it to happen. So why didn't it?

The more she thought about it, the more upset she got. She finished one glass of wine and poured another. Maybe Nimue is right he wasn't trying. Damn him, why hadn't it worked? She pulled out her phone and dialed his number. She wanted to get to the bottom of this and right now. Pacing back and forth she waited for him to pick up.

"Clark, it's Zatanna,' she said as soon as he answered. "I need to see you right away, immediately if you can. It's an emergency! What? Well, okay then, I'll see you in a few minutes. Right, bye."

As she hung up, she suddenly remembered he had a date with Diana tonight. Looking down at her phone and then her wine glass, she groaned.

"Oh, God, I drunk dialed him,' she lamented. "Now he's going to be here any minute!"


	29. Chapter 29

Bubbles and Balloons

San Francisco

Zatanna nervously paced back and forth in her living room. She was in her pajamas and robe, but she was too worried to even think of sleeping. She had just drunk dialed Clark and now he was on his way. He had been on a date with Diana when she called. Wonderful, Zee thought, I ruin his date with the Princess. Diana will not be happy about that.

"I might as well crank call Bruce and I'll have the whole Trinity,' Zee groaned.

She dropped down on the couch, trying to figure out what she was going to do. Sitting in front of her were her cell phone and an open bottle of wine. Why wasn't there a label on the wine bottle warning you to stay away from phones? There's a warning at the gas station not to use you phone and this is just as explosive and dangerous, she thought.

Her thoughts on the merits of warning labels were cut short by a knock on her door.

"Zee?"

It was Clark. Wow, he's really fast. I mean, of course I knew he was fast, she said to herself, but that was like Wally territory.

"Zee?"

Maybe if I just sit here really quiet he'll think I'm not home, she thought. He'll go away and I can deal with this tomorrow when I'm ready.

"Um, Zee, I know you're in there,' Clark said. "You're sitting really still on your couch."

She turned and glanced at the door. How did he know that?

"Now you're looking at the door as if you're wondering how I know,' he continued. "X-ray vision, remember?"

"Shit! Forgot about that one,' she whispered.

"Super-hearing too."

"Forgot that one too,' she groaned. Well, there's no getting out of this, she told herself. Standing she straightened her pajamas and closed her robe, tying the belt and walked to the door. She stopped and looked through the peephole before opening.

"Are you serious?' Clark asked. "The peephole? You know it's me, Zatanna."

Taking a deep breath, Zee turned the knob and opened the door.

"Hi, Clark, um, what's up?'

I'll just play it off as if nothing happened, she thought.

"You called me, remember?"

"Me? Are you sure?"

"Yeah', he replied. He held up his phone. Her picture, number and the time of the call were right there. Double shit, she thought, I really suck at these sorts of plans. She blushed and reluctantly took a step back to let him in the apartment. He gave her a look as he walked inside. She closed the door very slowly, trying to come up with something. Clark looked around the living room. He saw the half empty bottle of wine and the phone on the coffee table. A smile came to his face.

"Doing a little drinking, were we?"

"Just a little,' she said, holding her index finger and thumb up to indicate. He continued smiling as he moved towards her.

"You know, they say never drink and dial,' He offered. "Very dangerous sometimes."

"You don't say,' she whispered, blushing just a bit. Busted, got I'm such a loser, she lamented.

"So you mentioned there was an emergency?"

"Um, yeah, right, 'she replied, remembering why she called him in the first place. "And it's your fault."

"My fault?'

"Yes, I'm not pregnant Clark,' she informed him. "Nimue says it's because you didn't try hard enough."

Clark was stunned.

"Not pregnant?'

"No."

He sat down on the couch letting this sink in. His thoughts for the last few weeks had been filled with the idea, but now that would have to wait it seemed. He looked at her again.

"How are you doing,' he asked. "Are you okay?"

"I've been better,' she admitted, sitting down next to him. "I was so ready, you know? Now I don't know what to think."

"These things happen, Zatanna, don't beat yourself up over it,' he replied. Suddenly something she said early registered. "What, um, what do you mean Madame Xanadu said I wasn't trying?"

"She said you didn't give it 100% that's why I'm not pregnant,' Zee explained.

"Well that's completely wrong,' Clark said in his defense. "Look, I know you're really close to her, but she doesn't know what she's talking about. I mean you were there, so you know that's crazy."

"I thought you were trying,' Zee replied. "I'm not pregnant though."

"I was more than trying, Zee, I was giving it my all." Clark was frankly a little upset at the implication. "You certainly seemed to be enjoying it, unless you were faking."

"What? I wasn't faking,' Zee exclaimed. "Is that what you think, I was faking?"

"Well it's not like a guy can always tell,' Clark countered. "We're not mind readers you know?"

She smacked him.

"Ow, why do you have to be invulnerable all the time,' she groaned. "I wasn't faking for your information, Clark! How do I know you were really trying? Huh?"

"I'm a guy, Zee, kind of hard to fake it, you know."

"But were you trying 100%? Answer me that!"

"I'm not even sure how you measure that,' he admitted. "I think I was. It certainly felt like 100%. You know it doesn't always happen the first time, right?"

"But you're _Superman_,' she sarcastically replied. "Everything's supposed to be '_Super_', right?"

"Oh, great, you're going to throw that in my face now?"

He stood up and began pacing.

"You know I didn't even come up with that name, don't you? It's a lot of pressure to put on a guy, naming him 'Super' anything. You have one off night and suddenly all the 'Super' questions just come pouring out, don't they?"

"Sorry,' she offered. "I know it's not your fault I was just so ready, you know? Now I'm back to square one."

He stopped pacing and looked at her. He could see just how down Zee was. His expression softened.

"Hey, come on, it's not that bad, we'll just have to figure something out, okay?"

She looked up at him with a frown.

"Maybe I'm just a bad person and this is Fate telling me,' she whispered. He sat down again and put his arm around her.

"Stop that, you're not a bad person,' he whispered to her. "You're a good, beautiful woman. It's not the Fates; it's just the way these things happened sometimes. We'll figure something out, I promise."

She smiled a little at this and leaned into him. She did have one thought of the problem.

"I do sort of have one idea,' she quietly offered.

"What? Tell me,' he said.

"We do it again."

"Um, okay,' Clark replied.

"But this time we're going to have to keep doing it until we're sure, Clark,' she continued. "That means we going to have to do it a lot. Are you sure you want to do that?"

That sort of Twilight Zone feeling Clark had been having a lot lately came back.

"Do I want to have lots of sex with you?" He repeated. Just hearing it out loud only reinforced the strangeness of the situation. "Let me see, yes, yes, that's something I'm willing to do."

'Are you sure?"

"Yeah, really sure about it,' he immediately said. "110% percent sure. I think I can say with complete certainty that yes, that is something I'm willing to do."

They sat next to each other for a minute or two not saying anything, just letting it settle in. Zatanna shifted and looked up at him, smiling just a bit.

"Well, um, you are here right now."

"Yeah, but you've been drinking,' he replied.

"No so much I don't know what I'm doing,' she countered.

"You're not one of those weepy drunks are you?" He asked.

"Not every woman gets weepy when she drinks, Clark,' Zee said with a smile. She moved closer to him. "Some get kind of amorous."

"Really? And you'd be which type?' He asked.

As she leaned in and kissed him, she whispered.

"Guess."

* * *

Themyscira – One week later

Kara, Courtney and Mary came trudging out of the royal horse barns. They had on jeans, tee shirts, long gloves and knee-high boots. They were dirty, sweaty and a bit frazzled. It was only the first day.

"I hate farm life,' Kara grumbled. "I hate magical farm life even worse!"

"I thought the horses were pretty,' Mary offered.

"Maybe from the front,' Courtney complained. "They're giant shit machines from the back.'

"Language!"

They all turned to see their supervisor, Artemis.

"Sorry Artemis."

"I'll let it go this time, but watch it,' Artemis replied, pointing her finger at Courtney. She turned her gaze to Kara. "Are the stables clean?"

"Yeah."

"Are they really clean?' She demanded. "I want them clean enough so you could eat off the floor. Are they that clean?"

"Yuck,' Kara replied, making a face. "It's dirt and straw, Artemis, there's only so much you can do with it. Why you'd want to eat off the floor I don't get anyway."

"It's an expression,' Artemis offered. "All right, since they're clean, I'm going to give you three a break today."

"Finally,' Kara said, dropped down to sit on the ground.

"I thought it would never end,' Courtney added, joining Kara.

"I didn't say you could slack off,' Artemis yelled. "We going hunting, so get moving!"

"Hunting? Seriously?"

"Yes."

"I don't want to kill anything Miss Artemis,' Mary said. Artemis walked over to Mary and stood looking down at her.

"And why not?"

"I don't like the thought of killing an innocent deer," Mary explained. "Ever since I saw Bambi, it seems horrible. I really, really liked that movie. I mean what if I shot Bambi's mother? I could never live with myself."

Kara and Courtney tried to stifle a laugh, as Artemis rolled her eyes. She gave them a glare that quickly shut them up. She sighed and turned her attention back to Mary.

"You realize, Bambi is a cartoon, don't you, Mary?"

'Yes."

"So Bambi's mother didn't die, they just stopped drawing her."

"What's your point?' Mary asked.

"Hera and the Gods, help me,' Artemis exclaimed.

"You know hunting really is kind of lame, Artemis,' Kara offered. "I mean where's the sport in it, really? I can use my heat vision from a mile away."

Artemis turned and slowly walked over to Kara. She stood looking down at her.

"Lame? Is that what you said?"

"Um, yeah,' Kara replied, a little nervous having the Amazon warrior hovering over her like that.

"We will be in the magical forest, so you're powers won't work, Kara,' Artemis explained. "Of course if you don't want to hunt, the pig sties haven't been thoroughly cleaned in ages, so I'm sure you could do that instead of hunting which is so lame.'

"Did I say lame,' Kara quickly countered. "I meant lame as in it would be lame not to go hunting! Oh, boy, let's go kill some stuff! Count me in!"

Artemis smiled down at her and then turned and walked away.

"Get cleaned up and meet me at the south end of the city,' she called back over her shoulder. "And don't be late!"

The three watched her walk away.

"Jeez, are all the Lesbos around here as angry as she is?' Courtney asked.

"They're not all lesbians, Courtney,' Kara replied.

"I've never been here before and it is an island of all women,' Courtney said. "I mean do the math, Kara."

'Well, I've been here before, so trust me they aren't.' Kara told her. "I don't know what Artemis is, but she's always pissed about something, so we should get going."

"I don't want to go hunting,' Mary said.

"Well, too bad, I don't want to be knee deep in a pig sty either," Kara replied. 'You're going!"

"All right, but I'm not killing anything."

* * *

The Watchtower

Diana was sitting at a table with Shayera and Wally. At the next table were Karen and Helena. The two tables weren't speaking to each other. Dinah came into the cafeteria and got herself a cup of coffee and walked over. She said hello to Karen and Helena and then sat down next to Shayera. She was in a good mood and smiled as she took a sip of her coffee. Wally leaned over to Shayera and nudged her with his elbow.

"What?"

"She's smiling,' he said, giving Shayera a big grin.

"Are you still going on about that?' Shayera asked.

"Its just a theory, but I think I'm on to something,' Wally replied. "She's smiling, so you know what that means.'

Dinah sighed and set her cup down.

"Not your stupid theory again,' she said. "I would point out you're smiling too, Wally."

"Yes I am,' he proudly replied.

"Oh, God, you don't mean?' Shayera gasped. "Oh, that poor girl!"

"And she seemed so nice and level headed,' Dinah added.

"Hey!" Wally shouted.

"What am I missing?' Diana asked.

"It's too horrible to mention,' Dinah replied.

"Hey!" Wally shouted again.

"What?"

"Wally got laid,' Shayera said, making a face.

"Hey!' Wally shouted a third time. "I'm a little offended here, you know. I mean I said 'hey' three times, but you guys can't take a hint!"

"Congratulations, Wally,' Karen said, turning to look at him.

"Thank you. At least one person on this station has manners.'

"Wait, I not following this,' Diana said. "What does Wally having sex with someone have to do with Dinah smiling?"

"He has this stupid theory that if someone is smiling, they had sex,' Dinah explained.

"Really?" Diana asked Wally.

"Absolutely,' he replied. "They can ridicule it, but people ridiculed Marco Polo too and he he still came up with that cool game to play in the pool."

"You're an idiot,' Shayera said to him.

"Still doesn't make me wrong,' Wally countered.

"Well, let's put it to the test, shall we,' Karen said with a smile of her own. She leaned forward so she was just next to Diana's ear and whispered to her. "Were you smiling at the end of your date with Clark, Princess?"

"How many times must I remind you not to call me that,' Diana grumbled.

"Were you smiling, Diana,' Karen repeated. Diana looked around and saw they were all looking at her now.

"That-That's none of your business,' she finally said. She was uncomfortable with this whole conversation suddenly.

"Wow! Really,' Wally gasped. "Big Blue is like a God! First Karen, then Dinah and now Diana! He's like in the hall of fame for scoring!"

"I didn't sleep with Clark, Wally,' Dinah said.

"I didn't either!' Diana quickly added.

"Really?"

"Yes!" They both shouted. Wally seemed to think about this for a moment, but then broke out in a big smile again.

"You didn't answer, Karen, that's still hall of fame territory."

"Our date was cut short, remember,' Karen replied. "Someone just had to get offended and start a fight. This same person punched me, which I haven't forgotten."

"I explained that was an accident!' Diana said. "You got in the way. I don't know why you feel the need to keep rehashing it, your eye is already healed."

"I'm okay if you guys want to rehash it," Wally offered. He leaned forward eager to hear more. "Take us through it, paint the picture. Details, we need more details!"

Shayera slapped him on the back of the head.

"Ow! Just trying to help,' Wally said, rubbing his head.

"Just go back to smiling,' Shayera replied.

Karen got up as her communicator went off. She looked at Diana and then a smile came to her face.

"You know Wally, it is possible that on our next date, Clark and I will both be smiling,' she said. "See you guys later. Bye Princess!"

Diana felt her anger starting to boil as she watched Karen walk out of the cafeteria. Her hands clinched.

"I hate Kryptonians!"

* * *

San Francisco

Zatanna and Clark lay on her bed, both breathing hard. She pulled the sheet up and looked over at him.

"Definitely 100%!"

He laughed and rolled over to kiss her.

* * *

Themyscira – The Magical Forest – Later

Everything was still; only the breeze could be heard. The lush forest seemed almost primordial with tall trees and exotic plants that existed nowhere else on Earth. Suddenly the underbrush began to move and then a young fawn stepped into the clearing. It skittishly looked around before leaning down to nibble at the blades of glass. It was an almost perfect, picturesque moment in nature.

Suddenly the underbrush furiously began to shake and the very ground trembled. The fawn seemed frozen in terror as the frowns parted and it was surrounded by a pack of huge wild boars. One of the great beasts began to charge the fawn, lowering its long, sharp tusks. The fawn had nowhere to run.

"NO!"

The scream broke the silence and then Mary Marvel leaped out, spear in hand. Just as the huge boar was about to gore the fawn, Mary lunged, driving the spear into the boar's side. The beast squealed in pain, thrashing against Mary, while still moving towards the frozen fawn. Mary strained to stop the beast, gritting her teeth and holding on for dear life. She desperately pulled a knife and plunged it into the boar. The beast went down. Mary proceeded to cut its head off and lift it on the point of her spear.

"**AAAWWWW**!' She shouted in triumph. She dipped her fingers into the fresh blood and painted three stripes on each cheek, then started after the rest of the pack of wild boars.

Artemis, Kara and Courtney stepped out from their cover. Kara and Courtney were a little stunned at what had just happened. Artemis was smiling.

"She really seems to be getting into this!"

She took off after Mary, waving for Kara and Courtney to follow. Kara looked at Courtney.

"I think this is how Lord of the Flies started." Kara whispered.

"Pig's head on a stick," Courtney muttered.


	30. Chapter 30

When You're Smiling…

Themyscira – The Magical Forest - Midnight

**"_The Camp town ladies sing this song,  
Doo-da, Doo-da  
The Camp town racetrack's five miles long  
Oh, de doo-da day_**

**_Goin' to run all night_**  
**_Goin' to run all day_**  
**_I bet my money on a bob-tailed nag_**  
**_Somebody bet on the gray._**

**_Oh, the long tailed filly and the big black horse,_**  
**_Doo-da, doo-da_**  
**_Come to a mud hole and they all cut across,_**  
**_Oh, de doo-da day!"_**

"Mary?"

"Yes, Artemis?"

"If you sing that song one more time, one of two things is going to happen." Artemis's voice was low and deadly serious. She held her rather large knife up in front of her. "Either I'm going to take this knife and cut off my own ears or cut out your tongue. And if I hear the words doo-da again, I'll cut those off too."

"Sorry."

"It's all right."

"Why couldn't we go back to the palace again,' Kara asked.

"Yeah," Courtney chimed in. "They have beds and showers. Plus watching you gut that pig really grossed me out. Why do we have to sleep on the ground, anyway?"

"We are a hunting party, Courtney,' Artemis explained in exasperation. "We are living off the land and sleeping in nature. That's what a hunting party is!"

"I think using the word 'party' is really misleading,' Courtney replied. "Nothing about this says fun to me."

"Just be thankful Mary doesn't go apeshit with that knife again or this might turn into the Donner party,' Kara whispered.

"I explained that,' Mary protested. "I was saving the fawn, that's all!"

"Right.' Courtney and Kara chuckled.

"It's true!"

"Okay, say for a moment I'm buying that,' Kara replied. "That explains killing the pig, but what about the primal scream and painting your face with its blood? Huh?"

"You still have a little on your left cheek, by the way,' Courtney added.

"I'll admit, that did come as a surprise to me too,' Artemis offered.

"I, um, ah, got caught up in the moment,' Mary whispered in justification. She looked down, using her sleeve to wipe her cheek.

"It's all right, Mary, I thought you were every bit the warrior."' Artemis said to her. She even smiled. "I was very proud of you."

"Thanks." Mary blushed a little, but smiled back at Artemis.

"Great, so you're part of the tribe, whatever,' Kara said dismissively. "What do we do now? I mean we stuffed ourselves on pork and singing is definitely out. I'm not tired, I'm bored."

"Me too,' Courtney added.

"We could roast marshmallows,' Mary offered.

"No!" Artemis said. "This is a hunting party! We had success today; we should toast and tell stories of our victories! That is how the Amazons do it!"

She pulled out two bottles of wine and held them up with a smile.

"Hey, now it's a party,' Courtney shouted.

"We're not old enough to drink, Artemis,' Mary pointed out.

"Ixnay on the nderage-uay, Mary,' Kara said. "If Artemis wants to celebrate, it's her tradition. We'd be rude not to join her. I mean it's the Amazon way after all."

"What did you mean you're not old enough to drink?" Artemis asked.

"Nothing, she meant nothing,' Kara quickly replied. "Still coming down from that blood lust high, probably. So crack open a bottle!"

"And pass it around,' Courtney added.

Artemis looked at the two of them suspiciously, but they just smiled their most innocent smiles. She glanced at Mary, but she was looking at the ground.

"All right,' Artemis finally said. "We'll drink to the success of our hunt!"

She took a big swig and passed the bottle to Kara.

"Here! Here!" Kara said, and then took a big one herself. She started coughing almost immediately.

"Are you alright?"

"Yeah, smooth,' she finally managed to say. She handed the bottle to Courtney. She laughed and took a drink and had the same reaction.

"Amazon wine does take some getting used to,' Artemis offered.

Courtney held the bottle out for Mary.

"I don't want to,' she said.

"But it's your kill that we are drinking too,' Artemis exclaimed.

"Just pretend it's a frozen strawberry margarita, Mary," Kara said. "You had no trouble with those the last time we went out."

"You said you wouldn't bring that up again,' Mary snapped, grabbing the bottle from Courtney. She took a long drink and then passed it back to Artemis. Mary smiled.

"I like that, it's fruity!"

"She's really starting to scare me now,' Courtney whispered to Kara. Kara nodded, but took the bottle when it was passed to her again.

* * *

Gotham

Bruce sat on the sofa with Damian.

"Die! Die! Die!" Damian gleefully shouted.

"What is the name of this game again,' Bruce asked. He reached over and picked up the box and looked at the back cover.

"**Death Race 2012 – Gotham Edition**,' Damian informed him, never taking his eyes off the screen. "Its based on a classic!"

"And what is the object of this game?' Bruce asked.

It's you against me,' Damian explained. "We each have a car and drive around the streets running people down! The object is to run down as many "gremlins or criminals" as you can. They are trying to run away of course. When you hit them they scream and splatter on the windshield and are replaced by tombstones. The game gets harder and more challenging the more you run down, as you have to avoid all those tombstones. You also get a flat tire if you run down a regular person or pedestrian. Hit a woman with a baby, you loss two tires. It's really challenging!"

"Yes, it sounds like it,' Bruce replied, thinking it was challenging to your moral compass more than anything. "Do you play this game a lot?"

"All the time!"

"That explains so many things,' Bruce muttered. "Damian, why don't we play something a little less graphic intensive?"

"You don't want to play this,' Damian asked. "You're going to go on patrol, aren't you? Can I come? I'm really psyched to get out on the streets and catch bad guys!"

"I'll just bet you are,' Bruce said under his breath. "No, I'm was think we could try something a little more traditional, like chess?"

"Chess?"

"Yes, have you ever played?"

"On the computer,' Damian replied. "They have this version where whenever you take an opponents piece, your piece kills it! It was kind of cool!"

"And bloodthirsty,' Bruce observed. "Why don't we try just the board game? I used to play it with my father when I was young."

"I guess, it's sounds boring though,' Damian admitted.

"I thought you'd like the challenge of trying to bet your old man,' Bruce said with a smile. "If you're not up for that, I'll understand."

"No! I'm up for it,' Damian immediately replied. "So it's me trying to out think you?"

"Yes, it will take keen thinking, strategy and an overall sense of the landscape. You will have to focus more on just killing my pawns if you want to win."

"Okay, I can do that."

"I'll set up the board,' Bruce replied.

* * *

Themyscira – Magical Forest – Later

The first bottle was gone, as was the second. Artemis was drinking from the third and she passed it to Kara.

"You know what we need to make this perfect?" Artemis asked.

"Camp fire songs,' Mary asked hopefully.

"No."

"Some Alka Seltzer Plus?" Kara said with a grin, glancing over at Courtney.

"Screw … you,' Courtney replied. She looked a little green around the gills.

"Language, oh, forget it," Artemis said. "You're going to throw up soon, that's punishment enough."

"I am ….. not,' Courtney protested.

"Whatever,' Artemis said dismissively. "What we need is a story! A story of battle! Such as the time Hercules invaded Themyscira and ..."

"Oh, God, not that one again, Courtney managed to say interrupting Artemis. "I've only been here one day and I've already heard that story like forty times! Jeez, they have a really bad date and that's all they want to talk about!"

"It's a little more than a bad date!" Artemis protested, offended by the very thought.

"Okay, a really … bad date,' Courtney replied. "Excuse me a moment!"

She got up and stumbled into the surrounding forest. Artemis had to smile at this.

"The Gods are making her pay for her comment."

"I think it's more the wine,' Mary offered as she took another big swig.

"She did sort of have a point Artemis," Kara ventured. "We've all heard that story before, so it's really not that scary or anything. It's horrible, but don't you know any new stories, like from the present century?"

"Yes, of course I do,' Artemis defiantly said, taking the bottle from Mary and drinking.

"Okay, tell us one."

Artemis seemed to think about this for a moment. Off the top of her head she really couldn't think of any modern stories. She had sort of backed herself into a corner though and didn't want to admit it.

"All right, I shall,' she finally said and then began her tale. "A man awakens in a water-filled tub and finds himself in a disused bathroom along with another man. Both men are chained at the ankle to the pipes at opposite ends of the room. Lying between them is a corpse in a small pool of blood holding a revolver and a microcassette recorder. The two men discover tapes in their pockets. The men learn from both tapes that the 1st must escape the bathroom, while the 2nd must kill the 1st before six o'clock, or he'll lose his wife and daughter and be left to die. The 2nd man's tape also implies that the corpse between them was a similar victim who shot himself before succumbing to the effects of a poison. They find a bag containing two hacksaws, though neither is able to cut through the chains. The 1st man breaks his saw and throws it at a mirror in frustration; the 2nd man realizes that the saws are meant to be used on their feet."

"That's horrible!" Mary exclaimed. "What did they do?"

"Hold it! Hold it!" Kara shouted. "That's the plot from Saw, Artemis! Come on, really? That's the only story you could come up with?"

"Yes,' Artemis reluctantly admitted.

"So what happened,' Mary asked.

"Rent the movie when we get back,' Kara said, taking another drink. "Jeez, I can't believe you tried to pass that off as a story!"

"Well, I'm certainly open to you giving us a story, Kara,' Artemis fired back, snatching the wine bottle from Kara's hand.

"It was actually my turn, Artemis,' Mary said.

"You're too young, remember?" Artemis took another drink and then looked at Kara. "So let's hear it, Kara. Where's your story or can you only ruin others?"

Kara snatched the bottle back and took a drink. She held it out for Artemis.

"I think it's supposed to come to me now,' Mary suggested, reaching for the bottle.

"You still have a little boar blood on by your ear,' Kara said. "All right, I can tell a story!"

"This should be good,' Artemis chuckled, taking a long drink and then thrusting it back at Kara.

"I'm missing my turn again,' Mary complained. Before anyone could reply, Courtney came stumbling back and sat down heavily on the ground.

"You look horrible,' Kara remarked.

"Go to hell,' Courtney replied, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. "I'm never drinking again. Ever!"

"Right,' Kara said with a laugh.

"I'd like to, but they won't pass me the bottle,' Mary offered.

"Oh, here, shut up about it,' Artemis said, holding the bottle out for Mary.

"Thank you."

"So what are you all talking about,' Courtney asked.

"Kara was just about to tell us a story,' Artemis said with a smile. She held her hand out for the bottle, but Mary didn't pass it back to her.

"Mary?"

"You two skipped me twice, I'm just catching up,' Mary explained. She took a big drink and then finally passed it back to Artemis.

"So _Supergirl_, let's here it." Artemis put just a little dig into the Supergirl and Kara felt the anger rising inside of her.

"All right, you asked for it,' Kara muttered. 'Okay, there are these two roommates at college, all right? Their in the same science class and one day their professor reminds them all to study for the midterms, which are the next morning."

"What are their names?" Mary asked.

"It doesn't matter,' Kara replied.

"Was one of them named Linda? I always liked the name Linda,' Mary said, taking another drink off the wine bottle. "When I go to college, I'd like to have a roommate named Linda."

Artemis snatched the bottle from her and gave Mary a look.

"Okay, for you, Mary, one of them is named Linda,' Kara said.

"Thank you, what's the other one's name?"

"Meg. Satisfied?"

"Yes, go on."

"Anyway as they are leaving class this really hot guy asks Linda if she wants to stop out for something to eat,' Kara continued.

"What was his name,' Mary said, taking the bottle back from Artemis. "The hot guy that asked out Linda?"

"Todd. I don't know, whatever you want, Mary, it's not important to the story, okay?"

"Todd and Linda, they sound cute,' Mary replied.

"Jeez, so 'Linda' heads off with 'Todd' and 'Meg' goes back to their room to study for the test. Now one thing leads to another and Linda is with Todd till late. They kind of lose track of time, you know."

"So Linda's a slut,' Artemis observed, taking the bottle back from Mary. Kara sighed and shook her head, then just continued.

"It's late and suddenly Todd and Linda remember they have a midterm in the morning. Todd suggests he drive Linda over to her room and she can grab her books and they can study together so they'll be ready for the test."

"That was nice of Todd,' Mary said with a smile.

"Devious, more likely,' Artemis countered. "This Todd is someone to watch out for, mark my words."

"I think I'm going to throw up again,' Courtney suddenly said. Everyone held their breath for a second. "No, it's passed, go on with the story, Kara."

Kara looked at Courtney and moved a little bit further away from her before she continued the story.

"So Todd takes Linda back to her dorm and she runs up to her room. As she opens the door she sees the lights are all out. She thinks Meg's asleep and doesn't want to wake her. Gingerly, she picks her way through the room, trying to find her desk where her books are. She feels something brush her leg. She stops for a second, a little freaked out, but it doesn't happen again. Linda thinks it must just be her imagination, so she continues until she finds her desk. She doesn't remember what order she put her books, but she doesn't want to turn on the light and wake Meg up either, so she just grabs all of them. As she tiptoes back to the door, she suddenly hears a moan. It sends a chill down her back and she turns, looking at Meg's bed. It's so dark she really can't see anything, just a sort of silhouette, but that's it. The silhouette jerks and moves really funny and then the moan comes again."

"Get the fuck out of Dodge, Linda!' Courtney shouts. The others look at her and she shrugs. "Sorry. Go on, Kara."

"Linda is scared, but then the silhouette stops moving and the moan doesn't come again. Sighing she thinks to herself that Meg must be having a nightmare. She turns the doorknob as quietly as she can and slips out the room. Just as she's about to close the door, there is a gasp. Linda doesn't know what to do. Part of her wants to turn on the light, but if Meg's having a nightmare, Linda's heard the last thing you want to do is wake someone up. She bites her lips, nervous, trying to decide what she should do. She hears Todd honking the horn and she take another look in the room. There's no movement and it's completely silent. Reluctantly she closes the and runs down to Todd's car as he continues to honk."

"Arrogant bastard,' Artemis mumbles, taking another drink.

"The next day, Linda comes back to her room to change before the test, but she finds her room surrounded by cops,' Kara continues. "As she walks up, the RA points her out and the police come over and ask does she live in the room. Linda says yes and then asks what happened. The police glance around, noticing the crowd that has gathered and ask Linda to step into the room with them. She's nervous, but she agrees. As soon as she enters the rooms she sees Meg laying on the bed covered in blood."

"It was that weasel Todd, wasn't it?' Artemis demands. "I told you to watch out for him!"

"No, it wasn't Todd,' Kara replies, and then goes on with the story. "So anyway, Linda is like all freaked out. Her roommate has been murdered right there in their room. As one of the cops' steps to the side, Linda gasps. Written in blood on the wall is a message. It says "**Aren't you glad you didn't turn on the light?**"

"Ah, shit, now I'm am going to be sick,' Courtney groaned and staggered into the forest.

"Oh My God!" Mary gasped. "Meg was killed while Linda was in the room getting her books! Oh, that must have been horrible for Linda! Well, not as bad is it was for Meg, but still!"

Mary grabbed the bottle off Artemis and started to chug. Artemis snatched it back and took a swig. She looked at Kara and then held out the bottle to her.

"Are you sure it wasn't Todd?"


	31. Chapter 31

Weekend in the Country

Themyscira

The weekend was over and Diana arrived to retrieve the three young heroes. She got there a little early so she could visit with her mother. They had a lovely talk and were standing on the royal balcony along with General Phillipus as Mary, Courtney, Kara and Artemis came walking into the city. Mary was happily chasing a butterfly as they reached the center of the city. Courtney looked pale and miserable, while Artemis and Kara were deep in conversation.

"He woke up in a tub full of ice?" Artemis gasped.

"That's what a friend of a friend told my friend,' Kara replied.

"It wasn't Todd was it,' Artemis asked. "Even he doesn't deserve that, unless of course you were wrong earlier and he actually was involved with Meg's murder. I know I've never laid eyes on him, but something about the name Todd is suspicious to me."

"It wasn't Todd, Artemis,' Kara offered.

"So he's bewitched you too, huh? The clever bastard!"

From the balcony Queen Hippolyta called to them.

"I see you've all survived your weekend. Now have you young ladies learned anything from it?"

Artemis spoke up.

"Yes, apparently that saying what happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas doesn't apply to your kidneys!"

"Artemis?"

"Yeah?"

"I was speaking to those three,' Hippolyta patiently explained, pointing to the three young heroes.

"Oh, right, of course.' she nodded. Hippolyta was just about to turn her attention back to the girls, when Artemis spoke up again. "In my defense you did say young ladies, Hippolyta. True I'm not as young as they are, but in comparison to you I'm a mere child. Practically everyone here is compared to you. I mean how old are you, Hippolyta, like three thousand or something? From your ancient advanced age, my 27 and these three's 18 might as well be the same."

"Artemis,' General Phillipus finally said, interrupting her.

"Yeah?"

"Stop talking."

"Right."

Hippolyta gave Artemis a quick look and then turned her attention back to the three heroes. They were standing together just below her.

"And how about the three of you?" She said and then quickly added. "And by the three of you, I mean them, Artemis, not you."

"Right."

Mary stepped forward first. She curtsied to the Queen and then smiled a bit. Hippolyta seemed to find this charming and even returned the smile.

"I had a wonderful time, your majesty! I like it here so much I was wondering if I could join up? Is there like an SAT or something I'd have to take? I don't really know the rules, but I'd study really hard for the written part of the test! I loved the nature walk part!"

While Mary was speaking, the other three were behind her frantically shaking their heads no, even making the throat slashing gesture. Hippolyta looked at the General and then turned to her daughter for an explanation. Diana stepped forward to handle the situation.

"If you have a number 2 pencil I could take it right now,' Mary offered.

"Um, ah, Mary,' Diana said, as her eyes looked at Artemis, Courtney and Kara shaking their head no. "We are out of the written portion of the test at the moment. I'll make sure you're name is on the list for the next time we give it, though."

"Thank you, Miss Diana!"

Hippolyta looked at her daughter, but Diana just shrugged. Hippolyta turned back and addressed Courtney.

"And how about you? Did you learn anything this weekend?"

Courtney reluctantly stepped forward. She wasn't sure if she was supposed to or not, but since Mary did, Courtney curtsied.

"It was um, already." Courtney dipped her head, not making eye contact.

"Come, come, child, we Amazons pride ourselves on honest,' Hippolyta replied. "If you have something to say, say it. You will not be reprimanded for speaking the truth."

Courtney turned and looked at Kara, who was urging her to do it, giving her the thumbs up. Courtney turned back to the Queen and sighed before saying how she really felt.

"I hate it here! Those horses of yours shit more than…."

"Language! " Diana chided her.

"Sorry, Diana, those horses poop more than I've ever seen! It stinks something God-awful! Then there are the weird bugs that seemed to be everywhere in the forest. I barely got a moment of sleep afraid for my life that someone would go apeshit with their knife!"

"Artemis?" The Queen and Diana said at the same time.

"Not Artemis, Mary,' Courtney replied. They glanced over at Mary but she was back to chasing the butterfly. "My feet hurt, my clothes smell and I think I threw up everything I've eaten for the last year. I'm tired, hungry and miserable. I hate it here! Whoever came up with the name Paradise Island really was one class-A bull shitter if you want the truth!"

There was a silence for a moment.

"Language, Courtney, how many times do I have to remind you?"

"Well, I did ask her to be honest,' Hippolyta admitted. She turned her attention to Kara. She knew Kara from before. "And what say you, Kara?"

"This should be good,' Diana muttered as she crossed her arms in front of her and waited to hear what Kara had to say.

Kara stepped forward, flashing her most innocent smile and then gracefully curtsied. She straightened up and placed her two hands together in front of her. She seemed to get serious now.

"Well, your Majesty, as always I'm overwhelmed by how breathtaking the island is. I'm sure that all traces back to you, of course."

"_You are so shameless_,' Courtney whispered. Kara kept a seriously look on her face as she whispered in reply.

"_Shut up, I'm working it here!_"

Turning her focus quickly back to the Queen and Diana.

"I know this was meant as punishment for our harmless joke on Diana, and while I didn't have any part of the actually joke myself, I was willing since I might have played some small incidental role in it to accept the consequences."

"_You threw us under the bus,_' Courtney hissed. "_I thought we were friends?_"

"_I'm trying to get us out of coming back here, now shut up,_' Kara quickly whispered before continuing to address the Queen. "As I was saying, I know this was meant to be punishment but I feel like I should say thank you, your Majesty. This weekend has given me time to reflect on the error of our ways."

"Speaking of horses, that was certainly a load of …" Diana started to say, but Hippolyta cut her off.

"Language, Diana!"

"Right, sorry."

Hippolyta turned back to Kara and smiled. She hadn't been Queen for all these years without recognizing a snow job when she heard one.

"So you really feel you've learned your lesson, have you, Kara?"

"Yes, absolutely, I think I speak for all three of us, when I say it will never happen again."

"_Oh, great she finally remembers us,_' Courtney grumbled.

"_Shut up, I think she's buying it,_' Kara whispered. Hippolyta's smile got a little bigger as she looked at Kara.

"So I would imagine since you've learned your lesson you don't really need to come back next week, correct?"

"Well, if you think that's wise, I would never disagree with someone as intelligent as you, Queen Hippolyta."

"You aren't exactly like your cousin, are you, Kara?' Hippolyta suggested with almost a smirk. "It seems you really have learned the ways of the world."

"Kryptonians are all quick learners,' Kara offered proudly.

"Yes, I can see that,' Hippolyta replied. "In fact I think having you around would benefit everyone on Themyscira. Perhaps even having you here longer than the original three weeks would be best."

"Wh-What,' Kara gasped in horror.

"I was thinking of doubling it,' Hippolyta explained. "So as to get the full benefit of having you here, six weeks seems about right to me."

"SIX WEEKS!" Now Kara was frantic. She hoped she wouldn't have to use her last hole card, but this was a special circumstance and she was desperate. "But-but your majesty, with Diana dating my cousin, I'm sure I'll have plenty of chances to be here in the future. You know, once they are married and all!"

"_Oh, you are devious_,' Artemis whispered with a smile.

"What? What was that you just said,' Hippolyta asked, not sure she had heard it right.

"Would you look at the time,' Diana suddenly said. "We really should be going! Girls, this way, the portal isn't going to wait!"

"Diana! Daughter, I think we need to talk!" Hippolyta shouted.

"I'd love to mother, but I promised to get these three back and you wouldn't want me to break a promise,' Diana said, hurrying the three along. "Let's Go!"

"Diana!"

"Bye, Mother! Move it, girls or I'm leaving you!"

The four rushed to the portal and stepped through even as Hippolyta calling Diana's name rang in their ears. Diana took a breath in relief when they were on the other side.

"That was close, too close."

Kara smiled at Courtney and then whispered in her ear.

"_See, you should trust me. If Diana can't go back for awhile, neither can we._"

Courtney shook her head and then smiled.

"I am so glad you're my fucking friend, not my enemy."

"Language, Courtney, how many times do I have to say it?"

"Sorry, Diana."

"Miss Diana,' Mary said, speaking up for the first time. "Once I become an Amazon, I won't have to go around naked or anything, will I? I'm not as comfortable with nudity as you all seem to be. Oh and will I get a big knife like Artemis?"

* * *

The Watchtower

Superman walked into the cafeteria. He was smiling. He'd been doing a lot of that lately. He was just about to grab a cup of coffee when Jonn appeared next to him.

"Not that one,' Jonn whispered. "The special coffee is in the blue container."

He pointed to a small carafe positioned towards the back behind several others.

"Hiding it, Jonn?' Clark asked as he reached for the carafe.

"I haven't had a chance to restock so I didn't want to disappoint everyone by not having enough." Jonn calmly said.

Clark took a swallow and had to admit it was damn good.

"Your secret is safe with me, Jonn, besides, it would just be cruel to give everyone a taste of this and then force them to go back to the old stuff."

"There is some truth to the Earth saying, ignorance is bliss, Clark,' Jonn offered.

"I should probably thank Madame Xanadu the next time I see her,' Clark said.

"Why Madame Xanadu?"

"She's the one that introduced me to this coffee along with those donuts, sort of," Clark replied, suddenly thinking it was through Zatanna actually, but Jonn didn't need to know that.

"She must have excellent taste,' Jonn offered.

"Oh, from what I hear she knows all the best places."

"Interesting. Well, I'm do back in control,' Jonn said and then slipped away. Clark took another sip and glanced over at the entrance. Some other members were just coming in. One of them was Zatanna. She noticed him, but didn't react right away. As the others went to find a table she made her way over to where the coffee was.

"Superman,' she said formally.

"Zatanna,' he replied, equally as formal. She smiled at Fire as she walked by and headed towards another table. Now they were alone, well sort of, Zatanna moved a little closer.

"So, um, your shift is over, huh?" She casually asked.

"Yes, " he replied, sipping is coffee and looking around. "Your shift doesn't start for 30 minutes, right?"

"35 to be exact."

"So we both have some free time on our hands,' he said.

"Yes and since we're both here, we could, if you want, um, ah, work on our project together, if you want,' she replied. Their 'project' was a codeword she had come up with for them having sex so she could get pregnant. Sure it wouldn't exactly take a Turing machine to decrypt it, but so far it was the best she'd come up with.

"Well, you know I'm always willing,' Clark offered. "To work on the project that is."

"So your room or mine?"

"Mine, it's reinforced,' Clark whispered.

"See you in five minutes."

"Let's make it three."

Zee nonchalantly started for the exit. Just be cool, she told herself, cool as a cucumber, as if nothing is happening out of the ordinary. Unfortunately she was playing it a little too cool and didn't see the leg of the chair. She of course tripped and was just about to land face first on the floor when Clark caught her.

"Careful,' he said.

"Um, right, right,' she replied. God, Zee thought to herself, a guy wants to have sex with me and what do I do? Fall on my face! It's a wonder I'm not the virgin instead of Diana. I'm like Gilligan when Ginger or Mary Ann tries to kiss him!

She straightened up, trying not to blush too much with embarrassment and then managed to leave the cafeteria without stumbling over anything else. Clark waited a few moments and then he was out the door too.

* * *

Gotham

Dick Grayson and Tim Drake were walking down one of the main streets in Gotham. They were in civilian clothes and deep in a discussion. Suddenly Dick stopped dead in his tracks and looked at Tim.

"He did what?"

"He was tossing the baseball around in the back yard,' he repeated. "He even called it chucking the old horsehide around if you can believe that."

"Is this a joke, cause I'm not getting it?"

"It's not a joke, Dick, I'm telling you just what I saw!"

"Bruce? Bruce Wayne was tossing the baseball around in the backyard with Damian?'

"Yes!"

"What was he high or something?' Dick asked. "Did Joker hit him with some weird chemical?"

"Not that I know of,' Tim replied.

"Poison Ivy? Maybe she's trying some new scent?"

"She's in Arkham Asylum, Dick, you know that."

"Did he hit his head real hard recently,' Dick asked. "I really not getting this at all."

"No, I don't think he hit his head,' Tim offered.

"Are you sure it was Bruce? Not an evil twin or something?"

"Alfred was there, Dick, I figure he'd know if it was an evil twin, don't you?"

"Bruce? Bruce Wayne was playing catch?"

"Yes, that's what I'm trying to tell you,' Tim said in exasperation.

"What the hell?"

* * *

The Watchtower – 33 and one half minutes later

Zatanna and Clark were hurrying to get dressed. Things had been rather intense and they lost track of time. She was on duty in one and a half minutes.

"Have you seen my hat, Clark?"

"I think it's under the bed, I seem to remember you tossing it,' he replied."I think it rolled under when you kicked out your left leg."

"Oh, right, that was the first time,' she offered. "I don't think we've done it like that before, standing up and all. It was fun."

"I'll keep that in mind,' he said with a smile as he pulled one of his boots on.

"So do you want to work on the project some more this weekend?"

"Um, Zee, it's just the two of us, you don't have to use the code."

"Look, I'm not exactly Mata Hari here, Clark,' Zee complained. "I'm not used to code words and secret handshakes. I'm trying to stay consistent so I don't screw it up, okay?"

He moved over and took her in his arms.

"I'm sorry, I think you're doing wonderfully,' he said. "Yes, I would like to work on the project this weekend. In fact I have the whole weekend off for once, so we can really get some work done. By the way, do we have a secret handshake? Is that what you were trying to do the second time?"

She smiled at this. A thought had been turning over in her head and she decided to broach it with him.

"I'll keep that a mystery. You know I have this weekend off too,' she replied. Zee lightly ran her fingers down his hard chest. "I was thinking, if you want, a friend of mine offered their cabin to me up in the mountains anytime I want it. Its by a lake, isolated with no one around for miles. We could go up there this weekend, if you want?"

"A cabin in the woods? I never pictured you as an outdoorsy type, Zee."

"I'm not, but I've seen pictures of it,' she informed him. "It's got indoor plumbing and all sorts of added luxuries just like a hotel. It's not like we'd be sleeping in a tent on the ground in the woods or anything, that's for suckers."

"I doubt you'll be asked to speak at the Girl and Boy Scouts convention this year,' he teased.

"I bought lots of cookies so I did my part. So do you want to,' she asked hopefully. "You don't have to, if you don't want to."

"No, I want to,' Clark replied. "I'm sure Kara would love to fill in for me. Toyman is in prison so I don't have to worry about him pissing her off and Kara trying to kill him. I can let Steel know just in case. Yeah, let's do this."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really."

"Great!" She said, leaping into his arms and passionately kissing him. He returned it, but then the alarm on her phone went off.

"Oh, damn, I'm going to be late for my shift,' she said, pulling out of his arms and rushing towards the door.

"Watch out for my…" he started to say, but she'd already tripped. "Boot. Sorry Zee."

As she pulled herself up off the floor and straightened her uniform Zee tried not to blush but it was hard. The thought that she would probably be in traction by the end of the weekend if this continued came to her mind. She also noticed he had really big boots, so there was an up side to the weekend, Zee thought.

* * *

The Watchtower –the Cafeteria later

Diana was sitting at the table looking miserable. Wally, Shayera, Mari, Dinah and Zee were trying to cheer her up. At a nearby table were Karen and Helena. Getting a cup of coffee was Batman.

"It's not that bad, Diana,' Shayera offered. "So your mother thinks you're dating Clark, so what?"

"You don't understand,' Diana replied. "I can't go home or she'll want to have that talk with me. I don't want to have that talk with her, I really don't."

"Which talk?' Wally asked.

"The talk."

"The birds and the bees talk? Seriously? Jeez, Diana, you really are a virgin, aren't you,' Wally said.

"Wally!"

Dinah and Shayera both hit him.

"Ow! What? Oh, come on, you were thinking it too! I mean if she hasn't had the birds and the bees talk, that pretty much implies it,' he said in his defense. "I mean I always thought that was more to help her rep than anything else, you know? Sort of add to the Amazon Goddess allure."

"I know about the birds and the bees, Wally and before you ask, no I won't explain how I know,' Diana said. "Besides, that wasn't the talk I was referring about. I meant the courting talk. We only had one date, it's not like we're really even dating!"

"You know if it would help Princess,' Karen offered, leaning towards her. "You could tell your mother he's dating me instead."

Karen had to bite back a smile as she watched the vein on Diana's forehead start to throb.

"Again, I've asked you not to call me Princess!"

"Okay, just trying to help,' Karen replied, holding up her hands in surrender.

"Well, you're not,' Diana said. "Besides, it wouldn't be true would it? You've only been on one date with him too."

"So far,' Karen quickly added.

"Hey, you know I just realized that sort of makes you two even,' Wally cheerfully said. The look he got from both women told him that wasn't a good thing. "And now nobody's smiling except Zatanna."

"There is something you both seem to be overlooking."

Everyone turned to see Batman standing close to the table. They hadn't heard him even move over there.

"He's like a ninja,' Wally whispered to Shayera. "I'll just bet he has a whole mess of those throwing stars somewhere on his belt too."

"That's stupid, no he doesn't,' she replied.

"Actually I do,' Bruce offered." But I was speaking to Karen and Diana."

"What haven't we considered?" Diana asked.

"Yeah, what?' Karen added.

"Maybe Clark's already seeing somebody."

Three women had reactions to this.

"What?" Diana gasped.

"What?" Karen gasped.

Zatanna had been taking a drink of her Pepsi and nearly choked on it, before it suddenly came spewing out. Wally was quick enough to get out of the line of fire, but everyone turned to look at her.

"What the hell was that, Zee?' Dinah asked.

"Wrong tube,' she managed to say between coughs. "I swallowed wrong and...Oops."

She shrugged her shoulders not sure what else to say. They all gave her a look, but then turned back to Bruce.

"Are you saying Clark is already seeing someone and still went out with me,' Diana asked.

"And me,' Karen added.

"I'm not saying he is, but he could be,' Bruce coyly offered. "For all we know he's sleeping with someone and has been for a few weeks now. This is all just guesswork mind you, but it is a possibility. Oh, look at the time, I'm due back in the computer lab."

He could feel Zatanna's glare shooting daggers at him even as he turned and started for the door. No one saw the smile break out over his lips as he exited. Wally had a big grin on his face as he turned to Shayera.

"I'd bet Big Blue is smiling right about now!

Shayera glanced at Diana and Karen.

"Maybe not for much longer though."


	32. Chapter 32

A Denver Omelet

The Watchtower

Batman's theory was still sinking in with everyone in the cafeteria. The thought that Superman was dating someone else, other than Karen or Diana was surprising to say the least.

"I don't believe I like the idea of Kal with someone else,' Diana said.

"I don't think I do either,' Karen added.

"I think it's kind of hot,' Wally offered. The looks he received made him cringe just a bit. "Of course, I'm in the minority about that."

Before anyone else could voice his or her opinion, Plastic Man came rolling into the cafeteria. His feet were roller skates, but he was wearing a tux and carrying a long, thin box. He rolled right up to the table where Dinah was sitting and stopped.

"Oh God,' she groaned.

"Mademoiselle Lance, enchanté!"

Plastic Man leaned in, took Dinah's reluctantly hand and kissed it.

"Vous regardez charmant ce soir!" He seemed to be trying to think of the next phrase before he continued. 'Ah! Votre sèche-est comme la paille! Votre corps est comme une belle et grande oreiller! Je tiens à avoir des rapports sexuels avec vous! _Frarajaka__, __frarajaka__,_ dormayvue, dormayvue!'

When he finished, Plastic Man gave her his best smile. Wally leaned over to Shayera and whispered to her.

"I must still be stunned from Batman's theory, cause I don't understand a word he's saying.'

"Unfortunately, I do,' Dinah groaned.

Wally seemed surprised that she'd heard him, he had been whispering.

"I told you before, you really need to work on the whole whispering thing,' Shayera said. "You really don't have the technique down at all."

"I'm a loud whisperer, jeez, everyone's a critic,' Wally protested. He then turned to Dinah. "So what did he say? It sounded like gibberish to me."

"It's French, Wally,' Zee chimed in.

"Oh, well that's different. So Dinah what did he say?"

"'I'm not repeating it."

"Well that's not fair,' Wally replied. "I'm always willing to translate Pig Latin for you! Nice tux by the way, Plasty!"

"Thanks! It's a rent to own! $14.95 a week for 66 weeks and this baby is all mine!"

"Sweet!"

"My French is a little rusty,' Mari said. "But did he say your hair is like straw?"

Dinah just groaned and dropped her head to the table. It was Zee's turn to speak up.

"What was that part about her body and a pillow? I didn't get that either?"

"I do know he said he wanted to have sex with her,' Mari replied. This brought a laugh from several members.

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" Dinah shouted. She suddenly stood up and glared at Plastic Man. "And you!"

He raised his hand to stop her.

"Before you dismiss me, just let me say my peace and then I'll go, I promise."

"No!"

"Oh, come on, Dinah, be a sport, let him say his peace,' Zee said with a huge grin. This earned her a glare from Dinah.

"Yeah, let him have his say,' Wally added. "He rented that cool tux and everything. Only 66 weeks you say? Do they have anything in plaid?"

Plastic Man nodded and then turned back to Dinah.

"NO!"

"It doesn't seem too much to ask just to hear him out, Dinah,' Diana added her opinion to the mix.

"NO! And No!"

"You'd do it for Randolph Scott,' Plastic Man said. "Please?"

"No!"

"Who is Randolph Scott?' Shayera asked Wally. "I didn't get that reference at all."

"No clue,' he replied. "Maybe he's related to Alan Scott, the 1st Lantern?"

A shiver went through Zatanna at just the mention of Alan Scott's name.

"He said he'd go away if you'd listen, Dinah, that does seem fair,' Mari chimed in.

"NO!"

"Come on, Dinah, just hear the guy out,' Karen added.

"Yeah, let the dipshit say his peace, Dinah,' Helena added.

"Thanks Huntress!" Plastic Man replied with a big smile. "No wonder all that faceless guys go crazy for you!'

Helena started to smile, but then stopped not sure if that was a compliment or not.

"NO!' Dinah repeated again. Now everyone seemed to be involved and they were all encouraging Dinah to at least let Plastic Man have his say.

"Enough!" Dinah finally shouted. "All right! He can have his say, but then I want him out of here!"

She looked at Plastic Man. He was grinning at her.

"Deal?"

"Absotively!"

"Yes or no?' Dinah grumbled.

"Yes!"

With a sigh she sat back down. She crossed her arms in front of her. There was a deep frown on her face.

"All right, let's hear it."

Plastic Man straightened up and then cleared his throat.

"I thought I'd start with a song," he informed Dinah. "**_Yeah! All I want to do is zoom-a-zoom-zoom-zoom and a poom-poom – Just Shake Ya Rump! Check baby, check baby, one two three four! Check baby, check_…**"

"STOP!" Dinah shouted. "Just get on with it, damn it!"

There were several giggles around the cafeteria, but the glare Dinah gave everyone silenced most.

"Wow, he must care, going old school like that,' Wally whispered to Shayera. "I was hoping she wouldn't stop him, I was just getting into it."

"Wally! So help me you are this close!" Dinah growled. "Do not push me!"

"We really need to work on your whispering,' Shayera softly said to Wally. He nervously nodded and then turned back towards Plastic Man.

"Not a music lover, I understand,' Plastic Man said. He coughed into his gloved hand and then extended the box towards Dinah. "These are for you."

She reluctantly took the box from him, eyeing it suspiciously.

"I happen to overhear that you and Ollie aren't doing so well,' Plastic Man started. "I would never wish a fellow teammate ill, but if he's not treating you like the Queen you should be treated as, well then he needs to be cut in front of in the chow line."

"Did-Did he just compare me to the chow line?" A confused Dinah asked Zatanna. Zee shrugged and threw up her hands.

"Anyway,' Plastic Man continued. "I think of you as a Goddess, Dinah. Not like those whorish Goddesses that created Diana, but the good kind."

"EXCUSE ME?" Diana exclaimed, not sure she'd heard him right.

"There's not reason you need excusing Diana, their the tramps. In fairness they did a wonderful job, though. You're an A1 looker,' Plastic Man said and then turned his attention back to Dinah. "A Goddess, Dinah and you deserve to be treated like one. Other than you don't seem to like music, you're perfect in my estimation. If you let me I'll shower you in expensive gifts, like marshmallows and velvet paints of Elvis riding on Unicorns, stuff like that."

"Wow, he's going all out,' Wally said to Zatanna. "Those Elvis paintings are hard to find."

"You really need to get out more,' Zee whispered to Wally.

"To show just how committed I am,' Plastic Man said.

"Talk about your double meanings,' Zee whispered to Wally and Shayera. The three snickered at this.

"As I was saying before Circus Girl so rudely interrupted me,' Plastic Man replied, staring at Zatanna.

"Hey! I'm a magician, you douchebag!"

"Sure you are,' Plastic Man said with a laugh, then shifted back to Dinah. "As I was saying, as a show of my commitment to you, I bought you this token. I hope you like them."

He gestured towards the box. Dinah looked down at the box and then reluctantly around her. She could only imagine what was in it and all the things she was imagining were horrible. She glanced at Plastic Man and he encouraged her to open the box. In fact everyone she looked at was encouraging her to open the box. With a reluctantly sigh, she finally pulled the ribbon and opened it. Inside were flowers, Carnations to be exact.

"You bought me carnations?' She asked.

"Yes, they reminded me of that lovely perfume you're always wearing,' Plastic Man replied. "It has such a haunting quality to it."

Fire suddenly gasped and crossed herself.

"Flores para os mortos!"

"Gesundheit!' Plastic Man replied and then turned his attention back to Dinah.

"Wow, he's bi-lingual too,' Wally whispered to Shayera.

Dinah stared at the flowers for several moments. Those sitting close to her could actually see and hear her grinding her teeth. Almost instinctively, Zatanna and Wally moved a bit further away from her.

"Carnations,' Dinah said, her voice was almost brittle it was so tight. "You bought me carnations because they reminded you of my perfume."

"Yes, it has an almost other worldly smell to it,' Plastic Man replied. "I can't quite pin it down exactly, but I know I've smelled it somewhere else."

"Look at the time,' Zee suddenly said. "I think I should be, well, anywhere else."

"We'll join you,' Wally and Shayera added. They were just starting to stand up, when Dinah reached out and pulled Zatanna back down next to her. Zee pulled Wally and he pulled Shayera. They all sat back down.

"No reason to leave,' Dnah said. Her voice was as hard as anyone could remember it being. She looked up at Plastic Man and gave him a cold smile. "So my perfume reminds you of something, does it? Think hard, what does it remind you off, Plastic Man?"

"You know I've been trying to pinpoint it for days,' he replied. "I keep thinking about my Aunt Gert for some reason, though. She's dead now, of course."

"I'd really like to leave now, please?' Zee said.

"Us too,' Shayera and Wally added.

"No, just stay where you are,' Dinah replied, never taking her eyes off Plastic Man. "So your Aunt Gert, huh? What about my perfume reminds you of her? Be specific."

Plastic Man innocently smiled and then tapped his finger against his chin as he tried to remember.

"It's just not coming to me,' he admitted.

Dinah turned and glared at Zatanna, Wally and Shayera.

"You put him up to this, didn't you? One of you or all of you put him up to this!"

"What? No!"

All three vehemently shook their heads no.

"Dinah, no one put me up to this,' Plastic Man said. "I think you've known for a while I've had feelings towards you. By that glare in your eye and the way your jaw is clenched I think you have feelings towards me too. Don't you? It's okay you can admit them. No one's going to judge you."

Dinah's fingers were squeezing the stems of the carnations so hard they began to crumble in her hand.

"You might want to put those in water,' Plastic Man suggested. Suddenly he beamed at her. "I got it, I know where I smelled that perfume before. A-Ring-a-Ding-Ding! It was at Aunt Gret's funeral! Boy that was a lovely service! I don't believe I've ever seen so many clowns cry as I did that day! You know what they say, everyone loves the bearded lady!"

'GET OUT!"

Dinah was on her feet now.

"AND TAKE YOUR FLOWERS FOR THE DEAD WITH YOU!"

She threw the carnations at Plastic Man. She started to move around the table towards him, but Zatanna, Shayera and Mari jumped up to hold her back. Plastic Man caught the flowers. He looked at them for a moment and then back at Dinah. He slowly nodded and then a small smile came to his lips.

"I understand,' he said with another nod of his head. "This was too public, wasn't it? I knew I should have done this in private, or the ball pit at Chucky Cheese. I've got like a million tickets so we could have played all day! You are just too shy and fragile to let everyone know how you really feel, aren't you Dinah? You felt you had to reject me because everyone was watching, right? Fair enough, I'll keep my promise and go now. Before I do though, just know I saw it for just a moment there. You were considering it. Don't try and deny it, I saw it and that gives me hope one day you will be mine! Until then, my little funeral flower, until then! A-ring-a-ding-ding!"

He turned and quickly rolled out of the cafeteria. Once he was gone, Zatanna, Shayera and Mari finally let Dinah go. She tugged her coat around her and glared at the door Plastic Man had exited by.

"I HATE THAT GUY!"

As everything swirled around her, Diana was deep in thought.

"My Goddesses are not whores,' she muttered to herself. "Yes, Aphrodite has slept with many, many men, but they are not whores!"

* * *

New York – Friday Morning

Zatanna was smiling as she walked to the front of Madame Xanadu's shop. She was just about to reach for the door when it opened and a man stepped outside.

"Hello Zatanna,' the man said. It took Zee a moment to place him.

"Jonn?'

'Yes."

'Wh-What are you doing here?'

"He came to see me,' Nimue replied, stepping outside to join them.

"Really?" Zee flashed her an incredulous look.

"Well, you didn't have to say it like that,' Madame Xanadu replied.

"Sorry, it's just sort of a shock.'

"I stopped to compliment Madame Xanadu on her wonderful taste in food,' Jonn offered. "I have really enjoyed the marvelous coffee and those donuts, I can still almost taste them they were that good."

"Now, Jonn, we agreed you would call me Nimue, remember,' Madame Xanadu said. She smiled and lightly ran her hand down his arm.

"Of course, Nimue,' he replied with a smile "I have to be going, but I look forward to Saturday night!"

"I can't wait either,' Nimue said flashing her best smile. "I think you'll really like the restaurant I have in mind."

"I know I will,' Jonn said. "Well, until then! Nice to see you again, Zatanna."

"Um, yeah, you too, Jonn."

He turned and started down the street. As he reached the corner he waved and smiled. As soon as he was out of sight, Zatanna grabbed Madame Xanadu and pulled her back into the store and slammed the door shut.

"What the hell was that, Nimue?' Zee demanded. Madame Xanadu casually moved further into her storefront, idly fingers some of the objects she had for sale.

"I don't know what you're referring to."

She continued towards the back and into her private quarters. Zatanna was right behind her.

"Yes, you do, you made a date with Jonn!"

Nimue dropped down into one of the large chairs that sat in her parlor. Zatanna stood in front of her with her hands on her hips.

"And if I did, so what?"

"Ewww,' Zee said with a cringe. "He's my teammate; Nimue and you're like my mother! That's just creepy and wrong!'

"Why? Most people think we look like sisters," Nimue offered.

"I don't,' Zee fired back. "Jeez, what is Jonn thinking? He knows you helped raise me and I think of you like a mother! How could he ask you out?'

"You think of me like a mother?" Nimue had a smile on her face and tears in her eyes.

"Well, yeah," Zee admitted. "You knew that, Nimue."

Madame Xanadu got up and hugged Zee.

"It's always nice to hear,' she whispered. "I couldn't ask for a better daughter, most times."

It was Zee's turn to blush. She returned the hug, but then all of Nimue's words registered. Zee leaned back.

"What do you mean most times?"

"Well, you're kind of a snot sometimes,' Nimue explained. Zatanna pushed her away and Nimue laughed. "I was just kidding."

"Ha-ha,' Zee sarcastically replied. "Please tell me you were just joking about going out with Jonn too?"

"Why?"

"Because it's creepy!" Zee exclaimed. "It would be like Clark going out with Hippolyta or something! It's just wrong!"

"I disagree,' Nimue countered. "What if Wonder Woman were dating someone else? What is Clark supposed to do, just wait and hope they break up? That's kind of creepy and stalkerish, in my opinion. I've seen Hippolyta she's gorgeous! Any man would be lucky to hook up with her, whether they were friends with her daughter or not."

"I don't care how beautiful she is, it's just wrong,' Zee protested. "She's Diana's mother and he's her teammate and friend, you just don't cross that line!"

"Why?"

"Cause you don't!"

"What if Wonder Woman were married? What if Hippolyta came on to him first?"

"I'm not running through ever scenario with you, Nimue,' Zee replied. "It's just wrong, okay?"

"I disagree, but forgetting them for a moment,' Nimue said. "Let's bring it back to you and me. So if I have you right, if a man knows you, he can't go out with me? Is that what you're saying?"

"Well, no,' Zee had to admit. "Just not my teammates, Nimue, I mean I have to work with them. Can't you find some nice retired man to go out with?"

"A nice retired man,' Nimue repeated. "Cause I'm so old, right?"

"Well, you are,' Zee replied. By the expression on Nimue's face, she knew that was a mistake.

"Old, thanks Zatanna,' Nimue sarcastically said. "You asked about what I meant by most times? This would be one of those times."

"Okay, old wasn't the right word.' Zee backpedaled.

"It most certainly was not,' Nimue said to her. "Most people think we look the same age, or I'm your sister!"

"My older sister,' Zee mumbled.

"You're not going to let that old thing go, are you? So I've lived a little longer than most people,' Nimue said.

"Just about everyone,' Zee replied.

"Exactly! If I only dated people my age, I'd never go out! Besides, Jonn's not exactly young either."

"It's still creepy."

"Do you want to go out with him,' Nimue asked.

"What? No, of course not!"

"So why can't I?"

Zatanna felt like they were arguing in circles. She knew from experience she wasn't going to win this argument with Madame Xanadu. She never won any arguments with her. That part of having her as a sort of second mother was rather annoying to Zee.

"Fine! Go out with whoever you want,' Zee finally said. "Screw every guy in the Justice League for all I care! It's still creepy and wrong!"

"Every guy in the Justice League?' Nimue asked.

"Well, not Clark cause we're going away this weekend,' Zee automatically said.


	33. Chapter 33

No.5

Somewhere Off The Beaten Path

"Nice going, Clark, we're lost!"

"We're not lost,' he replied. "Besides, how is it my fault? You're driving, Zee."

"You're the navigator,' she countered. "That's an unwritten rule, you call shotgun, and you're the navigator. If we had taken my car this wouldn't have happened. The nice lady on the GPS would have told us where to go!"

"We couldn't take your car cause someone had too much luggage, remember? Who needs five suitcases for a weekend, by the way?"

"I travel heavy, sorry." There was a snide tone to her voice, which switched to grumbling under her breath. "The nice lady on the GPS wouldn't have gotten me lost. She always knows where we're going."

"Maybe you should have asked her to spend the weekend with you,' he muttered.

"Get out of the car!"

"I'm not getting out of the car in the middle of nowhere!"

"A-ha! You admitted it, we are lost!" She said triumphantly.

"Look, there's a house right up there, Zee,' he said, pointing to a rather run down place sitting all alone just up the road. "Pull in there and I'll ask for directions. How's that?"

"I thought guys never admitted they're lost,' she replied.

"Usually we don't, but this is a special circumstance."

"What's so special about it?"

"Your voice gets a little annoying when you're complaining." Mistake, he cringed. He knew it was a mistake even as he was saying it.

"GET OUT OF THE CAR!"

"Sorry, that came out wrong. I apologize, but I'm not getting out of the car, Zee,' he replied. "I guess our first trip together isn't getting off to a flying start, huh? You're not regretting this, are you? If you want to just call it off, I'll understand."

"No, I don't want that,' she admitted. "I'm a little stressed about this weekend going well. I'd like not to be lost, but I don't want to call it off."

He sighed and tried not to roll his eyes.

"Okay, just pull in the driveway and I'll ask that old guy sitting on the porch."

"Was he sitting there a minute ago? Who wears overalls without a shirt?"

"He doesn't have any shoes, either,' Clark pointed out. "Maybe he's mountain folk?"

"Or a Carnie,' she offered.

Zee turned the rental car into the driveway and stopped. He was just about to open his door, when she reached over and laid her hand on his arm.

"More of them are coming out of the house."

"They probably don't get a lot of visitors up this way, " he offered. He glanced towards the house and saw there were quite a few coming out. "Boy, there is a lot of them coming out of that house, though."

"That shack is like a clown car for hillbillies."

"Nice,' he said, as he opened the door and started to get out. A rather disturbing number of people were now standing around the house. They were all shoeless in old tattered clothes. They were frankly filthy and had a look in their eyes that didn't seem quite human.

"You folks lost?' The old man asked. There were murmurs through the rest of them, as still more came from the house. Clark was just about to reply when he felt Zatanna pulling frantically on his sleeve. He held up one finger to the old man and the ducked down to her. She seemed rather nervous.

"What?"

"Get back in the car, Clark,' she whispered. "I've seen this movie too many times. Those are the Children of the Corn people!"

"Don't be ridiculous."

"Murderous inbred freaks, Clark!" Zee frantically whispered. He laughed and turned back towards the man on the porch. There were more of them outside now.

"They do look a lot alike,' he had to admit.

"You folks want to use the phone?" The old man said with a toothless smile. "We got one inside. Why don't you both come on in?"

A weird laugh, almost a grunting sound, seemed to go through the rest of the group. Even Clark felt a shiver go down his spine.

"Children of the Corn, Clark! These are the almost normal ones! Once they get us in the house, the real freaks take over! They're in the basement or under the stairs!' Zee whispered, pulling on his sleeve. "Get back in the car!"

"Come on, we're heroes, remember? How would it look back on the station if we just ran?"

"That's if we ever get back to the station!" She countered. Zee glanced around and it now seemed they were coming from all angles. "Clark, they are literally coming out of the cornfield now! What more do you want?"

He was just about to answer when the old man on porch spoke up again.

"Why don't you bring that pretty little gal of yours up to the house and rest a spell, Mister? Me and my kin can be real hospitable to strangers."

"They both got purdy mouths, pa,' one of the others said.

That was enough, even for Clark.

"Thanks! We'll just be on our way!" He called out and then jumped back into the car. "Drive Zee!"

"Damn right, I'd rather be lost than deal with murderous inbred freaks!"

She threw the car into reverse and gunned it. They were racing away from the shack in moments.

"Are they following us?" She frantically asked. "Use your vision and see if they have any traps set up ahead. Inbred freaks are famous for laying traps! That's like inbred freak 101!"

He did a quick scan and then relaxed back into the seat.

"All clear. So how is it you know so much about inbred freaks, Zee?"

She took a deep breath, but didn't slow down.

"Movies. Horror movies mostly."

"Seriously?'

"Yeah, murderous inbred freaks are in the top five horror movie monsters, probably number one."

"The top five?"

"Sure, number 5 is, well, um, ah, let's skip number 5, but number 4 is zombies,' she explained. "Zombies are like rats. They'd be higher on the list, but they move too slowly. We're talking traditional zombies of course."

"Of course. The whole eating peoples brains part is a bit of a turn off too." Clark joked, but Zatanna was already onto the rest of the list.

"Next at number 3 are werewolves, they move faster, but you can just shoot them. Plus not a lot of Mensa members among the werewolf community if you know what I mean. Number 2 on the list are vampires, creepy, yet sexy, but always with a gay vibe as an undertone. Number one are murderous inbred freaks, everyone knows that!"

"Inbred freaks beat out werewolves and vampires?"

"Absolutely! Think about it, werewolves and vampires fight each other all the time. They even fight zombies, but never and I mean never do they fight murderous inbred freaks! Nobody messes with murderous inbred freaks. Even monsters know enough to stay the hell away from them! Michael Myers, Jason, both murderous inbred freaks. You're not catching Dracula anywhere near a corn field, trust me."

"I bow to your superior knowledge,' he said with a laugh. "So what was number 5? You kind of glossed over that one."

Zee mumbled something.

"I'm sorry, what?"

"Aliens,' she reluctantly whispered. He turned and looked at her.

"Really? Aliens? Nice. So what horror do they represent?"

"Um, well, um, ah, they either want to impregnate the Earth women or eat us,' she whispered. There was a long silence.

"So aliens are just horny cannibals, is that right?" He shook his head in disbelief. "They fly billions of miles to get here just to eat you or get laid, that's just lovely."

"Well, Earth girls are hot,' she offered.

"Yeah, that's true,' he admitted. He couldn't help laughing at this. He leaned over and gave her a little love bite on the neck. "Tasty too!"

"Clark stop! I'm trying to drive here,' she giggled.

* * *

The Watchtower

Diana was sitting alone at one of the back tables in the cafeteria. Her mind was on Batman's theory, so she didn't hear Karen walk up.

"Princess?"

Diana looked up and scowled. Before she could say anything, Karen raised her hands as if in surrender.

"Sorry, Diana, I was wondering if we could talk?"

"I suppose,' Diana hesitantly replied. Karen pulled out the chair across from Diana and sat down. She seemed to gather her thoughts for a moment and then started in.

"You've been thinking about what Batman said, haven' t you?"

"Well, yes, haven't you?'

"Yes.'

The two women looked at each other for a moment. Karen finally broke the silence.

"I know we've sort of had a bit of a rivalry going lately,' she started. "I'll admit you come across as so perfect it's nauseating to me and I'm sure there are things about me that bother you.'

"You're blunt to the point of being rude,' Diana immediately said. Karen glared at her for a moment, but then did her best to bite her tongue.

"Be that as it may,' she replied, plunging ahead. "I wanted to ask, are you in love with Clark?"

"Wh-What?" Diana was a little surprised by the question.

"Cause if you are, I'll step aside, Diana,' Karen continued. "I'm competitive, but we're still teammates so I sort of respect you. Just say the word, Diana, and I'll step aside no questions asked."

Diana was shocked and thrown by this.

"Well, no, I'm not in love with him,' she admitted. "I like him, certainly."

"Oh,' Karen said.

"Um, well, Karen, I hope you know I feel the same way,' Diana offered. "If you're in love with him, I'll do the honorable thing and step aside."

"Really?" Karen asked.

"Yes, of course. I would never stand in the way of another's happiness.'

Karen smiled and stood up. She held out her hand to Diana. Diana took it, but was a little confused why they were shaking hands.

"Thanks Diana, that's really big of you,' Karen said. "I appreciate you stepping aside. I guess you are perfect after all!"

Karen had a big smile on her face as she started to walk away. Diana was stunned and sat there for a moment trying to digest what had just happened. Suddenly a scowl came to her lips.

"Hold it!"

"Shit,' Karen grumbled a she stopped and slowly turned around. Diana was on her feet and walking towards her.

"Problem?" Karen said innocently. Diana stopped right in front of her. She did not look happy.

"Oh, just a small detail you glossed over, Karen,' Diana replied. "I said I would step aside if you were in love with him. I noticed you didn't say you were. Are you?"

"What is love, Diana? It's so hard to define sometimes,' Karen offered.

"Yes or no, Karen?"

"Well, no, but I like him a lot,' she finally admitted. "If you hadn't ruined our date, who knows what might have happened?"

"I did not ruin your date!"

"Oh, come on, Diana, you really expect me to believe you can't control that little snot Kara and her two friends? Please, give me some credit,' Karen said with a laugh. "Then you show up and punch me, I think we all know what was going on, Princess."

Diana was beside herself now. Several emotions flashed over her face and she clenched and unclenched her hands several times.

"For the last time, punching you was an accident! Diana growled. "And don't call me Princess! As far as Kara and the other two, you'd be surprised how hard it is to keep track of them."

"Well, she is a devious little snot,' Karen offered.

'Normally I would stick up for her, but after what she got me into with my mother, I'm having a hard time right now,' Diana replied. "She even managed to charm Artemis which is next to impossible."

"We should both go down there and make her tell us who Clark is dating,' Karen absently muttered. The light seemed to go on for both women now. They smiled at each other.

"Yes, I think we should check on our little troublemaker.' Diana added. "I heard from Jonn she is covering for Kal this weekend, so she must know where he is. Plus she managed to get out of another weekend of punishment on top of everything else."

"Well, since you can't handle her alone, maybe the two of us can,' Karen replied.

"I didn't say I couldn't handle her alone,' Diana immediately objected. "In fact, I hope the other two are with her!"

"Either way, we should change and head down to Clark's apartment."

Karen started for the exit.

"Kal's apartment,' Diana corrected her.

Karen stopped and turned to look at Diana.

"What?"

"His name is Kal, as in Kal-El,' Diana explained.

"I'm Kryptonian, Diana, I think I know how the names work,' Karen replied. "Besides, his name is Clark, Princess. Jeez, you're not even dating the guy and already you have some cute nickname for him. Talk about the ego."

"Hera, give me strength,' Diana grumbled to herself. "I hate Kryptonians some times!"

She started to march out of the cafeteria after Karen.

* * *

A Cabin by the Lake

They finally found it, even without the nice lady on the GPS. It turned out to be spectacular. A large A-frame cabin with a wraparound deck sat just on the edge of a crystal clear lake. It seemed there wasn't another person around for miles. Clark carried all of Zatanna's bags and his small duffle bag inside and then stepped back out onto the porch. It was like a picture postcard. The temperature was in the seventies, not too hot, not too cold, perfect. The air smelled crystal clear and fresh. He looked at the water and saw a dock running out from the cabin. There was a classic Chris Craft Deluxe Runabout moored at the end.

Off to the right he could see trails heading up into the mountains that would be perfect from hiking. There was even a little shed that with a quick glance he saw had fishing tackle. It seemed there was all sorts of thing to do for the weekend. Clark heard Zatanna running towards him. He slowly turned.

"So do you know what you want to do first?" He asked, just as she leaped into his arms. "He-Hey there."

He caught her and she wrapped her legs around his waist and kissed him.

"I take it you do know what you want to do first?' He asked with a smile. She smiled too.

"Guess."

"It doesn't involve fishing or hiking or boating, does it?"

She kept smiling, shaking her head no. Her lithe body was pressed firmly against his.

"Does it involve us getting naked?" He asked.

Her smile got a little bigger, as she nodded yes.

"That sounds like a plan I can get behind,' he chuckled, still holding her.

"We can try that too, Clark."

* * *

Metropolis

Nine Inch Nails' 'Every Day is Exactly the Same' could be heard blasting from a block away. Karen and Diana were dressed in civilian clothes as they made their way towards the apartment building. There appeared to be a party in progress, a rather large party. Young people were coming in and out. Drinking seemed to be involved as well. One young man was standing at the front door and he held up his hand as Diana and Karen made their way to the front door.

"Five dollar cover,' he said to them.

"We're not here for the party,' Diana informed him.

"Kara said no exceptions."

"We are here to see Kara,' Karen informed him. The young man looked at the two of them and gulped.

"Are you like her mother and aunt or something?" He asked.

"Okay, he gets a beating,' Karen growled, but Diana stepped in front of her.

"Let's see Kara first,' Diana said. She then turned to the young man. "Who was I in that equation?"

"Her mother?"

"Why you little .." Diana started to shout, but this time Karen stopped her.

"Focus, Diana, remember?"

"Right, right,' Diana replied.

"It's still five bucks a piece."

Karen reached over and pushed him out of the way. Diana was tempted to give him a little kick for good measure, but she resisted. The two made their way inside, picking their way through the crowd and finally arrived at Clark's front door. Karen knocked hard

"That must be the keg!" A voice said from inside the apartment. Diana looked at Karen.

"That's strange, I'd swear I knew that voice."

The door opened and standing in front of them was Artemis laughing and holding a rather large plastic cup of beer in her hand.

"Artemis?"

Artemis finally recognized Diana and reacted. She slammed the door shut in their faces.

"Artemis! Open the door!"

"Um, nobody home,' came a reply.

"I can hear you in there, Artemis!"

"Plus I can see through the door,' Karen added. "Kara, tell her to open the door!"

It took a long moment, but then the door opened and Kara was standing there. She smiled and addressed the two women.

"Um, hi, Diana and you."

"Snot,' Karen muttered under her breath. A rather uncomfortable Artemis was standing behind Kara. She awkwardly waved at Diana.

"Hi Princess."

The look Diana gave her stopped her waving.

"What? No, don't call me Princess rant for her,' Karen asked.

"Well, no, she's an Amazon, so technically I am her Princess,' Diana explained.

"I can see you two want to talk,' Kara offered, starting to close the door. Both Karen and Diana stopped it from closing. The young man from the front door came rushing up the steps.

"Kara, I tried to stop them, I did!' He shouted.

"Todd, I told you to buzz up if any, you know, showed up." Kara made a square motion in the air with her index fingers.

"Todd!" Artemis grumbled. "I told you we couldn't trust that little prick! Oh, yes, you said he was all right and not related to the Todd of the story, but they are all the same!"

The young man started to back away rather quickly. The crowd parted and a dancing Courtney appeared, holding a large plastic cup. She froze in her tracks when she saw Diana and Karen.

"Shit! Narcs!"

"Language, Courtney, how many times do I have to tell you?" Diana exclaimed.

"That's what you're worried about? Her language? Big picture, Diana,' Karen said.

"It's an on going problem,' Diana explained

At this moment, Mary made an appearance. She was dancing and laughing.

"Hi, Miss Diana, Miss Karen! Great party, huh? Oh, Artemis, I borrowed one of your knives! We're playing William Tell in the bedroom!"

She disappeared back in to the crowd.

"Shit!" Artemis gasped. She turned and starting pushing her way through the crowd after Mary. Kara took this opportunity to step out into the hallway and close the door behind her.

"Um, so what's up?" She innocently asked. Karen gave a sort of snort laugh at this.

"Boy, you have some balls on your, honey,' she observed.

"Kara, does Kal know about this party?" Diana asked.

"Um, sort of."

Diana and Karen just stared at her.

"I said I might have a couple of friends over and he seemed okay with it,' Kara added.

"A couple of friends?"

"Courtney and Mary,' Kara reluctantly admitted. The door opened and Artemis stepped outside and gave a sigh.

"No worries, I got the knife off Mary."

"Artemis, what are you doing here?" Diana asked.

"Um, well, ah,' Artemis stammered to explain.

"She's the chaperone!' Kara jumped in.

"Right! That's absolutely right!" Artemis said, nodding her head. "I'm chaperoning."

There was a commotion below them on the steps. They all turned to see a deliveryman with a handcart and a keg of beer.

"Delivery for a Miss Artemis? Where do you want it?"

"I can't catch a break,' Kara groaned.

"Just leave it there, 'Artemis shouted down to the man. "Have that bastard Todd pay you and tell him I've got my eye on him!"

"Kara I seriously doubt Kal would approve of this,' Diana stated.

'Where is he, by the way?" Karen added.

"He went for a holiday, why?"

"With who?" Karen asked.

"Not you, thank God,' Kara snidely replied.

"Snot." Karen muttered under her breath.

"I heard that!" Kara shouted.

"I know." Karen replied with a smile.

"Kara!" It was Diana shouting now. "Where is Kal?"

"I don't know, he said something about a cabin in the woods or something."

"A cabin in the wood with who?" Diana asked.

"Um, ah, I didn't really ask,' Kara admitted. "Why?"

"Because we think he's with a woman,' Diana explained.

"Huh?"

"A woman, Kara, we think he's with a woman this weekend,' Diana slowly repeated.

"But you're here, Diana,' Kara replied. She made a face as she looked at Karen. "And so is she."

Diana rolled her eyes at this.

"Yes, Kara, I'm aware of who is here and who isn't. We think Kal is with another woman."

"Huh? Another woman?"

"Hera help me,' Diana groaned. "Yes, Kara, another woman! Do you know who it is?"

"So the Boy Scout turns out to be a player,' Artemis said with a laugh. 'Didn't see that one coming. He's smooth!"

"Artemis!" Diana said through gritted teeth.

"Sorry, Princess."

"I don't know anything about another woman, Diana,' Kara said. She seemed to think for a moment and then snapped her fingers. "You know, you should ask around on the Watchtower. Yeah, that's a good idea, both of you should head right up there and ask. I'm sure someone knows something. I'd hurry if I was you!"

"Boy you stink at this,' Karen observed with a chuckle. She then turned to Diana. "That sort of lame stuff got passed you? I see why you couldn't handle her and her little friends, now."

Diana was boiling. Her hands were clenched in fists. She turned and started walking back down the stairs.

"Diana?"

"Princess?'

"Where are you going?"

"I'm leaving! If I stay any longer, I'm going to start hitting people,' Diana grumbled. "Well, one person in particular first, but who knows after that!"

"Just like at the bar,' Karen whispered to Kara.

"Yeah, she's so touchy, sometimes. She really has a temper, doesn't she?" Kara replied. Karen nodded in agreement.

Diana just kept walking towards the front door.

"I hate Kryptonians!"

* * *

A Cabin by the Lake

Clark lay back on the bed, stroking Zatanna's hair. She was on top of him and they'd just finished for the third time.

"This is going to be a great weekend,' he mused.

"It's pretty good so far,' she replied.

"Yeah, it is. I feel like I don't have a worry in the world up here. It's nice."


	34. Chapter 34

MOM

The Watchtower

Wally and Shayera were filling in at command for Jonn. Tonight was his date with Madame Xanadu, so they were more than willing to step up so he could take some rare time off. It had been a rather quiet night so far and they were both a little bored.

"So do you think Jonn's going to, you know?" Wally asked

Shayera had been looking at the deep space monitors. She turned to him and had a look of confusion about his meaning.

"What?"

"You know, with Madame Xanadu."

"Eat? What? What are you talking about?"

"Oh, come on, Shayera, it's a date,' Wally replied. "Dinner, a little wine, who knows maybe some dancing and then they go back to her place and you know. Wink-Wink, Nudge-Nudge, say no more."

She just stood there silently looking at him for a moment. Then she slapped him.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"Being a pervert!" She said with a scowl.

"What am I Ranma and you're Akane all of a sudden?" Wally asked.

"Who?"

"I finally come up with a great reference and of course you don't gets it. I'm not a pervert,' Wally stated. "It was a legitimate question."

"Wally, Madame Xanadu is like Zee's mother or something, so it's perverted to think of her like that! What do you think Zee would say if she was here?" Shayera asked. "You're a pervert!"

"Give me some credit, I wouldn't bring it up if Zee was here, but she's not. Of course if someone else mentioned it, I'd weight in,' Wally explained. "But I'm not a pervert. I'm just naturally curious, okay? Jonn's an adult and so is Madame Xanadu, so why is it so perverted to wonder if they, you know?"

"Cause she's Zee's mom!"

"So if it's someone's mom you can't wonder if they, you know?"

"Yes!" Shayera flatly stated.

"Well that's not fair! Haven't you ever heard _Stacy's Mom Has Got It Going On_? Some mom's are MILF's, it's just a fact I didn't make the rules."

"What about your mom, Wally?" Shayera asked.

Wally cringed and shuddered at the thought.

"Don't be gross, Shayera,' he replied. "Jeez, and you call me a pervert. That's so wrong on so many levels."

"I was making a point,' she fired back. "If you don't want people to talk about your mother, than you shouldn't talk about anyone else's."

"That's not fair,' Wally protested. "Madame Xanadu looks like Zee's older sister. My mom looks like a mom, there's a big difference. Take Diana's mom, Hippolyta, would it seem so strange if she started dating Bruce?"

"You mean before or after Diana killed him?"

"Yeah, that's a good point," Wally admitted.

Before they could continue, Dinah came storming in grumbling to herself. She stopped when she saw the two of them.

"Where's Jonn?" She demanded.

"He's on a date,' Shayera replied.

"Damn it! I wanted to call a meeting and vote on whether I could kill Plastic Man or not!"

"That would be kind of a hard sell, Dinah,' Shayera offered.

"Damn, it was still worth the try. Jonn's on a date? Really?" Dinah asked.

"Yes, but don't ask if he's going to get lucky, cause that apparently makes you a pervert,' Wally added.

"Why?" Dinah said.

"Cause he's going out with Madame Xanadu." Shayera said, giving Wally a glare.

"Oh, right, Zee,' Dinah replied. "Well, Jonn's kind of old too, so it's really not that bad."

"Yes it is!" Shayera shouted. "It's Zee's mom!"

"So her mom can't get laid?" Dinah asked.

"NO!" Shayera gasped. "How would you like it if it was your mother?"

"Well, how do you think I got here, Shayera?" Dinah said with a smile.

"Exactly!" Wally triumphantly added. Shayera turned to him.

"Your mother, Wally."

"Yuck, don't be gross, Shayera!"

"So what?" Dinah asked. 'You don't think your mother is having sex?"

"Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!" Wally shouted. "My mom is not like that! I don't want it ever think of her doing that! She's baking pies and watching Jeopardy, not, you know! God, now I've lost my appetite!"

"She's still a woman, Wally." Dinah said.

"No, she's not, she's my mom!"

Shayera put her hand gently on his back and leaned close.

"Are you okay?"

"I will be when she stops talking about my mom,' he replied.

"So how about Madame Xanadu,' Dinah asked. "If her and Jonn hit it off, who knows?"

"That's what I was thinking,' Wally immediately said with a big smile. "I mean she's got MILF written all over her!"

Shayera took her hand away and sighed.

"I give up."

The transporter light on the panel lit up. Wally and Shayera switched into all business mode and transported Diana. All three took a step back when they saw the anger on Diana's face. She stormed off the platform and walked over to them.

"Where's Jonn?" She demanded.

"Um, ah, he's on a date, Diana.' Shayera hesitantly offered.

"Damn! Then put me in contact with Kal immediately!"

"He's on vacation this weekend, Diana,' Wally replied. "Is it an emergency?"

"Yes!"

"Really?" Dinah said. "Do we need to call out members?"

"Well, no, it's not that kind of emergency,' Diana admitted "I just want to speak with Kal about it!"

"He's on vacation, Diana," Shayera replied. "He doesn't really take many so if it's not a real emergency we probably shouldn't call him."

"But I want to talk to him!"

"What kind of emergency is it?" Dinah asked.

"Um, well, ah, um, a personal one,' Diana fumbled to say.

"Is it really an emergency, Diana?" Dinah said.

"Well, not an emergency, emergency, but it's important,' Diana reluctantly admitted. "Kara's having a party at his apartment."

"That's brat!" Shayera immediately said. "She knows we love parties!"

"Jeez, of all the times to be stuck doing monitor duty,' Wally grumbled. "I'll bet her party is off the hook!"

"That's not the point!' Diana sternly said.

"Hey, wasn't Karen with you when you went down?" Dinah asked.

"Yes,' Diana grumbled. "And one of the boys at the party thought we were Kara's mother and aunt!"

"Which one did they think you were?"

"Her mother!"

"Yeah, that's makes sense." Wally said. He looked over at Shayera and she nodded in agreement.

"Excuse me?" Diana growled in reply. "Why does that make sense? Karen looks more like Kara than I do!"

"Yeah, but Karen's younger,' Wally said before he could stop himself. The look Diana gave him made him take a step back and move behind Shayera. "Not by much, really."

Dinah stepped up to try and bail him out.

"I think he means you seem more responsible, Diana."

"More responsible and older, right?"

"Yes, no, no, no, that's wasn't what I meant,' Dinah quickly replied.

"You realize for me to be Kara's mother I would have had to have her when I was 10, don't you?" Diana said to them.

"Well you're an Amazon, don't they, um, mature faster than most?" Dinah asked.

"Not that fast!"

"Do they even have kids?' Wally asked. "I always thought they just snatched shipwrecked girls from the sea or something."

Diana just stood there for a moment with her mouth open in shock.

"Wh-Wh-What?"

"Well, it is an island of all women, Diana,' Shayera admitted. "We all kind of wondered how that worked. I mean didn't your mother make you out of clay or sand, right?"

"See, now I always thought it was magical dirt,' Wally replied.

"Right,' Dinah chimed in. "Now if she passed that on to Diana then you could be Kara's mother if you think about it."

"I'm not her mother!" Diana shouted. Her temper was starting to get the best of her now. "Amazons have children just like everyone else does! Do you people know nothing of my people and our heritage?"

"Well, no, Amazons kind of scare me to tell the truth,' Wally admitted. Dinah and Shayera nodded in agreement.

"What? Why?"

"What happens if I set foot on your island without permission?" Wally asked.

"You're a man, so we kill you,' Diana replied.

"Case closed!"

"Okay, I'll give you that point, Wally, but what about you two?" Diana asked Shayera and Dinah.

"That whole Xena, warrior woman thing is a little off putting, to tell the truth,' Dinah admitted.

"I actually like that part,' Shayera said. "It's just that no men, I'm always afraid that someone is going to hit on me."

Diana just shook her head and put her hand to her cheek, not believing what she was hearing.

"Wow, something sure has a high opinion of themselves,' Dinah said with a smirk to Shayera.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"You think you're that hot the Amazons are going to hit on you? Really?"

"Hey!"

"You know, I could definitely see that,' Wally offered. "Shayera's hot, so sure the Amazons would hit on her. In fact if they do, could you get some pictures for me?"

Shayera smacked him, but not really hard.

"You're still a pervert, but thank you,' she said.

"Would you just contact Kal for me! Please!" Diana finally shouted.

"Really can't Diana, sorry,' Wally replied. When she took a step towards him, he backpedaled a bit. "He-He did leave a number if anything came up with Kara though! Here! Here, just call this number!"

Wally quickly scribbled the number down and handed it to Diana. She snatched it from him and then marched away.

"Wow, that was a close one." Wally admitted. He suddenly smiled. "You know if she actually was Kara's mom that would be an exception to the rule."

"Absolutely,' Dinah replied.

"Yeah, I have to admit, that would be completely different than Madame Xanadu or you mother, Wally,' Shayera added.

"Stop bringing my mom into this, will you?" Wally groaned. "You're really ruining the whole MILF thing for me!"

"Sorry, I just meant Diana would be an exception."

"Oh, yeah, totally,' Wally quickly agreed. "She could have a whole flock of little Amazons and it would still be hot!"

* * *

Metropolis – Later

The party was in full swing, as more and more people arrived. Atomic Dog by George Clinton & Parliament Funkadelics was blasting from the apartment. People were dancing, drinking and having a great time. Kara, Courtney, Mary, Karen and Artemis seemed to be the center of attention as others dancing around them. The four were doing a modified line dance to the song, while Mary was doing her best impression of Uma Thurman in Pulp Fiction.

Outside, Diana arrived with Martha Kent. Todd was still at the door talking to another guy when he saw them. He frantically whispered something and the other guy took off into the building. Diana and Martha walked towards the entrance and could see that Todd was clearly nervous.

"Um, hi again, ah, Kara's mom,' he said to Diana.

"I'm not her mom!"

Martha put her hand on Diana's arm to stop her from attacking and then smiled at Todd.

"Young man, please move out of the way,' she said.

"Yes, ma'am." Todd replied. "Would you tell Artemis I didn't have a choice, ma'am? Please?"

"Of course.'

Diana gave him a glare, but accompanied Martha inside. Todd ran his fingers around his collar as if it were suddenly too tight and then pressed the buzzer as a warning.

Inside Kara was laughing and having a wonderful time when the young man from outside came rushing up to her.

"Kara! Kara!"

"Huh? Oh, hey, Tommy, what's up?"

Diana had entered the room and was moving towards Kara.

"You're mom's here and she brought your grandma with her!" The young man said. Kara's eyes were on Diana and she nervously smiled.

"Um, hi, Diana, did-did you change your mind and decided to join the party?" Kara asked hopefully.

"No."

Suddenly the music stopped and everyone turned towards the stereo.

"Hello, Kara,' Martha Kent said. Kara gasped in shock.

"Ma Kent!"

"Wow, you're aunt's really cool but your mom's kind of a narc,' someone behind Kara whispered.

"I am not her mother!" Diana shouted. Kara finally pulled her eyes away from Martha Kent and looked at Diana.

"Jeez, you didn't have to say it that way, Diana,' Kara grumbled. "You act like it's the worst thing anyone could say! Would it be so horrible to be my mom?"

Diana felt like she was going to explode, but thankfully, Martha Kent stepped over to her.

"Relax dear, I'll take it from here,' she said to Diana. "Kara did Clark say you could have a party while he was gone?"

"He didn't say I couldn't,' Kara offered.

"Kara?"

"Well, no," she admitted.

"And is underage drinking going on?"

"Just a little bit." Kara said, holding her fingers very close together.

"Hi Mrs. Kent!" Mary suddenly shouted as he waved with one hand and had a plastic cup in her other.

"Hello dear, no more drinking, honey."

"Yes ma'am,' Mary replied.

Courtney was just coming back from the other room with a drink in her hand.

"Hey! Who turned off the music?" She suddenly saw Martha. "Oh, shi-shoot!"

"Nice save, dear,' Martha replied. "Good to see you get a handle on the swearing."

"Thank you,' Courtney said with a big smile. Diana rolled her eyes and sighed at this. Martha turned back to Kara.

"So what do you have to say for yourself, young lady?"

"We were just having a little fun,' Kara replied. "You're not going to tell Clark, are you Ma?"

Martha seemed to think about this for a moment.

"No, we'll just keep this between us, but you know there has to be consequences, don't you?"

"I guess."

"Give me your cell phone, Kara,' Martha said, holding out her hand. Kara gasped in horror.

"Not my phone! Please, Ma, anything but that!"

"Kara."

With a deep frown, Kara reluctantly handed over her phone. She looked on the verge of tears.

"Couldn't you just tell Clark, Ma? Anything is better than not having my phone! You're cutting me off from the world!"

"That's why it's called punishment, dear,' Martha compassionately said.

"It's still not fair,' Kara grumbled.

Martha happened to see Karen and Artemis trying to slip out without anyone noticing.

"Excuse me, you two,' Martha called out to them. They stopped. Karen gestured did Martha mean them?

"Yes, dear,' Martha said. "It's Karen and Artemis, correct?"

"Yes, ma'am."

"You've been here awhile, haven't you? Do you condone underage drinking?'

"Underage drinking?" Karen said. "I'm shocked! Is there underage drinking going on? That's terrible!"

She saw Martha wasn't buying it.

"Okay, I know, but I wasn't really paying that much attention,' she admitted. "It was a great party."

"And you?" Martha asked Artemis.

"I'm an Amazon, those rules don't apply to me,' she offered.

"Does this look like Themyscira?"

Artemis had to shake her head no.

"She is very cunning, this one,' she whispered to Karen. She nodded in agreement.

"Well, no more alcohol is that clear everyone?" Martha said to the whole group.

"Yes." Everyone collectively answer.

"You two will make sure of that, won't you?" Martha said to Karen and Artemis.

"Do we have to?" Karen asked.

"Yes."

"Well, couldn't we just move it somewhere else?" Karen offered. "I know a couple of people here in Metropolis who could take it."

"I suppose that would work too,' Martha admitted.

"You are a corruptor just as Diana said,' Artemis offered, stepping away from Karen. "Bad, bad, you are a bad person!"

"Hey, where did that come from?" Karen replied. Artemis stepped closer and whispered.

"Look, she's my Princess and she's pissed, I'm just trying to get on her good side, okay?"

"Artemis! I can hear you!" Diana shouted.

"Oh, right, sorry, Diana."

Martha smiled and then turned back to a glum Kara.

"Kara?"

"We were just having some fun, Ma, you didn't have to ruin my life by taking my phone away."

"You still have two weeks to go on your punishment from before, Kara,' Diana added.

"Boy, Kara's mom's really a disciplinarian,' some said. "I mean sure her grandma was a little tough, but her mom's really strict."

"I am not her mother!" Diana growled in frustration.

"Jeez, kick me when I'm down, Diana,' Kara grumbled. Diana sighed and looked like she was about to exploded.

"Mrs. Kent,' Mary suddenly said as she stepped up. "Does the party have to be over? My favorite song was just about to come on, Madonna's Vogue and I've been practicing."

Mary showed off her moves and Martha had to smile.

"Well I guess it doesn't have to end yet,' Martha replied. "As long as there is no alcohol, I guess dancing is okay."

"Yeah, that's deserves a toast,' Karen said and then noticed Martha and Diana looking at her. "Of punch or pop, of course."

"Nice save,' Artemis said with a smirk.

"Martha, do you think that is best?" Diana asked.

"There are just teenagers, Diana, so a little fun isn't so bad." Martha turned to Kara. "So are we going to dance or what, honey?"

"You want to dance, Ma?" Kara asked in surprise.

"What you think an old lady can't cut a rug?" Martha replied. "Turn the music on."

Madonna's Vogue came on and everyone started dancing. Kara stood in shock as Martha joined Mary on the makeshift dance floor. Soon just about everyone was dancing.

"Wow your grandma's kind of cool, Kara,' someone whispered to her.

"Yeah, much cooler than your Mother,' Karen added with a big smile.

"I am not her mother!" Diana shouted. She was livid and finally just turned and stormed out of the apartment.

"Wow, there she goes again,' Karen said to Kara. "She's really has a temper, doesn't she?"

"Yeah,' Kara replied. "I can't believe how she acted like being my mother would be the worst thing! I feel kind of insulted."

"Kara come dance, honey,' Martha called to her.

"Okay, Ma!"

* * *

A Cabin by the Lake

Clark sat on the deck looking out over the clear blue lake. He had to admit this had been a great weekend so far. He poured a little champagne into two glasses and added some orange juice to make Mimosas. He had some news for Zatanna and it deserved a toast. He smiled as he watched her climb out of the water. She looked amazing in her black bikini and the way the water molded it to her body to her left little to the imagination. That made his smile grow even bigger.

She looked over at him and smile, as she worked the excess water from her hair. She made her way over and picked up one of the glasses and took a sip.

"Mimosas, great, you are a man of many talents, Clark,' she said.

"Well thank, I thought we'd celebrate,' he replied.

"Oh, really?" She said, slipping over and sitting on his leg. "Celebrating what?"

"Let's just say another alien left his mark,' he said with a grin.

"Huh?"

"You're pregnant, Zee."

She was just about to take another drink when the news registered. She nearly choked and suddenly spit out the entire mouthful. Clark wiped it off his face.

"So we've come full circle."

"Wh-what did you say?" Zee gasped when she was finally able to speak.

"You're pregnant."

"Really?"

"Yes, congratulations."

Zee leaped into his arms and kissed him. She was so excited; she didn't know what to do first.

"YES!" She finally shouted happily. She stood up and started jumping up and down at the news. "This is fantastic! I'm going to be a mom! Oh, I've got to tell Nimue she'll freak out! Oh, thank you, thank you, Clark! This is the best news ever!"

She leaped into his arms again and kissed him passionately. He returned it, sharing in her good mood. When they finally broke apart them were both smiling.

"So do you want to call Nimue?" He asked.

"Yes! Absolutely! Oh, wait, I can't,' Zee replied.

"Why not?"

"She's on a date with Jonn.' Zee said with a cringe at the thought.

"Jonn's on a date with your mom?"


	35. Chapter 35

Denny's now has WiFi

The Watchtower

Dinah Lance sat with a stunned look on her face. She was pretty sure she'd lost her mind. Against her vehement objections, the others that talked her into letting Plastic Man serenaded her. He wanted to do 10 songs. She wanted none. Against her numerous objections, they finally compromised on 3. He started with _Living la Vita Loca_. It was a strange choice, but look who was picking she thought.

It became a little surreal with his second song, _Lydia The Tattooed Lady_. Wally shouted with joy, saying it was one of his favorite songs of all time. Before Dinah knew what was happening, Wally was standing and pulling Shayera up to dance with him. She was reluctant at first, but eventually gave into the moment. Mari and Booster Gold soon joined them. Dinah just sat there, her mouth hanging open as they waltzed around the cafeteria, while Plastic Man sang.

I'm in hell, Dinah thought. Somewhere between command and the cafeteria I died and was transported to one of the lower rings of hell. That's the only explanation. Any moment now Superman will fly in and tell me I'm fat and stink again just to drive home the point I'm in hell, she contemplated. This has to be hell or I've finally lost my mind and this is all a horrible, horrible nightmare.

Plastic Man finished and waved to the others as they clapped.

"Thank you, music lovers! Thank you!"

He looked at Dinah and could see she wasn't impressed. Ah, he thought, I should have known the fair damsel has a discerning taste. This calls for something special!

"I'd like to slow it down a bit for my last number,' he said. "I won't be accompanying myself on the banjo and flutophone for this one. I'm doing it straight Acapella just for you."

He cleared his throat and straightened up.

"This song is called **The Dogs** and will be to the tune of The Church's One Foundation."

Everyone grew quiet as he readied himself.

"_The dogs they had a party,_

_They came from near and far._

_And some dogs came by taxi_

_And some dogs came by car._

_And each dog signed his name_

_All in a little book,_

_And each dog hung his asshole upon separate hook."_

"Okay, that's enough!" Dinah shouted, but the others told her to be quiet. She stood up, looking around at everyone as if they were crazy, but they just motioned for her to sit back down. Reluctantly she did. There were more than a few chuckles that went through the room.

"Thank you, I'll continue,' Plastic Man said.

"_One dog was not invited_

_And this aroused his ire._

_He stormed into the party_

_And loudly shouted, 'FIRE!"_

Dinah just shook her head in disbelief. Plastic Man continued.

"_The dogs got so excited _

_They didn't stop to look_

_But grabbed the nearest asshole_

_From of the nearest hook."_

"Tell it brother,' Wally shouted. Plastic Man nodded, but didn't stop.

"_This is a very sad story_

_For it is awfully sore_

_To wear another's asshole_

_You're never worn before!_

_So this is why when dogs meet_

_On land or air or foam!_

_They sniff each other's assholes_

_In hopes to find their own!"_

Dinah dropped her head into her hands as the entire cafeteria broke out in applause.

"Thank you, music lovers! Thank you! A-Ring-a-Ding-Ding-DING!"

"Yeah, this is definitely hell, ' Dinah quietly said to herself.

"So what do you say?" Plastic Man asked. "Dinner and a movie, Wednesday night?'

"Definitely hell."

* * *

A Cabin in the Woods

Clark and Zatanna had quickly overcome the momentary setback regarding Madame Xanadu and Jonn and returned to thinking about the fact that Zee's was pregnant. They decided they would wait until tomorrow to tell Nimue. If things went well there, Zatanna would accompany Clark to Smallville to tell Martha Kent and Kara, his family. With that decided things had heated up considerably and now they were on the bed in each other's arms.

"I think you're going to make a great mother, Zee,' Clark said between kisses.

"I hope so, " she replied. "I've read all the books and really think this is the right time for me. I'm as ready as I'll ever be."

She leaned in and kissed him again, the excitement rising within her. He returned them at first, but suddenly a thought came to him.

"Um, Zee?"

"Yeah,' she absently said between kisses.

"You're pregnant."

"Yeah, I know,' she said, kissing him even more passionately. "Isn't it great."

"Yeah, yeah,' Clark said, kissing her back. "It's just that, well, we agreed to have sex often, very often to get you pregnant and now you are."

She finally pulled back and looked at him.

"Okay?"

"Well, it's just that helping you to get pregnant was the reason we've been having all this sex,' he gently explained. "It's been great, believe, no complaints, but you're pregnant now. If we have sex again, it would just be sex."

"Are you saying you don't want to?" She asked.

"NO! No, no, not saying that,' he quickly replied. "It's just that when you asked me, you said you just wanted to have sex till you got pregnant, remember?"

"Oh, yeah, right,' she said reluctantly. "I did say that, didn't I?'

"Yeah."

"And you're wondering if we keep having sex what does that mean?" She said.

"Yeah."

"Good question,' she admitted. Zee hadn't really planned that far ahead to be truthful. Yes, the goal was to get pregnant, but she'd been having a lot of fun along the way. She really didn't want to stop, but wasn't sure what it meant if they continued. They really hadn't spoken about the future other than the baby. She was really in much too good a mood to deal with all of that now. What she wanted to do was have sex.

"Um, well, couldn't we, um, say we are, ah, well, celebrating?" She offered.

"Yes! Right, celebrating the baby, excellent,' Clark readily agreed.

"You know this is my first, so I'd really, really like to celebrate,' she sensually whispered to him. She followed this with a kiss, a long, hot kiss.

"Um, my first too," managed to say.

They didn't do a lot more talking the rest of the night.

* * *

Gotham

Bruce and Damian were at the zoo. Since Bruce was also one of the largest contributors of it, they got an all access pass. Damian tended towards the most dangerous animals, wanting to watch them kill something. He was a little disappointed that it wasn't feeding time, but still he seemed happy to be out with his father.

They made their way to the aquarium part of the zoo. Damian found out it was feeding time for the sharks and beamed in happiness. He rushed ahead to get a front room seat.

"Blood thirsty little kid," Bruce had to admit. He followed, taking in some of the less violent marine life. The whole trip was to show Damian there were other things in the world besides crime fighting. He thought he was having a little success, but only time would tell.

"Bruce?"

He turned and saw Dick standing by one of the exhibits.

"Dick? What brings you here?" Bruce asked.

"Um, I wanted to see with my own eyes,' Dick started. "I mean I wanted to see you, actually."

"What? What's up? Is something wrong?" Bruce said in concern.

"With me? No,' Dick replied. "I was actually going to ask you that."

"Me? Why?"

Dick moved closer and put his hand on Bruce's shoulder.

"Look, I know we've had our differences, but if you're dying, I hope you'd tell me, Bruce."

"Wh-What?"

"So what is it, a brain tumor? Inoperable cancer, something like that?" Dick asked.

"What are you talking about?"

"Bruce, you don't have to be the strong, silent type, I want to help if I can,' Dick said.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Dick took Bruce by the shoulders and looked him in the eye.

"Are you scared of dying? Is that it?" Dick asked. "Look, I know this is tough on you, but maybe the doctors will find something. I just want you to know I'm here for you."

Bruce knocked his arms away and stepped back. He had a confused look in his face.

"What the hell are you talking about, Dick? I'm not dying!"

"You're not?"

"No!"

"Really?"

"Yes, really, I'm not dying,' Bruce flatly stated. Dick stared at him for a moment trying to take this all in.

"Than what's all this?" Dick asked, gesturing around them.

"What's all what?"

"Tim told me you were playing catch and now I find you at the zoo,' Dick explained. "If you're not dying, is it a mental illness or something?"

"Are you really asking me if I'm crazy,' Bruce said, dropping into the Batman voice.

"You know that doesn't really work on me anymore, Bruce, I've heard it a lot."

Bruce rolled his eyes.

"Look, recently someone made the suggestion that I wasn't really much of a dad,' Bruce explained. "I was more a mentor and a father, but not really a dad."

"That sounds about right,' Dick replied immediately.

"You didn't have to agree with it so fast,' Bruce said in annoyance.

"It's who you are, why is that a problem?"

"I realized that I had a dad,' Bruce reluctantly offered. "I wasn't the best at raising you, Jason or Tim, but now I have another chance with Damian. Putting aside who his mother is for a moment, I thought perhaps I could try to be more of a dad to him that I was to you three."

Dick looked at him for a moment and then a big grin came to his face.

"Was it Selina that messed with your head, she is good at that,' Dick said with a laugh.

"No, it wasn't her."

"Gotta be Zee then."

When Bruce didn't answer Dick started to laugh out loud.

"I'm glad you're enjoying this,' Bruce sourly said.

"Oh, come on, I thought you were dying or something,' Dick said when he finally stopped laughing. "So you're going to be a dad, huh?"

"Why is that so funny?"

Before Dick could answer, Damian came running back over.

"The sharks just tore into the meat! There was blood everywhere and it was so cool! Someone said the piranhas are going to be feed next! I'll meet you over there! Oh, hey, Dick,' Damian said and then ran off.

The two men stood silently looking at each other for a moment.

"Okay, he's a work in progress,' Bruce finally admitted. "I'm new at this, give me a break."

* * *

The Watchtower – The next day

Diana arrived for her shift and felt much calmer than she had the previous night. She smiled at several people as she made her way around the station. She had a few minutes until her shift started and decided to grab something from the cafeteria. As she was making her entrance, Wally, Shayera and Dinah were walking in too. She said hello and they returned it. Diana was pouring herself a cup of coffee when she saw Kara walking out.

"Hello, Kara,' Diana called out. She watched in surprise as Kara didn't stop but just walked out of the cafeteria without replying. The others crowded around Diana.

"What was that about?" Shayera asked.

"I don't know, she didn't even acknowledge me,' Diana replied.

"I think she snubbed you,' Wally offered.

"No, maybe she didn't hear Diana,' Dinah offered.

"She's Supergirl, remember?" Shayera replied.

"Oh, yeah, definitely a snub,' Wally said, nodding his head. "You, Diana, were just snubbed, big time!"

"It did sort of seem like a snub,' Shayera admitted.

"A snub? Why?" Diana asked. "It couldn't be that."

"Maybe she was just preoccupied with something else,' Dinah offered.

"I don't think so,' Wally interjected. "I've been snubbed before and that's what it looks like. That was a classic snub if I've ever seen one."

"Wow, snubbing the Princess, the kid's got some guts, I'll give her that,' Shayera said.

"It must be some mistake,' Diana replied.

"Well, have you insulted her recently,' Dinah asked. "I hate to admit it, but that did look like a snub to me."

"Absolutely, that was snubbing 101,' Wally added.

"Thank you, Wally, I think I got it,' Diana said in annoyance.

"So what did you do to her, Diana,' Shayera asked.

"Me? Nothing!" Diana exclaimed.

"Well you must have done something, Diana, the kid isn't going to just snub you for no reason,' Dinah replied.

"And that was a snub,' Wally added. "I know snubs, and that, that was a snub."

"Would you please stop saying that, Wally,' Diana grumbled.

"Snub? You don't want me to say snub anymore? Cause that what it was, Diana, an out and out snub." Wally said rather cluelessly.

"Yes, Wally, stop saying snub,' Diana said through gritted teeth.

"Um, okay, but it is kind of a fun word to say,' he admitted. "I mean you don't usually get to say snub in your daily life so you really have to hit it hard when you get the chance."

"Mission accomplished," Diana replied. "Not stop saying!"

"He is right, you know, I don't remember the last time I actually said the word snub,' Shayera said. "It is kind of an old school word, isn't it? Snub. Ha-Ha."

The look Diana flashed her caused the laugh to die on Shayera's lips.

"Anyway, what did you do recently that might have made Kara snub, um, ah, I mean, you know, you,' Dinah asked.

"I did sort of break up her party, but there was underage drinking, so I felt it was my responsibility."

"Okay, that might be it, anything else?"

"I brought Mrs. Kent with me,' Diana admitted.

"Ouch!" Wally said with a cringe. "That's definitely snub worthy."

"Wally!"

"Let's not get off track, was Kara upset about Mrs. Kent being there,' Dinah asked.

"Well, more surprised really," Diana replied. "She seemed to take if very hard when Mrs. Kent took away her phone."

The other three gasped in shock.

"She took away her phone?" Wally exclaimed. "Wow, Mrs. Kent is brutal!"

"Her social life will be ruined," Shayera added. "Poor kid."

"If you'd have taken away my phone when I was 18 I'd have been suicidal,' Dinah admitted.

Karen had entered the cafeteria and was listening to the whole conversation.

"I don't think that's it," Diana stated. "When I left the two of them were dancing and seemed to be having a wonderful time."

"So stern, but compassionate,' Wally offered. "I can respect that in a mother."

"You know maybe that's it, Princess." Karen piped up.

"How many times have I asked you not to call me that?"

"Oh, right, sorry,' Karen said with a smile.

"It might be what, Karen?' Dinah asked.

"Well, the Princess, whoops, I mean Diana got rather angry at the mere suggestion that Kara might be her daughter. The kid was none too happy about the way Diana acted whenever someone said it,' Karen explained.

"I'm only ten years older than her,' Diana exclaimed. "How was I supposed to act?"

"Bingo!" Wally shouted. "We have a winner! That's why she snubbed you!"

"Yeah, I have to agree,' Shayera said. "That's the source of the snub."

"That is snub worthy,' Dinah added.

"Nice going, Princess,' Karen said with a smile. She put her hand on Diana's shoulder for a moment. "Jeez, first you narc the kid out and then piss her off. I don't even like her and I didn't do that."

Karen turned with a smile and walked out. She could feel Diana glaring at her the whole way.

"I hate Kryptonians!" Diana grumbled.

"You didn't say that to Kara, did you?" Wally asked. "Cause that has snub written all over it."

Diana didn't say another word, just marched out of the cafeteria. The three watched her go and then Dinah turned to the others.

"Do you think it would work if I just snubbed Plastic Man?'

"Na."

"Yeah, I didn't think so. Damn!"

* * *

New York

Clark and Zatanna arrived at Madame's Xanadu's shop, but the sign said it was closed.

"Maybe she went out,' Clark offered.

"I have the key,' Zee replied. She hesitated a moment before putting the key in the lock. Please don't be naked with Jonn, please don't be naked with Jonn, Zee silently prayed as she finally turned the key and opened the door.

"Hello? Are you decent? Please, be decent and alone,' Zee called. They slowly entered the shop and closed the door. It took a moment, but then Madame Xanadu came out from the back. She was adjusting her dress as if she had just thrown it on.

"Zatanna and Superman, I wasn't expecting you."

"Oh, God, they had sex and he's still here,' Zee groaned. "I'm going to be scarred for life!"

Madame Xanadu gave her a confused look as Clark put his arm around Zee.

"Um, I understand you had a date with Jonn, Madame Xanadu,' Clark said. "How-How did that go?"

"Wonderful,' she replied with a smile. "He's a lovely man and perfect companion."

"Here it comes, here it comes,' Zee whispered, cringing against Clark.

"We had dinner and it was excellent."

Zee looked up nervously.

"And?"

"And what?"

"And what else?"

"Nothing, that was it, just dinner,' Nimue replied.

"Oh, thank God!" Zee exclaimed.

"What did you think he was here?" Nimue asked, tightening the belt on her dress. "What kind of woman do you think I am, Zatanna?"

"I know what type of woman you are, Nimue, remember?" Zee offered. "That's why I was worried."

"Snot. So is that why you're here? To question my morals in front of him?"

"What? No, no, we have some news,' Zee said.

"Oh? What?" Nimue asked. Zee suddenly beamed and almost started bouncing with excitement.

"I'M PREGNANT!"

"WHAT?"

"I'M PREGNANT, NIMUE!"

The two women jumped into each other's arms, hugging with joy. Wild screams of happiness followed. Clark stood there, not really sure what to do. As it went on and on, he really started to get a bit uncomfortable. After what seemed like forever, they finally calmed down just enough to notice him standing there.

"Well congratulations to you too,' Nimue said with a big smile.

"Um, thanks."

"So Zatanna, I want to know everything,' Nimue said, pulling her over to the couch. "How did you find out?"

"Well, grandma to be,' Zee said with a laugh. This only caused them to hug and squeal more in happiness. Now Clark was really uncomfortable. He felt like he was at a office party for a company he didn't work at. Finally Zee continued.

"Well, I was swimming,' she began. "You remember we went to the mountains for the weekend. Anyway, it didn't start out great, what with the Children of the Corn people and everything, but once we got there it was fantastic. So I'm climbing out of the water and Clark is sitting there holding a Mimosa. He hands it to me and says we should celebrate. I was just taking a sip when he told me I was pregnant! Isn't that amazing?"

Madame Xanadu turned and looked at Clark.

"You knew she was pregnant and you gave her alcohol? What are you an imbecile?"


	36. Chapter 36

Cast A Spell

Smallville – The Kent Farm

Having smoothed things over with Madame Xanadu, Clark and Zee decided to give it another try at sharing the news. They along with Nimue arrived at the farm to tell Martha Kent and Kara. Zee transported them from New York to the Kent front yard. Nimue stood for a moment and looked around.

"Did we go back in time?' She asked.

"This is the farm Clark grew up on Nimue,' Zee informed her. She added a look as a warning. Nimue nodded and smiled as she turned to Clark.

"Very rustic."

"Um, thanks,' Clark replied, not sure how to take that.

The door opened and Kara came outside. She smiled as she saw Clark and Zee.

"Thank God, visitors!"

She rushed down the steps and hugged Clark. Martha Kent stepped out of the house and stood on the porch.

"No phone out here is like being Amish, Clark,' Kara said. "I'm going stir crazy!"

"They don't have a phone?" Madame Xanadu whispered to Zee. "Are you sure we haven't gone back in time?"

"I'm sure they have a phone, Nimue,' Zee whispered in reply. She glanced around and really didn't see anything except fields stretching out in every direction. "At least I think they do."

Clark looked over and laughed, before turning his attention back to Martha Kent.

"Ma, I'd like you to meet Zatanna and well, her mother, Madame Xanadu."

"Hi, Mrs., Kent,' Zee offered.

"Hello." Nimue added.

"Well, hello,' Martha replied with a smile. "I must say you two look more like sisters than mother and daughter.'

"Thank you!" Nimue said with a big smile. She nudged Zee with her shoulder.

"Oh, don't get that look, she was just being nice,' Zee whispered to Nimue.

"Snot."

"Well, why don't you all come inside,' Martha offered. "I'm just finishing some baking and I'll put on some coffee."

"Sounds lovely,' Nimue offered.

"Her baking is the only good part of being neo-Amish,' Kara explained. Shaking his head, Clark ushered everyone up the front steps and into the house.

* * *

They all went through the preliminary, getting to know you chitchat over coffee and homemade coffee cake and then the big moment came.

"Um, Ma, I imagine you're wondering why I brought Zatanna and Madame Xanadu out here today. Well, we have some news."

"The three of you?" Kara asked.

"Actually just those two,' Nimue replied. "I wasn't really involved so it wasn't anything weird or freaky if that's what you're thinking."

Zee elbowed Nimue. Martha looked at them all for a moment.

"So what's the news, Clark?" Kara asked.

He looked at Zee and nodded. She smiled and then took a deep breath.

"I'm pregnant!'

"Well, congratulation, dear,' Martha replied, not quite understanding why they came all this way to tell her. She was happy for the young woman.

"Congrats, Zee, so who's the daddy?" Kara asked. "I didn't even think you were dating."

"Um, that's sort of why we're here," Clark explained. "I'm the father."

"WHAT?" Both Kara and Martha gasped in shock and surprise.

"He knocked her up,' Nimue offered as explanation. This earned her another elbow from Zee.

"How? When? Why?' Martha couldn't seem to form complete sentences; she was so shocked by the news. Clark started to fumble with an explanation, but Zee decided to jump in.

"I asked Clark to help me, Mrs. Kent,' she explained. "I made the decision to have a child. I know it isn't the normal way, but I was ready and this is the best time. I put a lot of thought into this. I realized that I could wait, but I didn't want to. I want to have children, they are very important to me. I asked Clark to help me and he did."

"You're going to be a grandma, Ma,' Clark added with a smile. "And an aunt, Kara.'

"Really? That's so fantastic!" Kara shouted. She rushed over and hugged Zee. "I'll be the best aunt ever, Zee, I promise!"

"Thanks, Kara, I know you will, but you're kind of crushing me right now,' Zee managed to say.

"Oh, sorry,' Kara replied, quickly letting Zee go. "Still, it's fantastic!"

Zatanna took a deep breath and adjusted her clothes, but managed a smile.

"Ma?" Clark said.

"Well, this-this is all surprising news,' Martha offered. "Congratulations, dear."

"Thank you, Mrs. Kent,' Zee replied.

"Please, call me Martha, since we're going to be related."

"Okay, Martha."

"So I take it you two aren't getting married?" Martha asked.

"Um, no." Clark replied.

"I see."

"It's really not like that, Ma,' Clark offered.

"So you got this young lady pregnant and you're not marrying her?' Martha asked her son. Now both Clark and Zatanna were uncomfortable.

"I, um, wanted to get pregnant, Martha,' Zee said.

"And your son knew this from the outset, "Nimue added. "She wasn't trying to trap him or anything, if that's what you're wondering."

"You're not helping, Nimue,' Zee whispered.

"So how is this going to work,' Martha asked. "I know Kara thinks I'm ancient, but I am aware that people don't always get married when they have a child. I take it you asked my son to help you get pregnant, Zatanna?"

"Yes."

"So you were together once and managed it?"

"Well not exactly once,' Clark reluctantly replied.

"Oh, really?" Martha said. "So you two have been together 'trying' for a while now?"

Clark and Zee looked at each other.

"Well, not a long while.'

"Right, just a few weeks, really,' Zee added. This wasn't going any better than it had when they told Nimue, she thought. In her mind it seemed like it would go smoother telling people she was pregnant.

"Several weeks, really?" Martha said. "So what exactly are you two? Boyfriend girlfriend? Lovers? I just want to be clear on this.'

The uncomfortable feeling hung over the room.

"We-We hadn't really put a name on it, Ma.' Clark finally answered. Frankly, Clark was a little uncomfortable discussing his love life with his mother, actually, very uncomfortable discussing his love life with his mother. Martha nodded her head and then turned her attention to Zee.

"So do you want to marry my son, Zatanna?"

"Excuse me?" Zee replied, squirming in her seat.

"She asked if you wanted to marry her son,' Nimue said, repeating Martha's words. "I've been wondering that myself."

Zatanna flashed a dirty look at Nimue, but she only smiled in return.

"Zatanna?" Martha said.

"We, well, we haven't really talked about anything like that, Martha."

Martha nodded and then turned back to Clark.

"And what about you, young man? You were willing to slept with this young woman, is that all you were thinking about too?"

"Awkward,' Kara said with a snort.

"No, ma, that wasn't the only thing I was thinking about,' Clark replied. It was a big part, but he wasn't about to tell that to Martha Kent. "We were trying to get Zee pregnant that was sort of the main focus."

"And I am,' Zee added. "I'm pregnant, yeah!"

Martha smile, but didn't reply to Zee. Instead she turned her attention to Madame Xanadu.

"You're her mother, Nimue, how do you feel about all of this?"

"Well, Martha, I'm not her biological mother, more of an adopted mother, really,' Nimue explained. "I've tried to do my best but you know kids these days, they have a mind of their own. What are you going to do?'

Under the table Zee kicked Nimue.

"You threw me under the bus,' Zee whispered in Nimue's ear.

"I'm you're mother here, I'm allowed to,' Nimue whispered in reply.

"Ma, I want to be in our child's life, if that's what you're worried about,' Clark said. "Zee and I have discussed this and agreed."

"Yes! Yes,' Zee jumped in. "I want you all to be apart of this, if you want to be. I want my baby to have a family, with grandmas and aunts, the whole schmear!'

They all just looked at her for a moment.

"What? Too ethnic?"

"Come on, Ma, you're going to be a grandma,' Kara said to Martha. "I get to be an aunt! This is great news!"

Martha looked at Kara and then at Clark and Zatanna. Finally she smiled.

"I guess you're right, I'm just sort of old fashion about these things,' Martha admitted. "This is wonderful news, honey. I'm very happy for you Zatanna."

"Thank you, Martha."

"We should have some champagne to celebrate!" Kara suggested.

"You don't drink when you're pregnant, Kara, everyone knows that,' Martha said. Madame Xanadu leaned forwards and looked at Clark.

"Not quite everyone, Martha,' Nimue said.

"What?"

"I may have opened a bottle of champagne to toast with Zatanna the good news,' Clark reluctantly told Martha. "It was just a sip, really."

"Kara, hit him for being stupid, would you?" Martha said. Kara immediately punched Clark in the arm.

"Ow!"

"Could you hit him once for me too?" Madame Xanadu asked.

"Sure!"

"Ow!

* * *

The Watchtower – Later

Zatanna transported in and practically hopped off the transporter pad. She couldn't wait to tell her friends the good news. It had to go better this time than the first two.

"You look very happy tonight, Zatanna,' Jonn observed.

"I am, Jonn! I've got wonderful news!"

"Congratulations on the pregnancy, Zatanna."

"What? How did you know?" She asked. "Did you read my mind?"

"No, of course not,' Jonn replied. "You're not exactly shielding your thoughts at the moment. You're practically shouting I'm PREGNANT at the top of your thoughts. As I said, congratulations."

"Oh, right, well, thanks, Jonn,' Zee said. "Where are the others? I want to tell them the good news!"

I believe they are in the cafeteria at the moment. They arrived back from a mission just a short time ago."

"Thanks!"

"Oh, if you will, please tell Madame Xanadu I had a wonderful time,' Jonn called after her. "Also that I look forward to Friday night."

This stopped Zatanna and she slowly turned around.

"Friday night?"

"Yes, we're going out to another restaurant together."

"Another date?" Zee asked.

"I suppose you could call it that,' Jonn offered.

"Lovely,' Zee offered. Inside she was cringing at the very thought, but hoped he couldn't read that too. "Um, well, see you."

Zee exited as quickly as possible. Jonn just smiled and went back to his work.

* * *

The Cafeteria

Most of the heroes were at assorted tables. Their attention was drawn to Plastic Man, as he had turned himself into a unicycle and was juggling for Dinah. She had both her hands in her hair just staring at the table. Zatanna came into the room and walked over to Plastic Man and tapped him on the shoulder.

"Circus girl, how can I help you?" Plastic Man said.

"Stop."

"Okay."

He transformed back into his usual shape and sat down. Zee moved over to the center of the room to make her big announcement

"Everybody, if I could have your attention, I've got some big news!"

The other members all stopped what they were doing and turned towards her. Zee was practically bursting with the news.

"I'M PREGNANT AND I'M HAVING A BABY!" She screamed.

The entire room went into an uproar. Dinah, Shayera and Mari jumped up and raced over to hug her. Screams and shouts of joy overlapped each other so that you really couldn't make out anything anyone was saying, but you could tell they were all very happy. More members came over to hugged and congratulated Zatanna. Wally hugged her and then every other woman in the cafeteria. For once they didn't hit him, too caught up in the excitement to protest. He was just hugging Zee for the fourth time when things slowed down enough for questions to be asked.

"So when did you find out?'

"Just the other day, isn't it amazing,' Zee replied.

"Do you know whether it's a boy or a girl, yet?'

"No, it's too soon, but I'll be happy with either, as long as it's a girl,' Zee replied. Everyone laughed at this.

"So who's the father,' Dinah asked.

"Hmm? What was that?' Zee replied.

"The father,' Dinah said. 'You know, the man that made the baby with you. Who is it?"

"Is that really important right now?" Zee offered. "I'm going to have a baby!"

This brought more hugs and screams all around. Wally hugged everyone again.

"So seriously, who's the father,' Dinah asked when they all calmed down again.

"Why do you care, Dinah, the important thing is I'm pregnant,' Zee replied. Jeez, she always does that, ask the annoying question. No wonder Ollie's such a cheating lout. Yeah, he's a nice guy and charming, but you can't trust him further than you can throw him, Zee thought.

"What's the big mystery, Zee,' Dinah pressed ahead.

"Yeah, come to think of it, I didn't even know you were dating anyone,' Shayera added.

"Well, I'm not technically,' Zee offered. "I asked someone to help me have a baby, cause I knew this was the right time for me."

"A stud?" Dinah replied. "So you're not getting married?"

"What are you writing an article for the Enquirer, Dinah?' Zee snapped. "I'm having a baby, let's focus on that. Big picture, okay?"

"You asked someone to be a stud for you and didn't ask me,' Wally said. "I'm hurt, Zee, I thought we were friends."

"You're in love, remember?'

"Oh, yeah, that's right,' Wally replied. "Well, then I guess it's okay. Congratulations on having a baby!"

"Thank you, Wally, but you've already hugged me like six times, that's the limit,' Zee informed him.

"I was just caught up in the moment,' he offered.

"Sure you were," Zee snidely replied. "You were being your usual pervy self, but I'm too happy right now, so I'll let it go."

"Wow, I kind of wish you'd gotten pregnant more often,' Wally said with a big smile. "Ow!"

He turned around to see Shayera staring at him.

"I'm not pregnant, so stop being a perv,' she said to him.

"Did you want to be?"

Shayera started to take a step towards him, but Wally quickly moved over behind Diana and Karen.

"So who's the father, Zee?" Dinah asked again. "Is it someone in the League?"

"Um, yes,' Zatanna reluctantly admitted.

"Who?"

Now everyone was interested in who the father was. Zee suddenly felt everyone's eyes on her. She especially felt Diana and Karen's eyes on her. Why does this always go better in my head then it does in real life, she absently wondered.

"So who is the father, Zatanna,' Diana asked.

"Yeah, we should probably congratulate him too,' Karen added.

"That's what I'm afraid of,' Zee muttered under her breath.

"Just tell us, Zee,' Dinah said.

Zee whispered something, but it was so low nobody heard her.

"Who?"

"Um, well, it's Clark."

"WHAT?" Diana and Karen shouted at the same time.

"Jonn, get ready for emergency beam out,' Zee whispered into her communicator.

"Way to go, Big Blue!" Wally said with a laugh and a fist pump. Karen and Diana turned and looked at him. Wally gulped and quickly moved over behind Shayera.

"You know I'm still going to hit you, don't you?' Shayera asked him.

"Yes, but rather you than them,' he replied.

Everyone waited for the two super powered women's reaction. They both seemed extremely angry and more than a bit shocked by the news. Finally, Karen turned to Diana.

"Could I have a word with you, Diana? In private.'

"Yes."

The two walked quickly out of the cafeteria. Something about the look on the two's faces made everyone a bit uneasy. Well, almost everyone uneasy.

"Wow, your pregnancy even brought those two together,' Wally offered. "It's like a miracle!"

* * *

The Watchtower – Much Later

The in-betweeners are just as important to an organization as their more flashy associates. In Baseball it would be said of them, they do the things that don't show up in the box score. Whenever you get people spending a lot of time together there are bound to be irritations and conflicts. Everyone gets bored. The in-betweeners help take the edge of things. They're the ones that on a rainy Tuesday bring in home baked cookies or tell a stupid jokes just when everyone is especially down and provide that much needed laugh. They do a million little things that somehow help everyone else making it through the day.

The lounge on the Watchtower is another place for members to relax between missions. It had a panoramic view of space, plus a few video screens and some comfortable chairs and couches spread out. During the down times, if they are not in the cafeteria or their quarters, you could usually find the members here. At one table, Dinah was sitting with Wally and Ollie.

"He won't take a hint,' Dinah groaned. Her head was down resting on her crossed arms on the table.

"He likes you, what's so bad about that?" Wally asked.

"I can't stand him,' Dinah replied. "I've tried, believe me, I've tried to at least tolerate him, but something about Plastic Man just annoys me. I really think I'm starting to hate him. He's like accidently walking into a cobweb and having it brush against your face. It just sends this horrible shiver through your system. It's just something on a genetic level with me, I think, I can't stand him!"

"That's a little dramatic, isn't it?" Ollie asked. "He's harmless. You should be flattered."

"This is your fault in the first place, Ollie, so I don't want to hear it from you!"

"How is it my fault?" Ollie asked.

"If you were a better boyfriend, he wouldn't think he had a chance,' Dinah informed him.

"She does have a point there, buddy,' Wally added. "You gave him the opening and he's running with it."

"Thank for the help, Wally." Ollie sarcastically said.

"Anytime, pal, that's what I'm here for,' Wally said with a smile.

"If you weren't such a shitty boyfriend, I wouldn't be in this mess,' Dinah grumbled.

"I'm not that bad,' Ollie protested.

"Do you remember the 'gift' you got me for my last birthday?" Dinah asked.

"Yes, flowers and something really nice from Victoria's Secret,' Ollie replied. "I picked those out special! What was wrong with that?'

Ollie leaned over to Wally.

"The outfit was from page 87 in the catalog. Just amazing."

Wally thought for a second and then a big grin came to his face.

"Page 87? Seriously?" He suddenly turned and looked at Dinah and his smile got even bigger. "Wow!"

She smacked him.

"Don't look at me like that,' she said and then turned her attention to Ollie. "Do you also remember the card as well, Ollie?"

"That was a mistake." He squirmed a little bit.

"What did it say?" Wally asked.

"It was supposed to say can't wait to see you in this, love Ollie,' Ollie replied.

"Well that sounds nice,' Wally offered.

"Actually the whole message was, **Lola**, can't want to see you in this, love Ollie." Dinah corrected Ollie.

"Ouch!" Wally groaned. "That had to hurt."

"There must have been a mix up at the florist, I told you that, Di,' Ollie said in his defense. "You can't blame me if somewhere in the distribution chain things got mixed up."

"The card was in your hand writing, Ollie,' Dinah fired back.

"A forgery?" Ollie offered.

"Douchebag! This is what I was talking about; you need to step up your game, Ollie. I'm tired of your crap,' Dinah informed him.

"Well we all can't be Superman,' Ollie snidely remarked. "You seemed to just love when he told you how beautiful he thought you were. Why don't you tell Plastic Man you're in love with Clark? I'm sure he's a much better boyfriend. Maybe he'll even knock you up like Zee."

"You did have a big smile on your face, Dinah,' Wally added. "If I'd have been betting that day, I'd have bet on you being the one he knocked up first."

"You're still pushing that smiling theory of yours? He complimented me, what was I supposed to do?' Dinah asked.

"Well, have you seen Zee lately, she's smiling so much she's making the Joker jealous," Wally replied. "You can poo-poo my theory, but they scoffed at Tesla too, and he still went on to form a rockin' heavy metal band."

Dinah looked at Wally for a moment.

"That isn't the same guy, oh just forget it,' she said. "If it wasn't for Zee I just might tell Plastic Man that I'm in love with Clark! I'll bet that would work better than telling him you're my boyfriend, Ollie!"

"Well, if I understood it right, Clark was only helping Zee get pregnant, wasn't he?' Ollie countered. He was a little pissed by her accusation, even thought it was probably true. "So the field's clear, Di, tell Plastic Man anything you want!"

"Okay, maybe I will!" She shouted back.

They stared at each other for several moments, the anger plain in both their expressions. Wally suddenly felt very uncomfortable sitting with them. The silence just continued.

* * *

Across the lounge, Mary and Courtney were playing video games. It had been Mary's turn to choice and as always it was Barbie themed. This time it was Barbie Sparkling Ice Show and Mary was winning by a large margin.

"I hate this game, Courtney said in frustration. "I'm a girl and this is too girly for me. I mean Barbie and ice-skating? Let's play something else."

"I wanted to play Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2, but you said no,' Mary replied.

"Well, everyone thought you got a little too carried away with the airport attack segment,' Courtney explained.

"That's part of the game!" Mary exclaimed.

"You just seemed a little too enthusiastic about mowing down the civilians, Mary."

"I was supposed to be undercover as a terrorist in the game," Mary explained. "I wanted to establish my cover and get some street cred with the terrorists!"

"Didn't you try and figure out a way to challenge the terrorist leader for control of the cell?"

""Well, if he wasn't going to step up, someone had to,' Mary said in her defense.

"Maybe we should just put the games away for awhile."

"You're just saying that cause I was winning,' Mary replied. "My Barbie was figure skating circles around yours."

* * *

The door to the lounge opened and Zatanna came walking in. She glanced at the table where Wally, Dinah and Ollie were sitting but could instantly feel the negative vibe coming from there. She was in a good mood, a great mood and didn't want anything to bring her down. There was an old jukebox that sat in the corner of the lounge. With Pandora and all the other options out there a jukebox seemed like something from another time. Everyone had their own MP3 players, so when they wanted music they put on their headphones and played their own music.

Music is meant to be shared, though.

It has the ability to cut through any language barrier and speak to something more elemental in all of us. It taps into emotions and moods. Zatanna walked over to the jukebox and scrolled through the selections. Putting a quarter into the slot, she punched the number for a song. It was an old song, but some tunes no matter how corny they might seem, just make you smile. Zatanna selected Brenton Wood's Oogum Boogum.

As the piano started and then was joined by the drums, Zee began to tap her foot. The vocals began and her hips began to sway as she stood in front of the jukebox.

_Oogum oogum boogum boogum_  
_boogum now baby you're castin' your spell on me_  
_I say, "Oogum oogum boogum boogum_  
_boogum now baby you're castin' you're spell on me."_  
_You got me doin' funny things like a clown_  
_just look at me._

They hadn't spoken for several minutes, but slowly Dinah, Ollie and Wally began to tap their feet along with the song. Sitting on one of the couches, Mary set the game controller down and began to bob her head along with the tune. Courtney smiled and shook her head.

_When you wear your high heeled boots with your hip hugger suit_  
_its all right, you're outta sight_  
_and you wear that cute mini skirt with your brother's sloppy shirt_  
_I admit it, girl that I can dig it_  
_well then I says..._

Zee began to swivel on her heels back and forth, as her head bobbed to the tune. Wally began to move his shoulders back and forth to the beat, leaning to one side and then the other. Ollie began to nod along, moving forward and backwards. Dinah began to do a little modified twist in her chair.

_Oogum oogum boogum boogum_  
_boogum now baby you're castin' your spell on me_  
_I say, "Oogum oogum boogum boogum_  
_boogum now baby you're castin' your spell on me."_  
_You got me doin' funny things like a clown_  
_just look at me._

Mary stood up and pulled Courtney with her. They began doing the Frug and the Swim, laughing as they got into the song. Zee raised her arms over her head, waving them as she moved her body. Ollie began snapping his fingers to the beat, dancing with his head and shoulders.

_When you wear your bell bottom pants_  
_I just stand there in a trance_  
_I can't move, you're in the groove_  
_would you believe little girl that I am crazy 'bout you_  
_now go on with your bad self._

Wally broke out his best water sprinkler, while Dinah let her whole body do the Twist while sitting in her chair. Mary and Courtney climbed up on one of the tables showing off their moves.

_Ooooo my my my babys got that spell on me_  
_Ooooo now mercy, mercy on me_

_when you wear those big earrings, long hair, and things_  
_you got style, girl, that sure is wild_  
_and you wear that cute trench coat and you're standin' and posin'_  
_you got soul, you got too much soul._

Zee had her eyes closed as she slowly spun around, dancing. Wally couldn't sit any longer and got up and moved over to where Mary and Courtney were dancing and joined them. He added his robot to the mix. Dinah and Ollie sat across from each other smiling as they chair danced to the song.

_I just say who got the blues say who got the blues_  
_say who got the blues now castin' your spell on me_  
_Well I say, "Who got the blues say who got the blues..."_

The door to the lounge opened. Batman stood watching all of this with an incredulous look on his face.

"It's like Charlie Brown's Christmas in this place.'

He shook his head, turned and walked away.


	37. Chapter 37

Uncomfortable, You?

"_Every day, I have a most embarrassing moment."_

Steven Hill

_"__If __the __director __says __you __can __do __better,__particularly __in __a __love__ scene,_

_then it is rather embarrassing."_

Julie Andrews

We are all parts of a whole.

There are a million ways to divide us. From the color of our skin to where we were from, to what we look like. At one time or another all of them have been used to separate, divide and hate.

What isn't spoken about as often, is what we all have in common. From the lowliest member of society to the demi-gods in the stratosphere, there are certain things we all share. Ideas probably come to mind like, freedom, faith or hope, but those are constructs of a rational thought. What we truly all share is something much simpler. We've all have been in embarrassing awkward, uncomfortable situations.

* * *

**True Life Tale:** A young woman is spending the holidays with her fiancée's family for the first time. As expected she's nervous and wants to make a good impression. She's pleasant, helpful when she can be, basically does her best to put her best foot forward. Besides the fiancée's parents, his brother and new wife are there along with his sister, her husband and their two kids.

Christmas morning comes and the whole family gathers in the living room in front of the tree to exchange gifts. The young woman has spent the last month and a half buy tasteful but not too personal gifts for everyone. The two young children are assigned to deliver the presents from under the tree to the person whose name is on them. The young woman has four or five gifts sitting in front of her. As is the fiancée's family tradition, they go around the circle everyone opening one gift at a time.

The kids go first, naturally. They scream with joy as they open their first present to find the latest toy. The father is next and he opens his gift and it's a pair a really nice lambskin slippers. Mom goes next and it's a lovely robe. The brother gets a football jersey from his favorite team. His wife gets a darling tennis bracelet. The sister gets a lovely assortment of expensive bath salts, while her husband gets a nice sweater. The fiancée gets a box of golf balls and a nine iron from his parents and finally it's the young woman's turn. The parents say open that one, it's from us and we picked it out especially for you. The young woman smiles and says thank you as she starts to undo the ribbon. When she pulls back the paper she's not quite sure what to make of the gift.

It's a Bible.

The young woman smiles, but is a little confused. She's not religious, certainly not that religious and now that she thinks about it, neither are her fiancée's family. Questions start to run her through her head. What exactly did they mean when they said they picked it out especially for her? Who gives a Bible as a Christmas gift? Are they trying to say something about her? Do they think she needs religion? What the hell, a Bible?

She looks up at them, a smile awkwardly frozen on her face.

"Um, thanks."

* * *

**True Life Tale:** You are in the eight-grade chorus. It seems like an easy class, just sitting with a couple of friends and singing for 50 minutes a day. No tests, just singing, it's probably the easiest class you have. The teacher is fresh out of college and she wants to make the class hipper for her students, so none of those old, standard chorus songs. She has you singing popular hits. You really don't think much about it; one song is the same as the next really. So it goes like this for a few months.

A recital is announced. It will be the chorus and the band together. The night of it, you show up dressed for the occasion. Your parents and grandparents will be there in the crowd. You spend most of the time before it begins laughing and joking around with your friends, really not thinking of the recital. The young teacher comes in and says its time. You all march out to the risers and the crowd, which are all families and friends cheer and clap. The band comes in and the process is repeated. The band director is an older gentleman. He and the young music teacher welcome everyone and hope they enjoy the evening.

The band goes first. They play '_One O'clock Jump_' by Benny Goodman. They get a nice round of applause. Now it's the chorus' turn. As you and the rest of the chorus sing the first verse of '_Born this Way_' by Lady Gaga something occurs to you that hasn't before. While there probably is a way to sing this song in a choral style of four-part harmony, a bunch of eighth graders from the suburbs probably aren't the likeliest group to pull it off.

You receive polite applause.

The band goes again, performing "_Mood Indigo_" by Duke Ellington. When they finish they get a rousing round of applause. It's the chorus' turn. Beyonce's '_Single Ladies (Put A Ring On It)_' really wasn't intended to be sung acapella by a group of eighth graders. As the girls sing 'all the single ladies' and then the boys echo this, you glance up at your family in the bleachers. Grandpa and Grandma have looks on their faces that clearly indicate they are wondering, 'what the hell is this?'

You realize you still have another hour to go. Back and forth it goes, with the band doing classic big band numbers and the chorus doing increasingly uncomfortable hits. You try not to but you can't help it. You look up at your parents in the bleachers. They have smiles plastered on their faces and as they clap at the end of each song, but you can almost hear your mother whisper to your father, 'maybe we should have gotten that guitar as a gift for their last birthday.'

Finally, mercifully it ends. You're sitting in the back of the minivan on the way home, mortified by the whole night. Mom tries to be helpful, saying something like 'well that was certainly interesting' but it doesn't help. A long silence follows. As you stop at a light your dad finally says his first words of the whole trip.

"Who picked those songs?"

* * *

**True Life Tale**: You're at a funeral for your Aunt. She had a long, happy life, but it's still sad. You make it out to the cemetery and gather around the grave. You're standing next to your brother or sister as the preacher recites prayers and blessings. It's a very solemn occasion. You are all gathered tightly together under the little tent that has been erected for the burial. There is a pause from the preacher.

Someone farts.

It wasn't you, but everyone clearly heard it. The preacher pretends like it didn't happen and continues. Because you're standing shoulder to shoulder with your sister or brother you can feel their body shaking. You turn towards them and see they have their lips pressed tight, as you do when you're trying not to laugh. Tears are rolling down their cheeks. They glance at you and now you're having trouble holding in the laugh. You struggle, but as the moments pass it gets harder and harder. Finally a giggle slips out. Everyone, including the preacher, looks over at you. There is a disappointed look in all their eyes. How could you, they are almost saying.

You want to explain you couldn't help it, but it's a funeral. You stand there helpless and then the ceremony ends. As you walk back to the car, everyone gives you that look that says, 'what a jackass.'

* * *

So the next time you are just finishing your presentation in front of a group only to notice your fly has been open the whole time or you come back from the restroom and sit down across from your date only to realize you've been trailing three feet of toilet paper across the entire restaurant, trying and remember it happens to everyone. We're all part of an embarrassing, awkward, uncomfortable whole.

* * *

The Watchtower

Blue Beetle was quietly surfing the Internet. He was a link follower, so whatever he'd started out looking up was long since forgotten. Currently he was reading an article about how Mongolians use butter in their tea. The door to the room opened and Wonder Woman and Power Girl stepped inside. They both towered over him.

"Hey, ladies!' he cheerfully said. The expressions on their faces made his lower lips quiver just a bit as he tried to maintain a smile.

"We would like use of this room,' Diana informed him.

"Su-Sure help-help yourselves.'

"Get out." Karen clarified for him. Seven seconds later the door closed and the two women were alone. They both began to pace on opposite sides of the table. Their displeasure was very apparent. The words 'son of a bitch' and 'bastard' were muttered. It was Karen that finally broke the silence.

"Interesting news."

"Yes,' Diana replied. She quickly added, 'I'm of course happy for Zatanna.'

"Of course, me too,' Karen replied. "How about Clark?'

"Not so much,' Diana admitted.

"Yeah, me too,' Karen offered. "In fact, I would say I'm the opposite of happy when it comes to him."

"I'm in agreement with you on that,' Diana stated.

"You realize he cheated on both of us?'

"That had occurred to me,' Diana replied."We went on a date and he was sleeping with her!"

Diana paused for a moment, as if a new thought had come to her mind.

"Wait, perhaps that isn't the case."

Karen looked at Diana.

"Excuse me?'

"Well perhaps Kal only recently started having relations with Zatanna." Diana suggested. "She did say she only wanted someone to help her get pregnant.'

"Diana, do you remember when you punched me?' Karen asked.

"I told you that was an accident,' Diana immediately replied. "I don't think this is the time to rehash that, Karen!"

"An accident, right,' Karen said, rolling her eyes. "Look, that wasn't where I was going. Do you remember who Clark called to bail us all out?"

Diana thought about it for a moment.

"Zatanna?"

"Yes!" Karen emphatically said, slapping the table. A small crack appeared on its surface. "I think they were doing it even then! That means he went out with both of us while he was sleeping with her!"

"That's right!" Diana replied, bringing her fist down on the table at the very thought. The crack spread all the way across the table now.

"So he cheated on both of us." Karen bluntly said.

"Yes he did." Diana agreed.

"I don't know about you, but I don't like the idea of him cheating on me,' Karen stated.

'Well I don't either,' Diana offered.

"So what are we going to do about it?" Karen asked.

"Hit him!" Diana immediately offered.

"I like how you're thinking, but that doesn't seem like enough,' Karen replied. "He's invulnerable, remember?"

"Kryptonians, I'm really starting to hate them,' Diana growled in frustration.

"I'm a Kryptonian, Princess!"

"I didn't mean you,' Diana replied. "Well, not this time anyway."

"Thanks." Karen sarcastically said. She waved this off though. "I think for the time being we should suspend our little rivalry, Diana."

"Are you suggesting we join forces?"

"Yes."

"I agree,' Diana replied. "While I admit, you're not my favorite person, I'm much more angry at Kal right now."

"Well I'm not gong to be sending you any friendship cards, either, Diana, but you're right, let's focus on Clark."

"Kal."

"Huh?'

"His name is Kal,' Diana explained.

"It's Clark."

"Kal."

"Clark!"

"Kal!"

"Clark!"

Diana was just about to say Kal again and louder, when she stopped.

"Okay, we're getting off track here,' she said. "Let's focus on what we're going to do to Superman, agreed?"

Karen thought about this for a moment.

"Yeah, that sounds like a plan,' she admitted. 'Hitting him doesn't seem like enough, though."

"Yes, but it would be satisfying,' Diana replied. "We need a way to convey our displeasure at what he has done. Something more than just words so he'll absolutely know we're not happy."

They both started pacing again, trying to come up with a plan. Karen suddenly stopped and snapped her fingers.

"That little snot, Kara!"

"What?" Diana asked. "What does she have to do with this?"

"We'll do what she did to you! We'll snub him!" Karen explained.

"I don't know, snub him?" Diana said. "That doesn't seem like enough."

"Tell me, how did you feel when Kara did it to you?" Karen asked.

"I was hurt,' Diana admitted. "I've never been snubbed before. I didn't like it."

"Exactly!" Karen said with a smile.

"I suppose you're right it would convey our displeasure,' Diana admitted. "I'd still like to hit him though."

"Let's do both!" Karen suggested. "We'll take turns snubbing and hitting him, what do you think?"

"I like it,' Diana said with a smile. "He will certainly know we are not women whose affections he should take so lightly!"

'Absolutely!" Karen agreed, smacking her hand on the table. The poor piece of furniture hadn't been designed to take the brunt of two super powered, angry ladies abuse. It snapped and crumbled to the ground. Karen looked a little sheepish at breaking the table. She shrugged.

"I'm a little pissed at the moment."

* * *

Mary Marvel's Quarters

Each of us constructs our world to our own particular tastes. We have certain items that comfort us even on the most trying days. They are touchstones in our life, markers of things that never change. We get a sense of security and a deep feeling that the world has an order to it when we look at them.

Mary sat on her bed, her mouth open and her eyes wide in shock. The world as she was used to it had just crumbled before her eyes. The latest edition of the Barbie newsletter rested in her hands and what it said was sacrilege to her. There was a new Barbie coming out on the market. There was a picture of the new Barbie and Mary couldn't believe it. It was something out of a nightmare for Mary.

The Tokidoki Barbie was unlike any others. Barbie was wearing a shirt with a heart shaped skull and crossbones and silver shoes. If that wasn't horrible enough, she had pink hair. What pushed Mary over the edge though, was that the Tokidoki Barbie was covered in tattoos!

"Noooooo!" Mary screamed in horror. "Barbie would never do that!"

* * *

San Francisco

Zatanna was just straightening up her apartment when there was a knock at the door. She was dressed casually, a pair of jeans and a Sid Vicious tee shirt. Some Norah Jones played on the stereo. She went over and opened it to find Kara standing in front of her smiling. Kara was dressed in a jeans and a Supergirl logo tee shirt.

"Hey, Kara, um, what's up,' Zee said, surprised at seeing the younger hero. They had never been what you would call close. In fact they rarely spoke to each other for the most part. It wasn't that Zee didn't like Kara, she did, it was just they tended to run in different circles. Zee noticed the tee shirt and thought wow, not exactly keeping the secret identity thing, is she? How many tall, gorgeous, blondes look like that anyway?

"Can I come in, Zatanna?" Kara asked.

"What? Oh, right, yeah, sure, come on in."

Zee stepped back and let Kara inside. She closed the door, wondering what this was about.

"Um, nice shirt," Zee offered.

"Thanks,' Kara said. "I get 15% off all the sales so I thought I'd do some brand marketing while I was here. Eyeballs on your product are the name of the game, Zee. Lois taught me that."

"I thought you were grounded?" Zee said.

"I am,' Kara replied, a frown coming to her face. 'I was allowed a furlough from my sentence to come out and see you. You can't imagine what it's like out there in the middle of nowhere! The highlight of the week is the barn-raising going on in the next county. Can you believe it? It's horrible living in Hicksville."

"I thought it was called Smallville?"

"It is' Kara replied. She was unhappy and dropped down on Zee's couch. "Can you imagine what it's like not having a phone? In the middle of nowhere? It's worse than having a cassette player in your car!'

"Yeah, sounds tough,' Zee replied. "So why the furlough?"

Kara brightened at this. She got back up and walked over to Zatanna.

"Ma sent me to ask you to dinner."

"Dinner?'

"Yeah, she wants to get to know you, since you're going to be part of the family and all,' Kara explained. "She's old fashioned like that. So will you come?"

"Dinner?"

Zee wasn't sure she was ready for this part of it. She hadn't even realized there would be this part of it. Sure, meet the family and tell them the news, but that was as far as she thought. Kara was wandering around Zee's apartment looking at all the stuff on the shelves.

"Is Clark going to be there?'

"Sure."

"Would I have to get dressed up or what? I've never met the family before,' Zee admitted.

"Oh, don't worry about it, Zatanna, it's really casual out there,' Kara replied. She moved over the window and glanced out at the street below. "Just don't wear anything slutty, I mean, Ma Kent is old fashioned, okay?"

"I don't dress slutty,' Zee said in her defense.

"Oh, I don't think so either,' Kara offered. "It's just you know old people; fishnets and corsets make them think slutty. I like the way you dress, to be truthful. I wish I could be as bold as you."

"You know that's my stage outfit right?' Zee asked. "I mean Martha knows I don't go around like that all the time, doesn't she?"

"I don't know,' Kara said. She seemed more interested in the view than the conversation. "I'm sure she's seen pictures of you before. Although you are usually wearing your outfit in most of them."

"I can dress normal,' Zee immediately replied. "I'm dressed normal now! So does she really think I dress slutty? Really?"

"She didn't say slutty,' Kara offered. "Hey is that great donut place around here? I thought I'd stop by and pick some up while I'm out here?"

"Yeah, it's a couple of blocks from here. So what exactly did she say?"

Zee was suddenly nervous. It wasn't like she wanted Clark's mom to think of her like that. She already probably had a bad impression of me, Zee thought. I'm from the city and country people hate city slickers. Am I a city slicker? I'm not even sure I know what a city slicker is. Plus Martha didn't seem to pleased that we're not getting married. Oh God, she thinks I'm some kind of slutty tramp!

"Kara, Martha likes me, doesn't she?"

Kara had moved to another window and was checking out the scenery.

"Huh? Oh, yeah, I'm sure she does. Wow, this is a cool apartment! I can see the Haight District from here! You know maybe I'll just take a little stroll around the city before I head back. Marketing, you know."

Kara started for the door. Zee was a little unsettled now.

"You're leaving?'

"Yeah, so what should I tell Ma? You're coming right?" Kara asked as she opened the door. "She'd be really disappointed if you don't.'

Great, Zee thought, I'm a slut and rude to Clark's mother. This is a nightmare.

"Yes, yes, please tell Mrs. Kent I'd be more than happy to come to dinner."

"Okay, see you, Zatanna." Kara replied and then left.

Zatanna began pacing, a worried look on her face. She ran her fingers through her hair trying to think what she should do. She needed help. Picking up the phone, she dialed a familiar number. On the third ring it was picked up.

"Hello?'

"Nimue, I need your help! Clark's mom thinks I'm a slut and now I'm having dinner with her!"

"Who is this?"

"NIMUE!"

"I was just kidding,' Madame Xanadu replied. "I'll be out in a little while. We'll figure out something so you don't look slutty to Clark's mom."

'Thanks Nimue."

"What are mothers for? See you soon."

* * *

The Watchtower

It was an informal meeting of the original seven plus the Chairwoman, Dinah. It was a sort of status update and just about over. Unlike the usual meeting this one was open to any member. Most had better things to do than sit in on it. One member had sat quietly during the whole thing, Mary Marvel. She had a clipboard on her lap as she waited for her chance to speak.

Clark was absently rubbing his shoulder. Since arriving on the station he'd been hit several times by both Karen and Diana. If that wasn't bad enough, they both snubbed him too. For the life of him, Clark didn't know why. Every time he tried to ask one of them, they either snubbed him or hit him. Sure he was pretty much invulnerable, but those two packed a punch. He did notice Bruce seemed to be enjoying it. He was almost smiling. Maybe after the meeting was over, Clark would ask Bruce what was going on. He always knew everything it seemed. He glanced over at Diana, but she wouldn't look at him. Her fists were clenched though and absently Clark rubbed his shoulder again.

Dinah was just finishing up the last report and frankly she wanted to end this meeting as soon as possible. She glanced over at Clark and thought about Ollie's suggestion. Maybe if she told Plastic Man she was in love with Superman, he'd take the hint for once and move on. Anything was better than being serenaded by him constantly. Sure Ollie had sarcastically suggested it, but screw him, he didn't have to deal with that lunatic! There was the matter of Zee though, Dinah thought. She'd been sleeping with Clark so normally Dinah wouldn't even consider it. Zee had said it was so she could get pregnant, though. He'd done his stud service for her, so did that mean they weren't anymore? Should probably ask first, better safe than sorry, Dinah mused. First, let's get this meeting over with.

"Well, if there isn't any new business, I guess that's the end,' she said. The members were about to get up; when they noticed Mary had her hand raised. "Ah, yes, Mary, is there something you want to say?"

Mary nodded and stood. She moved over to the main table and set her clipboard down.

"I'd like you all to sign my petition. I'm asking everyone, but since you all are the founding members, it's very important that you sign,' Mary explained.

"What's it for?" Wally asked.

"It's a letter of protest to the makers of Barbie. They have gone too far this time!"

"Barbie?"

Several members seemed confused. Diana sighed and rolled her eyes, knowing first hand how seriously Mary took the subject.

"Yes, Barbie,' Mary said forcefully. "They are introducing something called The Tokidoki Barbie and it's a blasphemy to all true Barbie fans! It's really beyond the pale!"

"Did she just used the phrase 'beyond the pale' and Barbie in the same sentence?' Shayera asked Wally.

"Yes, Miss Shayera,' Mary said. "It means they went too far. If you want I can explain blasphemy too. I've been using the thesaurus to increase my vocabulary. It really seems to be working. '

"No, no, I think got that one, Mary." Shayera replied.

"Isn't it just a doll?" Wally naively asked. The glare he received from Mary actually made him flinch.

"It's Barbie!"

"Got it! I'll sign!" Wally quickly said.

"Thank you." Mary picked up the clipboard and hurried over to Wally.

"Um, wait, what should I sign?" He asked. "I'm not putting my secret identity down. I mean come on, even I'm not that stupid."

There were two snorts of laughter from Shayera and Dinah.

"Hey!"

"Please, just put down the Flash," Mary explained. "I'm going to deliver this in person, so I want them to understand even the Justice League things this is a travesty!"

"You got it,' Wally said and then signed the petition.

"I don't have time for this foolishness,' Bruce grumbled and then got up and headed for the door. Before he reached it, Mary was standing in front of him with her clipboard.

"Will you sign, Mr. Batman?'

"No.'

Bruce took a step to the side to get around her, but Mary stepped over too, blocking his way.

"Please?"

"Sorry, Mary. Why don't you ask Superman, that's more his kind of thing."

Clark had been rotating his stiff shoulder and hadn't been paying attention. At the mention of his name he looked up.

"What? I'm sorry, I must have missed that."

"I want you to sign my petition, Mr. Superman,' Mary explained. Even as she did, she managed to cut off Batman from leaving the room.

"Petition? What?" Clark said, lost as to all of this. Boy, my shoulder is killing me, he thought.

"Barbie, Clark,' Dinah explained. "By the way, can I talk to you after the meeting?"

Clark suddenly went pale as he remembered the last time they'd talked.

"Talk? Really? You're not going to ask me any questions are you, Dinah?"

"Maybe just a couple,' she replied.

"It's a trap, Big Blue,' Wally whispered. "Ixnay on the Alking-tay!"

Clark looked at Wally in confusion. Shayera leaned over to Wally.

"Pig Latin? Really?"

At the door, Batman had tried several times to leave, but Mary kept blocking his way.

"Mary, move."

He gave her his best glare. The one that usually sent junior members fleeing in terror, but she didn't move.

"Please sign my petition, Mr. Batman."

"Look, I'm sure this is very important to you, Mary, but it is really not something I do,' he explained.

"Why's that, Bruce?" Wally asked.

"Cause I'm Batman, God damn it!" He grumbled in reply.

"But this is a special case!" Mary pleaded. "Doesn't Batman stand for wholesomeness, just like Barbie?"

Wally and Shayera both laughed, but stopped the moment Bruce turned his gaze on them.

"Mary, um, wholesomeness, it really isn't what I'm going for as Batman,' Bruce explained. "Villains really aren't as frightened of wholesomeness as you'd think."

"I'll sign it, Mary,' Diana spoke up for the first time. Mary turned and beamed at Diana. Bruce saw his chance and rushed out of the room. Mary turned and started running after him.

A chuckle went through the room as the others got up and headed towards the exit. At the door, Dinah stopped Clark.

"So can we talk, Clark?" She asked.

Before he could answer, Diana punched him hard on the shoulder and then walked out without a word.

"Damn that hurts!" Clark groaned.

"You know I think she snubbed you too, Big Blue,' Wally offered.

"Yeah, definitely a snub," Shayera said in agreement.

"Boy, things change in a hurry, don't they?' Wally said. "Suddenly this is snub central. Amazingly, I'm not the one being snubbed either!"

"Give it some time,' Shayera replied.

"So what do you say, Clark?" Dinah asked again. He winced and rubbed his shoulder.

"Um, could we do it a little later, Dinah, please?'

"I guess."

"Thanks."

* * *

San Francisco

Madame Xanadu barely knocked before the door opened. Zee immediately hugged her.

"Oh, thank you for coming!"

"A little panicked are we?"

"Maybe just a bit,' Zee admitted as she pulled Nimue inside and closed the door. Madame Xanadu was carrying two plastic bags with her. She smiled at Zee and then moved towards the kitchen. Zee was right on her heels.

"I brought some dinner,' Nimue said over her shoulder.

"I'm too freaked to eat, Nimue,' Zee replied. "I mean Kara made it seem like Mrs. Kent thinks I'm some sort of slut or something!'

"Well you did sleep with her son, get pregnant and aren't marrying him,' Nimue offered.

"You know that's really not helping, Nimue,' Zee said in exasperation. "You're supposed to be on my side, remember?"

"I am, but I'm hungry too,' Nimue replied. "Let's eat."

"I can't eat! I've been going through all my stuff trying to find something schoolmarm-ish to wear and I've got nothing like that!"

"Why schoolmarm?"

"Well, you know, country folks,' Zee suggested. "I mean I don't own anything made of gingham. What am I going to do?"

"Eat."

Madame Xanadu began to pull out boxes from the two bags.

"I can't eat, aren't you listening, Nimue?"

"It's from A.G. Ferrari Foods in the Castro. It's a Panini, made with sun dried tomato pesto on turkey with swiss cheese on Rosemary Foccacia bread."

Madame Xanadu opened the lid on the Styrofoam box to show Zatanna the sandwich. Zee felt her mouth water at just the sight of it.

"Well, maybe I could have a bite, you know, just to calm my nerves,' Zee replied.

* * *

The Watchtower

Clark stepped out from the cafeteria holding his shoulder and groaning. A moment later Diana and Karen walked out, ignoring him and heading down the hallway.

"Could you at least tell me why?" He groaned. They didn't turn and kept going. Shaking his head and holding his shoulder, Clark headed in the opposite direction. His shoulder was definitely going to have a large bruise on it by the end of the day, he thought. As he rounded the corner towards the hangar bay, a voice came from the shadows.

"Is she gone?"

Clark stopped and looked into the shadows.

"Bruce?"

"Yes."

"Is who gone?"

"Mary Marvel, she's been following me ever since the meeting,' Bruce grumbled. "The kid can't take no for an answer.'

"Why don't you just sign the petition and be done with it?" Clark asked.

Bruce just glared at him.

"Oh, right, Batman doesn't sign Barbie petitions, I forgot,' Clark said.

"Damn right."


	38. Chapter 38

Dodge Ball

San Francisco

Zatanna and Madame Xanadu stood in front of her closet looking at her clothes. They had been standing there for twenty minutes. The task before them presented a rather unique set of problems. Usually when standing in front of one's closet the decision is what will make me look fantastic. What combination will work perfectly to capture the image I want to send to the rest of the world? Or put simply, what in this closet makes me look really really desirable.

That was not the goal this time.

The exact goal was rather nebulous in both their minds. As Zatanna tried explaining it to Madame Xanadu that she was having dinner with Martha Kent. While Kara hadn't come right out and said it, Zee got the impression Martha thought Zee was on the slutty side or at least the way she dressed was. Seeing as how Zee was having a child with Martha's son, she wanted to make a good impression on her. There was no use starting off badly and having to dig herself out of a hole. So as many people do when they want to prove that something isn't true, they tend to go to the opposite extreme.

"Those boots are rather hideous,' Nimue suggested, pointing towards the back of the closet.

"You gave me those, Nimue,' Zee replied.

"Was I drinking at the time?"

"By the looks of those boots, yeah."

"Looking at your things, I don't think you have much room to talk, honey,' Nimue fired back.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Zatanna demanded.

"Well, you're a professional magician, so many of your outfits have a rather flamboyant aura about them. That's to be expected, I guess."

"I have regular clothes,' Zee objected.

"Those tend to be a little Goth,' Nimue replied.

"Goth? How do you even know about Goth?" Zee asked.

"I have eyes, you know? I see things,' Nimue justified. "I even have a computer, I'll have you know."

"Well, excuse me, Miss Twenty First Century,' Zee snidely said. "Besides, my clothes aren't that Goth. I mean not that much, really."

"Why do you want to dress like Laura Ingalls again?"

"I want to make a good impression,' Zee explained. "If she doesn't like me it will always be awkward and I'd like to avoid that."

"Well according to Malcolm Gladwell in Blink most people make an impression in the first six seconds, "Madame Xanadu replied. "So she already has an impression of you honey."

Zee turned and just looked at Nimue.

"Well aren't you just a fountain of information today." Her tone was rather snide. "Have you been watching Jeopardy or something?'

"Cute." Nimue replied. "They have these things called books, you should look into them."

"So I'm a Goth that doesn't read? I thought you were here to help me?"

"It's called tough love."

"Is that from another book?" Zee sarcastically asked.

The two women just stared at each other for a moment. Their glare-off was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell. It surprised them both.

"Did you order more food?" Zee asked.

"No."

"I wonder who that is?'

"Well…"

"If you say I could answer it and find out, I'm really going to be upset with you, Nimue."

"Just trying to be helpful,' Nimue said with a smile.

"Right."

Zatanna shook her head and went to the front door. Madame Xanadu was right behind her. Zee opened the door to find a young woman of medium height standing in the doorway smoking and chewing gum. She was rather thin, with blue hair and several facial piercings. She was wearing a black leather jacket over some sort of industrial punk outfit. She appeared to be in her early twenties. She gave Zatanna the once over with her eyes and then exhaled, blowing smoke in her face.

"Cough-Yes?" Zatanna said, waving the smoke away.

"I'm Epiphany Greaves or Epiphany Constantine now,' the woman said. "I want to talk to Zatanna Zatara. You her?"

"Um, yeah."

Epiphany nodded and then barged the apartment, basically pushing Zee out of the way. She looked with disdain at Madame Xanadu.

"Who's this? Your sister?"

Nimue smiled, while Zatanna rolled her eyes.

"That only encourages her,' Zee grumbled. She slowly closed the door, seeing the young woman wasn't leaving. Who she was Zee had no clue.

"Can I help you with something? Miss … what was it, Edie?"

"Epiphany, as in you're about to have one, sweets,' Epiphany counted.

Zee and Nimue looked at each other incredulously. What was with the attitude coming from this chick, they both seem to think. Epiphany took another hit off her cigarette and exhaled.

"Do you have to do that?"

"Don't try and change the subject," Epiphany snapped. "I'm on to you, Miss Zatanna! Big star thinks she can have anything she wants! Well sister, I'm here to tell you my husband is off limits!"

Madame Xanadu turned and looked at Zatanna.

"And you accuse me of getting around,' she said. "First you get pregnant with one man and now you're running around with this girl's husband?"

"What? No! I don't even know who her husband is,' Zee replied. "It doesn't matter anyway, I'm not sleeping with anyone! Well, you know, as of a couple of days ago, that is."

"And we're going to make sure it stays that way!" Epiphany growled. "You don't fool me, I know all about your meeting with my husband!"

"Who are you?" Zee asked in confusion.

"She met with your husband? Where? Was it in a cabin by a lake,' Nimue asked. "Could this be 'you know whose' secret wife that he hasn't told anyone about? Its always those Boy Scout types you have to watch out for."

Epiphany snorted with laughter at this.

"He's been called a lot of things, but Boy Scout ain't one of them."

"Look, I'm telling you I don't even know your husband and I'm certainly not having an affair with him,' Zee explained.

Epiphany took another long drag off her cigarette and then stepped closer to Zatanna.

"So that's the way you want to play it, huh?" She said. "All right, Miss magician, have it your way. I'm an alchemist and I know my share of black magic so I'm not just going to stand by and let you interfere with our marriage!"

Zee ran her fingers through her hair trying to wrap her mind around what was happening. She waved the smoke out of her face, as Epiphany blew it at her again.

"Did-Did you just-just threaten me?" She finally asked. "With magic? Seriously?"

"Oh, not worried about little old me and my magic are you?" Epiphany replied. "Well perhaps you won't be so dismissive if we do this the old school way. My father is one Terry Greaves and he knows how to handle little tarts like you!"

"Terry Greaves, the East End mobster?" Madame Xanadu asked. "The leg breaker?"

"That's the one!"

Zatanna looked at Nimue in shock.

"How do you even know these things?"

"I spent some time in London, I still have contacts in some circles,' Nimue offered.

"Contacts? Leg breakers? East End mobsters? Who are you friends with the Krays?"

"Look sweetie, one way or another you're going to stay away from my husband!" Epiphany demanded. "Is that clear?"

"I don't even know your husband!" Zee shouted in frustration. Just as she did, Epiphany put cigarette out in an empty pop can. She took her gum out next and stuck in under the coffee table rim.

"Don't bullshit to me, sweetie! I know you know him! John told me all about how you never got over him!"

Zatanna was looking at the pop can as the smoke curled out of it.

"Wait, wait, John?" She said. "John Constantine?"

"Oh, so now you remember,' Epiphany smugly said.

"You-You-Your married to-to-to John Constantine?" Zee asked, not quite believing it.

"Yes!"

"Why?" Nimue asked, leaning over Zatanna's shoulder.

"Because we love each other, 'Epiphany replied.

"No, seriously, why?" Nimue said.

"Yeah, did you lose a bet or something?" Zee added.

"You know he said you'd deny it,' Epiphany snapped. "You show business types are all alike. You think with your Hollywood good looks and your big plastic boobs, you can just take what you want! Not this time, bitch!"

"Hey!" Zee protested. "First of all, they are not that big and second they are most certainly real!"

"She did say you had Hollywood good looks.' Nimue pointed out.

"Oh, right, thanks for that,' Zee said to Epiphany. She then waved this off and got back on topic. "I'm not having any affair or anything with John Constantine, so you really and I mean really have nothing to worry about, Mrs. Constantine."

Zee turned to Nimue.

"Did that sound as weird to you as it did saying it?"

"Mrs. Constantine, yeah it did.' Nimue agreed.

Epiphany was not happy and she pulled a small switchblade out of her pocket and snapped it open.

"I'm serious! Unless you want those pretty features messed up permanently, stay away from John!"

"Oh, knife fight!" Nimue gasped. "It's just like Rip and Bernardo in West Side Story!"

Zatanna turned and gave her a look of confusion.

"Seriously, where are these references coming from?"

"I'm not screwing around here!" Epiphany shouted.

"Look, calm down, will you,' Zee said, holding up her hands in surrender. "I'm not having any kind of relationship with your husband. I think he's kind of a douchebag to be honest. Um, well, anyway I'm sure he's completely different with you. Probably much less of a douchebag than normal."

Epiphany grabbed the front of Zee's shirt and pulled her close.

"You've been warned, honey, stay away from John!"

She pushed her away and then stormed out of the apartment, slamming the door after her.

"Well, that was unpleasant,' Nimue said.

"Do you believe that little prick, accusing me of sleeping with her husband?" Zee complained.

"Well you did think about it, didn't you? When you were looking for someone to get you pregnant,' Nimue pointed out.

"But I didn't tell him!" Zee complained. Nimue had turned away and was looking at the coffee table. Zatanna shook her head and dropped down on the couch. "I can't believe this is happen. As if I didn't have enough worries already now Constantine's wife is threatening me! What more could go wrong?"

"Someone is going to have to get that gum off there before it hardens,' Nimue said. "It's probably still all wet with her saliva. It's absolutely disgusting."

A shudder went through Madame Xanadu at the very thought. Zee just sighed and dropped her head into her hands.

* * *

The Watchtower

Collectors are not normal people. They tend to be a different breed than the rest of the population. They are not to be confused with hoarders. Hoarders are basically pigs that save everything, from old magazines to their toenails. It doesn't make a difference to them, they save it all.

A collector is someone that has stood in line for nine hours in the freezing rain. They're someone who scours flea markets and yard sales, as well as attends antique shows in hopes of finding that one special item. They will harass manufacturers to get extra pieces to fix toys they find. When it comes to collectors and their precious collections they had all the control and restrain of four year olds. They can make other collectors, presumably grown ups cry when they outbid them at auctions. They will curse others and the heavens when another reaches something faster than they do. They will even run for their dear lives from other collectors just because they got to something 'very' rare before them.

Fistfights have been known to break out.

Collectors are not...normal people, they tend to be very protective of their toys/series/things and take 'infractions' as personal insults directed at them.

Mary Marvel sat alone at one of the tables in the lounge. It was covered with diagrams, lay outs, schematics and time tables. Next to her was a rather large jar filled with change. As she once more went over her figures to make sure they were absolutely correct, there was a intense look of concentration on her face. Her tongue just barely slipped out of the side of her mouth, which of course showed just how deadly serious she was.

The door to the lounge opened as Courtney and Kara came in. They were laughing about something as they made their way over to Mary's table.

"Hey, Mary, we've been looking all over for you,' Courtney said. "What are you doing?"

Mary seemed surprised to seem them, as she was totally focused on what she was working on. She blushed a little when she looked up and then started to gather her papers hastily.

"Um, N-Nothing."

Kara reached over and snagged a couple of the papers.

"Give me those!" Mary shouted. "They're mine!"

"Time tables? Warehouse schematics? What is all this Mary?" Kara asked.

"It's just something I'm working on,' Mary replied, snapping the paper from Kara's hand.

"C-4? Delay timers?" Courtney read off another sheet. "Mary what's all this about?"

"N-N-Nothing."

"Let me see that,' Kara said to Courtney. She looked at the paper once Courtney handed it to her and then a scowl came over her face. "Mary! Are you serious?"

"What?" Courtney asked, not following Kara.

"These are diagrams of the Barbie warehouse in Gotham!" Kara said, thrusting the papers towards Mary. "You were thinking of blowing it up, weren't you, Mary?"

"Oh, come on, Kara, that's a bit much, don't you think?" Courtney said with a laugh. "You weren't really thinking about that were you Mary? Mary? ... Um, Mary?"

"Ah, well, no, of course not.' Mary offered.

"Mary!" Kara demanded.

"Okay, yes, I was thinking about it, satisfied?"

"Mary that's illegal!" Courtney gasped.

"Is it?" Mary countered. "Trotsky said there are no absolute rules of conduct, either in peace or war. Everything depends on circumstances."

"Trotsky?" Kara asked, the look on her face not quite buying it. "You can't be a commie and a materialist, Mary. You're taking this Barbie thing way too far!"

"You aren't seriously thinking of blowing a building, are you, Mary?" Courtney asked.

"Where force is necessary, then it must be applied boldly, decisively and completely." Mary offered. "That's from Trotsky too."

"Great,' Kara grumbled. "Trotsky also ended up with an ice pick in his eye. Seriously Mary you've really gone off the deep end this time!"

"I think we need an intervention,' Courtney added. "Like right now!"

"Well what am I supposed to do,' Mary asked. "They didn't take my petition seriously and are going ahead with that sacrilegious Barbie. I'm just striking a blow for all the true Barbie fans everywhere!"

Kara rolled her eyes and sighed. She gestured to Courtney and the two of them sat down on either side of Mary. Courtney took Mary's hand in hers.

"We're heroes, remember? Blowing up buildings really not in the manual,' Courtney said. "Let's get some perspective here, okay? It's just a doll."

"No, it's not! It's Barbie!" Mary immediately replied. "If I'm going to make my voice heard I have to take to the streets! The revolution will not be televised!"

"Okay, Che, dial it back a little,' Kara said. "Look, I understand you're upset about the new Barbie, but armed revolt isn't the way to go."

"By the way, what's the change for?" Courtney asked. "That's not your Barbie money, is it?"

"No, of course not,' Mary replied. "It's my babysitting money. I was going to see if I could buy a billboard right in the center of Gotham, you know near Wayne tower to ask Batman to sign my petition. I thought I had him cornered on the station the other day, but he just sort of disappeared into the shadows."

Kara snapped her fingers.

'That's it, Wayne towers,' she said. "Mary instead of going all urban guerilla, you need to get someone rich and powerful behind your cause. Bruce Wayne is just he man you need to see!"

Kara glanced over and Courtney and winked.

"Right, right, Bruce Wayne, absolutely!" Courtney quickly chimed in. "He's friends with Batman too, so maybe he could help you convince him to sign the petition!"

Kara had a full head of steam now and plunged ahead.

"That's right, Mary, Bruce Wayne is definitely the man you need to talk to,' Kara quickly added. "He's like rich squared. He probably even has Barbie stock, so he'd be able to talk directly to the board!"

"You think he'd see me?" Mary asked.

"I know he would,' Kara replied. She sat back with a rather satisfied smile on her face. "I happen to know someone that works for him, so I can call and get you in to see him. What do you say?"

"I'll do it! Anything to save Barbie's reputation!"

"So no demolition man, right?"

Mary seemed reluctant to give up that option.

"Mary?"

"All right,' Mary finally agreed. "I had it all worked out, you know; I would have gotten away with it. I would have been striking a blow against the man!"

"Mary, I really don't think the people that make Barbie are considered the Man,' Courtney offered. "Just stick with talking to Bruce Wayne."

"All right."

Kara suddenly got a huge grin on her face.

"Oh, but be careful around him, Mary,' she said. "You must have heard about his playboy reputation, haven't you?"

"Yes, so?"

"They say he's very charming,' Kara replied.

Courtney saw Kara wink again and knew where she was going with this.

"He likes his women young, I hear,' Courtney added.

"Very young,' Kara said.

"What-What are you saying?" Mary asked in concern.

"Just be on guard, Mary, he might put the moves on you,' Courtney said.

"Yeah,' Kara added. "He'll seem all nice and then wham, you're on your back, legs in the air and he'd moving in for the conquest!"

"But he's so old!" Mary gasped. "He's like twice my age! That's perverted!"

"You know those rich people, they like a challenge,' Courtney replied. "They think the rules don't apply to them. Dating hot girls half their age is a status symbol for guys like Bruce Wayne. Just focus on getting him to help you with Barbie. Don't let him work his charm on you or wham!"

"Maybe I shouldn't go to see him,' Mary said, backpedaling now as she thought about it. The thought of some pervy old rich guy hitting on her was a little upsetting.

"Oh, you can handle me, Mary, just by on guard,' Kara said trying to reassure her. "Stay strong and just keep an eye out if he tries to get close to you. I hear that's his first move. Whatever you do, don't let him put his arm around you or wham!"

"Don't be afraid to hit him if you have to, Mary,' Courtney added. "Men like him respect that."

"I don't know,' Mary said.

"Barbie's depending on you, Mary, are you going to let her and all the fans down?" Kara asked.

"You're right, I'll do it! He'll just have to keep his pervy hands to himself!" Mary announced and then marched out of the lounge. As soon as the door closed, Courtney and Kara doubled over with laughter.

"Oh, you're evil, Kara, evil!"

"You took part too, don't blame it all on me,' Kara replied.

They were still laughing when the door opened and Diana walked in. Kara saw her and turned away, not even acknowledging her. Diana rolled her eyes and sighed, before walking over to Kara.

"Kara, I know you're upset with me, but snubbing me is just rude,' Diana stated.

"Aren't you snubbing her cousin?" Courtney asked.

"Yes, but that's different," Diana replied, taking a step closer.

"Careful, Diana, you don't want to stand too close to me or someone might think you're my mom,' Kara replied. "I know who horrible you think that would be."

The snotty tone of voice Kara used put emphasis on her point.

"Kara, I'm only ten years older than you, how would you feel?" Diana asked.

"Well, Karen didn't go all crazy and they thought she was my aunt,' Kara countered. "We don't even like each other. I mean, Jeez, Diana, is being mistaken for my mom the worst thing in the world?"

"Kara, it's just that I'm not that old.' Diana tried to explain. "It's not the thought of being your mother, it's the thought that they think I'm old enough to be your mother that bothered me!"

"So you'd have been just as upset if they thought you were Courtney's mother?" Kara asked.

"Yes!"

"Hey! What the fuck, Diana, what's wrong with being my mom?" Courtney exclaimed. "Why are you dragging me into this anyway?"

Diana rolled her eyes and sighed.

"Language, Courtney, how many times do I have to say it,' Diana groaned.

"Well you're not my mom, Diana, which you seem to be very happy about,' Courtney said and then stormed out of the room. Kara looked at Courtney and then back and Diana. She shook her head in disappointment.

"Nice one, Diana, you insulted her."

Kara followed Courtney, leaving a confused and frustrated Diana standing in the lounge.

* * *

The Watchtower

Zatanna transported in. She wanted to check her closets on the station for anything that might be a little more conservative and plain. She doubted it, but there was no harm checking. As she walked towards her room, Dinah appeared and came over to her.

"Zatanna, just the person I wanted to talk to,' Dinah said.

"Hey, you wouldn't have any clothes that aren't slutty would you?" Zee absently asked. Dinah put her hands on her hips and was clearly not happy about the question.

"What the hell is that suppose to mean? Are you saying I dress like a slut?"

Oh, great, Zatanna thought, now another person hates me.

"No, no, that's wasn't what I meant, it's just I need something conservative to wear,' she offered. "You know, like Laura Ingalls, that sort of thing."

"Why?" Dinah asked. "You're pregnant so you're going to become Amish?"

"Laura Ingalls wasn't Amish,' Zee replied. "I mean, I don't think she was. I know she went blind, but I sort of stopped watching the reruns after that. Or was that her sister that went blind?"

"Why do you want to dress like the Amish anyway?"

"I'm having dinner with Martha Kent,' Zee explained. "You know, country people are more traditional."

"I thought you were done with that part of it,' Dinah asked. "I mean you just wanted him to help you get pregnant, right? Is it more than that between you two?'

Dinah's pointed questions put Zatanna on the defensive.

"What? No, no, I just want to make a good impression that's all,' Zee quickly explained. "I mean she will sort of be the grandmother, so I don't want her to hate me."

"So you and Clark aren't still together?" Dinah pointedly asked.

"Not really, why?"

"I wanted to borrow him,' Dinah stated.

"Borrow him?"

"Yes, I want to tell Plastic Man that I'm dating Clark so he'll leave me alone,' Dinah explained. "I'm desperate, Zee."

"Aren't you already dating Ollie?" Zee asked. She wasn't really sure she liked the idea of Dinah and Clark even pretending to date. "Why don't you just tell Plastic Man that you're with Ollie?"

"I have, but he doesn't believe me,' Dinah replied. "He thinks Ollie's not good enough for me. I figured if I say Clark and I are in love, that will get him off my back."

"In love? I don't know, have you asked Clark?" Zee said.

"No, I wanted to make sure it was okay with you first,' Dinah offered. "I mean I don't know what the status of your relationship with him is. I know you said he was sort of a stud for you, but if it's more I don't want to get mixed up in it."

"What? No, no, it's not more,' Zee quickly said, brushing the suggestion off.

"So then you won't mind?"

"I guess if Clark's all right with it." Zee unenthusiastically said.

"Oh, great, thanks, Zee!"

Dinah hugged her and then took off down the hall looking for Clark. Zatanna stood watching her go. She did not have a happy expression on her face.

* * *

Gotham

Alfred was standing in the kitchen just finishing up a phone call as Bruce walked in.

"Yes, Miss Kara, I understand completely,' Alfred said. "I'd be happy to help. Of course, I'll keep an eye out for her. Yes, yes, you're most welcome."

Bruce was glancing at the paper as Alfred hung up the phone.

"Who was that?"

"Miss Kara Kent, she asked for a favor,' Alfred explained.

Bruce put the paper down and leaned back against the counter, crossing his arms.

"Oh, this should be good,' he said with a smile. "What does she want?"

"A friend of hers wishes to meet with you to ask a favor,' Alfred replied. "I said I would make sure she got to see you. It sounded harmless enough and Miss Kara said the young woman is very sweet."

"A friend?' Bruce asked. He suddenly had a bad feeling about it. "Did she happen to mention this friend's name?"

"I believe her name was Mary Batson, Master Bruce."

"Oh, shit,' Bruce groaned.


	39. Chapter 39

Down with Love, well sort of…

Gotham - Stately Wayne Manor

Bruce was pacing in his study as Alfred watched him with concern. Occasionally Bruce would mutter something about Kara and what he'd like to do to her with the ring he had in his belt, but Alfred couldn't quite make it out.

"I'm not sure I see the problem Master Bruce,' Alfred finally said. "Was Miss Kara lying when she described this young lady as sweet?'

"What? Oh, no, she wasn't lying,' Bruce admitted. "No entirely that is."

"Yet this Miss Batson causes you distress?"

"Miss Batson is Mary Marvel, Alfred,' Bruce explained. "She's a rather sweet, innocent young woman, but she's also a pain in the ass at times. This would be one of those times."

"Why, sir?"

"Barbie."

"Excuse me?' Alfred wasn't quite sure he heard him correctly.

"Mary is a Barbie collector or nut, depending on your point of view,' Bruce said. "Apparently she went a little apeshit over some new version of the doll the makers are coming out with. She went around with a petition trying to get all the members of the Justice League to sign it. She made a special point to get the senior members to sign."

"You didn't." It wasn't a question, Alfred certainly knew Bruce better than just about anyone.

"No."

"I see."

"Now she's hounding me to sign,' Bruce continued. "Knowing Kara, I can just see her suggesting Mary come visit Bruce Wayne, Batman's 'friend' to get his help. I'm going to have to have a long talk with Clark about his little cousin. Assuming he survives Diana and Karen, that is."

There was a moment of silence and then Bruce heard a soft chuckle. He turned and saw the smile on Alfred's face.

"You find this amusing, old man?"

Alfred tried to keep a straight face, but was having difficulty with it.

"Certainly not, sir."

Bruce stared at him for a moment and then just waved it off.

"You're a shitty actor, Alfred."

"Why not just sign the petition and be done with it?" Alfred asked.

"It's a doll!" Bruce said in exasperation. He got his voice under control before he continued. "It's just a doll, Alfred, but Mary has no perspective on this. It's like she's on a mission with a single-minded focus. Everything else is secondary to her goal. It's rather frightened how intense she is about it. Can you imagine what its like to be around someone like that, Alfred?"

"A driven, single minded, goal oriented person, yes, I think I can imagine what that's like, Master Bruce,' Alfred dryly replied.

"Sarcasm? Really? Is your 401k doing that well, old man?" Bruce asked. "Think you got enough to fund your retirement, is that it?"

"My portfolio is doing quite well, thank you.' Alfred replied. "I've diversified out of just a 401k, sir; no one sticks all his eggs in one basket anymore. But getting back to the subject at hand, I take it the infamous glare hasn't worked on the young lady?"

"No, besides, when I try it the look she gets in her eyes makes me feel like I just told her there is no Santa Claus,' Bruce admitted. "It's getting to the point I've even considered breaking Toyman out of jail just to distract her."

"Toyman, sir?"

"She hates him,' Bruce stated. "Well, just about every woman in the League hates him, but he seems to have a special way of getting to her."

"Perhaps you should try something less illegal, Master Bruce,' Alfred suggested. 'You have been known to be rather charming when you want to be. Especially with the young ladies as your reputation indicates."

Bruce stopped and considered this for a moment. He did have quite a bit of success with women. Sure being a handsome billionaire helped, a lot, but he could be charming if he wanted to. Still there was something about trying that on Mary that bothered him.

"I don't know,' Bruce said with a shake of his head. "There would be a whole creepy old guy vibe if I tried to charm Mary. It would be like being a bus driver leering at high school girls and saying some thing like _"that's a lovely blouse you have on young lady."_

Bruce stopped pacing and faced the older man.

"One creepy comment like that and you never recover, Alfred."

"I wasn't suggesting you hit on her, Master Bruce, just be charming,' Alfred countered. "From everything I've heard about Mary Marvel she seems like a lovely young lady."

"She is,' Bruce admitted. "She's polite and a bit innocent, but very sweet. I almost wish some of that would rub off on Damian."

At the mention of his name both men stopped what they were doing. Mary was expected any minute and Damian had a special way of greeting all the guests to the mansion. As if on cue, they heard his young voice outside of the mansion shout.

"Intruder!"

Bruce dropped his head into his hands.

"Oh, shit."

Alfred suddenly looked up, as a rumble went overhead and then a crack of lightening flashed in the window.

"Inclement weather?" He said. "I don't remember that in the forecast."

* * *

The Watchtower

Zee was sitting in the cafeteria with Dinah, Mari, Shayera and Wally. She still hadn't found anything to wear and time was running short. Of the jumble of things on her mind, it was at the forefront.

"So you don't have any normal clothes?' Shayera asked.

"Yes, of course I do, but not normal for 1950. I mean it's a farm, you know?' Zee replied. "Hey, you must have something, Shayera. I mean you're sort of conservative. You were a cop or something weren't you? That just screams ill-fitting pantsuit and flats. You must have closets full of frumpy stuff, right?"

"No."

She just glared at Zatanna, who raised her hands in surrender. She quickly offered an apology.

"Okay, my mistake, you're too school for cool, sorry."

"I'm what?" Shayera asked.

"Forget it,' Zee replied. "Who on this station would have something like that in their closet?"

"Diana?" Dinah offered.

"I'm trying to avoid her at the moment,' Zee offered. "Besides, she's a little bigger in key areas than I am."

"She's a little bigger than all of us,' Shayera added.

"Well, except maybe Dinah,' Zee mused. "Of course that could just be the way that corset pushes everything up and out."

"Hey! First of all, it's not a corset!" Dinah exclaimed. She leaned forward, pointing her finger at Zatanna. "And second there is no way I'm in Diana's category. I mean come on, her and Power Girl make us all seem flat chested!"

"I wouldn't go that far,' Zee complained. Before she could continue her protest, Mari interrupted. She had been looking at Wally and he seemed unusually quiet.

"Wally? Is something wrong?" She asked. The others turned towards him too and noticed his sullen state. "This seems right in your wheel house, women talking about breast size and you haven't said anything? Something's wrong, isn't it?"

"No."

He didn't look any of them in the eye.

"Wally?"

"It's-It's just…" he started to say, but then couldn't seem to continue. The others were getting concern now.

"Whatever it is, Wally, we're here for you,' Dinah offered. "You can tell us anything. So what's bothering you?"

He looked at each of the ladies and then nodded. The emotion was plain on his face.

"It's just you want to believe, you know? You want to believe that love is out there for all of us, but then you get the news about Kim and Kris,' he whispered. "It was such a shock, I'm not going to lie to you. If those two crazy kids can't make it work, what chance do any of us have? I mean it just makes you want to say 'down with love', it's not worth hoping."

A collective silence followed his declaration.

"Okay, there's a minute and a half of my life I'm never getting back." Zatanna said, breaking the silence. "So any ideas who might have some clothes around here that aren't slutty?"

Shayera turned to Wally with an incredulous look on her face.

"Kim and Kris? Seriously?"

"I just didn't see it coming,' he admitted. "First Kat Von D and Jesse James couldn't make it, now this! If rich attractive people with no talent or real jobs can't make it work, what chance do any of us have? It really shakes your faith in love, you know?"

"Aren't you dating your dream girl right now?" Zee asked.

"Hey, that's right!" Wally suddenly remembered. His mood instantly brightened. "Thanks Zee! Oh, by the way, as far as you ladies breast sizes, you know what they say _more than a hand f_…"

Shayera reached over and grabbed him by the throat.

"You really don't want to finish that sentence,' she growled. "I mean you really don't."

She released him and sat back, still glaring at him.

"Okay, jeez, talk about touchy,' Wally said, adjusting his collar. "May I at least say I think you're all doing really well in that department?"

"Well, I guess that's okay,' Shayera reluctantly replied.

"Some better than others, but hey, not everyone's a breast man!" Wally said, wagging his eyebrows.

"You know I had my hand on your throat and I just knew I shouldn't have taken it off."

"How do you know I was talking about you?" Wally asked. "I think you have very nice breasts, Shayera."

She looked at him for a moment. Slowly she crossed her arms in front of her.

"I don't know whether to say thank you or hit you,' she said. She glanced around the table and found the others looking at her, but not in the eye. "Stop looking at my breasts!"

Instinctively, she reached out and slapped Wally.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"Um, well, ah, you-you started it,' she hesitantly replied.

"Some people just can't take a compliment,' Wally bemoaned.

Zee shook her head and tried getting them back on the topic.

"So moving away from Shayera's breasts and leaving Diana out of the conversation, who dresses conservatively around here?'

"Mary Marvel,' Wally suggested. "She's got that whole school girl look down to a science."

"Why does the thought of you noticing what Mary is wearing seem even creepier than your thoughts of Shayera's breasts?" Zee replied.

"Could we stop talking about my breasts please?' Shayera groaned. She turned to Wally with a glare. "It's your fault! Oh and don't even think of Mary like that or you're dead. She's a kid, for God sake!"

"I wasn't! I don't!" Wally protested. "I was just commenting on her wardrobe! I have a girlfriend, remember?"

"That's the second time someone's said that,' Shayera observed. "You're serious, aren't you? You really are dating someone?"

"Yes."

"Does she know it?"

"Yes!"

"Really?"

"YES!"

Shayera just sat there looking at him, as if she couldn't believe it.

"You know Mary's actually pretty close to Wally in age,' Mari offered. The glare the others gave her made her cringe just a bit. "I was just saying."

"Well, Mary wouldn't work anyway,' Zee continued. "I want to look like an adult, just not a slutty one."

"Plus the whole school girl thing wouldn't send the right message either,' Dinah added.

"You know you say slutty and it sounds like a pejorative,' Wally observed. "I don't know if you realize this, but most men don't have a negative reaction to a woman being slutty."

"How about their moms?" Zee fired back.

"Well, sure, they're not crazy about it,' Wally admitted. "But guys, that's a winner just about every time, believe me."

"So is this 'girlfriend' you claim to have, slutty?" Shayera snidely asked.

"No! Of course not!" Wally protested. "That was really uncalled for, Shayera! I mean you're sitting around in a skin tight green and yellow leotard I would point out!"

Now Shayera was really angry.

"Are you suggesting I dress slutty?" She demanded. Zatanna tried to head off a confrontation by interjecting her view on Wally's statement.

"I'm sure that wasn't what he meant, I think he was commenting on your color scheme,' Zee offered. When Shayera turned her glare on Zee, she backtracked. "I could be wrong, of course."

"That is something I've been wondering about. Why green and yellow?" Mari ventured. "Are those like your national colors or something?"

"It makes me think of an ear of corn,' Wally added. He got a slap for that.

"Now I thought it was a uniform,' Dinah offered. 'You know, like a Thanagarian unitard for cops, that sort of thing."

"Why would you dress cops in unitards?" Zee asked. "Even the hawk guys wear them, so they can't be unitards even though they look a lot like them. I would have thought you'd go with the bird motif."

"What like a feather outfit?" Dinah asked.

"Well, no, since she has wings that would be overkill,' Zee admitted. "I guess I was thinking something more bird like."

"Do they even have hawks on Thanagar?" Mari asked.

"Sure they do,' Wally replied. "Your people evolved from them, didn't they, Shayera?"

"Wh-What?" She gasped in disbelief. "We didn't evolve from hawks, you idiot! I've been here for three years and you don't know anything about my people or me! "

She happened to glance at the others and noticed they were strangely silent. they seemed to find the table top and the ceiling suddenly very interesting.

"None of you do, do you?"

"Um, well, we know you didn't evolve from hawks,' Zee weakly offered. "That's something."

"I just told you that!"

"And I was listening,' Zee offered with a smile. It didn't go over too well with Shayera, but thankfully, Wally spoke up again.

"You really didn't evolve from hawks?" Wally asked. "You could knock me over with a feather. No pun intended, well, yeah, it was."

He had a big smile on his face. The others couldn't help but chuckle at this.

"How about I knocking you over with my fist?" Shayera growled.

"I like the feather idea better."

Shayera was a little hurt and angry about all of this.

"So because I'm Hawk girl, you just assumed I evolved from a hawk? Really?" She asked.

"Well, yeah."

"How about Hawk and Dove, did you think they evolved from those birds too?" Shayera asked him.

"Well, no, I just assumed that was some sort of metaphor,' Wally replied. "You know, like Hammer time, cause he's M.C. Hammer. I guess I thought you were like Etrigan, you know. He's a demon, it's right there in the name."

"Didn't your step mom, Madame Xanadu used to date him?" Dinah asked Zatanna.

"Yes, but that was in the dark ages,' Zee replied. "Rather slim pickings back then, I guess. It was before they discovered dentistry and shampoo, things like that."

"Wow, she really gets around,' Dinah joked.

"Hey! Watch it!" Zee complained.

"Speaking of slutty,' Wally joked. This got him a glare and a finger point from Zatanna.

"Keep it up and you'll have no use for slutty girls.' She warned. She held her index finger and thumb apart and then slowly brought them together. Wally shivered and gulped.

"Don't even joke about that, Zee."

"Wait a second, isn't Helena a school teacher?" Mari interjected. "That's the look you were going for, wasn't it?'

"Well, yeah, but Helena? Really?"

"I got to agree with Zee on this. Helena has more of a hot for teacher feel about her,' Wally added. "Hey, how about Barda? She's playing housewife, isn't she?'

"She's nine feet tall!" Zee gasped. "I'd look like a child playing dress up in her clothes."

"Why don't you just go shopping at Wal-Mart?" Dinah suggested.

"I'm boycotting Wal-Mart,' Zee replied.

"Really? Is it because of how they treat their female workers and ruin small towns?" Dinah asked.

Zee squirmed a bit.

"Um, well, yeah, that too." She finally said. The others looked at her waiting for the real reason. "Okay, I think they're tacky, but the whole treating small towns and females are good reasons too."

"And I wonder why you people don't know anything about me or my people,' Shayera groaned and shook her head in disbelief.

"That's not fair." Wally objected. "I've only really met one Thanagarian, you. I've met lots of Canadians and there are all kinds of things I don't know about them."

"Such as?"

"Why do they have a beaver on their money?" Wally instantly said. "I mean, really, a beaver? Out of the whole animal kingdom, you pick a beaver? Why not a wood chuck?'

"Aren't those the same thing?" Zee asked.

"Um, there's another question for the Canadians,' Wally replied.

"This is getting us no where,' Dinah said. "Zee I'm sure you'll figure something out. I've got to find Superman and ask him for his help."

At the mention of Superman, Zatanna remembered the other main thing that had been on her mind all day. Since Dinah had asked her about using Clark as her pretend boyfriend to get rid of Plastic Man, Zee had been thinking about it a lot. She found she didn't really like the idea of Clark being even Dinah's pretend boyfriend. As the day went on she found she didn't like the idea of him being anyone's boyfriend.

"You know, I've been thinking,' she said. "Maybe he's not the best guy for you, Dinah. You know with Diana and Karen and all that. If you're going to get a pretend boyfriend, why not Arthur?"

"Arthur?"

"Yeah, he's a king!" Zee said. She was doing her best to sell it. "Since you're pretending, you could even pretend you're going to be a Queen."

"I don't know,' Dinah replied. "Pretending to be a Queen does sound like fun, but Arthur? He's kind of a pompous prick, isn't he?"

"A pretend pompous prick or a real pompous prick?" Wally asked.

"Real."

"Well sure,' Zee admitted. She wasn't giving up so easily, she pressed ahead with her sales pitch. "But he's not around that much, so you could really enjoy being a pretend Queen. I've seen the way you look at Diana's tiara, I know you wonder what it would be like. I really think you should think about it."

"Isn't he married?' Mari asked.

Zatanna groaned and looked at her.

"Did you not hear me say pretend? Quit trying to complicate things, will you?"

Dinah leaned back and seemed to mull it over.

"I don't know,' she finally said. "The tiara would be kind of cool, but there's the fact he's a pompous prick and also his outfit really clashes with mine. Orange and green really doesn't go with black and blue."

"It's pretend!" Zee exclaimed. She decided not to push Arthur any more and went with another suggestion. "How about Batman, then? Matching costumes and you like Gotham. It's a match made in heaven. Plus Bruce is rich, he could buy you your own tiara."

"That's true,' Dinah replied, weighting this option. "Oh, wait, she's got Mary Marvel to deal with right now."

"Damn it,' Zee cursed under her breath. Those were the only two she'd thought about. She decided to just wing it. "How about Hal?"

Dinah stiffened at this.

"Why would you suggest him? Nothing's going on between Hal and me! What are you trying to imply, Zatanna?"

"Um, well, that you're friends?"

Dinah was almost in a fighting stance. Zatanna realized, Hal was definitely a miscalculation as far as a pretend boyfriend for Dinah. Damn it, she thought, I should have went with Mr. Terrific!

"I think I'm just going to stick with Superman,' Dinah said, glaring at Zatanna. "Now if you'll excuse me, I think I better find him and ask him."

"Hey, one quick thing, don't ask him if you're too big up top,' Wally suggested. He made the universal gesture with his hands to drive the point home. Shayera scowled at him, but didn't say anything. This stopped Dinah in her tracks.

"Why would I ask him that?"

"I'm saying don't,' Wally replied. "You might not like the answer."

"What the hell does that mean?"

Wally turned to Shayera.

"See, she just proved my point,' he said with a triumphant smile.

"So this 'girlfriend', she's alive, right?" Shayera asked. "You didn't order her in the mail and blow her up, did you?"

"Yes, she's real!" Wally shouted. He then turned to Dinah. "Oh and don't ask Big Blue about your teeth either."

"What? Why? Why would I ask him about my teeth?" Dinah demanded. "What's wrong with my teeth?"

"Jonn thinks they're too white,' Wally replied. 'But you didn't hear that from me, okay?"

"Her teeth are too white? What?" Zee asked. She turned and glanced at her, but Dinah was holding her hand over her mouth.

"I think he meant that as a compliment,' Mari suggested. "You know, something like Dinah you have lovely teeth, that sort of thing."

"Who tells someone they have lovely teeth?" Zee asked. "That's like saying nice kneecaps and elbows."

"Are my teeth really too white?" Dinah asked, taking her hand away and tentatively smiling. The others looked for a moment. They glanced at each other before replying.

"Um, ah, well, define 'too white', Dinah.' Zee offered. Dinah quickly closed her mouth in a scowl and started marching out of the cafeteria. Zatanna got up and followed her. The others watched them go.

"You know she's going to ask him about her teeth, don't you?" Mari said to Wally.

"I do now." Wally admitted.

* * *

Outside in the hallway, Zatanna hadn't given up on changing Dinah's mind on who should be her pretend boyfriend.

"How about Booster Gold?" She suggested. "He's got nice teeth too."

"No." Dinah mumbled, not opening her mouth.

"Shining Knight? Everything that comes out of his mouth sounds like poetry."

"I can never understand a word he says,' Dinah admitted. "It's like reading Beowulf or Chaucer. I even thought the movie sucked. I know they are important and supposed to be beautiful, but I'm completely lost."

"I just pretend everything he says is something about how beautiful he thinks I am,' Zee offered. "It makes our conversations so much more enjoyable."

Dinah considered this for a moment.

"That would make talking to him a lot better,' she admitted. "No, I'll stick with Clark."

"Really? Are you sure,' Zee persisted. "How about really throwing Plastic Man off and telling him you're in love with Fire or Ice?"

Dinah stopped and looked at Zee.

"Guys like lesbians, remember?"

"Yeah, that's true,' Zee reluctantly admitted. Damn it, she thought, I really should have made a list.

"What's this about, Zee? I thought you said there was nothing between the two of you? Is there something you're not telling me?" Dinah asked.

"What? No, no, no,' Zee quickly replied, denying it. "We haven't slept together since we found out about the baby. Can't I just try and look out for a friend? I, um, well; I don't want you to get caught up in something, you know, with Karen and Diana. Yeah, that's it, I'm looking out for you."

Dinah looked at her for a moment and then smiled.

"Thanks Zee, you're a real friend,' she said. "I'm not really that worried though, they're mostly pissed at Clark, but thanks."

She gave Zatanna a hug and then walked away.

"Shit!" Zee said under her breath. That wasn't the result she wanted. Another thought seemed to come to her mind as she watched Dinah walk away. "I never noticed it before, but she really does have white teeth."

* * *

Gotham

Bruce and Alfred came running out of the house to find Mary holding Damian down with a knife pointed at him.

"Say it!" she yelled.

"Okay! I'm sorry! I'm really sorry!" Damian gasped. "Don't cut me!"

Mary stepped back and finally noticed Bruce and Alfred.

"Oh, hi, I'm Mary,' she said. "Kara called about a meeting?"

The two men watched a rather terrified Damian crawl quickly away from Mary.

"You threatened him with a knife?" Bruce finally asked.

"What? No, no, he attacked me,' Mary replied. "He had a dirty little smile on his face like someone else I've met, so I had to defend myself. It's his knife, I just took it off him."

Mary glanced down at the knife in her hand.

"It is a really nice knife though."

"I'll just take that off your hands miss,' Alfred cautiously said, gently prying the knife from Mary's fingers.

"I never get to keep the knife,' she glumly whispered.

'Where are my manners, I'm Bruce Wayne, ' he said, turning on the charm.

"I'm Mary Batson or Marvel, Mr. Wayne,' she replied.

"Pleasure to meet you, Mary,' Bruce offered, taking her hand in his. "May I call you Mary?"

"I guess."

Kara and Courtney had warned Mary about Bruce Wayne and his moves. So far he hadn't tried anything, but she was keeping an eye on him.

"Why don't you come inside, Mary?" Bruce said. "I understand you want to talk to me?"

"Yes, sir, I do."

"Please, call me Bruce."

"All-All-All right,' Mary nervously said. He was still holding her hand and now started to put his arm around her to usher her into the house.

"Why don't we go to my den, where we can be alone and talk,' Bruce suggested.

Warning bells went off in Mary's head and she jumped away from him. The key words she heard in the sentence were **den** and **alone**. He's making a move on me, she thought.

"Couldn't we talk out here?" She nervously asked.

"The den is more comfortable."

"I'll just bet it is,' Mary muttered under her breath. "Kara and Courtney were right, he is a pervert!"

Damian had recovered and was sneaking up behind Mary. She suddenly whirled around and glared at him. Even the kid's a pervert, she thought. I guess the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

"It's not nice to sneak up on people,' she chastised Damian.

"Sorry."

He moved quickly away from her, still a little shook up from before.

"Perhaps some hot chocolate, miss,' Alfred offered.

"Yes, please,' Mary said with a smile.

"I'll bring it to you in the den,' Alfred replied, ushering Damian inside.

The den again, Mary thought, that must be where he seduces all his women. He's even got that nice old man helping him. Well, it's not going to work on me, Mr. Wayne, she thought.

"Come on, I'll show you the way,' Bruce said with a smile. He was trying to be his nicest with Mary. He put his hand on her lower back to escort her into the den like a gentleman, not knowing what was going through her mind.

If he's hand goes any lower, I'm going to slap him, Mary thought. I'm not that type of girl!

* * *

The Watchtower

Dinah finally found Clark and was just about to call to him, when she saw Diana step out from one of rooms. Clark saw her too. Before he could say anything, Karen slipped up behind him and punched him in the shoulder. The two women smiled and then walked off without a word.

"Jeez that hurt!" Clark groaned, rubbing his shoulder.

"Um, hi, Clark, you busy?" Dinah said.

He looked at her for a moment, still rubbing his arm.

"Well, no, I guess not. You're not going to hit me are you?"

"No, I don't think so,' Dinah replied. "I just wanted to talk, remember?"

Oh, yeah, right." The lack of enthusiasm was plain in his voice. Clark vividly remembered the results of their previous talks. He sighed, seemingly giving in to the inevitable. "Okay, let's talk."

"Great!"

She smiled and gestured towards the nearest conference room. As the door opened and they were just about to enter, Dinah stopped and looked at him.

"You don't think my teeth are too white do you?"


	40. Chapter 40

The Eternal Struggle

The Watchtower

_"You don't think my teeth are too white do you?"_

The words hung in the air and Clark felt a headache coming on. He'd been down this road with Dinah before. Digging himself out of it had only caused other problems. He was really starting to think he should just avoid talking to women all together. He weighted his options.

Answer one: yes your teeth are too white. Now Clark was a pretty smart guy. On say a standardized IQ test, he would probably score in the top 1 percentile. Running over what Dinah's reactions might be to this answer, he really didn't see it being a positive one. Moving on.

Answer two: no, your teeth aren't too white. That seemed like the safe answer, but he'd been fooled before. He had a feeling she would have a follow up question. More questions meant his chances of screwing up the answer increased. Yeah, really should stop talking to women for a while, he thought.

Answer three: just kiss her. It had worked really well with Zatanna, really well. Wait, Zatanna, the woman currently pregnant with your child, Clark thought. For some reason as soon as he thought of Zee, the idea of kissing another woman seemed wrong somehow. The words cheating douchebag seemed to pop into his head.

That left him with answer four: the Socratic method right out of the Paper Chase. Answer a question with a question.

"Is that what you wanted to talk about, Dinah, your teeth?"

This seemed to catch her off guard and he could have sworn she blushed. That was unexpected.

"What? No, no, well, no, that wasn't what I wanted to talk about,' Dinah replied. She felt a little foolish. They stepped inside the room and the door closed. They moved towards two seats, but being Dinah she couldn't quite let it go. "I noticed you didn't answer the question."

"Uh-huh, so what did you want to talk about?"

Clark smiled as they sat down. Dinah looked at him for a moment. Boy he could really look innocent when he smiled like that, she thought. Part of her wanted to pursue the question, but reluctantly she decided to press ahead with the more important matter.

"Okay, you must have noticed I'm having a problem with Plastic Man,' she said.

Oh thank God, Clark silently thought, dodged a bullet there. He would have to shake Plastic Man's hand the next time he saw him.

"A problem? I thought he liked you?"

"He does,' Dinah replied. Her expression clearly showed she wasn't happy about this fact. "Usually a guy liking me isn't a problem to be truthful. I mean he wouldn't be the first one."

"Yeah, I can just imagine,' Clark absently said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Dinah defensively replied.

The warning bells went off again in Clark's head. Danger, danger, Will Robinson, danger!

"Just you're a beautiful woman, so it's not a stretch that men would find you attractive,' he offered, hoping it would be enough.

"Oh, well, okay, thanks, Clark,' Dinah said with a smile. "I thought you might be suggesting something else."

Don't answer that, he thought, it's a trap.

"So, um, Plastic Man, huh?"

"Yes, as I said it wouldn't usually be a problem, but I kind of hate him,' Dinah explained. "Well, not kind of, I do hate him. He's like a pimple right between your shoulder blades where you just can't reach it to pop."

"Thanks for the imagery."

"I just wanted to make it clear how annoying I find him,' Dinah continued. "Some people say they hate someone, but they don't really mean it, I really hate him. He's like a toothache in one of your back molars, you know just below the gum line and you know it's infected and it's starting to swell up with puss."

"I think I'll be skipping lunch,' Clark said, his stomach suddenly queasy.

If Dinah heard this, she didn't respond as she was off on a tangent.

"He's like a pair of shoes that seem fine in the store but once you start walking in them you noticed they are a little loose in the heel, so with each step you take they rub up and down on your Achilles until it's raw. You're still blocks from where you have to go, but you can already feel a blister forming. It breaks and then blood is oozing down your heel and the rubbing just makes it worse with every step. It's like…"

"Dinah! Dinah!" Clark interrupted her. "I think I got it, you hate Plastic Man."

This seemed to snap her out of this line of thought.

"Oh, right, okay, the thing is I've tried to be nice about it and tell him I'm not interested,' she explained. "I've tried being blunt and I've tried being rude, but he's so crazy he doesn't seem to get it. Now it's to the point he's singing to me."

A shudder went through her at the thought.

"Singing?"

"Serenading, really,' she replied. "Last time it was The Smiths 'Girlfriend in a Coma.' How is that even a love song, really? Am I supposed to be the girl in the coma or what? He followed that up with "You're the One for Me, Fatty' by Morrissey, but I just had to stop him."

"Okay." Clark tried not smiling, he really did. He failed, but at least he didn't say anything. Thankfully, Dinah was too into her problem to notice.

"I'm desperate,' she said. "I've told him I'm already dating Ollie, but he thinks we're not working out so he has a shot. He doesn't, believe me, not a chance in hell. I'd rather have my fingernails pulled out with pliers one by one."

"You really like to go with the graphic images, don't you?" Clark pointed out. "Do you want me to talk to him? I'll do it, but I seriously doubt it would do any good."

"No, talking to him isn't going to cut it,' Dinah replied. "I need a big favor, Clark."

"What?"

"I want you to be my lover."

Clark sat back and just looked at her. His mouth hung open, but words weren't coming out. He thought, he really thought, he'd heard just about everything. Apparently he was wrong. He liked to think of himself as a rather quiet, normal, mild mannered guy. He wasn't Bruce, international playboy by any stretch of the imagination. He thought he was a decent looking guy and women seemed to like him but recently things had gone off the rails somewhere. Zatanna had asked him to father a child with her. A shock, there was no lying about it, but he'd thought about it and came around to accept it. It wasn't like it was possible with that many women to begin with and they certainly weren't lining up to try. Sure it was a bit of a hit to the ego that he wasn't her first choice, but he'd moved on and accepted it. Then there was Karen and Diana. They'd both asked him out on a date. Again he hadn't realized it was a date at first with Karen, but it was a date. He hated that Bruce was always right. He'd promised Diana to do anything she wanted and she chose a date, too.

If that wasn't enough, things had really started to spiral out of control after that. He was going to be a father, which was great, but on the downside, he was being snubbed and hit by the two strongest women in the League. It almost seemed like a competition between them on which one could hit him the hardest. Add to this, he was broke from being in jail and bailing out Kara, Courtney, Mary, Diana and Karen. He was also getting some strange messages from Kara about being exiled and how her life was ruined. He loved his cousin, but had learned it was best not to get too involved with what she was doing. It was just easier that way. Love her, but don't ask any questions.

So as his world swirled around him, Clark was totally unprepared for this new development. He did his best to reply.

"Huh?"

"I want you to be my lover,' Dinah repeated. "Well, pretend lover so Plastic Man will finally get it he has no shot."

"Pretend lover? Don't you already have real lover, Dinah? Ollie? Name ring a bell?"

"Yes, I know it sounds weird,' she admitted. "Its just Plastic Man doesn't think Ollie is good enough for me. I've thought that too sometimes, but the point is Plastic Man thinks he can woo me away from Ollie. That's where you come in, Clark. If he thinks we've hooked up, he'll know he doesn't have a shot."

"I don't know, Dinah,' Clark replied. "This seems like a really bad idea. Couldn't I just talk to him?"

"Why is it such a bad idea?' Dinah demanded. "Does the thought of you and me seem too outlandish to you, Clark? I'm not attractive enough?"

Warning bells!

"No, no, no, no, NO." He quickly said. "It's just that with all that's going on, you know, Zee being pregnant and …"

"I already asked her, she said it would be okay,' Dinah said, cutting him off.

"She did?"

"Yeah, although she was pushing me to pick Arthur pretty hard, she said it would be okay,' Dinah informed him.

Arthur, that prick, Clark thought. Jeez, first she asks him before me and now she's pushing him as a pretend boyfriend. What is it with her and him? She's free to pick whom she wants, but why is it always Arthur?

"Arthur? Why him?" Clark had to ask.

"He's a king,' Dinah offered. "As a pretend boyfriend, that would mean I could be a pretend Queen. Sure, wearing a tiara like Diana could be fun, but he's sort of a dick, you know?'

"Yeah.'

"Plus all that water,' Dinah explained. "I like swimming as much as the next person, but not all the time."

"What about Ollie? He's not going to like this,' Clark said.

"He suggested it,' Dinah replied.

"He did?' Clark was really confused now. Zatanna was pushing Arthur and Ollie was pushing him, what the hell is going on around here, he wondered?

"So what do you say, Clark? Will you do this favor for me?"

"Um, well, what about Diana and Karen? I wouldn't want you to get in the middle of whatever those two are pissed about."

"I thought about that," Diana replied. "They're already pissed at you, so this shouldn't make a difference one way or the other."

"Yeah, that's probably true,' he admitted. He still wasn't sure why they were pissed at him, but they were already snubbing and hitting him, so helping Dinah probably wouldn't make that any worse.

"Zatanna was really okay with this?" He couldn't help asking.

"Yeah. Why? Is there something going on between you two," Dinah asked. "I thought you were just helping her get pregnant? Job done, right? Is it something else, Clark?"

"What? No, no, I mean, sure, there is the baby to consider, but that's it, I think,' he replied. The truth was he didn't know what to think. He was so confused. He suddenly remembered he was having dinner with Zatanna and his mother later this evening. That thought only made this more confusing.

"So what do you say, Clark? Will you do this favor for me, please? I'd help you if I could."

Clark sat looking at Dinah. He felt like he should hold onto the table as the world was spinning out of control. Her words about helping him suddenly seemed like a lifeline.

"Um, okay, but I need you to do something for me,' he finally said.

"Name it?"

Leaning forward, he tried to focus his mind on asking the right question.

"Could you find out and tell me why Diana and Karen are hitting me? I'll do it if you can."

Dinah triumphantly smiled at him.

"Deal."

* * *

New Jersey

Zatanna had received an urgent message from Madame Xanadu to meet her at these coordinates. She transported down and now found herself standing in the middle of nowhere in the swamps of New Jersey. There was a U-Store-It place across the highway, but she didn't seem Nimue anywhere. Zee was just about to call her and ask what the hell was going on, when a Cadillac came roaring up the road and slid to a stop in front of her. The tinted window silently rolled down and Nimue's smiling face appeared.

"You made it!"

"You said it was urgent,' Zee replied. She glanced around her in confusion. "Do you need help burying a body or something? What are we doing out here?"

"Don't be a snot, get in,' Nimue said. Zee walked around and climbed into the passenger side. Nimue pulled the car up to the U-Store-It gate and punched in a series of numbers on the keypad. The large metal gate shuddered and then began to open.

"Whose car is this, by the way?" Zee asked.

"Mine,' Nimue replied.

"You drive a Cadillac?"

"Yeah, why?"

"I didn't even know you drove, for one thing,' Zee said. "Why a Cadillac?"

"Of course I drive." Nimue said dismissively. "A Cadillac is the ultimate luxury car, that's why."

"I thought that was Mercedes?"

"Na, those are nice, but I like this better,' Nimue said with a smile. She lightly ran her fingers over the dash. "Triple jet black with tinted windows, top of the line sound system, and feel those seats, that's real leather."

"Are you trying to sell me a Cadillac? You pick up a side job besides fortune telling? Is that why we're out here in the middle of nowhere?" Zee snidely asked.

"You're making me rethink helping you."

Nimue pulled through the open gate and turned down one of the aisles. They rolled along towards the back of the buildings. The car glided to a stop in front of the last building. It was huge. Nimue parked the car and dug through her purse for another set of keys. It took a moment but then she smiled as she pulled them out.

"Come on,' she said to Zatanna. They both got out and walked over to the front door. It took a moment to get the several locks open, but then Nimue turned and ushered Zee inside.

"What is this?"

"I almost forgot about my storage space,' Madame Xanadu said as she hit the lights. Row after row of overhead lights came on revealing a virtual treasure trove of stuff.

"Wow!" Zee exclaimed. "It's like that warehouse in Indiana Jones! What is all this stuff?"

"Just things I've collected over the years,' Nimue explained. "I hate to just throw them out."

Zatanna wandered over to one of the boxes that lined the room. She picked up the first thing she saw.

"A Viking helmet?"

"That was a gift,' Nimue said with a smile. "Eric the Red wanted to thank me for a rather enchanting night. He was such a barbarian in bed, he really had already thanked me."

"Stop!" Zee gasped. She tossed the Viking helmet away as if it were infected. She always squirmed a bit at the thought of Nimue with anyone, and certainly didn't want to hear details. "I really don't want to hear that, Nimue. Why are we here?"

"It was a really good story."

"No one wants to think of their mom getting it on, Nimue,' Zee replied.

"You're such a prude sometimes, Zatanna,' Nimue replied. "Oh, well, I guess that's you father's influence. He never liked to try anything adventurous either. I remember one time we were in Madrid and I thought it might be fun to…"

"STOP!"

"All right, whatever,' Nimue said with a wave of her hand. "I don't know why you always freak out like that. You're father was a very passionate man."

"Please, Nimue, are you trying to make me sick? I don't want to think about Dad or you like that,' Zee exclaimed. "It's just gross!"

"Oh, relax, it's not like I'm showing you home movies of us,' Nimue replied. She stopped for a second as if she were thinking about it."

"Please, please, please, tell me you didn't film it," Zee begged.

"What? Oh, no, no," Nimue replied, but there was a far away look in her eye. "I don't think we did."

Zatanna suddenly looked at the all the boxes around them. She began to back towards the door.

"That-that isn't why you-you brought me out here is it?" She nervously said.

Madame Xanadu stood looking at her.

"You are so weird sometimes,' she said with a shake of her head. "You wanted the right clothes, remember?"

"Yeah." Zee said, stopping her backward movement.

"Well I kept all of mine, so we should find the perfect outfit for you."

"You kept all your clothes?"

"Just like Peter Allen said, everything old is new again,' Nimue replied. "Come on."

Zatanna followed Nimue down one of the aisles. Row after row stretched out in front of them. Madame Xanadu stopped in front of some boxes marked 1930's. She pulled a few down and set them on the concrete floor.

"This should have everything you need."

She opened the box and it was filled with vintage 1930's clothes. Zee beamed and hugged Nimue.

"This is wonderful! Thank you, Nimue!"

"Well, I promised to help, remember?" She replied. "Take whatever you like. Tomorrow you'll have to tell me all about how it went."

Zee was busy searching through the clothes, but suddenly stopped.

"What do you mean tomorrow?"

"Well, you could tell me tonight, but I've got plans so I don't know how late I'll get in,' Nimue explained.

"No, no, no, you're coming with me! You have to!"

"What? I never agreed to that."

"You said you'd help me,' Zee protested. "Clark's going to have his family there, I need you to help balance out the odds!"

"But I made plans,' Nimue weakly replied. The look Zatanna was giving her was working though. She finally sighed. "I guess I could alter them a bit."

"Thank you, Nimue!"

* * *

Gotham

Alfred was carrying a tray of hot chocolate towards the study when he saw Damian hiding behind one of the curtains.

"Master Damian?"

"Who is she, Alfred?" the young boy asked.

"Are you referring to our guest?"

"Yes!"

"Mary Marvel. Why?"

"I still can't figure out how she got my knife away from me," Damian admitted. "She did it so quick, it's scary."

"She is a hero, I would remind you,' Alfred replied.

"She's a girl,' Damian dismissively said, but then seemed to reconsider this. "Though she did like the knife."

"Yes, she did seem quite fond of it,' Alfred uncomfortably admitted.

"Maybe she'd like to spar with me,' Damian suggested. "You know like Catwoman does with Batman."

Alfred stopped in his tracks.

"I believe you're a little young for that sort of sparring, Master Damian."

"Why?"

Alfred weighted his response.

"I think you should have a talk with your father about it.' Alfred suggested. "About that sort of sparring and girls in general."

"Why?" Damian asked.

"Ask your father." Alfred replied with a smile. He proceeded towards the study. Opening the door he carried the tray in and set in front on the main table.

"Hot chocolate, sir, miss,' Alfred said.

"Thank you!" Mary said with a big smile. Bruce moved over as Alfred left to pour her a cup. As the door closed, he held it out for Mary.

"I think you'll like this,' he offered. "Alfred makes it special."

Warning bells went off in Mary's head.

"He didn't put booze in it, did he?" She asked. She'd heard that was one of the ways playboys like to work. Get a girl drunk and then take advantage of her.

"Booze? What? No, of course not," Bruce replied. Booze? Where did that come from, he thought. "It's just hot chocolate."

"Okay." Mary tentatively said, accepting the cup and saucer.

"Why don't we sit down on the couch and get comfortable while we talk?"

Bruce was doing his best to be charming. While it wasn't his goal by any stretch of the imagination, he had charmed more than his share of women in this room. His goal this time was to get Mary to give up the petition instead of the usual goal. He sat down and smiled at her.

Mary sat primly on the couch, holding her hot chocolate in front of her. She had to admit Bruce Wayne was good looking. Bruce. She suddenly remembered people on the station referring to Batman by that name. She'd never really thought much of it before. Maybe that was why Bruce Wayne was a friend of Batman, she thought, they both had the same first names. They both had sons about the same ages too, now that she thought about it. It's a small world, she thought.

"So what did you want to see me about today, Mary?'

Bruce turned towards her, resting his arm on the back of the couch and smiling. Mary glanced at his arm. Is he making a move, she wondered? She really didn't have that much experience at this sort of thing, so she was trying to remember all the signals Kara and Courtney had told her to watch out for. Arm on the back of the couch wasn't one she remembered. Better just get this over with, she thought. Taking a sip of the chocolate she set the cup and saucer down on the table and just plunged right in.

"Barbie, Mr. Wayne."

"Please, call me Bruce, Mary.'

"Um, right, Bruce,' she replied. She wished he wouldn't stare at her like that. "As I was saying, Barbie."

"What about her?"

"She's a an American institution,' Mary explained.

"I guess,' Bruce conceded.

"She is, trust me,' Mary replied. "Generations have loved her, but now that love is being thrown away!"

Mary opened her purse and pulled out a page she'd ripped from a magazine that had the new Barbie on it. She thrust it into Bruce's hands. He looked at it for a moment.

"Very punk."

"The Tokidoki Barbie is an abomination!"

"Okay, but Mary this company owns Barbie so they can really do what they want,' Bruce suggested. "It's their doll, after all."

"It's not a doll, it's Barbie!" Mary vehemently objected.

"Right, sorry."

Bruce smiled and moved a little closer. Mary was so caught up in what she wanted to say she didn't notice this at first.

"They may own the patent on her, but they don't own her soul, Mr. Wayne,' Mary explained. "Barbie belongs to all of us! Her millions and millions of fans are crying out in anguish at this atrocity! It has to be stopped!"

"Have you considered just not buying it?' Bruce suggested. He stretched out his legs and leaned back, still looking at Mary.

"That's not the point,' Mary replied. "This version tarnishes Barbie. Think about the children that are meeting Barbie for the first time! Is that the impression you want them to have? No, I say, no it is not. That's why it's so important that your friend Batman sign my petition."

"My friend, Batman,' Bruce repeated. "Don't tell me, Kara told you we were friends?"

"Yes."

"That's what I thought." Bruce leaned forward thinking off all the things he'd like to do to Kara at that moment. Maybe talking to Clark wouldn't be enough; he might have to go to Mrs. Kent.

Mary noticed for the first time that he'd move closer to her. She shifted further away from him until she was against the edge of the seat. He's so smooth I didn't even seem him moving in, she thought. It's just like Kara and Courtney said he's a pervert! Nervously she picked up her cup and took another drink of hot Chocolate. That always had a calming effect on her.

Bruce noticed she took a rather large gulp and assumed she liked the way Alfred made it. He reached for the carafe of hot chocolate and then moved closer to Mary.

"Here, let me give you a refill."

"Um, thank you,' Mary nervously said. He was much closer now and she just knew he was putting the moves on her. When Bruce finished pouring her another cup, he turned and smiled.

"Good, isn't it?"

Mary gulped as he looked at her. She saw his arm start for the back of the couch and it was just too much. Mary jumped to her feet and moved away from Bruce.

"Mary?"

"I'm not sleeping with you, Mr. Wayne!" Mary declared. "I want your help getting them to stop this abomination, but I'm not willing to do anything!"

Bruce Wayne, Batman, was known for always thinking ahead, always considering every angle, every possibility. For once he hadn't thought of all of them. This one he hadn't considered.

"Huh?"

"Don't play innocent! Kara and Courtney told me all about you! I know about your playboy ways! I'm sure you thought you'd get me in here and wine and dine me with hot chocolate and glazed donuts and I'd fall for your moves. Well, Mr. Wayne, you had better think again! I'm not that sort of girl!"

Bruce started to get up and move towards her, but could see her ready for an attack.

"Mary I think there has been a misunderstand,' he offered.

"Yes there has if you think I'd do that even to help Barbie!"

"No, no, I don't, Mary,' Bruce replied. "I would never do anything like that to you, I swear!"

There was a knock on the door and then Alfred came in with a small rolling cart. Damian peaked around the corner of the doorframe.

"I thought your guest might like some donuts, Master Bruce,' Alfred said. "It was Master Damian's suggestion, actually."

Bruce could feel Mary glaring at him. He sighed and ran his hand through his hair.

"Shit."

* * *

Smallville

Zatanna nervously transported in. Madame Xanadu had promised to meet her there. Zee was wearing a long, plain black skirt that ended below her knees, a white blouse that buttoned up to her throat and a cardigan sweater. Her hair was done up and the only jewelry she was wearing was a string of pearls She wore boots that laced up the front and ended at the bottom of her skirt. She took a deep breath and wondered where Nimue was, just as the transporter materialized two people next to her. Madame Xanadu and Jonn smiled as they saw her.

"Jonn?" Zee said.

"Hello Zatanna,' Jonn replied. "Nimue asked me if I wouldn't mind coming and of course I didn't. Martha Kent is an excellent cook."

"Isn't that just great,' Zee said with a smile. She grabbed Nimue and pulled her to the side. "You brought a date?"

"I told you I had plans,' Nimue explained.

"This is just wonderful,' Zee groaned. "With Clark, Kara and Martha, they look like a picture postcard of the All American family and the three of us look like the Adams family stopping by for a visit."

"I think we look nice,' Nimue replied. "Exotic. Well, except for you, of course. Cute outfit."

"You're not helping!"

Before they could continue their discussion, the front door to the Kent family home opened. Clark stepped out on the porch and smiled. He was dressed casually in jeans and a white shirt.

"Hello,' he called. "Madame Xanadu, Jonn. Zee?"

"Um, hi, Clark,' she replied.

Clark slowly came down the steps eyeing her outfit. He could hear her heartbeat and knew she was nervous. Why she was dressed like that he wasn't sure, but she still looked good.

"Welcome, come on in,' he said. "Dinner's almost ready."

The screen door opened again and Kara stepped out on the porch. She was dressed in jeans and a tee shirt. She stopped when she saw Zatanna.

"Hi, Zatanna, what are you trying out for the Miracle Worker or something?"

Zee inwardly groaned. She'd overdone it. Kara had screwed her and now she looked like she was an extra at colonial Williamsburg.

"Um, well, I just, ah, wanted to dress up a bit,' she offered.

"I think you look nice,' Clark said with a smile. 'Come on inside."

Zee returned his smile and nodded. He ushered the three of them into the house. Martha met them all in the front room. She was a lovely summer dress and an apron. She stopped when she saw Zatanna.

"You didn't have to get so, well, dressed up, honey,' Martha said. "We're really rather casual around here."

"Yeah, Zee, I thought I told you that,' Kara added.

"No, that's not what you said,' Zee replied through gritted teeth.

"Hello, Mrs. Kent, " Jonn offered.

"Hello, Jonn, welcome back,' Martha said with a smile. "And Nimue, it's good to see you too."

'Thank you,' Nimue replied. "It smells wonderful in here, Martha."

"I hope you're all hungry,' Martha said. "Come on into the dining room and let's get ready to eat."

The others followed but Clark silently took Zee's hand and held her back.

"Um, are you going to tell me what's going on, Zee?" He asked. "You don't usually dress like this."

"Well, no,' she admitted. "But when Kara invited me, she made it seem like your mother thought I was something of a …."

She trailed off.

"A what?" Clark asked.

"A slut."

Clark couldn't help laughing. Zee felt even more embarrassed now. He took both her hands in his and smiled at her.

"She doesn't think you're a slut,' he informed Zatanna. 'She thinks you're lovely, just like her son does."

Now Zee smiled.

"But Kara said, well, she made it sound like she did."

"She's grounded, so this seems like the worst place in the world to her,' Clark explained. "She has this impression we're Amish cause it's out in the country. I'm sorry if she gave you that impression. Now come on and let's enjoy dinner, okay?'

"Okay, and thanks Clark."

"No problem."


	41. Chapter 41

Okay – Stop

This goes out to the over enthusiastic reviewer. I've never claimed to be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but when I get 28 reviews that say the exact same thing I kind of notice a pattern. Even with the devilishly clever way you change names on each review I'm not taken in so easily. So Okay, I got it, Bruce and Mary, you'd really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, _really, really_, **really, really, really** like to see them get it on.

Message received.

Now stop.

Thanks.


	42. Chapter 42

tnaW ouY tahW teG syawlA t'naC ouY

The chorus starts with almost angelic voices.

An acoustic guitar slowly begins to strum. The French horn accompanies it.

The singer, a thick lipped young man with a raw sexuality steps to the mike.

_I saw her today at a reception  
A glass of wine in her hand  
I knew she would meet her connection  
At her feet was her footloose man_

_No, you can't always get what you want_  
_You can't always get what you want_  
_You can't always get what you want_  
_And if you try sometime you find_  
_You get what you need._

* * *

Smallville

Dinner with family and friends. After some initial confusion on Madame Xanadu and Jonn's part over Kara's comment to 'strap on the old feedbag', things had gone well. As everyone sat down at the dinner table, Martha had said they were very informal around here, so just dig in. As if to illustrate this, Kara was already reaching for one of the steaming ears of corn, as she took a bite out of a buttermilk biscuit.

"What?' She said between chews as she noticed everyone looking at her. This seemed to break any lingering tension. Besides fresh roasted corn on the cob and just out of the oven biscuits, there were thick juicy spare ribs covered in a homemade barbeque sauce that seemed to have the best of both tangy and sweet flavor. For those who weren't big meat eaters, there were green peppers from the local farm market, stuffed with a combination of crab and shrimp. There were two kinds of potatoes, apple and ginger spiced sweet potatoes and crispy roasted potato wedges with parsley, rosemary and lemon. Fresh green beans and carrots from the garden and been steamed just right, so they still had a snap to them. A fresh baked loaf of wheat bread, still warm enough so the butter melted on contact sat in the center of the table. Coffee and homemade, fresh squeezed lemonade were in large supply. Strawberry shortcake waited for desert.

It's possible to eat ribs and corn on the cob in a dignified way with a knife and fork, but not recommended. Some food you just have to pick up with your hands and dig in. Yes, some warm melted butter might drip down your chin and some sauce may get on your fingers, but that's what they make napkins for. This was dinner, or what used to be thought of as dinner. Family and friends gathered around a table sharing good food and enjoying each other's company. Nothing fancy, it didn't need to be.

As the food is enjoyed, conversation is a natural addition. Stories are told and laughs shared. It is what people have been doing for thousands of years after the day's work is over. It's where memories that last a lifetime are created. It's what has been slowly lost in a world of fast food happy meals and microwave dinners. It's what we remember when we head home for the holidays. It's why we head home for the holidays.

Zatanna was much more relaxed then when she arrived. She had taken her hair out of the severe bun she'd had it in to complete her Marion the Librarian outfit and was digging in. Madame Xanadu and Jonn didn't have to be told twice and their plates were full. Martha fussed over everything, making sure everyone had enough to eat. She was sitting between Clark and Kara at the round dinner table. Zee sat next to Clark, Nimue next to her and then Jonn sat beside Kara. About midway through dinner as the stories were just starting to get going, Zatanna had everyone in tears as she told about asking Clark to help her.

"That's how the hole got in the station window?" Jonn said with a big smile.

"I was caught off guard." Clark said in his defense. "I wasn't expecting Zee to ask that!"

"And then you used that lame excuse,' Kara laughed. "Oops, wrong tube! What a douchebag! I mean really, Clark."

He set his knife and fork down for a moment and looked at his cousin.

"I suppose I should have lied better, right?"

"Of course,' Kara replied.

"Like you having a party in my apartment while I was gone?" He asked.

It was Kara's turn to nearly gag. She looked at Martha.

"You said you wouldn't tell me!"

"I didn't honey,' Martha said with a smile. Kara looked back and Clark and he was just smiling at her.

"It was just um, ah, well, a little party,' she offered.

"Busted,' Nimue said with a laugh.

Kara grabbed the lemonade pitcher, desperate to change the subject.

"Anyone want more lemonade? I made it myself."

"You made it?" Clark said, pulling his glass back.

"Yes I did!" Kara fired back. "Tell me, Ma."

"Yes and she did a wonderful job at it,' Martha added. Kara stuck out her tongue at Clark and then refilled the others glasses.

"Did you watch her?" Clark whispered to Martha.

"Of course."

"Hey! I can hear you!" Kara grumbled.

"I think its really good, Kara, " Zatanna offered.

"Thanks Zee, at least one person has manners,' Kara replied, staring at Clark.

"Kiss ass,' Nimue said, covering it with a cough. Zee gave her a little kick under the table.

"Everything is excellent, "Jonn said. "The ribs and corn are excellent, as is the lemonade."

"Thank you, Jonn,' Martha replied with a smile. "So are you two dating?"

Martha was speaking to Jonn and Nimue. The both stopped eating for a second and looked at each other.

"Yeah, are you?" Kara added.

"I'd say we're just enjoying each other's company right now, wouldn't you, Jonn?" Nimue offered.

"Yes, that would be a good way of putting it."

"Is that what you call it these days,' Zee said under her breath. She received a kick back from Nimue under the table.

"I think it's nice you're still dating, Nimue,' Martha said. "I've been a widow for awhile and I've been thinking about it some lately."

"Wh-Wh-What?' Both Kara and Clark gasped. "Dating? You?"

"Yes, why not?" Martha asked.

"I, well, um, it's just, well, I hadn't really thought of you like, um, that,' Clark stammered to say. The idea of the woman that raised him dating was rather disturbing to Clark.

"Plus you're old,' Kara exclaimed.

"Thank you, Kara, you're always so tactful,' Martha replied. "Why is it so strange that I might want some companionship? I'm not that old, despite what Kara thinks."

"Could we not talking about this during dinner,' Kara pleaded.

"Yeah, could we?" Clark added.

"You mustn't listen to them, Martha,' Nimue piped up. "I get the same reaction from Zatanna all the time. She acts like I should be a nun or something."

"That isn't it,' Zee said in her defense. "I just don't want to hear about it or especially see it."

Clark and Kara enthusiastically nodded along.

"Right, that's all we were trying to say,' Clark added.

"Why?" Nimue asked.

"It's creepy,' Zee replied. A shudder went down her back at even the thought. Kara had a mouthful of food, but nodded along in agreement.

"Love isn't just for the young,' Jonn said. "We all have the same desires and they don't diminish with age."

"It should,' Zee whispered.

"Well, you never know when love is going to find you, right Zatanna,' Martha asked, watching the younger woman. Zee was still trying to get the mental image of Nimue and Jonn out of her head and wasn't paying much attention to the question.

"I guess,' she absently replied.

"Is there any more corn?" Kara asked.

Clark smiled.

"I'll get it."

He got up and went into the kitchen. The others moved on with a different conversation. Martha Kent had been watching Zatanna secretly all through the meal. She wanted to see how Clark and Zee were together. As any mother would, Martha was very interested in any young woman that was involved with her son. She found she liked Zatanna. The fact that she was going to have Martha's grandchild only added to this. Watching Clark and Zee interact during the meal, Martha was convinced there was something between the two, something more than they were letting on.

While Martha liked to think she was open minded about modern life, she was still a mother. Mothers like to see their children get married. In fact they _really_ like to see their children get married. As a mother, Martha understood that some times a young couple needs a push from someone else. Some one older and wiser, who could see what the younger couple might not see was best for them. Someone like Martha would be perfect, especially since it involved her son getting married.

Clark came back out with a steaming tray of corn. Kara grabbed an ear before he even got to put it on the table. She quickly buttered and salted it. She was digging in as Clark's League communicator went off. It seemed there was some trouble and they needed Superman.

"I'll be there in a minute,' he replied and then shut it off. "Sorry, looks like you're going to have to finish dinner without me."

"Do you need any help?" Zee asked.

"Yes, I'll go in your place if you like,' Jonn offered.

Kara said something through a mouthful of corn that sounded like she would go, but Clark shook his head no.

"I'll take care of it, you all just enjoy your dinner."

He said good-bye to everyone and smiled at Zatanna before taking off.

"He's a good guy,' Nimue observed as she helped herself to another rib.

"Yeah, you should marry him, Zee,' Kara added as she devoured the ear of corn.

Zatanna was taking a sip of her lemonade and was caught off guard by this. As it sprayed from her lips she did manage not hit anyone.

"Oops, wrong tube?" Kara said with a big grin. She finished off one ear of corn and was moving on to the next. Zee gave her a look as she coughed and tried to catch her breath. Nimue gave her a slap on the back and then leaned in close.

"You know if they eat like this all the time, I might marry him,' she whispered. She got a scowl and a kick from Zatanna for this.

"Are you okay honey?" Martha asked.

"Yeah-cough-yeah-just caught me-cough-off guard there,' Zee managed to reply. She took another long drink of lemonade and finally caught her breath. The others had continued eating.

"Don't worry, guys, I'm okay,' Zee snidely said, as she watched them all dig in.

"I knew you'd pull through,' Nimue replied. "Kara could you pass me another ear of corn?"

"I sensed you're were okay, too,' Jonn added, as he took another spare rib.

"Your concern is so overwhelming,' Zee said sarcastically

"What are friends for? Nimue replied. "Try the peppers, Zatanna, they are truly fantastic. You're a wonderful cook, Martha."

"Thank you, Nimue. Zatanna, honey, is there something I can get you? You really should eat, you're so thin,' Martha observed.

"Don't worry about it, Zee, she thinks everyone that doesn't live in the sticks is too thin,' Kara informed Zatanna. "Unless you pack it in out here they think something's wrong with you."

"And you don't have that problem do you sweetie?" Martha said to Kara with a smile. Kara stopped eating for a moment and looked at Martha, but then just shook her head and continued to polish off another ear of corn.

"I'm fine, Martha, everything's delicious,' Zee offered. The others mumbled in agreement, but didn't stop eating.

"Thank you,' Martha replied. She decided to broach the subject. "So have you considered getting married Zatanna?"

Luckily Zatanna had already swallowed her mouthful of lemonade or there might have been a repeat performance.

"Um, excuse me?'

"She asked if you've thought about getting married,' Nimue repeated. "Could you pass those biscuits, please?"

Zee kicked her under the table.

"You asked,' Nimue whispered. "Don't be a snot."

"Here you are Nimue,' Jonn said, holding the basket with the biscuits for her.

"Thank you, Jonn."

"So Zatanna?" Martha said.

"Um, do you mean to Clark?"

"Well, yes, but what are your feelings about marriage in general?"

"It's, um, okay," Zee weakly offered.

"So you don't ever see yourself getting married?" Martha continued.

"I didn't say that,' Zee replied. "I hadn't really thought about it to be truthful."

"Marriage is a wonderful thing, Zatanna,' Jonn said. "Does anyone mind if I have another spare rib?"

"No, help yourself Jonn, you don't have to ask around here,' Martha replied.

"Thank you, Martha."

"Marriage is really nice,' Nimue observed. "I regret I never got married."

"You never married, Nimue?" Martha asked. "You've had a long life, weren't you ever tempted?"

"Well, I was thinking of marriage in the traditional sense, Martha,' Nimue replied, as she took another biscuit. "In the middle ages I think I was common law married, but there wasn't a ceremony or paperwork."

"So you were married in a sense."

"Yeah, but I think I'd have liked to have a traditional wedding,' Nimue stated. "You know, walk down the aisle, white dress, the whole smear."

"A white dress? Seriously?" Zatanna asked. She got a kick under the table at the question.

"I'd like someday to get married like that,' Kara offered, as she scooped out another pepper onto her plate. "When I'm older, of course, you know like Zee's age or something."

"Thanks." Zee said this in a rather flat tone that clearly indicated she wasn't pleased.

"I didn't mean you were that old,' Kara clarified. "I mean no one is going to mistake you for my mother like Diana or anything. You just seem at the prime marrying age is all."

"I got married about your age, Zatanna,' Martha added.

"And with a baby on the way, might as well strike while the iron's hot,' Nimue offered.

"I too was married when I was around your age, Zatanna,' Jonn said. "Is anyone else going to have the ribs or would you mind if I finish them?"

No one objected and Jonn smiled as he filled his plate.

"Save some room for strawberry shortcake, Jonn."

"I will, Martha, I'm looking forward to it."

All the marriage talk was making Zatanna uncomfortable. That she was the center of the marriage talk _really_ made her uncomfortable. It wasn't like she was against marriage or anything; she just wasn't that comfortable answering questions about it now.

"So do you see yourself ever getting married, Zatanna?" Martha said on cue.

"I, um, well, I suppose,' Zee admitted.

"I'd like that,' Nimue said between bites of the bread. "I could buy a beautiful new dress and sit right down from and cry my eyes out."

"Why would you cry your eyes out?" Zee asked.

"It's tradition,' Nimue replied. "It's what the mother of the bride does. I'm not going to get hysterical or anything, just sort of dignified, silent weeping that my baby is leaving the nest. It would be like a Hallmark card moment."

"That sounds nice,' Kara offered. "Would you do that for me, Ma?"

"Absolutely honey,' Martha replied. "When you get married and are someone else's responsibility I'll weep tears of joy."

"Thanks Ma."

"You know Kara I don't think Martha meant it the way you're taking it,' Jonn observed. Martha cut him off.

"Jonn, there are a few more ribs in the kitchen. Would you be a dear and finish them so they don't go to waste?"

"Of course, Martha."

He got up and quickly moved towards the kitchen.

"What did he mean by that?" Kara asked.

"He's a man, honey, he doesn't understand mother's and weddings,' Martha replied.

"They never do,' Nimue added. "As long as they show up in a tuxedo they've really done their part. The bride makes all the important decisions anyway."

"It's good training for the marriage,' Martha joked. Nimue laughed at this.

"So when Zatanna and Clark get married all he has to do is show up in a tux?" Kara asked.

"Pretty much,' Martha replied.

"You know no one said we were getting married.' Zatanna felt compelled to say. The others looked at her. "I'm just saying."

* * *

Gotham

Mary Marvel stormed out of the mansion and a rather flustered Bruce Wayne stood watching her go. Damian stepped up next to Alfred.

"Didn't she like the donuts?"

"I don't believe that was the problem, Master Damian,' Alfred replied. Damian turned towards his father.

"Didn't she want to spar with you like you do with Catwoman?"

Bruce looked at his son in shock.

"What? No, no! She's just a kid, Damian! I wasn't even trying to 'spar' with her like that."

"Do you think she'd spar with me like that?" Damian asked.

"Ah, no, you're a little young for that sort of thing,' Bruce replied.

"Why?"

"On that note, I'll leave you two to talk,' Alfred said.

Bruce watched the older man leave the room and close the door behind him. He saw his son standing waiting for an explanation.

"Shit." Bruce groaned.

* * *

The Watchtower

Mary transported back and then marched into the cafeteria and dropped down in a chair to sulk. There were a lot of heroes on the station and they all noticed. Courtney was the first over to Mary.

"Mary? Is something wrong?"

Mary didn't reply, just put her head in her hands and stared at the table. Courtney moved over to stand closer to her friend.

"Didn't Bruce Wayne sign your petition?"

"No.'

"I'm sorry, Mary, I know it's important to you,' Courtney replied. "Maybe you should try Lex Luthor?"

"If he's anything like Bruce Wayne I don't want anything to do with him,' Mary grumbled.

"Why?"

"He put the moves on me, that's why!"

Courtney's mouth dropped open in shock.

"What? Fuck!"

Diana, Shayera and Mari had been watching Mary with concern. At Courtney's outburst, Diana felt compelled to say something.

"Courtney, language!"

"But Bruce Wayne put the moves on Mary!" Courtney gasped.

"Fuck!" Shayera immediately said in shock. Diana turned and glared at her. "Sorry, but come on, Diana."

"I'm sure this is just a mistake,' Diana replied.

"No, Miss Diana, it's not,' Mary protested. "He tried to use his wiles on me and ply me with hot chocolate and donuts!"

Wally and Dinah walked into the cafeteria and heard just the end of this.

"Who tried to ply you with hot chocolate and donuts?" Wally asked. "That sounds really tempting."

"Bruce Wayne."

"He put the moves on her,' Courtney added.

"Fuck!" Dinah gasped. Diana looked at her in frustration.

"We're supposed to be role models, remember?"

"Oh, come on, Diana, you can't say you're not surprised by this,' Dinah replied. "I mean sure he's a playboy, but hitting on kids?"

"Maybe that's why he never wanted to go out with you, Diana,' Wally joked. "You're too old for him."

This earned Wally a withering stare from Diana. The grin on his face vanished as he stepped behind Shayera.

"So, um, ah, Bruce is hitting on kids, huh?" Wally nervously said, trying desperately to change the subject. Diana shook her head and then went over to sit next to Mary. She put her arms around Mary and gave her a hug. Courtney was watching this and whispered to Wally.

"Now she's all motherly. Before she went apeshit when someone even suggested she was Kara's mother."

"Maybe it's a virgin thing,' Wally replied.

Karen, Helena and Ollie were just entering the room and noticed the commotion.

"So what's going on?" Karen asked.

"Bruce Wayne put the moves on Mary,' Courtney informed them.

"Fuck!" Karen gasped.

"Fuck!" Helena gasped as well.

"That old dog,' Ollie said with a grin. The looks he received from the women standing around him wiped the smile off his face. "Fuck."

Diana looked at the others and rolled her eyes.

"Mary, I'm sure there is just a mix up,' she said. "I don't think Bruce Wayne would actually try and seduce you."

"Why not?" Mary asked, her bottom lip protruding.

"He really isn't like that."

"Doesn't he date younger women?" Mary asked.

"Well, yes,' Diana had to admit.

"He's sort of known for it,' Mari added.

"Maybe that's why he doesn't like me,' Helena mused. "I'm not young enough for him."

"I don't think that's the reason,' Ollie replied. This got him more glares. "You know this isn't a good topic for me, I think I'm just going to go."

He quickly exited the cafeteria.

"Mary, while he has a reputation as a playboy, Bruce Wayne wouldn't try and seduce you, I just know,' Diana said to Mary.

"Why? You just said he goes out with younger women and he's a playboy,' Mary countered. "I'm 18 and it's certainly seemed like he was more interested in me then signing my Barbie petition."

Zatanna had finally arrived from dinner with the Kents and her mind was still a little preoccupied. She had been squirming for the better part of the last hour and a half under constant questions about marriage and was relieved to finally get out of there. She almost didn't notice the crowd of her friends gathered around Mary. She happened to glance up and finally saw them. Slowly she walked over.

"What's going on?" She asked Dinah.

"Mary thinks Bruce Wayne put the moves on her."

"Fuck you say?"

"Ix-nay on the swearing-ya,' Wally whispered. "Diana doesn't like it. Something about role models, I wasn't really listening."

"Bruce hit on Mary?" Zee asked.

"That's what she said,' Shayera replied. "Oh, by the way, Wally that's not Pig Latin just because you add ix-nay to it."

"I think I know a little bit more about Pig Latin than you do, Shayera' Wally boasted. "I mean it was invented here on Earth by pharmacists after all."

"Huh?" Dinah replied.

"You know I heard that too,' Helena offered. Shayera looked back and forth at them and then just shook her head in disbelief.

"Wow, Bruce hit on Mary,' Zee said. "That kind of gives you normal pervy guys a bad name, doesn't it, Wally?"

"Absolutely! Hey! Wait a second!"

Zee just smiled and then looked back at Mary and Diana. They had been talking the whole time the others were in conversation.

"So you see, Mary, he wasn't trying to seduce you, he was trying to get rid of you and your petition," Diana explained. "He's friends with Batman, remember? I'm sure it's some clever trick he picked up from him."

"So the hot chocolate? The doughnuts? Putting his arm on the back of the couch was all a rouse to get rid of me?" Mary asked.

"Yes, honey,' Diana said with a smile.

Mary sat there for a moment as this all sunk in. Suddenly she stood up, her hands clinched in rage.

"That son of a bitch!" She shouted. "I'm going to kick his ass!"

Mary marched out of the cafeteria before anyone could move. Wally watched her go with a confused look on his face and then turned back to Diana.

"Is that what you wanted to happen, Diana?" Wally finally asked.

"Nice one, Princess,' Karen added.

Diana sighed and leaned her head against her hands with a groan.

"Fuck."

* * *

The Watchtower – Later

Clark arrived back from the mission and was heading towards the cafeteria to grab a cup of coffee before heading back home. As had become his custom recently, he used his vision to scan the way ahead. He stopped when he saw Diana and Karen standing together just up the hallway. They seemed to be having a heated discussion and hadn't noticed him yet. Armed with the information Dinah had given him that they both thought he'd cheated on them, Clark thought it was time he got this all straightened out. Putting on a burst of speed that would make Wally proud, he scooped both women up and carried them into one of the conference rooms. They suddenly found themselves sitting side-by-side facing Clark.

"What the hell was that about, Clark?" Karen demanded.

"Yes, Kal, what do you think you're doing accosting us like that?" Diana said.

"It's Clark."

"What?" Diana said to Karen.

"His name is Clark."

"Kal."

"Clark!"

"Kal!"

The two women were starting to rise out of their chairs and face each other, when Clark stepped in-between them.

"I think we all should talk,' he quickly said. "You two have been snubbing me and hitting me all week. Frankly, it seems like you're almost having a competition to see who can hit me harder."

The two women eyed each other and then moved a step apart.

"So, um, who does hit harder?" Karen asked.

"Huh?"

"Which one of us hits harder?" She said.

"Yes, Kal, who does,' Diana added.

Clark had learned a few things about women recently and had a distinct feeling answering this question would be a bad move.

"I, um, wanted to focus on why you're hitting me, really,' he replied. "I thought we could all sit down and discuss this civilly, like adults."

Karen and Diana looked at each other than back at him. Reluctantly they sat back down. Clark let out a sigh of relief.

"It was me, wasn't it?" Karen whispered.

"I can hear you!" Diana shouted. "I'm sitting right here!"

"I'm just saying,' Karen offered. "I mean sure you're good with that lasso and everything, but I think we both know I hit harder."

"Would you care to put that to the test,' Diana offered. They were once again rising to face each other, when Clark stopped them.

"You both hit really, really hard, okay?" He said. "Now could we get to why you're hitting me, please?"

They glared at each other for a moment, but then reluctantly nodded and sat back down. Clark rolled his eyes as they had just missed another disaster.

"So from what I understand you two are angry at me because you think I cheated on you both,' he said. "Is that about the size of it?'"

"Yes."

"Yes."

"Okay, now we're making progress,' he replied. "So you decided to snub me and hit me to punish me, right?"

"Yes."

"Yes." Karen agreed. "Although, hitting you was really more Diana's idea than mine."

"You agreed to it!" Diana exclaimed. "And you're the one that thought snubbing was a good idea."

"Okay, that's true,' Karen said to Clark. "Hitting though, that just shouts Amazon doesn't it?"

"It does right now!" Diana said, getting up again. Clark was between then again, blocking them from hitting each other. Boy, he thought, I don't think I've used my super speed this much in ages. I just hope I don't have to use my invulnerability too.

"Be that as it may,' he said, cutting them both off. "Why exactly are you mad at me for cheating when you both knew I was going out with the other? I mean you asked me to go to that business dinner, Karen and you wanted a date, Diana, so why are you so mad about it now?"

"Huh? What?" Karen said in confusion.

"What are you talking about, Kal?" Diana asked.

"Isn't that why you're mad at me?" He asked, suddenly not quite as sure this was as good an idea as he'd first thought. The two women looked at each other and then back at him.

"No.'

"No."

"It's not?" He said.

"No."

"No."

"Then what is?" He asked.

"You cheated on both of us with Zatanna,' Diana explained.

"Yes, you went out with us while you were sleeping with her,' Karen added.

"So you're hitting me because of Zatanna?" Clark said in confusion.

"Well, we can't hit her,' Karen replied. "I mean she's pregnant."

"Absolutely.' Diana agreed. "We're not blood thirsty savages to pick on a pregnant woman, Kal."

Clark felt a headache coming on and slowly sat down.

"So you're angry because I was helping Zatanna when I went out with you?" He said out loud, not sure it sounded right even to his ears. "Since I was helping her before I went out with either of you, wouldn't that mean I was cheating on her, not you?"

"Well, if she wants to hit you too, that's her business,' Karen replied. "Although in her condition she probably shouldn't."

"Yes, that wouldn't be good for the baby, I wouldn't think,' Diana agreed. "She could use her magic, though."

"Yeah, that's true,' Karen said, nodding in agreement.

"Could we back up a moment,' Clark asked. "You both know I was sleeping with Zatanna to help her get pregnant, right?"

"Yes."

"Yes."

"So when you asked me to go with you to that business event,' Clark continued. "Which you said was as a plus one, I might point out. That's when I was cheating on you? And you, Diana, when you called in my promise to do anything you wanted and asked for a date, that's when I cheated on you? Do I have this right?"

"Well, when you put it like that,' Karen grumbled.

"Did you or didn't you continue to sleep with Zatanna after going out with me,' Diana asked.

"Us,' Karen corrected her.

"What? Oh, yes, us."

"Um, yeah,' Clark replied.

"That was when you cheated,' Diana triumphantly said. "Case closed."

"Good thinking, Princess,' Karen replied. Diana flashed her a glare. "Sorry, Diana, but way to use your head there."

The headache was getting stronger and Clark absently rubbed just above his right eyebrow. He was pretty sure he could dig himself out of this, but it was going to take some luck.

"So I shouldn't have helped, Zatanna?'

"Well, no,' Diana admitted.

"No, since she asked first I guess you had to,' Karen admitted.

"That's right, I did." Clark said, jumping on this. "She came to me as a friend and asked for my help. Would you have done any different if you were in my shoes? Diana? Karen?"

"No,' Diana reluctantly admitted.

"No,' Karen agreed.

"So you see I wasn't cheating on any of you really,' Clark continued, gathering a head of steam now. "I made a promise and I was just trying to keep it. I was helping a friend, just like both of you would. So are we clear now? I wasn't cheating on you?"

The two women didn't like it, but what he was saying did make sense. They didn't quite want to let it go, though.

"What about now?" Karen asked.

"Yes, Kal, now that Zatanna is pregnant and your promise is fulfilled, what now?" Diana asked.

"Um, what, ah, do you mean, now?'

"Which one of us are you going to date now?" Karen asked.

"Yes, Kal, which one?" Diana demanded.

"You should really pick me,' Karen offered. "I mean we are genetically more compatible and all."

"If it comes to that we are compatible enough,' Diana replied, glaring at Karen. "There's also temperament to consider."

"Well, you certainly have me beat in the temper department,' Karen replied with a smile. "Guys don't go for that usually, Prin-whoop-Diana."

Clark wisely moved between them before the punches started flying. He looked back and forth between them and could see they clearly wanted an answer. Well, an answer and to beat each other up, he thought. The problem was he didn't really have one for them. He hadn't been thinking of dating either of them, really. Frankly he was still a little shocked they wanted to date him. Did not see that coming, Clark thought. Jeez, maybe I really am a Boy Scout, he realized. If I was Wally or Ollie I'd say both of them, but that would probably get me beaten I'm guessing. Yeah I can't see them caring for that answer at all. Definitely get a beating if I tried that one, he thought.

Suddenly Zatanna flashed into his mind. She was pregnant with his child. They'd really been great together while they were trying to conceive the baby. Was that over, he wondered? She just had dinner with my mother. Sure doesn't seem like it's over, he mused. Do I even want it to be over, he wondered? Clark realized he was completely confused and had no idea what to do. He could almost hear Wally and Ollie screaming no as he started to speak.

"I don't think I can date either of you,' he began. "It's not that I'm not attracted to both of you, cause I am. Who wouldn't be? It's just that it feels wrong somehow, you know? Zatanna's going to have my baby and I want to be part of that. I have a responsibility. I want to be there for her. Right now that's all I'm focused on, not dating. I hope you both can understand.'

The two women listened to him and had to admit he sounded sincere. They both imagined if it were their baby, how would they want him to react. They both realized they would want him to react just like he was. They had no choice but to reluctantly accept it.

"All right, Kal, so no dating right now,' Diana said.

"I'm sorry, no."

"I guess it's for the best," Karen admitted. "You probably aren't even thinking of other women, are you?'

"No really."

"Okay, Kal."

"Yeah, okay, Clark."

"Thanks." He said and smiled at both of them. They smiled in return and then the three of them walked towards the door. As it opened they could hear singing. It was getting closer and then suddenly Dinah came rushing around the cornered followed by Plastic Man. Dinah took one look at Clark and leap into his arms.

"There's the man I'm in love with,' she said loud enough for Plastic Man to hear. Before Clark could say a word, Dinah kissed him. It caught him completely off guard. Absently he thought it was a great kiss, but then he felt three sets of eyes staring at him. None of them were happy. Oh, Jeez, they are going to kill me he thought as the kiss continued.


	43. Chapter 43

Feelin' Groovy

The Watchtower

Wally and Dinah were manning the station controls. Shifts were on a rotating basis so every once and awhile these two found themselves working together. Dinah was in a good mood as her stunt with Superman had worked, she hoped. Plastic Man hadn't tried to woo her in the last four hours. That was a very good start, she thought. She did feel a little guilty for the beating Clark took, but he was invulnerable she rationalized to herself. Just in case, though, she thought she'd send him a Pick Me Up Bouquet or something when she got off duty. Maybe a box of steaks too, guys liked that sort of thing.

"So what would be the first thing you'd do if you won the Powerball, Dinah?" Wally suddenly asked.

"Hmm? The what?"

"Powerball, the lottery, what would be the first thing you'd do?"

She thought on it a minute and smiled.

"Recheck the numbers, I guess,' she offered and continued working on running some scans.

"I'd piss myself," Wally said.

"You mean cause you'd be so excited?' She absently replied.

"No."

This stopped Dinah in her tracks. She looked up from the panel and turned towards him.

"What do you mean no?"

"That wouldn't be the reason, " Wally said. "But good guess."

Now she's completely stopped doing what she was doing and fully turned to look at him.

"You'd piss yourself? Are you talking about getting drunk or something?" She asked.

"No." He replied, continuing with whatever work he was doing. A confused look came over Dinah's face. She wasn't sure she was hearing him right.

"You'd piss yourself?"

"First thing,' he immediately said.

"Piss yourself? Are you serious?"

"Yep."

Dinah ran her fingers through her long blond hair and stared at him. She waited a moment, expecting him to say more, but he didn't, just kept working.

"I'm missing something here,' she finally said. "You'd actually piss yourself. Why?"

Wally finished what he was doing with the flourish, pressing three buttons and then turned to her with a smile.

"Did you ever have one of those moments when you're doing something and the most random thought comes into your head?" He asked.

"I supposed, 'she admitted.

"Well, I just had one,' Wally continued. "I suddenly thought of when people say the phrase, 'I laughed so hard I nearly pissed myself' you know. It got me to wondering."

"About pissing yourself?" Dinah asked, still confused.

"Think about it, if you did laugh so hard you really pissed yourself that would be incredibly embarrassing,' Wally explained. "I mean whatever you thought was so funny is going to be forgotten as soon as you let go with the waterworks. Everyone's focus is going to be on you then, not whatever you thought was so funny. It would be embarrassing."

"Well, pissing yourself usually is,' Dinah offered. That she was still calmly having this discussion was a bit embarrassing, she thought.

"Anyway, it got me to thinking was there any situation where pissing yourself wouldn't be so embarrassing,' Wally said. "You know where it would sort of be justified."

"And you came up with winning the lottery?"

"Exactly! Well, it fairness I thought about if you were really old too, but that's sort of involuntarily so that really doesn't count,' Wally explained, as he turned back to the control panel. Dinah tried going back to her work, but she just couldn't let it go.

"Ah, why, um, why would you want to piss yourself in the first place?" she asked.

"Don't you mean why wouldn't you?" Wally replied with a smile.

"No, no, that's not what I mean at all,' Dinah firmly said. "I really mean why?"

"Cause it would be the one time you could and get away with it,' Wally explained. "Instead of everyone being embarrassed by you and you being humiliated, they'd say, well he won the lottery so I guess he was really excited."

"Okay, but why pissing yourself exactly?'

"Once in a lifetime chance really,' Wally cheerfully said. "You could just stand there and let it rip and damn the consequences. It's really a unique and rare opportunity if you think about it."

Dinah ran her fingers through her long blond hair again and shook her head.

"If that's the case, why not shit yourself too?'

Wally stopped for a moment to consider this.

"I guess you could, but it would have to be a really big jackpot, you know over a 100 million,' he replied. A light blinked on the panel in front of them. "Hey, the team's ready to come back."

Dinah started to say more, but knew her job came first. She turned back to the controls but kept glancing over at Wally. The team materialized on the platform. It consisted of Zatanna, Shayera, Vigilante and Booster Gold. They were still discussing the mission as they stepped down from the platform. Booster Gold and Vigilante seemed in a hurry to get somewhere and headed straight for the door.

Zee lagged a little behind the others. She was in a good mood and suddenly realized being on the mission was the easiest thing she'd done all day. No embarrassing questions, no awkward situations, just kicking butt and taking names. She wondered when that had happened, that the superhero part of her life became the easy part? Maybe I should volunteer for more missions, she thought. I wonder if that's why Bruce is always going on and on and on about the mission because it's easier than dealing with his private life?

"Tower to Zee,' Shayera said. "You look like you zoned out there for a moment."

"Just thinking about the mission,' Zee replied. They turned their attention towards Dinah and noticed she had a strange look on her face.

"Everything okay up here, Dinah?' They asked. She had been looking at Wally, but snapped out of it when they spoke to her.

"What? Oh, yeah, I guess,' she absently said.

"So no excitement while we were gone?' Shayera said.

"I'd be careful how close I stand to Dinah if there's excitement, 'Wally joked. "She was just saying why not shit yourself if there was."

This stopped Zee and Shayera in their tracks.

"Huh?'

"Me?" Dinah gasped, whirling around towards him. "You're the one that was talking about pissing yourself if you won the lottery!"

"Well, sure pissing yourself, but you brought up shitting yourself as I remember,' Wally replied. "I'm still a little grossed out by even the suggestion."

"It was you!" Dinah shouted.

Wally rolled his eyes and then tilted his head towards Dinah.

"Sure it was,' he whispered to Zee and Shayera with smirk. He brought his hand up next to his head and twirled one finger around. "Koo-Koo."

Dinah looked from Shayera and Zee back to Wally.

"It was him!" She shouted.

"Hey, look at the time, my shift's over,' Wally said, paying no attention to Dinah. "Think I'll jet over to the cafeteria for a bite to eat. See ya!"

He was gone in the next moment, leaving a rather flustered Dinah to try and explain to Zee and Shayera.

"It was him, I swear! It was his stupid idea, not mine!" She protested.

"Okay, Dinah, we believe you,' Shayera patiently said.

"Yeah, calm down, don't get too excited,' Zee added, taking a step back. "I mean at least not right here."

"I'm going to kill him!" Dinah growled, bunching her hands into fists.

"That wouldn't get you excited would it?" Zee asked, taking another step back. This time Shayera joined her.

* * *

Metropolis

Clark gingerly moved over to the couch and sat down. He'd super cooled a couple of ice packs and had one on his shoulder and one held up to his head. With a groan he leaned back and tried to let the ice do its work. In a strange way he was sort of lucky, he thought. If Karen and Diana hadn't gotten into an argument with each other he wouldn't have been able to slip away. It was almost as if they were more interested in fighting each other than him.

As he tilted his head back and closed his eyes, Clark lamented what had been happening. From the outside it almost seemed like he'd become a playboy, with so many women swirling around him. On the inside though, from his perspective it didn't feel like that at all. If he was a playboy he was pretty sure he was doing something wrong. He certainly wasn't getting the benefits of being a playboy, well, except for with Zatanna that was. Dinah had kissed him and it was a good kiss but it was only to get rid of Plastic Man. Clark was basically a prop in her little scheme. Why she couldn't use Ollie, he still wasn't completely clear on.

Diana and Karen that should have been a playboy's dream scenario, but the bruises on his arms and shoulder told a different tale. He had a sneaking suspicion what was going on with those two was more about their rivalry than anything else. How he got caught up in it, he still hadn't a clue. He thought about calling Bruce for some tips on how to be a playboy, but there had been three angry messages on his machine from Bruce. He wanted to talk to Clark about Kara. He didn't sound happy. Maybe I'll just wait to call him back, Clark mused.

Kara, his adorable, yet not so adorable little cousin was another woman that seemed to be an endless source of trouble for him. He loved her dearly, but she did have a way of stirring things up. He was pretty sure Diana had muttered something about not being able to go back to Themyscira for a while because of Kara while she was hitting him. Karen had used the word snot several times when referring to Kara too. Love her to death, but he feared Kara was going to be the death of him in the end.

Then there was Zatanna. What she was thinking or feeling he had no clue. While they were trying to get her pregnant things had been pretty simple and really enjoyable, but now not so much. On the bright side she didn't hit him like so many others did. Had to open your big mouth and tell everyone you're invulnerable, he chided himself. Might as well have a 'kick me' sign on your back. The only person getting hit more than him was Wally and at least he got to make pervy comments.

Maybe I should just stay away from women, Clark thought. I'm going to live a long time, well, if I do stay away from them. I could spend a few decades trying to figure women out and then come back. It is called the Fortress of Solitude, he mused. He would still do his job and help people, but if he came into contact with female superheroes or even female villains at this point, just keep the conversation simple, hi, bye and off he'd go.

It might take longer than a couple of decades though to figure out women, he realized. Plus Zatanna was having their baby and with his luck it would be a girl. Wouldn't want to miss that, he thought. Of course Kara knew the codes for getting in the Fortress anyway, so it wasn't like he could keep her out either. He was pretty sure Bruce knew them and he'd probably share them with Diana if she asked so that wouldn't work.

Maybe space, he thought. No, you got Maxima and who knows whom else out there. Plus he was going to be a father and he really wanted to be around for that. So he was stuck, Clark realized. Sure wish Pa Kent was around to give some pointers here on women. Although looking back on it, Pa had been rather shaky on that topic. He had plenty of advice on everything else but not really much on women, Clark realized. In fact now that Clark really thought about it, he could only recall Pa Kent giving him one piece of advice on women, 'treat them right.' Well what the hell does that mean, he thought?

With a groan, Clark just slumped back on the couch and tried to get some rest. He might be able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, but figuring out women was beyond even his gifts.

* * *

The Watchtower

Zatanna, Shayera, Wally, Mari and Ollie were sitting at a table having a cup of coffee together. The subject had carried over from the transporter room.

"Why would you want to piss yourself again?" Shayera asked.

"I didn't say I wanted to,' Wally objected. "I don't think anyone wants to. I was just saying you could is all."

"And Dinah suggested you shit yourself?" Ollie asked, both confused and a bit alarmed by this.

"Both actually,' Wally replied.

"So the whole schmear as it were,' Zee added with a grin. This got her several looks and groans.

"Oh, come on, he put it on a tee for me,' she protested.

Before anyone could respond, the unoccupied chair suddenly transformed into Plastic Man. He had a horrified look on his face and actually pulled up his glasses.

"The Goddess really said that?" He gasped.

"It was a joke,' Zee replied.

"I wasn't talking about you, Circus Girl, I was talking about Dinah,' Plastic Man informed her. Mari smiled and leaned over to Shayera.

"Wow, someone's got an ego, huh? He says Goddess and she thinks he's talking about her."

"Yeah, really,' Shayera said in agreement. Zee gave them both a snide look.

"O Woe is me,' Plastic Man lamented. "First to find out the Goddess is in love with El Capitan, now this!"

"She likes the park?' Wally asked Ollie with a confused look on his face. Ollie shrugged and throw up his hands. Before anyone else could say anything, Kara and Courtney came into the cafeteria. Seeing Zee, Kara rushed over and gave her a hug.

"Hey, soon to be sister-in-law!" Kara excitedly said. "Some dinner huh? Boy, Ma Kent sure puts on a spread when she wants to, doesn't she?"

"Congratulations, Zatanna,' Courtney added.

"Um, thanks,' Zee managed to reply. "Kara, a little tight."

"Oh, right wouldn't want to hurt the newest family member,' Kara replied, letting go of Zee.

"What's all this sister-in-law stuff?" Shayera asked. "I mean sure Zee's having a baby with Clark but that doesn't make you sister-in-laws."

"Well, since I'm like Clark's sister when he gets married to Zee I will be,' Kara replied with a big smile.

"Kara I think you're jumping the gun a little bit,' Zee started to protest.

"You're getting married?" Shayera and Mari gasped. "And you didn't tell us?"

"They sure are!" Kara said before Zatanna could reply.

"I never said anything about marriage." Zee tried to say, but the others were already talking excitedly.

"I thought we were friends, Zee,' Shayera said with a hurt look on her face. "You'd think you'd have at least called to tell me."

"I'm not!" Zee protested.

"This is the worst day of my life.' Plastic Man suddenly shouted. "My Goddess is not only in love with El Capitan, but now she's the other woman to Circus Girl in some tawdry sex triangle!"

"Don't forget about wanting to shit herself either, buddy,' Wally offered. Plastic Man actually cringed at this.

"Hold it! Hold it!" Zee shouted. She held up her fingers for everyone to see. "First, I never said I was getting married. Second, it's not Circus Girl, it's Zatanna and I'm a magician!"

"Same thing,' Plastic Man replied.

"No, no they most certainly are not!" Zee fired back. "A circus is full of clowns and I only see two at this table!"

"Kind of a dig at you there, Ollie,' Wally said, nudging him in his elbow. Ollie gave him a rather icy glare.

"I don't think I'm the one she was talking about," he said.

"Really?' Wally replied. "You think she's insulting Mari? That's out of left field, isn't it?"

"I was insulting you, you idiot,' Zee said and then turned her attention back to Plastic Man and holding up her third finger. "Third, who is El Capitan?"

"I think that's a park somewhere,' Shayera offered.

"It's Superman,' Plastic Man replied. 'The Mary Sue, perfect man that is stealing all the fair maiden's hearts!"

"Hey watch it, rubber band,' Kara snarled. "He's family!"

"Why El Capitan?"

"Cause he's the captain of this ship,' Plastic Man replied.

"He is?" Ollie said. "I thought Batman was sort of the captain."

"No, he's the pilot,' Plastic Man explained.

"Aren't they the same?" Mari asked.

"No, the pilot stays in the shadows plotting the course, while the captain is in the dinning room having dinner with the guests. Haven't any of you been on a cruise?"

"So we're on a cruise?" Wally asked. "I thought we were on a space station and were a team? I'm getting lost in the metaphors here."

"So if Clark's the captain and Bruce is the pilot, what does that make us,' Shayera asked.

"Deckhands."

"Where's my mace!"

Mari and Zee held Shayera back as she lunged at Plastic Man.

"Who does that make me?" Kara asked. "I'm his cousin after all. Oh, and before you answer, remember it might stretch but if you stretch it far enough it breaks!"

Plastic Man wilted a little bit under her glare.

"Dangerous?" He offered.

"You're not as crazy as you look, are you?" Kara said with a smile. She shifted her attention to Zee again. "By the way Zee could you have a word with Madame Xanadu? I know she's like your mom and all, but I don't like her slipping Ma Kent guy's numbers. It's just creepy!"

"She slipped her a number?" Zee said, still holding on to a struggling Shayera. "Who's?"

"Alan Scott,' Kara replied. "Isn't he the Shadow or something?"

A shiver when down Zee's body at just the mention of the name.

"I think the Shadow is Ralph Kramden,' Wally offered. "Bus driver by day, Shadow by night!"

Dinah's shift had finally ended and she came storming in at this moment. She stopped and glared at Wally.

"You!"

"Uh-oh, she's giving you the pointy finger,' Ollie whispered.

"The pointy finger is never good,' Mari said in agreement, still holding Shayera back.

"There she is, my Goddess, fallen so far,' Plastic Man wailed. He had transformed himself into a shopping cart with one squeaky wheel. "First she turns away from the one that truly loves her and then becomes a harlot chasing after Circus Girl's fiancée! How the mighty have fallen!"

"It's not Circus Girl and he's not my fiancée!" Zee shouted.

"Why not?" Kara asked. "Don't you want to marry Clark? What's wrong with him?"

"Nothing!" Zee quickly replied.

"Is it because Dinah's throwing herself at him?" Kara asked.

"Hey, no one said I was throwing myself at him,' Dinah protested. She saw a smile come over Plastic Man's face and quickly backtracked. "Um, well, maybe a little, you know, cause we're in love and all."

Plastic Man deflated again.

"Harlot,' he whispered.

"What was that?" Dinah shouted.

"Don't get her excited,' Wally whispered. "We're deckhands, remember? We'll have to clean it up."

Everyone turned and looked at Dinah, then slowly moved away. She looked at all of them for a moment and then dropped her head into her hands and counted to ten.

"I don't want to be a deckhand,' Courtney said. "I already had to clean out the stalls on Themyscira and that was fucking enough for me."

Dinah took her hands away from her face and glared at Wally.

"Okay, I'm going to kill him."

Everyone jumped up as she lunged towards Wally. He disappeared in the next moment as they tried to control her.

* * *

Metropolis

It was late when the doorbell rang. Clark wasn't going to answer it, but when he glance to see whom it was he got up. He opened the door to find a rather glum Zatanna standing there. She looked up at him.

"Can I come in? It's been one of those days." She said.

"Yeah, same here,' he replied, stepping back and letting her inside.

"I could use a drink but I can't,' She said, dropping down into the couch. Clark gingerly moved over and sat down next to her, still holding the ice to his shoulder.

"I take it your day was as bad as mine, huh?"

"Yeah."

They both nodded and sat there quietly for a moment.

"Well, I guess on the bright side we're still having a baby, right?" He offered.

"That's true,' she admitted, a little smile coming to her lips at the thought.

They lapsed back into silence. A thought came into Zatanna's head and she slowly turned towards him.

"You know it's still kind of new, the baby and all,' she said. "We could 'celebrate' a little, if you wanted to?"

Clark looked at her for a moment and then smiled. He leaned in and kissed her.

"Yeah, I think I'd like that,' he said.


	44. Chapter 44

_Lyrical_ **Diamonds**

Offered by _Sir Tristan_ and **Etrigan**

Rituals are as old as time. We all have them, heroes and commoners alike. Once a month two of the heroes that usually stand in the background meet. No one's quite sure what they are doing, but they watch and listen just in case.

"_Etrigan_,' the Shining Knight said.

"**Sir**** Tristan**," Etrigan replied.

"_Thou_

_So long_

_Have not darkened_

_My door._

_Why?"_

* * *

"**Business**

**Perhaps pleasure**

**What matters is**

**I'm here**

**Now."**

* * *

"_True_

_So true_

_Thy stink wafts_

_Vile and_

_Foreboding."_

* * *

"**Only**

**To those**

**With something to**

**Fear, young**

**Knight."**

* * *

"_Demon_

_Tempt not_

_For my blade_

_Is ever_

_True."_

* * *

"**Always**

**The same**

**Ready for battles**

**No Eagerness**

**Lost."**

* * *

"_Vigilance_

_Never rests_

_As long as_

_Evil men_

_Do."_

* * *

"**Well**

**Said, What  
**

**news of comrades  
**

**In this **

**Lair?"**

* * *

"_Alas_

_Separate worlds_

_Each to their_

_Own, it _

_Seems."_

* * *

"**Prerogative**

**Of youth**

**To be vain**

**And silly**

**Nay?"**

* * *

"_Aye_

_The tales_

_I could tell_

_Of mad_

_Ploys."_

* * *

"**Heroes**

**They be**

**But all too**

**Human are**

**Thee."**

* * *

"_Girl_

_Of Power_

_In pissing contest_

_With Woman_

_Wonder."_

* * *

**Truly?**

**I would**

**Bet on the**

**Dark Haired**

**Lass."**

* * *

_Blonde_

_Lass formidable_

_Do not sleepith_

_On her_

_Demon."_

* * *

"**Betting**

**Are we?**

**Is thee metal**

**Still as**

**Strong?"**

* * *

"_Taken_

_And fear_

_Not my metal_

_Or judge_

_Thyself."_

* * *

"**Demon**

**Doesn't swing**

**That way. You**

**Know this**

**Already."**

* * *

"_Rumors_

_Say otherwise._

_Tis nothing wrong_

_With that_

_Nowadays."_

* * *

"**You **

**Would know,**

**Knights of round**

**Hazed you**

**No?"**

* * *

"_Yea_

_But a _

_Little grab ass_

_Back in_

_Day."_

* * *

"**Knights**

**Of Round**

**Swung both ways**

**So they**

**Say."**

* * *

"_Twas_

_Lonely in_

_Pursuit of Grail_

_Nothing beyond_

_Pale."_

* * *

"**Past**

**Is gone**

**What of today?**

**Heroes still**

**Same?"**

* * *

"_Yes_

_Man of _

_Steel so confused_

_Bewitched and_

_Bewildered."_

* * *

"**Villains**

**Doesth this **

**Wrought? Slings and**

**Arrows for **

**Naught**."

* * *

"_Nay_

_Magic Lass_

_Is with Child_

_Tomorrow Man_

_Father."_

* * *

"**Truly?**

**Joy and**

**Happiness they should**

**Share. Parents**

**Be."**

* * *

"_Nay_

_See not_

_Forest for Trees_

_Denial River_

_Thee."_

* * *

"**Love **

**Blinds but**

**Time will tell**

**Words of**

**Marriage?"**

* * *

_Wouldst_

_Think alas_

_No. Admittance still_

_To be _

_Shared."_

* * *

"**Aye**

**Youth wasted**

**On the young**

**What else**

**Hear?"**

* * *

"_Songbird_

_Hatches crazy_

_Plot to fool_

_Rubber band_

_Chap."_

* * *

**Hath**

**Not he**

**Taken hint yet?**

**Screw loose**

**Somewhere."**

* * *

"_Speaketh_

_True do_

_You. Serenades fair_

_Maiden badly_

_He."_

* * *

**Polkas**

**And rap?**

**His choice of**

**Milieu? Poor**

**Songbird."**

* * *

"_Your_

_Former paramour_

_Martian doesth date_

_Getting freak_

_On."_

* * *

"**Nimue**

**Passionate woman**

**Always enjoyed the**

**In and**

**Out.****"**

* * *

"_Times_

_Have not_

_Changed. She still_

_Enjoys the _

_Same."_

* * *

**Married**

**We were**

**Common law but**

**Still nothing's**

**Changed."**

* * *

"_Let_

_It go._

_Lasses all around_

_Lovely and_

_Willing."_

* * *

"**You**

**Speak true**

**Still hurts does**

**It, Heart**

**Aches."**

* * *

"_Still?_

_Get over_

_It thee, More_

_Fish in _

_Sea."_

* * *

"**Miss**

**The Dinners**

**Woman knew her**

**Food, trust**

**Thee."**

* * *

"_Perhaps_

_But now_

_Plays matchmaker for_

_One Alan _

_Scott."_

* * *

"**Shadow**

**Is he?**

**Wants a doctor**

**For Daughter**

**See."**

* * *

"_No_

_Lantern shade_

_Of Green Fixated_

_Some say_

_She."_

* * *

"**Problem**

**No longer**

**For me. What **

**Tell of **

**Others?"**

* * *

"_Bat_

_Has met_

_Match. Caught in_

_Collector's web_

_He."_

* * *

"**Collector?'**

**Is name**

**Some vile new**

**Villain this**

**Be?"**

* * *

"_No_

_Marvel maid_

_Off deep end_

_Doll hath_

_Send."_

* * *

"**Girls**

**And dolls**

**A lethal mix**

**No easy**

**Fix."**

* * *

"_Yea_

_Rare Blunder_

_He doeth Make_

_No signing_

_Appeal."_

* * *

"**Doll's**

**Appeal? You **

**Make no sense.**

**Speak plainly**

**Knave."**

* * *

"_Watch_

_Forked Tongue_

_Or lose it_

_To my_

_Blade."_

* * *

**Explain**

**Then thee**

**Doll and Bat**

**What connection**

**Be?"**

* * *

_Marvel_

_Lass zealot_

_For Barbie doll_

_Wants Petition_

_Signed."_

* * *

"**Bat**

**Say Nay.**

**Alas I understand**

**Can Worms**

**Opened."**

* * *

"_Rare_

_Slip from_

_He usually five_

_Steps ahead_

_Mentally."_

* * *

"**Of**

**Power and**

**Wonder gals. What**

**Pissing contest**

**About?"**

* * *

"_Progeny_

_Of Man_

_Of Steel, Who_

_Best Candidate_

_Be."_

* * *

"**Magic**

**Girl already**

**Won Didn't she? **

**Pregnant by **

**He.****"**

* * *

"_True_

_Thy suspects_

_More about being_

_Alpha than_

_Baby."_

* * *

"**Top**

**Wench they**

**Seek, rivals they**

**Be for**

**Title."**

* * *

"_Aye_

_Beautiful both_

_But frightening tempers_

_When Challenge_

_Faced."_

* * *

**Point **

**Out modern**

**Science can grant **

**Wish but**

**Together."**

* * *

"_Two_

_Mothers you_

_Suggesting they be?_

_Frightening the_

_Thought."_

* * *

"**Just**

**Ideas I **

**Offer, Do with**

**As you**

**Wish."**

* * *

"Thine

_Lesson learned_

_Stay out of_

_Those ladies  
_

_Way."_

* * *

"**Wise**

**Words Knight**

**But what of**

**Thy? Fair**

**Maidens?'**

* * *

"_Aye_

_Fire she_

_Be, Language she_

_Does not_

_Speak."_

* * *

"**Lucky**

**Whelp, No**

**Telling of her**

**Day? Envy**

**Thee."**

* * *

"_Portuguese_

_She doeth _

_Speak. Understand not_

_A single_

_Bit."_

* * *

**"Alas**

**No escape.**

**The world changes**

**Some Things**

**Don't."**

* * *

They touched glasses and both took a long drink. Watching all of this were Shayera, Wally, Dinah and Ollie.

"Are they fighting?" Shayera asked. "I can't understand a word either is saying."

"Call me crazy, but I think they're talking about us,' Wally offered.

"Your crazy,' Dinah immediately said. Wally glanced over and saw a smug smile on her face.

"Good one, just don't get too excited about it,' He jokingly replied. The smile disappeared from her lips but not before Wally disappeared from the room. Ollie chuckled a little. Dinah turned and hit him.

"Ow! What the hell was that for?" He asked.

"You laughed and well, um, ah, he wasn't here,' Dinah weakly offered.

"Just great,' Ollie sarcastically said. "Another guy is standing in for me as your boyfriend and now I'm standing in for the guy you want to hit? I want to renegotiate this deal, Dinah."

"What the hell does Twas mean?" Shayera asked.


	45. Chapter 45

Sex & Numbers

Metropolis

Zatanna was a being of magic. She had read all the texts, both esoteric and ancient on the subject. She was one of the foremost experts on the specialty as well as one of the most powerful beings on the planet if she wished to be. Growing up her father had encouraged her, but always stop as he left the room, smiled and said, "Just don't over think the room, honey." She had always thought he was referring to their stage show. It was only after she lost him that another explanation presented itself.

Of all people Madame Xanadu had given her a book, which she said was one of her father's favorites. Zee reluctantly had started reading, but soon got into it. It was towards the end of the book she came upon a passage that had been highlighted in her father's handwriting. She read it several times. All those mysteries of magical numbers, symbols and esoteric explanations she had studied suddenly took on a completely different perspective.

In the passage it was a young pregnant woman talking to her lover. The lover had become obsessed with the arcane mysteries, such as magic numbers and symbols. He was trying to see the big picture and understand what lay behind the veil. The young woman was trying to show him a different way of looking at it.

* * *

"_Archetypes__ don__'__t __exist;__ the__ body__ exists.__ The __belly __inside __is __beautiful,__ because __the__ baby __grows __there,__ because__ your__ sweet__ cock,__ all__ bright__ and __jolly, __thrusts __there,__ and__ good, __tasty__ food __descends __there,__ and__ for __this __reason __the __cavern,__ the__ grotto,__ the __tunnel__ are __beautiful__ and__ important, __and __the__ labyrinth,__ too,__ which __is __made __in __the __image__ of__ our__ wonderful __intestines.__ When __somebody __wants __to__ invent__ something __beautiful__ and__ important, __it__ has__ to__ come__ from __there, __because __you__ also __came__ from __there __the__ day__ you__ were __born,__ because __fertility__ always __comes __from__ inside __a __cavity,__ where__ first __something __rots__ and __then, __lo __and __behold, __there __is __a __little __man,__a__ date,__ a __baobab._

_And__ high __is__ better __than __low,__ because __if__ you__ have __your__ head__ down, __the__ blood__ goes __to__ your __brain, __because __feet__ stink __and __hair__ doesn__'__t __stink__ as__ much,__ because __it__'__s __better__ to__ climb __a__ tree __and __pick __fruit __than __end__ up__ underground,__ food __for__ worms, __and__ because __you__ rarely__ hurt__ yourself__ hitting__ something __above __you __really __have__ to__ be __in__ an __attic,__ while__ you__ often__ hurt__ yourself __falling.__ That__'__s __why __up__ is__ angelic__ and__ down__ devilish._

_Fire keeps you warm and cold gives you bronchial pneumonia, especially if you're a scholar four thousand years ago, and therefore fire has mysterious virtues besides its ability to cook your chicken. But cold preserves that same chicken, and fire, if you touch it, gives you a blister this big; therefore, if you think of something preserved for millennia, like wisdom, you have to think of it on a mountain, up, high (and high is good), but also in a cavern (which is good, too) and in the eternal cold of the Tibetan snows (best of all). And if you then want to know why wisdom comes from the Orient and not from the Swiss Alps, it's because the body of your ancestors in the morning, when it woke and there was still darkness, looked to the east hoping the sun would rise and there wouldn't be rain._

_The sun is good because it does the body good, and because it has the sense to reappear every day; therefore, whatever returns is good, not what passes and is done with. The easiest way to return from where you've been without retracing your steps is to walk in a circle. The animal that coils in a circle is the serpent; that's why so many cults and myths of the serpent exist, because it's hard to represent the return of the sun by the coiling of a hippopotamus. Furthermore, if you have to make a ceremony to invoke the sun, it's best to move in a circle, because if you go in a straight line, you move away from home, which means the ceremony will have to be kept short. The circle is the most convenient arrangement for any rite, even the fire-eaters in the marketplace know this, because in a circle everybody can see the one who's in the center, whereas if a whole tribe formed a straight line, like a squad of soldiers, the people at the ends wouldn't see. And that's why the circle and rotary motion and cyclic return are fundamental to every cult and every rite?_

_We move on to the magic numbers you are so fond of. You are one and not two, your cock is one and my cunt is one, and we have one nose and one heart; so you see how many important things come in ones. But we have two eyes, two ears, two nostrils, my breasts, your balls, legs, arms, and buttocks. Three is the most magical of all, because our body doesn't know that number; we don't have three of anything, and it should be a very mysterious number that we attribute to God, wherever we live. But if you think about it, I have one cunt and you have one cock, and if we put these two together, a new thing is made, and we become three. So you don't have to be a university professor or use a computer to discover that all cultures on earth have ternary structures, trinities._

_But two arms and two legs make four, and four is a beautiful -number when you consider that animals have four legs and little children go on all fours, as the Sphinx knew. We hardly have to discuss five, the fingers of the hand and then with both hands you get that other sacred number, ten. There have to be ten commandments because, if there were twelve, when the priest counts one, two, three, holding up his fingers, and comes to the last two, he'd have to borrow a hand from the sacristan._

_Now, if you take the body and count all the things that grow from the trunk, arms, legs, head, and cock, you get six; but for women it's seven. For this reason, it seems to me that among your authors six is never taken seriously, except as the double of three, because it's familiar to the males, who don't have any seven. So when the males rule, they prefer to see seven as the mysterious sacred number, forgetting about women's tits, but what the hell._

_Eight...eight...give me a minute...If arms and legs don't count as one apiece but two, because of elbows and knees, you have eight parts that move; add the torso and you have nine, add the head and you have ten. Just sticking with the body, you can get all the numbers you want. The orifices, for example._

_The orifices?_

_Yes. How many holes does the body have?_

_I counted. Eyes, nostrils, ears, mouth, ass: eight._

_You see? Another reason eight is a beautiful number. But I have nine! And with that ninth I bring you into the world, therefore nine is holier than eight! Or, if you like, take the anatomy of your menhir, which your authors are always talking about. Standing up during the day, lying down at night your thing, too. No, don't tell me what it does at night. The fact is that erect it works and prone it rests. So the vertical position is life, pointing sunward, and obelisks stand as trees stand, while the horizontal position and night are sleep, death. All cultures worship menhirs, monoliths, pyramids, columns, but nobody bows down to balconies and railings. Did you ever hear of an archaic cult of the sacred banister? You see? And another point: if you worship a vertical stone, even if there are a lot of you, you can all see it; but if you worship, instead, a horizontal stone, only those in the front row can see it, and the others start pushing, me too, me too, which is not a fitting sight for a magical ceremony..._

_Anyway, that's how we're put together, all of us, and that's why we work out the same symbols millions of kilometers apart, and naturally they all resemble one another. Scholars and mystics have spent thousands of years looking for a message, and it was there all the time: they just had to look at themselves in the mirror."_

* * *

Zatanna smiled as she stretched and then pulled the sheet up a little higher. Clark was getting some water or something she hadn't been paying attention. Zee was having a moment of clarity. We all have them, brief moments where things seem to make sense and for just that moment we sort of see the big picture. Usually we lose them just as fast, someone says or does something and interrupts us and the moment is gone.

For Zatanna the world seemed simple. One plus one could equal three. When she had started this, she had only been thinking of the end result, but that had changed. Sex always changes things. Unless you're a complete putz, having sex with someone affects you. There is a reason why so much time and effort has been put into writing odes, novels and ballads to it. There are so many euphemisms for it you could fill tablets with them. Most prefer making love, as it sounds less coarse to delicate ears, but it's still sex.

Sex is the foundation of most physical relationships. You can have all the good communications styles, nice personality, etc, etc, etc, but if two people don't connect while having sex then the relationship is usually doomed. Oh, you'll get your objections and people will vehemently say that a relationship is more than just sex. This maybe true, but what started the relationship in the first place? An attraction, a physical attraction is where it starts. You want to have sex with the person.

If the sex is good the relationship usually continues and all those other factors start to add in, but it started with sex. A relationship can continue with out this, but then words like security or insecurity start to creep into the explanation. Sex surely isn't the only factor but it's always there at the start. People talk about making a connection with someone else, well sex is literally connecting with someone else. Sometimes we look too hard at things, believing there has to be something complicated, difficult or mystical about them. We seem to think that the simple, plain answer is wrong, because it's simple and plain. There's no convoluted formula, scientific equations or mystical incantation to back it up.

As Clark came back into the room and handed her a glass of water, Zee smiled. She took a sip as he slipped back into bed. She set the glass on the nightstand and turned to him. She moved into his arms and kissed him. In her mind those words repeated themselves, "Don't over think the room."

* * *

The Watchtower

Mary Marvel sat alone in the back of the cafeteria and she was no happy. Her trip back to Gotham had been for naught. Bruce Wayne hadn't been there the nice older man with the accent had told her. He'd asked if there was a number Master Bruce could reach her at, but Mary wasn't falling for that one. Sure Miss Diana had said he wasn't trying to hit on her, but giving her number to the older man seemed like a sneaky way of putting another move on her. If that wasn't bad enough, Mr. Wayne's creepy kid had asked if they could wrestle. He gave her a gift too. Apparently the pervert apple didn't fall far from the tree.

She did keep the gift; it was a really cool knife.

So here she was no closer to her goal. She'd looked into billboards but they were just so expensive. Even with all her babysitting money, the numbers just didn't add up. She'd also found out C4 and dynamite were very expensive and hard to get too. The numbers weren't in her favor. The number she thought, the numbers, trying to formulate a new strategy. Things seemed rather bleak to her, but she resolved not to give up. She was a hero and an American, she told herself. Did the Americans give up when firebombing Japan didn't force them to surrender? No, they continued bombing the crap out of them and then dropped the atomic bombs, so take that, she thought! Overkill was invented in the good old U.S.A. and that's what this situation called for!

She was idly surfing the Internet when the new idea came to her. She kept running into web sites for sports teams that all had the –nation suffix on them. Well, weren't the number of Barbie lovers enough to form a nation too? Barbie-nation, it had a ring to it, Mary thought. If she could organize enough fans and Barbie lovers like her, she could take their demands right to the evil empire behind this travesty of decency.

Soon she was on all the Barbie message boards and fan sites talking to Barbie zealots just like her. They all agreed this new version was just a travesty to everything decent and Barbie. Action was called for. Letters and e-mails would soon be pouring into the corporate headquarters. What they needed to do was take to the streets in a show of solidarity and force. Mary found her spirits soaring as she spoke with so many like-minded individuals. She would be a leader in this cause.

They needed a slogan, something catchy for the marches and placards. Mary looked around at other movements to get some ideas. Occupy Wall Street had the 99% thing and that was good, she thought. Barbie was popular, but even Mary doubted they were 99% of the population, more like 62.5% she guessed. It didn't have the same ring to it, so she moved on.

She came across some old black and white photos of a protest and the gentlemen were holding up signs that said, "I am a Man." While it caught her attention she wasn't sure she understood it. Looking at the pictures it seemed pretty obvious that he was a man. Was there a debate about it, she wondered? It was so confusing, though the preacher that spoke at some sort of gathering certainly was eloquent and inspiring. She continued looking.

Boy, whoever those Queers were, they were so lucky, she thought. Their slogan, "We're Here, We're Queer, Get Used to It!" rhythmed and everything. That's what they really needed, she thought, a nice rhythm for their chants and slogans. She continued on running into some Sixties slogans like "Make Love, Not War' which was very good, but reminded her too much of Bruce Wayne and he's creepy kid. Continuing on, she thought, she just had to find the right slogan and the Barbie Nation could come out in numbers behind it. That's what it was all about, numbers.

The cafeteria had grown quiet, but Mary was too involved to notice this. She happened to glance up and see Batman standing next to her. A little scream came and she nearly jumped out of her seat.

"Batman?"

He stood there silently unmoving; his long cape swirled around his body. The silence hung uncomfortable for a moment and then another. Mary was trembling with nervous energy.

"I'll sign it,' he finally said.

"Wh-What?" Mary managed to ask, still a little intimidated by him.

"Your petition, I'll sign it,' he replied.

"Really?"

"Yes."

Mary scrambled to find her clipboard among the clutter of the table and then held it up to him with a big smile. He took it and clicked the top of the pen.

"Oh, thank you, thank you,' Mary gushed.

"I'm, ah, doing this for Bruce Wayne,' he said. "He wasn't trying to hit on you, by the way."

The pen was just about to touch the paper when Mary replied.

"He certainly seemed like a pervert."

The pen lifted, as did Batman's eyes.

"He's not, definitely not a pervert."

"Okay, I guess,' Mary said with a shrug. "He did try and put the moves on me, though. Glazed donuts and hot chocolate, that just screams putting the moves on."

Again the pen stopped just above the paper.

"He wasn't," Batman said. And then he lowered the pen again.

"Sure seemed like it,' Mary remarked. The pen stopped again.

"He wasn't,' Batman immediately replied. "Let's be clear on this point, Mary. Bruce Wayne was not trying to put the moves on you. He was, um, just trying to be friendly, but in no way, shape or form was he trying to put the moves on you. Are we clear on that point?'

"If you say so,' Mary replied. "How about his creepy kid? He wanted to wrestle with me?"

The pen stopped again and Batman's head dipped just a bit. He let out a sigh before answering.

"He's working on that, Mary. Rome wasn't built in a day, you know."

Mary looked at him in confusion.

"Who said it was?"

She wasn't sure, but Mary thought Batman rolled his eyes.

"It's an expression, Mary, it means… oh, just forget about it. Here." Batman quickly signed the petition and then moved off.

"Thanks!" Mary called after him.

* * *

Metropolis

Clark and Zatanna were lying in bed kissing when he suddenly pulled away from her and looked towards his front door.

"Oh shit"

"What? Is Dinah here?" Zee asked.

"Worse, Diana and Karen are walking up the steps right now."

"Hide!" Zee gasped and then pulled the covers over them both. Clark pushed them back down and just looked at her for a moment.

"Hide? That's your plan? Pulling the covers up over us?" He said. "Karen can see through walls, remember?"

"Okay, so impromptu planning is not my strong suit,' Zee admitted. "What are we going to do?'

Clark seemed to think about it for a moment.

"You stay here and use some magic spell or something and I'll go out to meet them,' he suggested as he climbed out of bed.

"Are you sure?" She asked.

"Well, if I'm going to get a beating, I might as well get it over with,' he said with a sigh. "No use dragging you into this."

"I'm sort of already in it, Clark,' Zee replied. "I'm naked in your bed, I think they'll figure it out."

"So do you want to answer the door and talk to them?" He asked, as he slipped on a shirt.

"Not really,' she admitted. "They kind of scary me when they're together, apart too, actually. Plus the whole naked thing, I can't see that going over well."

"I actually kind of like that part, " He said with smile.

"You're going to flirt with me now?" She gasped. "What are you a total douche? They're right outside the door!"

She threw the pillow at him. It bounced off harmlessly. He sighed.

"I should really just stop talking to women,' he mumbled as he headed towards the front door. He closed the bedroom door and looked around his apartment as the bell rang and then there was a knock. Deciding to just face the inevitable, he opened the door to find Diana and Karen standing there. They were both dressed in civilian clothes, but still looked spectacular. He stood in the opening blocking the way.

"Hi, um, what's up?" He said.

"Aren't you going to let us in, Kal?' Diana asked.

He looked at both of them and then at his furniture. Sure it wasn't the best, but he kind of liked it.

'Um, no, I'm not,' he replied.

"What? Why?" Karen asked.

"Well, if you're going to beat me up, I'd prefer if we did it out here in the hall,' he said. "Sure my stuff is just IKEA and I put it together myself but I really can't afford to replace it at the moment."

"Let's not be dramatic, Clark,' Karen replied. "We didn't come to beat you up."

"You didn't?"

"No, Kal, we talked about it and Dinah explained what was going on,' Diana offered. "We came to apologize."

"Yes, we did,' Karen added. "Oh, and here's a box of steaks."

"Um, thanks.' Clark replied, not sure why she was giving him a box of steaks. He still hadn't moved from the doorway.

"Manners, Clark,' Karen said. "It's kind of rude to keep us standing in the hallway."

"Well, it's just not really a good time.' He started but Diana and Karen were already pushing their way passed him and into the apartment. "But come on in."

The two women looked around the apartment, as this was the first time either had been inside of it.

"Kind of small,' Karen remarked.

"Very Spartan,' Diana added. She moved forward and then gestured towards the closed door. "Is that the bedroom?"

Clark zipped in front of her and blocked her way.

"Yes, so I appreciate the apology and um, the steaks, what there anything else?"

Karen and Diana looked at each other for a moment. They seemed to have come to some sort of agreement and nodded.

"We thought the three of us should talk,' Diana said.

"About what?" He asked.

"To apologize first,' Diana began. "We've discussed it and well, we've been sort of caught up in a bit of a rivalry."

"Well she has more than me,' Karen said.

"Both of us have!" Diana said, giving Karen a look.

"Okay, both of us,' Karen admitted. She tilted her head towards Diana and mouthed the words 'her really' to Clark.

"I'm standing right here, you realize this, don't you?" Diana asked Karen. "I saw your lips move!"

"Ah rivalry, huh,' Clark interjected, hoping to shift the subject.

"Yes,' Karen said. 'Anyway, putting aside who is more competitive than who."

Again she gave a slight nod towards Diana.

"We both realized you've been caught up in this, so we wanted to apologize."

Diana hadn't missed the nod, but pulled herself away to address Clark.

"Yes, Kal, we apologize."

He felt a sense of relief. Now just to get them out of the apartment and things might actually work out for a change.

'Apology accepted, thanks." He said, moving towards them both and ushering them towards the door. "I'm glad we had this talk, let's do it again soon."

They were caught off guard by this and started moving, but then Diana stopped. She seemed to sniff the air for a moment.

"Is there someone else here, Kal?"

"Yeah, I smell that too,' Karen said.

"Hmm? What's that?" Clark replied, still trying to usher them out, but not having much luck.

"Someone else is here, aren't they, Kal?" Diana asked. Karen turned and started to scan the other room, but Clark stepped in front of her and blocked her view.

"Not polite to use your x-ray vision in someone else's house, Karen,' he said. He noticed her eyes drifted downward as she was looking at him. "Karen."

"Oh, right, sorry,' she said, blushing a little as she finally looked back at his eyes.

"Who's here, Kal?" Diana asked. "I smell a woman's perfume.'

Karen sniffed the air again.

"It's Stella McCartney's Nude. I'd recognize that blend of Moroccan Rose, Grapefruit, White Peony, Pink Pepper, Precious Vanilla, Grey Amber, Musk anywhere."

Shit, Clark thought, she would have to be a Kryptonian.

"Kal?" Diana said. "Are you going to answer the question?'

"Jeez, isn't getting one girl pregnant enough for you, Clark,' Karen asked. "Already moving on to the next? Is it Dinah? Was she just bullshitting us earlier?"

"What? Dinah? No, she just wants to get away from Plastic Man,' Clark replied.

"Yes, her perfume is much more floral," Diana said. "A little heavy for my tastes, really."

"Yeah, that's true,' Karen agreed. She turned and glanced at the bedroom, then back at Clark.

"I can't see anyone in the bedroom, but I can hear them breathing, Clark.'

"Shit!'

The word was barely whispered from the bedroom but all three heard it. Clark groaned and ran his hand through his hair.

"You might as well come out,' he called. "Super hearing, remember?"

"Shit!" Was whispered again from the bedroom and then a few moments passed. Slowly the door opened and Zatanna peaked her head out.

"Hi, guys,' she said with a smile. "So, um, what's up?"

Karen and Diana looked from Zatanna to Clark. They didn't look happy. Clark saw this and his shoulders slumped just a bit.

"Can we go back out in the hallway?" He asked.

Zatanna inched her way out of the bedroom and moved up next to him. She stood slightly behind him almost using him as a shield.

"Well isn't this cozy,' Karen said.

"You two have continued your relationship?" Diana asked. "I was under the impression it was just so Zatanna could get pregnant."

"It was,' Zee replied. "I just stopped over so we could, um, well, talk."

"Is that what you're calling it now?" Karen asked with a smirk. "Talking?"

"We talked some,' Zee offered.

"We were talking just before you arrived,' Clark added.

"I'll just bet it was,' Karen replied.

"You're sleeping together,' Diana bluntly said. "Why do you feel the need to lie about this, Zatanna?'

"Cause you scare me,' she admitted. "Both of you."

Diana and Karen seemed shocked by this and looked at each other.

'We scare you? Why?" Diana asked.

"Well cause I know you both wanted to have sex with Clark,' Zee said. "You know to have his baby first as part of your rivalry, so figured you would look too kindly on us, um, talking still."

"Huh? What was that?' Clark asked, turning to look at Zee. He turned back to Diana and Karen. "You both want a baby? With me?"

They seemed a little caught off guard by this.

"Well, not right now,' Diana managed to say.

"I never actually said I wanted to have a baby,' Karen offered. "Just that I had a much better chance at it than Diana did."

Diana turned towards Karen.

'Which we've found out through science isn't exactly true, is it?"

"100%." Karen said and then made the greater than sign pointing towards Diana. "62.8%."

"Than we would have just had to do it more often, wouldn't we,' Diana said, stepping closer in a clear challenge to Karen.

"Careful, Princess, don't want to make any promises you can't keep,' Karen replied with a smile.

"I've asked you how many times not to call me Princess!"

Clark was very confused. He slowly sat down on his couch trying to process all this new information. Zatanna saw he was going to be no help, so she was going to have to try and defuse the situation.

"Um, you know, when I was looking for a way to get pregnant, Kimiyo suggested it would be possible for a woman to get me pregnant.'

Everyone stopped and looked at her in both shock and surprise. She blushed a little under the scrutiny.

"I'm just saying,' she offered. "If you guys really want to get pregnant you could get each other pregnant.'

"What?"

"What?"

"Wh-What?'

The other three people in the room said at the same time.

"You could get each other pregnant,' Zee repeated. "I mean it's possible.'

Karen and Diana looked at each other. Neither seemed to keen on the idea.

"I think I'd rather do it the old fashion way,' Karen said.

"For once we agree on something,' Diana added.

"All right, let's do it,' Clark said, as he ran his hand through his hair.

"What?" Diana said.

'What?" Karen said.

"Wh-What?" Zee said.

Clark slowly stood up and looked at Diana and Karen.

"I give up trying to understand what's going on,' he said. "If the choice is having sex with both of you or getting beat up, I'll go with the sex. So who wants to go first?"

He started unbuttoning his shirt and the three women looked at him in shock. Diana and Karen took a step away from him.

'There's no call for being so crude, Kal,' Diana said. "We're not barbarians here."

"Yeah, jeez, Clark, keep it in your hostler,' Karen added. "You're supposed to be a nice guy remember?'

"Look, if you want to get pregnant, let's do this,' He said, opening more buttons on his shirt. "I don't understand it, but I'm just going to go with the flow here."

"I never said I wanted to get pregnant now, Kal, just that it was possible,' Diana replied, taking a step back. "Have you lost your mind?'

"Wow, you think you know a guy,' Karen mused. "I mean he seems nice and all, doesn't stare at your chest like everyone else, but he's a perv just the same."

"I was fooled as well,' Diana commented.

Clark stopped unbuttoning his shirt. Karen glanced over at Zatanna. She hadn't said anything, but couldn't help glancing at both women's breasts. My God they are big, Zee thought.

"Eyes up here, Zee,' Karen said to her. Zee snapped her eyes upwards and saw the two women looking at her. She blushed.

"Sorry."

"So now you don't want to?" Clark asked,

"You act like you're doing us a favor,' Karen said. "I guess add Super ego to the list, huh?"

"She's right, Kal, if we were and I'm not suggesting we do, you'd be the lucky one,' Diana added. "This is really not like you at all, Kal."

Now he was totally confused. He slumped back down on the couch and ran his hands over his face.

"I thought, I mean, you just said…" He stammered.

"A girl likes to be wined and dined, Clark,' Karen said. "We're not all from some primitive island."

"You just had to get a shot in, didn't you?' Diana said.

"I couldn't help it,' Karen admitted with a small smile. "It was right there and sort of slipped out."

"So you don't want to get pregnant?" Clark asked.

"No." Diana said.

"No." Karen said, but then seemed to think about it. "I supposed after a couple of dates we could try. At least practice at it."

Diana turned and looked at her. Karen shrugged her shoulders and smiled in return.

"No, you can't!"

It was Zatanna that spoke up. She'd been listening to all of this, stunned and not liking it. The whole conversation bothered her more than she cared for. The others turned and looked at her.

"What? Why can't we,' Karen asked.

"Um, well, ah, because,' Zee feebly said.

"Because why?" Diana asked.

"Oh, you want a reason,' Zee groaned. She just went with the first thing that popped into her head. "Cause, well, um, ah, we're, ah, we're getting married!"

"What?" Diana and Karen gasped.

"Wh-What?' Clark said, looking up from the couch at her.

"Yeah, that's right, we getting married,' Zee repeated. In her mind she was thinking, what the hell am I saying?

"Is this true, Kal?" Diana asked.

"Yeah, is it?" Karen said.

"I-I-I…" Clark mumbled, baffled by what to say.

"He's, um, speechless!" Zee offered, plunging ahead. "We-We just decided before you got here! Yeah, that's it!"

'Well, that's completely different,' Diana said.

"Um, congratulations,' Karen added.

"Yes, congratulations,' Diana said. "We're sorry to interrupt you. We should be going."

"Right, right,' Karen said.

"Well thanks for stopping by,' Zee offered, ushering them both to the door and then closing it after them. She turned a little nervously and looked at Clark. He was looking at her with a confused and bewildered expression on his face. She blushed and cringed just a bit.

"Okay, like I said, impromptu planning is not my strong suit,' Zee offered.


	46. Chapter 46

Reverb

Metropolis

Zatanna fidgeted just a little, absently pulling on the bottom of her shirt as she stood looking at Clark sitting on the couch. He had a WTF look on his face and his hands were turned up as they rested on his thighs.

"Um, well, on the bright side, you didn't get beat up,' she offered.

"Because you told them we're getting married!"

"Okay, yeah, I did,' she admitted, moving towards him. "I panicked, okay? It just popped out of my mouth before my brain could stop it. Haven't you ever had that happen?"

"I guess,' Clark replied. She stopped right in front of him.

"Does 'you smell like a funeral home' and 'you're full figured' ring a bell?" She pointed out. He cringed just a bit at the memory.

"Yes, but I didn't say I was getting married to her,' Clark said rather defensively.

"Point taken,' she agreed. Zee moved to the side and dropped down into the couch next to him. "You know, those two probably won't tell anyone. We can straighten this whole thing out, I'm sure."

Clark was just about to reply when his phone started ringing. He picked it up and looked at the number. He glanced at Zatanna before answering it.

"Wally."

"Oh God,' she groaned and then slumped back on the couch with her hands over her face. Clark flipped it opened and answered it.

"Hello? Hi, Wally, yes, I know it is you. What? Slow down, please. Oh, right, right, 'congratulations, thanks,' Clark said glancing at Zee again. She looked at him through her fingers and tried to smile as she shrugged her shoulders. "So they're telling everyone, are they? Great. Yeah, she's right here as a matter of fact. What? No she's not naked, Wally."

"Give me the phone!" Zee demanded.

"Maybe you should wait to congratulate her, Wally. Uh-huh, right, I'm a lucky dog, right,' Clark said, resisting Zee's efforts to take the phone away from him. "Yes, I got you, she's is very hot, uh-huh, okay, bye now."

Clark hung up before she could say anything to Wally.

"Why didn't you let me talk to him,' she demanded. "Am I naked? What the hell kind of question is that? Elohssa!"

"That's why I didn't let you talk to him."

The phone rang again. Clark looked at it then at Zee.

"Bruce."

"Oh shit."

Clark shook his head and answered the phone.

"Hello, Bruce, uh-huh, you heard I take it," Clark said. Clark listened for a moment and slowly a shocked look came over his face. "Are you threatening me, Bruce?"

"What?" Zee gasped.

"Oh, right, it's a warning if I don't treat her right, I get it,' Clark said. "Look, Bruce this is all a big misunderstanding really."

Zee managed to grab the phone from Clark this time.

"What do you mean threatening him, Bruce? Who do you think you are, my big brother?" Zee demanded. She listened to him for a moment and then cut him off as her temper flared. "I'll have you know I'll marry or not marry whomever I like and you have no say about it! So there, Mr. Dark Knight, so what do you think of that?"

Zee listened again and then was on her feet.

"That's not fair and you know it! He was an artist!" She shouted into the phone. "I can't believe you're bringing him up again, you douchebag! Don't you have something better to do, like hitting on teenagers? Screw you!"

Zee hung up and slammed the phone down before dropping back onto the couch. It broke from the force.

"You know I just paid for that phone,' Clark said, glancing at his phone with his x-ray vision. "I wonder if the warranty will cover that?"

"I'll buy you a new one, besides, I was angry,' Zee replied. "I can't believe the nerve of him sometimes!"

"What was that about him hitting on teenagers?"

"Mary Marvel.'

"Bruce is hitting on Mary Marvel?" Clark asked in surprise. "Jeez, that's creepy in so many different ways."

"It's a long story. Sorry about breaking your phone,' Zee offered. "On the bright side, at least the calls stopped."

At that moment her phone started ringing. Zee groaned and slumped down deeper into the couch.

"I can't catch a break today."

"It's Shayera,' Clark offered. "Oh, and I think you're call waiting is Dinah. My phone charged me extra for that. How much did you pay for yours, by the way?"

"Big picture, Clark,' she said in exasperation.

"Right, right, I'm getting married, I almost forgot,' he replied sarcastically.

"Well, you didn't have to say it like that,' she complained. "Is it the worst thing in the world to be getting married to me?"

As confused and bewildered as Clark was, those warning bells went off in his head again.

"Your phone is still ringing,' he said, hoping to distract her.

"Answer the question, Clark,' she replied.

"No, of course not, it's just that I didn't picture I'd be one of the people surprised to find out I'm getting married,' he offered. "Kind of thought I'd be in on it, you know, maybe asking the question before hand."

"Okay,' she reluctantly said. "I panicked, I'm sorry, it's just everyone has been pushing that lately and I guess it stuck in my head. God, Kara was referring to me as her sister in law all over the station!"

"Yeah, she gets carried away sometimes,' he admitted.

"It seems everyone's getting carried away,' she replied. They were both silent for a moment. "Clark?'

"Yeah?"

"I know things have been crazy lately,' she began. "Everyone seems to be spinning a million miles an hour in their own world and problems, us included, but all that is just surface stuff, you know?'

"I'm not following you," he said, turning to look at her.

"Well, it's just I was thinking about all of this earlier,' Zee explained. "It seems like day-to-day we all get wrapped up in the problems of the moment. I'm as guilty as the rest, I mean I freaked out about meeting your mother and went off the deep end."

He laughed just a bit and she smiled.

"Okay, really off the deep end,' she admitted. "It's just that we might be heroes but we're just people too, like everyone else. It's easy with all the craziness swirling around to forget what really matters, to forget what's really real."

He was looking at her, listening. She took his hand and placed it on her stomach with a smile.

"We're having a baby, Clark. That's real, that's what's important,' she said. "All the other stuff that seems so important right now will fade over time, but what's really real will still be here, you know?'

They held each other's gaze for a moment and then he leaned in and kissed her.

"Thank you,' Clark whispered.

"For what?" She asked.

"For reminding me,' he replied. "You're right, we all do get caught up in the momentary as if it was the most important thing, but it's not. We're having a baby, that's important. We have families that love and care for us, that's important. Yes, they can drive us crazy at times, but that's part of what a family is. We have friends, that's important. Life is good."

Zatanna kissed him again.

"I know as soon as we step out of this apartment the craziness is going to start swirling again just like it does for everybody,' she whispered. "I'm probably going to be a big part of it as this pregnancy continues. I'm already a little freaked out about it. I'm just saying I don't know what's going to happen with us, but maybe we can help each other by reminding ourselves of what's really important.'

"You have a deal,' Clark replied. He leaned in and kissed her. "You know we don't have to leave the apartment just yet? We could postpone dealing with the craziness for a little while longer?'

Zee smiled and then kissed him. She liked that idea very much.

* * *

(A/N: I'm going to end this one right here. What happens afterwards is up to you the reader to decide. This was just meant as a comedy, a farce and hopefully you got a few laughs out of it. To those that read it, thank you. To those that read and reviewed a special thank you. I did read and appreciate all of them. Happy Holidays!)


	47. Chapter 47

Addendum

"ONE YEAR and several months LATER."

Smallville

A handheld camera moved haphazardly, first showing the carpet, then shifting towards the ceiling and the sweeping all over the room. For just the briefest moment you catch a glimpse of Kara holding a baby in her arms. The camera went out of focus, then adjusted and stayed on Kara.

"Mary! You said you knew how you use that thing!" Kara complained as the baby wriggled in her arms. "Hurry up, the way she's squirming it's like trying to hold a little monkey!"

"I've got it, we're rolling,' Mary replied. "Courtney, that's your cue to do the voice over! Action!"

"I don't want to do this, Mary, it's stupid,' Courtney complained. Her voice was heard off camera. The camera continued to stay on Kara, as the baby seemed content to try and climb all over her. "The baby doesn't know what today is. It's like when we took her trick or treating, she didn't have a clue. You just liked dressing her up like a little living Barbie doll. We could have just walked around the same house and got exactly the same effect."

"Courtney you said you'd help,' Mary said off camera.

"Why do you get to make the movie anyway?' Courtney asked.

"Cause I was in the AV club in school,' Mary replied.

"That's not something most people boast about, Mary,' Courtney snidely replied.

"It's my camera."

"Could we do this, please?' Kara snapped. "Courtney, just say it! It isn't getting any easier holding her you know."

"Oh, all right,' Courtney reluctantly said. 'And now Eva's first birthday party."

The camera dipped down towards the floor.

"Okay, let's try it again, Courtney, but with more feeling,' Mary said. "Wait for my cue this time. And in five, four, three, two, one... Rolling! And Action!"

The camera swung back up to show Kara. The baby was trying to climb over her shoulder, as Kara did her best to keep her hold on the infant.

"Now Courtney!" Mary said.

"EVA'S FIRST BIRTHDAY PARTY!' Courtney said with fake enthusiasm.

The camera dips again.

"That was good, really good, Courtney, but let's pull it back just a bit,' Mary said. "Okay, Eva's first birthday party, take three!"

The camera moved up and caught a brief glimpse of Courtney. She did not look happy. It moved back to Kara and the baby. The baby was pulling Kara's hair and squirming in her arms.

"And action!"

"Eva's first birthday party."

"Cut! That's a take!" Mary shouted. "Now let's get a tracking shot and some close ups.'

"Okay, Fellini, I think that's more than enough,' Kara replied. "It's a home movie, not Avatar!"

"Eww! What is that smell?" Courtney groaned off camera. Kara made a face and then held the baby away from her.

"Time to get you back to your momma, Eva."

* * *

**Wally and Shayera**

The two sat side by side.

"How is this supposed to work, Mary?' Shayera asked.

"Well my vision is very cinema verite, like Errol Morris, you know, the director of Gates of Heaven?'

Wally and Shayera looked at each other and it was clear they didn't understand what she was talking about. From behind the camera Mary clarified what she meant.

"I sit two people down, point the camera at them and asked questions."

"Oh, that cinema verite,' Wally replied. Shayera rolled her eyes, but didn't say anything.

"So what would you like to say to Eva, Miss Shayera and Mr. Flash?"

Wally glanced around and then back at the camera with a look of confusion.

"Um, she's not here, Mary."

Shayera rolled her eyes again and then elbowed him.

"Don't be an imbecile."

"Ow!"

"This is for when Eva turns 18,' Mary explained off camera. "She can look back and see her first birthday."

"Oh."

Wally nodded and then turned to Shayera.

"Ladies first."

"Thank you." Shayera replied and then looked into the camera. "Happy birthday, honey. As you probably know I'm one of your mother's best friends and knew her before you were even born."

"Me too,' Wally added. "In fact your momma had sort of a crush on me before she got married. I was the one that got away, so to speak."

Shayera turned and looked at him in shock.

"She did not! What the hell are you talking about?"

"Well the kid's not going to know that, Shayera. Besides, I've always suspected Zee thought about asking me to do the deed before she asked Big Blue. I think she thinks I've got it going on."

"Are you delusional? She thinks you're a harmless jerk most of the time and a bit of a perv."

"I thought that was how you saw me?" Wally asked.

"No, I think you're a big perv and a harmless douchebag. There's a difference,' Shayera replied.

Wally smiled as he looked at Shayera.

"Whatever, the kid's not going to see this until she's 18 anyway,' he explained. "Imagine Zee's face as she's sitting with her daughter watching this. Come on, that's a joke that is going to pay off in 18 years!"

"She'll kill you!"

"Maybe, but not for 18 years."

* * *

**Madame Xanadu and Martha Kent**

"It was a lovely wedding,' Martha said with a smile. "Well, most of it, that is."

Madame Xanadu blushed and dipped her head.

"I've already apologized for going a little overboard with the whole weeping mother of the bride thing, Martha,' she said. "I don't think our granddaughter needs to know about that."

"I wasn't talking about that, Nimue,' Martha replied.

"What then?" Nimue asked.

"Mrs. Constantine."

"Oh, yes, the magical urine incident,' Nimue said with a nod. "That was unfortunate."

"Yes it was, but since you mentioned it, you were a little over the top at the ceremony, Nimue,' Martha calmly said.

"Martha, I've been waiting for several thousand years for that chance,' Nimue said in her defense. "My baby was getting married! I come from emotional people.'

"Crying yes, Nimue, but tearing your clothes and crying 'I'm losing my baby' was a little more than anyone expected,' Martha replied.

"I got caught up in the moment,' Nimue said with a shrug.

* * *

**Clark and Zatanna**

They are sitting together with their daughter, Eva on Zee's lap.

"Could you tell the camera about your wedding? I'm sure Eva will want to know all about it." Mary said off camera.

Clark looked at Zee. They seemed to almost be speaking without words. Zee tilted her head down towards their daughter. Clark nodded.

"It was a wonderful wedding,' Clark offered.

"Yes, just lovely,' Zee quickly added. "Next topic."

"Right."

"Were you surprised by Madame Xanadu's reaction?" Mary asked.

"Oh God,' Zee groaned. She looked to Clark for help, but he shook his head.

"She's your mother."

Zee gave him a snarky look and then turned back to the camera.

"This is for Eva's 18th birthday, right?'

"Yes, Miss Zatanna."

"Okay then, Eva, you've met grandma so it shouldn't be a surprise she can be a little theatrical,' Zee explained.

"I'm going to cut in some of the wedding video into this too,' Mary said.

"Okay, she can be a lot theatrical. Grandma's a bit of a diva, honey.' Zee corrected herself.

"Think of the church scene in the Graduate,' Clark added.

"She didn't bang on any windows, Clark, let's not go overboard,' Zee countered. "At least my exs didn't get into a fist fight like yours!"

"We've been over this, Zee,' Clark groaned. "Karen and Diana are not my ex-girlfriends. I went out with each of them one time, that's it."

"They were on your side of the wedding,' she fired back. "And who was it that destroyed the barn at the end of the ceremony?'

"Okay, they have a bit of a rivalry going,' Clark admitted. "But if I have to claim them on my side, you have to claim your ex's wife."

"She's crazy! How is that my fault?"

"Well I don't have any connection to Constantine." Clark replied. "Who throws urine at a bride, anyway?"

"Did you not hear me say she's crazy? Zee said. "I think it had something to do with warding me off from her husband, I don't know. Let's just be thankful I wasn't in my wedding gown when she did."

"I'll never understand magic,' Clark lamented.

"That's why you have me." Zee smiled, teasing him. Clark smiled and looked down at their daughter resting peacefully in Zee's arms.

"I suppose you're going to teach her too, aren't you?'

"Yep,' Zee replied. "A whole house full of magic all around you Clark."

"I can think of worse things."

He leaned in and kissed her. The camera tilted downward.

"You two aren't going to make out, are you?" Mary asked. "Cause I don't think Eva wants to see that and I'm a little uncomfortable with it too."

* * *

**Dinah and …**

Dinah has the baby on her lap and there was box sitting on the chair next to her. The baby giggles and smiles as Dinah.

"She really likes you, Miss Dinah,' Mary said from behind the camera.

"And I like her,' Dinah replied giving the baby a kiss.

"You're very good with children."

"Oh, I don't know, I like them,' Dinah offered.

"Have you ever considered having some of your own?"

The smile slipped from Dinah's face as she looked at the camera for the first time. She seems a little uncomfortable with the question.

"That-That's kind of a leap isn't it, Mary? I'm mean yes I like Eva, but kids of my own, I don't know. Besides it takes two you know? There's the whole question of Ollie, and who knows what he thinks about kids or even if he wants them. I mean besides all his nieces that is,' Dinah said. She made a face at the thought. "Lots and lots of nieces."

She drifted off for a moment.

"Miss Dinah?"

"Hmm? Oh, right, right,' Dinah replied. "Say I thought I heard the format for this was two people? Are you counting Eva in this, Mary?'

"Um, no."

"Well then how come it's just me?"

As if on cue, the box next to her popped open. Plastic Man had turned himself into a Jack in the box.

"Surprise!"

The baby immediately started to cry.

"I know, Eva, I know,' Dinah whispered to Eva. "I have the same reaction every time I see him."

"He wanted to surprise you, Miss Dinah,' Mary offered.

"Couldn't I have someone else? The urine tossing chick, anybody?"

* * *

**Bruce and Diana**

Bruce seemed uncomfortable with all of this.

"Can we just say happy birthday and finish this please?" He asked.

"It's your God-daughter's birthday, Bruce,' Diana replied. "She's too young for cash so you actually have to show some emotion."

He turned and gave Diana a snide look. She smiled back.

"Funny." He deadpanned. "The only reason I'm sitting here is because poor Mary is afraid you'd get into another fight with Karen."

Diana gasped in shock.

"That's not true! Besides she started it,' Diana protested. "You and the rest are never going to let that go, are you? I gave my word I wouldn't fight her today and I meant it."

"Don't let your temper get the best of you, Princess,' Bruce replied with a smile.

Diana's eyes narrowed as she looked at his smiling face.

"They should have gotten someone stronger if they really wanted to stop me,' she fired back. 'Besides, that isn't the reason, Bruce, quite the opposite. I'm here with you, because Mary is still afraid you're going to hit on her."

"What?' Bruce looked in shock at first Diana and then at Mary behind the camera.

"Mary, we've been over this, I was definitely not hitting on you!'

'It sure seemed like you were."

"I wasn't."

Now Diana was smiling.

"Don't worry, Mary, I'll make sure he doesn't try anything. I too have heard about his playboy reputation."

Bruce gave her a deadpan look.

"Can we just do this please?"

* * *

**Karen and Arthur**

"So you know I was her first choice,' Arthur said with a smile to Karen.

"Whose first choice?"

"Zatanna, she came to me first."

Karen looked at him for a moment.

"Well, we all make mistakes."

Unfazed by this, Arthur continued.

"You know, since Clark is out of the question, I'd be willing to help you out, Karen."

"I don't think so,' she immediately replied. A thought came to her and she suddenly smiled. "You should try Diana. I'm sure the whole royalty thing would work on her. In fact, Arthur, don't take no for an answer. She's shy, so you have to be aggressive with her."

He seemed to think about this for a moment.

"I thought you two weren't on the best terms?" He asked. "In fact, I remember the fight at the wedding, Karen. Why would you be helping her?"

Karen smiled sweetly to him.

"I think you're just the sort of man she needs, Arthur.'

"Well that's true,' he admitted with a smile. He didn't notice Karen rolling her eyes.

"You should just walk up and lay one on her, Arthur.' Karen suggested. "I think you'd be surprised by her reaction."

"I might just do that."

* * *

**Jonn and Mari**

"Why are we paired up, Mary?' Mari asked. "No offense, Jonn, but I thought you'd be with Nimue and I'd be with John."

"I was curious about that also,' Jonn added.

"Well, Miss Mari and Mr. Martian, you two seemed like the calmest two here, so I thought I'd pair you together."

"We're the calmest?" Mari said in shock.

* * *

**Wally and Shayera**

"How can you defend that crazy urine throwing girl?" Shayera shouted.

"I'm not defending her,' Wally replied. "I'm just saying if you think about it, throwing urine on someone is a pretty good strategy."

'What?"

"Crazy, sure, straight out of wackoville, but it did keep Zee away from Constantine."

"Zee was already getting married to Clark!"

"Ipso facto, you just proved my point." Wally said triumphantly.

"Ipso whatso?" Shayera asked.

"I'm saying that crazy freaks everyone out, powers or not,' Wally explained. "It would be like if someone broke into your house and filled your bathtub with pudding. You are not going to mess with someone that does that, let me tell you."

"Pudding? Why would anyone fill a bathtub with pudding?"

"Cause they're crazy, Shayera,' Wally replied. "Take the toughest guy in the world, but put him in with a crazy person and there is no contest. Everyone is scared of really crazy folks. Of course you wouldn't have to be crazy to fill a bathtub with pudding, you might just really like pudding, but it would still freak people out."

Shayera just stared at him at a loss for words.

"So, um, did you want to say something to Eva for her birthday?" Mary asked.

"Eva, this is your uncle Wally,' he immediately said. "If you meet someone with a bathtub full of pudding, run!"

* * *

**Mari and Jonn**

"Are you sure we're the calmest, Mary?" Jonn asked.

"Pretty sure,' she replied.

* * *

**Bruce and Diana**

Bruce was leaning forward talking into the camera.

"So just so we're clear, Mary, I was in no way and I mean in no way, hitting on you."

"Let it go, Bruce,' Diana said.

"I'm just trying to clear this up, Diana, do you mind?"

"I guess I could just take your word for it, Mr. Wayne,' Mary offered.

"No, Mary, that's not necessary, because I wasn't hitting on you,' Bruce immediately replied. 'You're a lovely young woman, but in no way, shape or form was I hitting on you. I just want to get this straight, once and for all."

"And I'm the emotional one,' Diana said. "You do have a playboy reputation, Bruce, remember?"

"Yes and I have hit on many women, I just didn't hit on Mary,' he replied.

"Okay, if you say so Mr. Wayne."

"I'm glad we could finally clear this up, Mary," Bruce said.

Diana turned to him.

"Now that I think about it, are you really a playboy, Bruce?" She asked. "I've been approached by many men since I arrived from the island and most of them had some sort of opening line. All I recall you saying to most young women you want to pick up is 'Hi I'm Bruce Wayne'. Is that your pick-up line?"

'You use what works, Diana,' Bruce replied with a smile.

There was a gasp behind the camera.

"That's what you said to me!" Mary shouted. Diana smiled and Bruce dropped his head.

"Mary, let's start from the beginning again."

* * *

**Clark and Zatanna**

"So you see, Eva, it's not like mommy said, daddy wasn't going out with those two women,' Clark patiently explained. "They had a rivalry that had nothing to do with me, honey. Your mother just won't let it go."

Zee looked at him and then to the camera.

"Who are you going to believe, baby? Your mother, the woman that carried you inside her for nine months or your father, who was dating during that same time?"

Clark sighed and sat back looking at Zatanna. She smiled at him.

"So that's the way you want to play it?" He asked.

"Yep."

Clark turned towards the camera and smiled.

"Eva, did anyone ever tell you the story about how mommy picked your daddy?"

Zee gasped.

"Clark, you wouldn't, would you?"

"Yep."

* * *

**Mari and Jonn**

"Well, I guess if you put it that way, we are the calmest,' she admitted.

"Apparently so,' Jonn said in agreement.

* * *

**Kara and Courtney**

The baby was still climbing all over Kara. Courtney didn't look happy.

"Jeez, when you learn to talk, Eva, I hope you tell me what it is that makes you think your aunt is a jungle gym." Kara complained.

"You're not really her aunt, Kara,' Courtney said. "You're Clark's cousin, so that only makes you Eva's second cousin, that's it."

"Shut up, I'm her aunt,' Kara fired back. "Kryptonians have different family structures than humans, so there!"

"Does that mean Karen's her aunt too?" Courtney asked, with a snide look.

"Why are you being so pissy, Courtney? I'm Eva's one and only aunt, period."

"You do seem a little snarky, Courtney,' Mary observed.

"Go to hell!"

"Language, Courtney, there's a kid in the room, remember?" Kara said. "They're like parrots, they repeat everything."

"Sorry."

"At least give me some warning so I can do earmuffs on her,' Kara replied. 'Than you can swear like a sailor all you want as far as I'm concerned."

"I'll try,' Courtney offered.

"I think you should watch your language, Courtney,' Mary chimed in.

"Blow it out…earmuffs… ass, Mary!" Courtney exclaimed. "You told Billy I had a dirty mouth! Now that's all I hear from him!"

"He asked me,' Mary protested.

"So you threw me under the bus? Some friend!"

"Is that why you're so pissy?" Kara asked. The baby was squirming all around and it was a chore for Kara to hold her.

"Yes."

"Mary, you threw Courtney under the bus?"

"He asked me,' Mary replied. "It's wrong to lie."

"Oh, just…earmuffs… screw you and the My Little Pony you rode in on, Mary,' Courtney replied. "Your brother's being a complete douchebag about it now and it's all your fault."

"He's not a douchebag, you take that back!"

"Mary,' Kara said, struggling to hold the baby. "He is a little bit."

"Shut your dirty mouth, Kara, you too, Courtney!"

"Here we go,' Courtney whispered to Kara. "Better hide the knives, she's about to go off."

* * *

**Clark and Zatanna**

"... So that's when I decided I wanted to marry your mother, Eva."

"I wanted to say yes right away, baby, but I was afraid of your father's ex-girlfriends so I took a while to answer him,' Zee added.

"I'm sensing a theme here,' Clark replied. "I would point out it was your mother that was telling everyone we were getting married first, Eva. This was even before I asked her."

"I was trying to save your father from another beating, Eva,' Zee offered.

"Yeah, that's true,' Clark admitted. "Thank you for that, by the way."

"You are welcome."

They kissed again.

"Mr. and Mrs. Superman, please, I'm really uncomfortable with you making out in front of me,' Mary said.

* * *

**Dinah**

She was leaning forward staring at her hands as the baby just looked at her.

"It's not that I don't want kids someday, you know,' Dinah said. "I do. I think I'd make a wonderful mother. It's just a matter of trust, really. I care for Ollie, but we have trust issues. Bringing a baby into this world is a huge responsibility and if I'm going to be a single mother I want to know that beforehand. Plus, he's not getting any younger. If we wait much longer it will be a throw daddy the ball in his wheelchair scenario. I'm not saying he's as old as Hugh Hefner or anything, but it's something to think about. Either way, I'll probably end up being a single mother or a widowed, single mother."

"Miss Dinah?'

"Yeah?'

"You're making me sad."

* * *

**Martha Kent and Madame Xanadu**

"I think we knew before they did they should get married,' Martha said.

"Absolutely.' Nimue agreed. "They needed a little push, is all."

"Yes, Clark can be a bit cautious, to say the least."

"And Zatanna had trouble making up her mind,' Nimue added. "She always has."

"It's a mother's prerogative to want to see her child get married,' Martha said.

'I completely agree." Nimue offered. "If we waited for them to make up their mind, I'd have never got to be the mother of the bride."

"Yes, I was afraid I wouldn't live long enough to see Clark or Kara get married,' Martha admitted.

"You're still young, Martha, you should starting dating again,' Nimue suggested.

"Oh, I don't know about that,' Martha said with a blush. "I doubt many men would want to go out with an older woman like me."

"Nonsense,' Nimue replied. "In fact, I know the perfect man. Have you ever met Alan Scott?"

* * *

**Wally and Shayera**

"So did I tell you about my neighbors?" Wally asked Shayera.

"Which ones? The old couple or the mother and son?"

"The mother and son."

"No, what about them?' she asked.

"I think they're dating." He replied.

"So? She's in her forties and he's in his twenties, why wouldn't they date?"

"No, not dating, dating as in each other,' Wally explained.

"What?"

"Just between you, me and the camera, I think they're dating each other,' Wally whispered. "There's a whole Chinatown vibe coming off them that is like creepy to the ninth degree."

Shayera cringed at the thought, but then looked at him.

"How do you know they're dating or are you just making this up?" She asked.

"Well,' he started and then looked towards Mary behind the camera. "Earmuffs, Mary."

'Thank you, Mr. Wally.'

He waited a beat and then continued.

"They had these cute pet names for each other."

"That's your proof?" Shayera replied. "They have nicknames for each other?"

"When was the last time you called your mother Pookie?"

"Pookie? Oh, My, God, they're dating!" Shayera gasped.

"It get's worse, she calls him Winkie,' Wally whispered. "It's so weird, I'm thinking of moving."

"They seemed like such nice people,' Shayera commented. "I guess you never know."

"Tell me about it. Oh, Mary you can take the earmuffs off now."

"What?"

* * *

**Clark and Zatanna**

"So we're still sort of on our honeymoon,' Zee said with a smile. "I like that a lot."

"We'll try and control ourselves, Mary,' Clark added.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome,' Clark replied. He looked at his daughter and then addressed the camera. "I guess Eva when you see this you'll be a full-grown woman. Hopefully you know your parents have always loved you."

"It may have been a little strange to start with, honey,' Zee added. "But because of you everything else happened. You're parents fell in love and it started with you."

Zee turned and kissed Clark.

"So happy first and eighteenth birthday, Eva. Always remember that your parents love you very much,' Zee said.

"And so do your grandmothers, aunt and all your extended family,' Clark added. "May you always be as happy as we are to have you in our lives. Happy Birthday."

* * *

**Mary**

The camera shook for a moment. Eva was lying in her crib and the room was dark. Mary moved around the front of the camera. She smiled at the baby and then looked into the camera.

"Hi, Eva,' she whispered. "I'm Mary, a friend of your aunt Kara. It's been a long day for you, but everyone seemed to have a good time. You're parents really love each other, but they can't seem to keep their hands off each other either. Hopefully by the time you see this they'll act their age, but I wouldn't bet on it. They love you and so does everyone else you saw in the video today."

There was a noise off camera and Mary seemed nervous for a moment. She turned back to the camera and smiled.

"Eva, I wanted to document your first birthday so you could see what it was like,' Mary offered. "But there was another reason, I didn't tell anyone about. I wanted to record your first meeting with someone I think will be very important in your life. I know she is in mine. Eva, this is Barbie…"


End file.
